Love Is A Doing Word
by CileSuns92
Summary: MerDer AU. Derek moved from New York after a rough divorce, bringing his four-year-old daughter with. What happens when he meets Meredith on his first day? Give it a try, I know it has been done a thousand times...
1. Sunset Soon Forgotten

**Okay, this is not a sequel of Soft Shock. I know I promised it, I'm working on it. **

**I'm right in the middle of my preparation for an exam that I have to take in exactly a week and three days but I'm feeling happy and I figured that this story has already reached a point when I could publish it and know that it will come to an end without hesitation, so here it is, new story.**

**Love Is A Doing Word. As soon as I heard this line in Teardrop by Massive Attack, I fell in love with it and it simply fitted perfectly for this AU story. I never tried it so I payed extra attention to get the characters right. If it's bad or you don't like it, just say the word.**

**The idea behind this story has been used a lot, I'm sure you could name at least three stories when Derek arrives in Seattle already with a child on his own. I hope I will be able to twist things a little and make this story interesting for you readers. I kind of missed your opinions and feedback in this short amount of time I've forced myself out of posting. I surrender, my stories own me. **

**I decided to go ahead with the well working system of putting songs in the title and this time is my beloved Iron&Wine who's going to open this new story. **

**Well, tell me what you think about this so I'll know if I should post something more or just leave it be. **

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><p><strong>Chapter 1 – Sunset Soon Forgotten<strong>

It was a brisk, strangely sunny morning in Seattle. Derek Shepherd woke up in the middle of nowhere, also known as his four acres of land overlooking the whole city. The birds were chirping and the wind was rustling between the trees. When the wind played with the branches like that, it sounded like the sea waves at his old house at the Hamptons, he thought. He was sitting on the steps of his shiny trailer, feeling strangely at peace with himself, sipping a warm mug of coffee.

He had gone through difficult months before he moved here from New York. Long and tiring had been his recent past, but right in that moment, Derek felt finally at peace. Because there was a warm sun and the smell of grass he had long forgotten was filling his nostrils and warming him maybe even more than the rays of the yellowish morning sun peeking from the trees.

He loved it there.

He had bought the land to build a house for the holidays when he went to Seattle for a conference a few years before and his hotel was a few miles away from here, but when he arrived back in New York, contract in hand, his wife Addison just blew all his plans telling him that she would never catch rain on holidays, neither she was going to move across the country to live in the wilderness even for a little while. So the land remained there untouched, the contract at the bottom of the drawer in his desk, until Addison became an ex-wife and he finally moved on the opposite side of the country.

The divorce had been rough, maybe more than the process itself the fact that she had been cheating on him with his former best friend, practically brother, Mark. They had yelled at each other for months and the only thing Derek regretted was the fact that somehow their four-year-old daughter, Eden Elise, had been caught in the middle of it without any real power, witnessing most of their fights. The worst part though was when Addison decided to give Derek full custody of her, because she was done with him and she didn't felt good enough to raise their kid alone.

So Derek and Eden started over in Seattle and there they were, in the middle of nowhere, a few hours before his first official shift at Seattle Grace Hospital and her first morning at the hospital daycare. He had no problems or reservations selling his portion of the practice he owned with Mark and Addison and leave as soon as he caught them together. He was an hot-shot neurosurgeon, everybody would have added him to their staff in a blink. He never cared about money, he just wanted to start over and give some kind of normal life to his daughter.

"Daddy" a small, sleepy voice arrived in Derek's ear, almost startling him. He turned around to see Eden, still half asleep, brushing her eyes with the back of her hand. She was standing at the top of the steps, her feet bare, hugged in her favorite pajama with teddy bears, fighting to keep her eyes open. Her wavy red hair, gift from her mother, were cascading messily on her shoulders, her deep blue eyes flickering around confused from the sudden change of scenery from Manhattan to Seattle, from skyscrapers.

"Hey Ladybug, what are you doing up so early?" Derek asked softly, welcoming the girl in his arms. She cuddled to his chest, clearly needing some more time to be properly awake. Derek's arms went around her loosely as she leaned her head on his shoulder. She didn't answered at first and Derek remained there, listening to her even breaths while she snuggled into him.

"I gonna meet new kids at your hospital?" she asked with a strange frown of worry, slowly sitting up on his lap straddling him, making eye contact.

"Yeah, I told you, I'm going to work in a new place and you're going to be near me with lots of new friends to play with and when I have some spare minutes, I'm going to visit" he tried the best he could to make the move smooth, but it had been hard for her to leave all her friends back and start everything again from the beginning.

"Mommy?" her broken voice made Derek's heart ache a little bit more

"I told you baby, Mommy is still in New York" _Uncle Mark is keeping her company_, he wanted to add, but he remained quiet, brushing soothingly her hair.

He didn't know what to tell her anymore every time she asked. She clearly loved Addison, despite how seldom she had been around, especially in the last few months during the divorce, but moving resulted hard for her as much as it was relieving for Derek.

"She visits, right?" asked sadly and hopeful at the same time

"We can try calling her tonight and tell her about your first day at the new daycare, okay?" he suggested, hoping that she would pick up the phone this time.

"Okay Daddy" she smiled and Derek did the same, because nothing could match the joy his daughter's smile brought him.

He made her breakfast and she chewed happily her cereals, the Mommy issue soon forgotten as she watched amused his father pick up a nice outfit for his first day of work.

"Da blue one, Daddy" she smiled at Derek with her mouth full, seeing he was struggling on the shirt to put under the indigo sweater.

"What if I want the red one, it's the one I use to look good in, you know" he joked

"Yeah, but your sweater is blue" she said matter-of-factly.

"Just like your mother" he mumbled to himself, sighing and shaking his head amused as well. He didn't missed Addison he just wished for something better for Eden than growing up with a single parent, who also happened to be bad at fashion, apparently. At least when he lost his father he had already four annoying sisters.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes!" giggled happily Eden, jumping off the chair and following Derek outside.

She had a blast on the ferry and when Derek told her that from now on they would do this everyday, she suddenly loved the move to Seattle a bit more. Derek smiled broadly during the whole ride, watching fascinated Eden point to birds and places on the coasts, scrutinizing carefully everything around her.

As soon as they arrived at the hospital, Eden was marveled by the fact that it was a huge place compared to the private practice Derek had been working in, so she had to explore it. She loosened her grip to Derek's hand and in a blink she was running towards the elevators.

"Eden!" he called, but he got no answer as the little girl kept running away giggling. He began chasing her, halting as soon as Eden bumped into a pair of ratty black Converse and a light blue scrub. As he looked up to see who he had to profusely apologize to, he found suddenly difficult to form any kind of coherent thought. _His daughter picked such a gorgeous doctor to bump into that morning_.

"Eden Elise Shepherd!" he roared, finally arriving where both her and the gorgeous woman were standing. Eden had her guilty face on, but Derek's eyes immediately went to the woman: she seemed tired already, despite it was mid morning, but she was also incredibly gracious with locks of golden hair poking out from a messy bun and green-blue, maybe gray eyes screaming tiredness. Yet her smile was genuine and somehow brightened her whole face and she looked even more beautiful then.

"God, I'm so sorry she got in the way" he babbled, unable to break eye contact with the woman. "I told you hundreds of times not to run around, Eden" he finally managed to scold his daughter, as the woman kept grinning.

"No problem, I wasn't really paying attention to where I was headed, we bumped into each other." she said, looking down to Eden smiling, but the girl hid between Derek's legs, probably still feeling guilty.

"Since we're here, do you know where the daycare is, it's my first day here and I really don't like being late" he flashed a smile to the unknown woman who smiled back and there was something about that smile that kept him in awe and made it really hard to understand her answer.

"Oh, fifth floor somewhere, I've never been there, it might be next to Dermatology, probably, but I'm not sure. You don't look like a new intern, tough" she smirked.

"Nope, my internship has been over from a while. Dr. Derek Shepherd, new Head of Neurology" he held out his hand and saw her blushing in the cutest, most adorable way and he couldn't help but smile at her reaction.

"Okay, I've just embarrassed myself in front of my new boss, that's just perfect" she groaned. "Dr. Meredith Grey, third year resident, who happens to specialize in Neuro" she finally took the hand and shook it. Her skin was smooth, or maybe his was too rough, but the touch sent a shiver down Derek's spine. He thanked whoever decided to let the woman specialize in Neuro and suddenly, he was looking forward to his new day of work.

"I'm Eden" a small voice claimed attention, finally poking out from her hiding spot

"Oh, it's such a beautiful name" Meredith smiled, crouching to the girl and holding out her hand as well. Eden smiled and gladly returned the gesture with much of Derek's amusement.

"Okay then, I'll leave you two or you're gonna be late, I have a CT to get to. Bye Dr. Shepherd, bye Eden"

Eden waived and Derek remained there still a bit awestruck by the meeting, unable to do anything but stare at Meredith Grey walking down the hall.

"You met a new friend too, Daddy" said simply Eden and Derek kept smiling as his feet finally began moving again to reach the elevators.

The daycare wasn't a big place, but the twelve kids in Eden's class fit there comfortably. Despite he just chose it for convenience, he actually found himself liking the place and the teachers seemed friendly enough for Eden to run immediately towards the group of kids closer to her age and began playing.

Derek watched her one last time, before heading to the lockers and wearing his brand new indigo scrubs and his pristine lab coat of the Seattle Grace Hospital, ready to meet his former teacher Richard Webber, one of the reasons he moved to Seattle without hesitation.

He stood outside the door waiting, his mind flashing back to Meredith Grey as soon as he let it drift while the Chief was busy.

"Derek Shepherd" he heard the warm, welcoming voice of Richard behind his back and he realized he had finished the meeting.

"Hi Richard, long time no see"

"It's been a while indeed. How's Eden doing, is she okay with the move and everything?" he asked a bit concerned. He had always been very caring about the little girl, considering her almost like his own granddaughter, despite they lived on opposite sides of the country.

"She loves the land I bought, and ferryboats, she has a thing for them" he replied with a smile, remembering her reaction earlier in the morning

"Good, so, do you want a meeting with your coworkers?"

"No, I'll just get to know them on the job, it's easier that way" he smiled, his mind back over the perfect features of Dr. Meredith Grey.

"All right then, your office is down the hall, the fourth door on the right. It's not as big as the one you had in the practice, but I hope it would suffice."

"Thanks for everything Richard, I really needed this" he sighed, still feeling to owe the man at least a dinner of some kind.

"You're welcome Derek, just stop by with Eden, Adele wants to see her so badly"

"We'll be there as soon as we're settled" he agreed, walking out to reach his office.

The room was indeed smaller, but seemed cozy and welcoming, just like the whole city had been so far. An old desk sat in the middle of the room, two comfortable armchairs in front of it, behind a worn out computer chair. On the other side of the room a couch and a plant that had seen better days all in front of it a window with closed blinds and empty shelves all around the walls. He placed his laptop and the photo of him and Eden on the desk, just like he had back in New York. There it just fitted better, though.

He didn't have much time to ponder further on his new office when his pager beeped and his new life in Seattle finally began.

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><p><strong>AN: Okay, thoughts?<strong>

**I hope it wasn't too confusing, but if something is not right just ask and I'll explain. **

**I hated making Addison the bad guy here, because I was almost fond of her when I passed the whole what the hell is she doing here phase. I'll try to redeem her at some point in this story, probably. We had a glimpse of Meredith as well, but you'll get more, i promise, it won't be exclusively from Derek's perspective, as you noticed in the other stories, I like to shift from one character to the other. **

**I still don't know when I'll upload next, probably in a long time, but if I get enough feedback I might just steal half an hour from revising my notes and update another chapter! It will probably happen anyway or I'll gone mental before the end of this exam so don't worry much about that...**

**If somebody wants to Beta this story he or she will be more than welcome. **

**Thanks for reading!**


	2. Break The Night With Colour

**I know I have exams and I know I should be in bed already, but I'm not really sleepy so I decided to delight you awesome readers with another chapter. I never thought this story could find so many interested readers so thank you guys who already support the story, I hope you won't be disappointed in the long run. **

**Anyway, the song is by Richard Ashcroft, I really liked the ring of it in the title, so here is it, next chapter.**

**I forgot the infamous Disclaimer on the first update, so I put it here: you know I don't own the charachters of Grey's right? Is that too obvious? Eden is the only character that I own and I'm kind of proud on how she turned out ;)**

**Enjoy this nightly update!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2 – Break The Night With Colour<strong>

"Hi, I'm Dr. Shepherd, what we got?" Derek asked immediately as he reached the pit, as quickly as he could without getting lost in the mazy hospital.

"Katie Bryce, fifteen, grand mal seizures after a fall during a pageant" a nurse updated him on the patient.

"Okay, send her up to CT and the MRI" he ordered, trying to appear confident.

"Right away Dr. Shepherd" an intern followed his orders, then Meredith Grey somehow appeared in the pit as well, in a rush and looking even more tired than when he met her in the lobby, but she managed a smile.

"Hello again Dr. Shepherd, what's wrong with her?" she eagerly asked, when they began wheeling the teenager upstairs for the exams

"Hi Dr. Grey, grand mal seizures with an unknown cause, she fell during a pageant. She's going up for more exams"

"Dr. Webber asked me to assist you today, show you the department, you know, the Grand Tour" she giggled softly and the sound brought a smile on Derek's lips "I hope you won't mind" she added

"I think I'm gonna need that, I almost got lost looking for my office" he chuckled as well.

"Well, if you follow me we can arrive safely to the CT room" she joked again

"I'd like that"

They exited the ER and they went calmly towards the elevators.

"So, Dr Shepherd, how do you like Seattle Grace so far?" Meredith filled the silence in the cab, even if it wasn't unpleasant she was still eager to meet the surgeon whose name could be often found on medical journals.

"I'm getting used to the rain. Eden loves the ferryboats, though" he replied softly, remembering the squeals of delight of his little girl during the ride that same morning

"I loved them as well when I had her age" she admitted

"You're born here?"

"Yep, but I moved to Boston when I was five" she didn't add more details and he didn't pushed

"I'm from New York. I lived in Manhattan before moving here but my parents live in Connecticut"

"Dr. Webber must have promised something really nice to you to move your whole life here"

"Actually I asked him to, I was tired of Manhattan" he smirked, then the elevator dinged and they reached their floor.

They entered the room to examine the CT and they were both surprised when everything was clear. Not even a spot.

"I bet my brain is less perfect than hers" marveled Meredith "Although I can't consider a brain perfect when it allows that poor girl to compete in pageants" she laughed and Derek joined her.

He looked closely at her features, brightening with her laugh and he couldn't stop staring at her. She was a funny person, but she seemed to hide some secrets under those smiley faces, something really big that somehow resurfaced when she was deep in thought or when she just knew she wasn't being observed. She was easy-going, but she knew how to stood her ground. Derek was fascinated.

"I hope you taught your daughter better than that" she smiled, knowing that as long as he laughed, she could easily joke on pageants.

"She had her pink phase a couple of months ago, now she has the squirmy phase. Everything that looks somehow gross needs to go under her scrutiny" he chuckled, unable to hide how much Eden still marveled him

"You should let her play with some raw meat while you ccok, if you cook; she'll love it. I loved it" she admitted, blushing a little and exposing herself that much.

"Meat uh?"

She nodded, giggling softly and he couldn't help but wonder what would be like to spend some more time with that woman. He was going to enjoy his first day at Seattle Grace.

"Or the OR gallery, I spent hours in the gallery when I was a kid. I was probably older though, six, maybe seven." from that detail he realized that one of her parents must have been a surgeon as well and he wondered if Ellis Grey had a daughter "How old is your daughter?" she asked again

"She turned four two months ago"

"She looks a lot like you, but I'm sure the hair is her mother's"

"Yeah" he sighed sadly and Meredith immediately noticed the change in his demeanor

"I'm sorry, I'm being nosy" she shrugged, going back to contemplate the screen even though nothing interesting was on.

"She's the reason why I moved here actually. We divorced a month ago" he admitted

"I'm sorry. You must miss Eden a lot, especially now that you moved"

"She lives with me, actually. It's Addison who's going to miss her" his voice was rough when he snapped and Meredith sensed immediately his discomfort.

"Sorry, I'm so bad at small talking. I'm glad you haven't heard me ramble yet, you're lucky" she eased the tension

"I guess I am" he grinned, finally all his bitter thoughts of Addison fading away. He stole another glance towards her, while she tried again to read the images to find something wrong and the smile reappeared on his lips "What about you?"

"Sorry, what?" she snapped out of her medical world to look at him funnily

"I know it's not my business, but you're the first person I get to talk since I moved here who's a bit older than four" he smiled at her, trying to persuade her in answering his personal question. Secretly, he was hoping she was way more than single. He tried to look casually at her hands, but he didn't saw any ring.

"You mean if I'm seeing someone?" she blushed, looking back to the screen and Derek couldn't help but find her even more adorable

"Sorry, I'm just..."

"No, it's fine" she interrupted "I'm dating someone, he's a nice guy, you know. Safe..." she trailed off.

She didn't even know herself why she was still seeing Finn. Yeah, he was the perfect guy, the one every woman wanted in her life: caring, romantic, funny sometimes, but she knew he wasn't so special as she was for him. He was able to rearrange his whole schedule the day when she had to remove her appendix or take days off when she had hers, while she found clipping an aneurysm way more fun than going on a date with him. He was good in bed and probably was one of the main causes she kept him around, but he didn't really knew her; the dark and twisty her, with daddy issues and childhood issues and...

"It's serious, then?" his smirk faltered, but he tried to hide it. Somehow the idea that he had lost his fight even before beginning it frustrated him.

"Probably, yeah" _it's serious for him anyway_.

They both turned back lo look at the screen and somehow Meredith felt even more trapped by the thing with Finn than she ever did.

"The MRI was clean as well" Derek broke the quiet and their gazes met once more. He could see something off in the way she looked at him, an apology probably, well hidden under a veil of sadness, regret probably? He didn't know, he just wanted to see her really happy like she had been a few moments before while she was laughing freely.

"If you don't need my help to go back to your office I'll go to the library to look up a couple of ideas that I have in mind" she smiled and for a moment, the veil of sadness disappeared

"Go, I'll find another guide." he smiled back when he saw her practically hopping out of the room. Clearly her ideas were good. She looked like a good doctor.

He sat there motionless for a moment more, contemplating the fact that he liked the company of Meredith Grey, before he stood up and moved back to his office, trying to figure out Katie's case before it was too late.

Meredith sat on the cold floor of the small library, flipping page after page of Katie's chart and worn textbooks but not one of her clever ideas seemed to be the right diagnosis.

"What's with the grumpy face?" Meredith's gaze immediately lifted up to see the amused eyes of her person, her best friend Cristina.

"She doesn't fit the symptoms!" she snorted, slamming the latest book in her hands on the floor. Cristina sat next to her with a smirk on her face and snatched the chart from her hand

"Hey! That's my chart!" she retorted

"Nope, that's Katie Bryce's chart." she smirked "Pageants, uh?"

"Don't tell me about it" she shook her head, amused

"That bad?"

"She paged me 911 before because she was bored" she emphasized her last word using air quotes. "I run there because I thought she was seizing and when I walked in her room she was perfectly fine. Can you believe it?"

"I hated teenager girls when I was a teenager girl" snickered Cristina and she was able to steal a small giggle from Meredith's lips

"She thinks that because she fell and twisted her ankle her whole life is over. Please, get a life!" Meredith snorted, that girl was getting out the worst of her

"Speaking of life, your new boss is kind of..." Cristina arched her eyebrows in a mock gesture

"Who, Shepherd?" she cut her off before she could add one of the hundreds sexy adjectives that were passing in her own head

"You met him, then" Cristina smirked, noticing the flustered expression of her friend

"He has a daughter and an ex-wife, not in your league"

"Never said my league" Cristina eyed Meredith carefully, knowing that something more was going on in the mind of her friend

"Anyway, the rhythmic gymnastic freak is his patient. And I'm working with him so no turning work into something porny"

"So you are already there with your head, interesting" Cristina smirked, knowing her person too well to not notice those details

"I'm with Finn" her voice sounded too annoyed to be real

"Oh, please, you screw him when you're free, it's like your favorite one-night-stand or whatever" Meredith looked at her like she wanted to kill her with her bare hands "He's serious, you're not. Definitely not."

"Cristina" she sighed, unable to admit that she was probably saying the truth

"Just break up with him, what's the big deal?" she kept poking

"The big deal is that he's nice and happy and bright and I'm the total opposite, so I might need some bright and shiny in my crappy life, don't you think?" Meredith's voice rose

"Are you going to date him forever or what, marry him? Let him knock you up?"

"Cristina, he's...safe, okay? He doesn't push, he's...there" she tried the lamest excuses in her book and she knew that Cristina was never going to buy them

"And you like him be cause he can make you scream at night, I get it"

"Please, just...please" she finally slammed her head on the shelf, closing her eyes. Her best friend was exhausting, but she was also right.

"Back to rhythmic gymnastics, is that even a sport?" Cristina lightened the mood again, knowing that she would just dig in the mess if she kept poking Meredith about Finn

"I can't even pronounce it" finally Meredith laughed, then they turned back to their books

"Could it be an infection?"

Meredith shook her head and for a moment remained quiet, then a look of something different flickered in her eyes.

"What?" questioned Cristina.

"Aneurysm. She fell, when she twisted her ankle, she fell" her voice was full of excitement and lost the previous edge she gained when she talked about Finn

"Oh, c'mon, what are the odds?"

She didn't had the time to receive an answer before Meredith bolted away, leaving Cristina sitting on the floor dumbfounded. She rushed somewhere, anywhere to find Dr. Shepherd and she finally found him while the doors of his elevator were closing. She quickly explained her theory and he kept looking at her with those dancing eyes that made her knees weak, even if she was the one talking and he was simply standing there, all sexy and amused.

"The chances of that kind of aneurysm are one in a million. Literally, Dr. Grey" eyed her Derek, at the same time appreciating the fact that his resident thought about something that never even crossed his mind.

"I know, I'm...sorry, you certainly have more important things to do" she walked away, embarrassed again. She couldn't help but make herself look stupid in front of that man.

The doors closed, but after an awkward moment when she stood there, trying to process what she had to do next, his cocky smile reappeared in front of her.

"Let's go, Dr. Grey" he said happily and moved to Katie's room.

In the end, Meredith was right and Derek was able to get Katie in surgery on time, fixing the small bleed before it could create any more damage. The girl wasn't happy about losing her hair, but at least she was still alive.

"Thank you for assisting, Dr. Grey" Derek said, as soon as he was out of the OR, taking off his favorite scrub cap and leaning on the counter to update Katie's chart. She simply smiled, sitting tiredly on a chair after what he was sure had been a very long thirty-six hour shift, but the twinkle in her eyes never faltered. And she was smart and a really good surgeon as well so far.

"After saving medical-mystery patients, I still wonder why people do drugs, you know?" her full smile surprised him. She was on surgery high, despite the long hours she had been working, she felt good. Hell, she felt high simply looking at Derek Shepherd.

"Not everybody is so smart to experience this kind of high" he smirked and she kept staring at him, her expression unreadable.

"See you around, Dr. Shepherd" she said, as soon as he closed Katie's chart

"See you, Dr. Grey" he replied and as he walked away, he realized how lucky must be the guy who's dating her.

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><p><strong>AN: So I digged out Katie Bryce and some dialogue of the actual show, not much, just tiny bits. Meredith's Finn is the Vet, the one and only. Sorry for my lack of fantasy, but he just seemed the right guy to throw in the mix. They would have looked great together if it wasn't for Derek...<strong>

**Eden will show up again, don't worry, she's a big part of this story, I haven't forgotten her.**

**If this chapter sucks and is full of errors blame it on the late hour. I'll update as soon as I can readers and thanks again for the wonderful reviews and all the feedback already recieved, it means more than a lot for me to have such interested readers...**


	3. Hey, Could You Stand Another Drink?

**This update was quicker than what I expected. But you readers seem to like this story so I don't want to disappoint you much and I took a few hours away from books and other stuff related to the Exam and I updated. It's also a beautiful sunny day, which improves my mood (not that I won't expect sunny days in Italy from now on -.-'). **

**Okay, the title is the first line from Proof by I Am Kloot which I really sugest listening to. It kind of inspired me for the whole chapter and I have always dreamt to put that line in a title somewhere so I'm kind of proud I did it. **

**I'm stopping right now, get used to this babbling every chapter anyway ;)**

**Enjoy the chapter!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 3 – Hey, Could You Stand Another Drink?<strong>

Meredith Grey needed to get drunk. Really freaking drunk. Puke-my-guts-out-in-the-morning drunk.

Three patients died in the ER under her watch and this evening she had a date with Finn so she needed alcohol, lots of it. Plus, Shepherd had been the perfectly perfect man all freaking day, making her look stupid every time he passed her by in the halls.

She just couldn't erase the image of him, rushing away to tend one of his patients, his pristine lab coat swirling around him like the cape of some kind of superhero, his navy blue scrub matching his dark, tired eyes, his hair a little messy or simply the fact that he was there, being himself was enough for her to lose the ability to breathe regularly. She was starting to hate the man.

Okay, actually the man was kind of nice, she hated what he could do to her with a freaking simple glance over the shoulder of a nurse. It wasn't a look, it was eye sex, as plain as that. And they weren't even friends. They had been colleagues for two weeks, yes, but they were slowly becoming friends; they didn't shared lunch or whatever, they worked together. And he has a daughter, a very beautiful, innocent daughter. And an ex-wife. And the hair, God he has the hair!

"You okay over there?" Joe startled her. Joe in fact owned the perfect place to get drunk and Meredith was more than grateful for his presence just outside the hospital.

"Kind of, yeah, I'm waiting for Cristina to freak out with her. Keep going Joe" she replied sadly, pointing at her first empty shot of tequila.

"She has a date with McVet, she needs it" the voice of her friend appeared out of nowhere.

"That's why you're all dressed up" he smirked and she smiled sadly "No more tequila for you, Meredith, you can come later, I'll be right here" the fact that they were on first name basis with the bartender must have been some kind of sign of how the night was going to end.

Meredith simply shrugged and looked at Cristina ordering her beer. She always started soft and she had an early shift in the morning, while Meredith had the day off._ And she wanted to spend it puking_.

"You should cancel the thing" Cristina suggested after her first swig.

"I already ditched him three times this week, the more I ditch the more annoying he gets. I have to suck it up, then I'll drink"

"Sounds like a plan" Cristina shook her head. She didn't get her friend sometimes, especially when the topic of conversation was Finn.

Meredith drained her tequila before the doors opened and Finn walked in. He was handsome, tall, sandy blond hair and blue eyes, he looked perfect and he could have been perfect, just not for Meredith.

"Hey" he greeted her excitedly, smoothing nervously the non-existent wrinkles on his tuxedo.

"Hey Finn" she replied, not nearly half as happy as he was even if she tried. She just couldn't feel happy.

He kissed her softly, but he could have easily kept standing by her side doing nothing and she would have felt the same way. His eyes, though, lightened up.

"Are you ready?" he kept his happy tone

"Yeah, sure" she replied courtly, winning a glare from Cristina.

She stood up and linked her arm with Finn's, pretending they were happy, pretending that she hadn't been thinking to hundreds of ways to break up with him in the past few hours and she came out with nothing.

He brought her to a fancy restaurant, where they had multiples cutlery, two or three different glasses and French food. She didn't had the courage to tell him that she hated French food, he seemed to love the place.

She took in his figure for the first time since they went out from Joe's only when they finally sat at their intimate table, waiting for their food to be delivered. He looked nervous, almost on edge and he was a calm person. Something was up and Meredith had an unsettling feeling.

"So, how was your day?" he asked casually, not knowing that most of the time you shouldn't ask surgeons the kind of day they had if you didn't want to hear them rant about difficult surgeries or simply dismiss you with a short, calibrated answer, usually very vague.

"Three people died under my watch; very average day, you know" she replied dryly, using the second option in the book while she sipped her wine. It wasn't tequila but it had to do before she could go back to Joe's.

"I'm sorry"

"It's fine" if he knew her enough, he would knew that Meredith's fine meant everything but that, but he didn't really knew her, so everything was okay for him.

The following quiet that fell between the two of them was broken only when their food arrived and they both had something to keep them occupied without the need for small talk. Because they usually talked the strict necessary to go from the car to the bedroom and no more. Meredith was fine with it, then recently he wanted dates and drinks and crap and she was feeling every day more trapped by the safe, handsome guy.

"I...need to ask you something" Finn finally broke the silence, in the middle of cutting his chicken and their eyes met briefly in understanding. He was nervous, Meredith could tell, but she pretended it was nothing. "Probably it's too soon, I know, but I've been thinking about it for a while and...you know, you can take your time to answer"

Meredith knew what he was going to say next, almost as if she became suddenly a psychic or something and her hands began to shake so much that she had to drop her fork and smooth pointlessly her napkin to keep her composure.

"Meredith Grey, will you marry me?"

He flashed an unbelievably expensive diamond ring under her nose and all the air she tried to breathe seemed not to arrive to her lungs. She felt choking, dying, the need to simply curl up in a ball and hide under the table eating her from the inside, pretending this never happened. It should have never, ever, ever happened, this wasn't her plan. She sucked in some air, but her lungs weren't collaborating anymore.

"I..." she tried to form an answer, but every try was vain.

"You need more time, I get it, it's been no more than a year that we know each other, but you are perfect Meredith, I can't imagine my life without you already" he said to comfort her, but instead, her inability to breathe increased and she was sure she was about to collapse here and there.

"I need some fresh air" she was finally able to whisper, quickly standing up and walking out of the front door. She could hear the tiny offending box snap shut over the hum of the crowd.

She was out for less than a minute when she heard Finn's footsteps behind her. She wanted to be alone and he didn't get her.

"Meredith" he called, while she was busy fighting back her tears "You want to go home?" he got closer to her and wrapped her in his jacket. She simply nodded, unable to say anything more, because when she was going to speak again, he wanted an answer she wasn't sure she could give him without breaking him irreparably.

He went to take the car and she slid silently next to him. He looked like a lost puppy somehow, but he was still smiling. She simply sat there, motionless, unable to even think, that four-words sentence still ringing in her head. She had let things spin too much and she needed to break things off with him. Except she couldn't. She couldn't see a future with Finn, but she couldn't see an end either.

"I need time to think" she whispered, when the engine of his car died in her driveway. "I'm sorry, it's..."

"Meredith, I get it, it wasn't a good day and you want to take the right decision. I'll be waiting" he smiled, meaning it and she was only able to grimace something that resembled vaguely a smile as an answer.

She wasn't ready for this, she never will.

She slid out of the car and he waited a second, probably hoping that she would invite him in. She wanted to, if he would have kept his mouth shut they probably would have been already naked in the hallway, but right here and there having sex with him seemed a really stupid idea, so she faked a smile again and slammed the door of his car, climbing up the steps on her porch and finally closing the door behind her back.

As soon as she heard the car move away, the tears began to fall and she couldn't stop them while she curled up on the floor, leaning against the closed door.

She wasn't ready for this and yet, she wanted to be that girl. She wanted to feel all mushy for a man, she needed to know that somehow, despite her crappy childhood, she could be a normal person, but this didn't helped.

Tequila helped. It was her best friend with Cristina for a reason, after all.

She took off the stupid heels and the black dress, wearing some sweatpants and her old Dartmouth t-shirt, opening the liquor cabin and finding it completely empty. She cursed, multiple times, mixing it with harsh tears, then she grabbed her jacket and went to Joe's. She walked there, as long as her car was still parked at the hospital, but she didn't mind, it simply cleared her head.

She was probably going to answer yes to Finn, because she knew she needed to settle at some point, but she didn't know how to pull this off, because she actually didn't love him. Yeah, she cared for him, he was good in bed, but those weren't things upon you'd base a lifelong relationship on. She stopped believing in marriage when she was a kid and her opinion was not going to change. If she was going to get married, at least it was going to be with the right man. Which wasn't Finn, clearly.

Many times in her life before turning ten, she'd imagined what hearing those words would feel like. She imagined everything but the way she felt when Finn spoke. Her breathing quickened at simply recalling the memory. She had wanted the fairytale, she just knew it wasn't going to happen to her. She knew that if Finn kept pushing, she was going to say yes and that was one of the parts of herself she hated the most. She was independent, but she knew she should trust people. She was broken.

Joe appeared like a mirage and she went straight in without even thinking about her car. She was dripping rain, but Joe never cared much, rain in Seattle was too common to be really bothered by it.

"Bottle Joe" she asked, even before she could sit. And Joe gave her the half-drank bottle behind his shoulders, shooting her a sympathetic smile. Josè was going to take away all her problems, at least for a while.

"What the hell happened to you?" Cristina's voice reached her mind at the second swig of the bottle.

"My liquor cabin was drained" she simply shrugged, lowering the bottle to her lips again

"Meredith, what did you do?" Cristina stared at her almost as if she was staring at ghost.

"He wants to freaking marry me, is he nuts or what?" she replied, her coherence slowly fading away gulp after gulp of tequila.

"What?"

"He said 'Meredith Grey, will you marry me'! Seriously!" she yelled, then silent tears began streaming down her cheeks. And she gulped the amber liquid once more, then twice.

The third time Cristina spoke "What did you say?"

"I walked away. I avoid, I don't get married. I screw him, I drink, I'm not a fucking bride!" she sounded angry and broken and the tears didn't helped. Luckily the bar was fairly empty and people were already too tipsy to care.

"Meredith, what are you going to answer then?"

"What should I answer, he's freaking perfect, all freaking everything and I can't say yes. How screwed am I?" her head fell on the dirty counter, not before sipping some more tequila

"Just tell him you're not ready. Hell, dump him, Meredith!" Cristina slammed her glass on the counter

"I can't, I just...can't" she sighed, holding back her tears

"Yeah, be freaking unhappy for the rest of your life, then. With a vet." Cristina replied dryly

"Cristina"

"You're pathetic sometimes, Meredith. Everybody has problems, you just like to create them by yourself. Hello! He wants to marry you, he's not your fucking buddy anymore, you get that?" she said harshly, trying to take her friend out of the hole that was slowly eating all her life, making her disappear.

"I like him" Meredith replied shyly

"Oh, and I like Geriatrics. Please, Meredith, be honest with yourself at least" Cristina simply stood up and walked away, leaving Meredith and her bottle by themselves. She ordered two drinks more when the bottle was drained, loving the fact that she was off the next day.

"Meredith" a soft, male voice she recognized reached her fuzzy, drunken brain and as soon as she turned around, she met the most concerned blue eyes she'd ever seen. Not even Finn was able to tell her so many things with his eyes like Derek Shepherd did. And the latter was standing right in front of her.

"Shepherd" she slurred on his name, smiling, despite the tear-stained face.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm just drunk. It's a good feeling, you should try it" she laughed hysterically "No, wait, it's no good for you daughter, I hated seeing my mother come home drunk" she swayed on the stool while she reached for another drink, but Derek was quicker and more sober so he snatched it away from her grasp.

"Hey, that's mine!" she retorted, hitting him playfully

"You had enough" his voice was steady, but still concerned

"Doc, you'd better take her home" he said Joe, throwing Derek the keys of her Jeep. He didn't knew his evening would turn out that way, but he needed to know that she was going to be safe.

She stumbled down the stool and almost tripped but he was quick to steady her. Her body felt good under his touch and he wanted nothing more but to know what made her feel that way. He felt suddenly helpless.

"Can I've my keys?" she grinned again, her eyes hooded with alcohol

"Nope, I'm driving" he took her arm and led her outside. When she tripped for the fourth time in three steps, he simply grabbed her in his arms and carried her to his car.

She kept giggling, still unaware of her surroundings and too drunk to even care about anything else. She just knew two things: her head was spinning and so the entire world but she felt safe. More safe than when she was in Finn's arms. It was probably only her mind rejecting everything about Finn, but she didn't care, Derek's arms made her feel safe.

He stole glances once in a while to her since he began driving and he saw her dozing off a few miles after they started moving. He had checked her address on her driver's license and he hoped he was able to find the place without much trouble.

Halfway to her home, she began snoring softly and he couldn't help but crack a smile at the sleeping form of that beautiful woman, still wondering about her life and what made her so broken. There was something vulnerable in her eyes, hidden under the alcohol, something that had never been there before.

He arrived to her house and gently poked her, trying to wake her up, but she simply turned to the other side and kept sleeping. He walked to the front door and fumbled with her keys to find the right one. At the second attempt the door opened and he searched for the light switch. Derek walked back to the car and took her back in his arms, carrying her inside.

She was light as a feather and somehow, as soon as he wrapped his arms around her, she curled into his chest almost reflexively, like she felt safe in his arms. When they stepped inside, she stirred a little and opened her eyes, still a bit groggy from the mixture of alcohol and sleep, but she managed a smile

"Why are you here?" her voice was hoarse from the tequila but so innocent that Derek just wanted to kiss her perfectly shaped lips

"You don't remember a thing, don't you?" he grinned when she looked at him quizzically, so he laid her on the couch, searching around the room some pillows for her head

"Derek" she whispered and he immediately stopped, hearing his name from her lips somehow startled him: he had always been Dr. Shepherd before and he had called him like she was calling for water in the desert. He almost shivered when he heard her voice.

"You were at Joe's" he began, trying to restart her memory

"Yeah, I know that" she said, her voice broken "I wish I had forgotten everything" her eyes closed and she leaned against the pillows he had brought her, not an ounce of energy left in her system. She just wanted everything to stop.

"What happened?" he immediately looked concerned as a tear rolled down her cheek. He tried his best not to wipe that away and keep his friendly distance

"I'm fine"

"No, you're not"

"Okay, I'm not" she agreed. She knew it was easier that way but still, she was surprised when he realized immediately that her 'fine' was a world he shouldn't trust. Like he knew her. He smiled encouragingly, until she spoke again "Three people died on my watch in the ER today" she admitted, because she knew he'd understand.

And he did, but his eyes didn't fill with pity or sadness, like Finn's, they just knew what she had been through "I'm so sorry"

"It's life, you know, and life kind of sucks sometimes" she managed a small smile, before she sighed loudly and more tears gathered in her eyes.

"Meredith"

"I can't even tell you what happened next, Derek. I just want to forget everything, pretend it never happened, can you do that?" she began sobbing, the tears shaking and jerking her whole body.

For a moment, he stared helpless at the beautiful woman in front of him, crumbling in pieces, then he decided to wrap his arms around her and try to comfort her.

She nuzzled her face in the crook of his neck, breathing in his male scent, feeling his warmth spreading from his solid body, his soothing hands rubbing her back regularly and she relaxed. She knew it was wrong on so many levels, but she couldn't back away.

"Finn wants to marry me" she whispered and for a moment Derek stilled and pulled away, taken aback by the information, but he felt her grip tighten around him, so he squeezed her back. "And I tend to cry a lot when I'm drunk and pissed off" she continued, trying to divert his attention.

He wasn't fooled though "Do you want to marry him?" he asked, trying to be a good friend while he feared her answer and waited, until she shook her head.

"I don't know what I want anymore. I'm broken, dark and twisty and he doesn't get it." she sobbed

"Have you ever told him that?" he tried to maintain a calm tone while she kept crying silently

"I can't. He's..."

"Safe?" he repeated her words and he felt her relax further

"Maybe, yeah" although after Derek's arms she wasn't so completely sure that Finn's were safer.

"If you really want to marry him, you have to believe it, you know? Even when you believe it, things don't always work out" he sighed and she knew immediately he was talking about his own marriage "You have to feel it, Meredith. Can you see your life in ten, twenty years? Is Finn next to you?"

She hid even more in his chest and the tears began shaking her body again.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, Meredith. He'll understand"

"He loves me" she whined

"Do you?"

"I might. Not yet, but he's a great guy, so maybe I can love him. Someday"

"That's what you have to tell him, then" he sighed, but he was glad he had been able to calm her tears.

They remained silent for a long time, listening to their breaths and he knew from the way she was relaxing in his arms that she was practically asleep.

"Don't you have to be home with your daughter or something?" she whispered, out of the blue with a muffled voice

"Addison was in Portland for a consult so she's staying with her for a few days"

"Thank you, Derek. For everything"

"You're welcome"

He felt her grip soften and, as soon as her eyes closed, he let his eyelids fall shut as well, lulled by her shaky but even breaths, enjoying the simple fact of having her in his arms.

Just friends was better than nothing, after all.

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><p><strong>AN: Okay, I know you want to kill Finn for flashing rings, but be patients and things will settle. He's a nice guy after all. Not as dreamy as McDreamy has been here but hey, we have only one Derek (unfortunately).<strong>

**I hope you liked the chapter, it was a little bit longer than the previous two because I really don't know when I'll be able to update next as in three days I have THE Exam so I won't have much time. I'm kind of a procrastinator when it comes to duty so don't be much surprised if I'll update anyway. **

**I hope you'll still be around for the next chapter and thank you for all the people who gave feedback or simply spent a few minutes reading, I really appreciate this!**


	4. You're A New Day

**Hey readers! First part of the exam is done but I won't be off the hook until the 5th of July so be patient for a little while. I managed to keep 3 days between each update but I don't know if I'll be able to do it throughout the whole fiction. **

**Anyway, this cheesy title is from a cheesy song by Stereophonics, You're A Star. Very very very cheesy but I fell in love with it...**

**I'm not going to ramble any longer, but remind that I didn't liked the final part much. I tried editing it but it just didn't sounded right. I hope it's not awful as it is to me and you'll enjoy it anyway...**

**There you go, chapter 4.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 4 – You're A New Day<strong>

Alex and Lexie stumbled home after their night shift only to find their boss sleeping on the couch with a snoring Meredith in his arms. They both had relaxed expressions on their faces, despite the fact that they were still sitting up and the position they were in didn't seemed much comfortable.

"Do we wake them?" whispered Lexie

"Let them be"

Alex knew Meredith too well to not recognize when she was happy, because he had rarely seen her that way and he knew how much she needed some joy in her life.

As soon as they both moved upstairs to crash on their beds, Derek stirred a little and so Meredith moved as well. They were both startled at first, but Meredith curled up further in Derek's embrace as soon as she remembered the event of the past night. She wanted to feel safe for a moment longer.

Derek kept listening to her even breaths but wasn't really surprised when she tensed and somehow bolted away, running fervently down the hall. He heard a door slam then she heaved the contents of her stomach.

He rubbed his eyes and stood up, moving to the direction where she run, knocking softly on the only closed door of the hall.

"Meredith" he called gently

"Go away" she replied in a croaky voice, before he heard some more movement in the room.

He tried the doorknob and the barrier between them flung open, revealing Meredith hunched over the toilet bowl, her hair tied up in the messiest ponytail to keep it out of the way. He wordlessly moved next to her and began rubbing her back in circles, pulling away the few strands left out of the tie while she recovered. He felt her back relax immediately and strangely mold under his touch.

She finally sat on the floor drained after one more round of vomiting, her legs folded to her chest while she stared at Derek quizzically.

"Why are you still here?" she managed to say in a small voice.

He smiled, handing her out a glass of water "You fell asleep on me"

"Oh God, what the hell happened?"

He immediately realized why she was panicking "Nothing, I swear. You were drunk, I took you home, you needed to cry and then you fell asleep on the couch while you were crying in my arms. I wanted to stand up but you looked way too comfortable so I ended up falling asleep as well" he smirked

"I'm sorry" she whispered, shakily and unsure

"It's fine, we are friends at this point, so I can tell that I'll be here when you'll need a friend" he grinned and he was pleased when she smiled back.

"Thank you, Derek"

"You're welcome" he replied "Do you want some breakfast?"

She shook her head uncomfortably, not caring for a bit that she had a headache the size of Texas that made the whole world spin "No way, you did too much already"

"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day" he grinned widely and she found herself laughing.

She had lived the worst night of her life, she felt like crap and yet, Derek Shepherd made her laugh. And it felt good, the way he made her laugh.

"Look, I have two hours before I have to pick up Eden at the ferries and I have the day off later, so I don't mind making you breakfast"

She really wanted to have breakfast with him, it seemed so tempting after spending a whole night in his arms "It's too much"

"Okay, we can grab a coffee when I drive you to the hospital" he continued

"I'm off as well" she whispered, trying to not sound too excited for the idea. This was going in a completely different direction than the one she had planned, even the puking-my-guts-out feeling was slowly subsiding at the prospect of spending a little more time with him.

He looked at her expectantly before pressing his request again "It's just breakfast, Meredith. We can meet in a nice place near the docks when you are ready while I pick up Eden"

He looked at her with his puppy dog eyes, so she gave in "Okay, just breakfast" she just couldn't help the tingling feeling in her whole body, before her stomach churned again and she lowered on the toilet again.

His hands immediately rested against her back and rubbed soothing circles and somehow even puking wasn't that bad when he was there.

"My car is still at the hospital" she sighed, when she was finally able to crawl back in a sitting position against the wall

"We can drive there together so I can grab a change of clothes, then we'll meet at the docks for breakfast"

"All right. How come you have always the best answer to every question?" she asked, the hint of a mocking smile curling up the corners of her lips

"I have a chatty, very demanding four-year-old daughter" he smirked and they laughed together.

Derek waited for Meredith to get dressed, looking around the house and tidying some of the mess they had made the previous night in the living room. He had needed to catch his breath when she came down the stairs freshly showered and dressed in a simple long-sleeved t-shirt and comfortable jeans. Nothing fancy and yet, she had never looked more stunning. Probably it was the fact that he almost knew how the curve of her hips felt under his touch or how flowery smelt her hair, but she was incredibly gorgeous and he had to keep himself in line to avoid kissing her right when their gazes locked and she smiled back. He was sure he heard his heart skip a beat.

"Sorry it took me a little bit longer than usual but the shower was so tempting" she grinned.

He tried to erase all the mental images of her, naked in the shower, that were blazing in his head "No problem. Your house is nice"

"It's my mother's. Was. I don't even know. Well, I live here so I guess it's more mine than hers" she blushed, knowing that she had just embarrassed herself once more.

He looked at her amused "Did you just ramble?" he teased, knowing not to push the mother issue further. What she had lived the previous night seemed enough stuff on the plate.

"I warned you" she kept a light, teasing tone and he chuckled, deep and low, something that made everything in her head scream to jump him right there in the hallway, who cares about Finn's reaction. _Oh, wait, Finn like the boyfriend?_

They moved to the car and they sat in silence for a while, stealing quick glances when they knew the other was busy looking somewhere else and simply listening to their breaths.

"We are friends, right?" she demanded then "If not this past night would be completely awkward" she blushed adorably

"Yeah, we are" his lips curling up into a smile immediately. He liked being friends with Meredith Grey.

"Okay"

"Okay" he echoed, stopping to add something more.

"What? If we are friends, you can tell me, you know" she smiled softly, the sneaky look not lost.

"You should talk to Finn" he spoke in a low voice, hoping it would get lost with the roar of the engine, but she heard because her smile immediately disappeared and she bit her lip nervously

"Do you think he'll run if I'll tell him I'm not ready?" she looked completely vulnerable as soon as the words left her lips. _Adorable, completely and utterly adorable_.

"If he really loves you, he'll wait" he added a smile for good measure

"Do...Do you think that if we meet today is okay?" she asked shyly again

"Yeah, it's probably the best idea"

"I feel so stupid" she muttered to herself, hoping he wouldn't hear, but he heard, _of course he did_.

"Don't..."

She interrupted before he could add anything "I've never done this before, you know, the relationship thing and I'm not even sure what I have with Finn could be considered a relationship" she sighed

"Why? I mean..." he looked puzzled

"Yeah, he wants to marry me, but he doesn't know me. The real, dark and twisty me that drinks tequila like it's water and wants to spend her day off puking. He thinks he does, but he kept seeing the happy façade I put up for him and,- " she stopped, trying to gather her thoughts, feeling her voice falter "It was just sex for me before and now he wants to get married?" she sighed "And okay, you didn't really need to know that, but anyway..."

He smiled at her innocence and the fact that despite knowing about the tequila encounters, he still liked her the same "It's what friends are for"

"I'm not used to have friends either" she sighed again, looking away at the side of the road

"I was a band geek in high school" he said, amused "and my hair had never seen some kind of product at the time, so -"

His intent to make her laugh worked perfectly "Your hair weren't this perfect?" she kept laughing and he simply joined her.

She couldn't help but giggle for the rest of the ride at the light conversation they made and the sound warmed Derek's heart. She was beautiful, vulnerable and strong at the same time and somehow, he couldn't let her out of his head.

They continued their small talk until they had to part their ways and he headed to his office with a wide smile on his face and deep down a sense of happiness he had never felt before.

Meredith retrieved her old Jeep from the hospital parking lot and drove to the docks, still a bit surprised by how the morning turned out. She didn't mind to arrive there early and watch the boats come and go, it was relaxing and it was easier to think out there. There was the lulling sound of the water and the constant hum of voices in the background that kept her calm. She needed to do a lot of thinking after the last events.

She decided in the end to call Finn and ask when they could meet.

"Hello" his calm voice reached her ear at the third ring

"Hey Finn, it's me"

"Meredith" he simply replied, a little taken aback by the voice on the other side

"I'm sorry about yesterday night. Can we meet up today and talk, maybe?"

"No problem, we can meet for lunch at the usual diner across the street of my practice, is that okay?"

"Perfect. See you later, Finn"

"Bye, Meredith. I love you" he whispered and her heart sank when she realized she couldn't say it back, so she just hung up.

When she looked up she saw Derek holding Eden's hand while he was talking to a perfectly dressed, all leggy woman with the same red hair Eden had, her clothes fitting perfectly her stunning body and she was sure she was his ex-wife. _His __freaking gorgeous ex-wife_.

Eden looked somehow uncomfortable between the two of them, but she remained glued to her father's side, twirling around his body in some kind of game only the imagination of a child could invent. Her face brightened considerably when their eyes met from a distance and she was about to wave when Meredith put a finger on her lips to keep her presence a little more secret. She didn't wanted to be a trouble for Derek after all that he had done for her. Eden smiled widely, but she mimicked her gesture and kept dancing alone on the dock, holding Derek's hand.

The woman walked away angry and Derek simply sighed but, as soon as their eyes met, he smiled brightly again and Eden wriggled out of his grasp to ran towards her.

"Hi Meri!" she said almost breathless when she was standing a few feet from her, smiling widely. Being completely honest with herself, she loved the nickname the girl had developed in the few weeks they had the chance to get to know each other.

"Hey Eden, what are you doing here?" she asked happily, fully realizing how much the presence of the little girl brightened her day. They met a couple more times since they bumped into each other and she was a really adorable little girl.

"I spent some time with Mommy and now I'm back with Daddy" she explained

"Did you had fun?"

Eden eyed Meredith strangely "Not really, she had to work lots"

"Daddy worked a lot too when you were away"

She saw him approach her with a calm, relaxed stride and she couldn't help but smile.

"I can stay in his office and make pictures when he writes stuff. Mommy doesn't want to" she sighed, a sad expression settling on her face for a moment

"Oh, I guess she was really busy, then"

Meredith tried to comfort the girl, who completely ignored her "I made a picture for ya!" she shrieked happily, then she turned to face Derek, that was practically arrived where they stood "Daddy" she called "Where's my bag?"

He simply glanced at her and held a little higher her pink, sparkly backpack "Right here, Ladybug"

"I got a picture for Meri" she told again to Derek and his eyes lightened up

"Why don't we let Meri have breakfast with us so you can show her your picture?" he asked and Eden nodded eagerly.

"Can I have pizza?" Eden bounced on her spot, pleading Derek with the softest, most convincing eyes and Meredith couldn't hide an amused smile. "Meri likes pizza for breakfast" she added, trying to emphasize the fact that he was the one that had to bend his will.

"All right, pizza it is" he sighed, but at the same time he was amused that Eden and Meredith had already bonded so easily. Secretly he couldn't wait for the moment she'll realize it as well.

They walked quietly on the docks, glancing at each other over Eden's small frame and they both smiled widely when the girl held out her hands and they both grabbed it at the same time.

For a moment, Meredith felt free, like nothing bothered her anymore and she was just there. Happy. But she knew that she had to talk to Finn and that this day wasn't going to end as good as it had begun and especially not in Derek Shepherd's arms. She shrugged the thought and she focused on Eden who was jumping happily between the two of them while they lifted her up high and she pretended she was flying; for a moment longer, Meredith felt herself flying as well.

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><p><strong>AN: The cheesiest end possible. I'm sorry, I had a long day, exams reduce your brain to mush. <strong>

**I hope you'll be around for the next chapter after this wave of cheesiness (I don't even know if the last word I used exists but I'm too lazy to look that up). English is not my mother language, forgive me. **

**Next update will be up...soonish ;)**


	5. Peacetime Resistance

**Hi readers! Half of my exam needs to be done but I'm here freaking alone on a Saturday night -yeah, I know, I don't have any kind of life since I've been studying for exams- so I decided to update the story.**

**Peacetime Resistance is a song by Kings of Convenience and I was finally able to properly use one of their songs. It's not their best song, but I love the whole album Declaration of Dependence. Okay, I love every album of the Norwegian duo. I thought it fit the situation Mer is in. You'll see when you read. **

**This chapter is halfway between being a real chapter or a filler. It's shorter than usual, I know, I hope you won't mind. Longer chapters will come with time, I promise.**

**I'm stopping here, just enjoy this update!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 5 – Peacetime Resistance<strong>

Meredith practically dragged herself in the diner in front of Finn's practice. She had spent a wonderful morning with Eden and Derek and she wanted nothing but enjoy that happiness a little longer.

She felt again the bad hangover of the previous night as soon as she sat on the soft chair, waiting for Finn. The diner was nice, she had always liked the place from the first time they began having lunch there. They used to have fun together, to laugh and smile all the time, in that moment she felt capable of fighting only.

Finn waltzed in full of energy, despite spending his whole morning at work and that was one of the main causes Cristina never considered him a real doctor. Real doctors collapse at midday she argued, and sometimes Meredith wished he could understand that she was beyond tired too instead of dragging her around the city for the umpteenth date.

"Hey" she greeted softly, managing a smile but barely lifting up her gaze to meet his, she was ready to see the hurt and the despair in his gaze and she needed to do her thing before crumbling in pieces.

He plopped down the chair across hers mirroring her expression but with strangely much more enthusiasm "Hi Meredith" he apparently had no idea of what she wanted to do. His hand brushed her arm lovingly, but she felt even worse, instead of feeling comforted by the kind gesture.

"I'm sorry about last night. I freaked out" she admitted immediately, almost in a whisper.

"I am sorry. It's soon, I know" he smiled widely and Meredith just wanted everything to be over, she wished she had not had a crappy childhood and that somehow she could be able to commit with such a wonderful man. It felt wrong on so many levels accepting his marriage proposal and she knew she couldn't stay with a man who was waiting for the right moment to pop again the question when she had no intention of saying yes.

"I'm not ready for that step yet" she simply replied and he watched his face pale at her words. She knew it had to happen and still, she felt a little bit bad for him. "I'm sorry I mislead you" she added, the feeling of guilt she had waited from the moment he sat in front of her creeping in.

"It's fine, Meredith, I can wait" he said surely and it scared her. _He clearly didn't understand_.

"Fine" she echoed his word, feeling a small burden lifted off her shoulders but somehow, the biggest part lingered there. She had to say they were broken, but she couldn't bring herself to do so, so she kept talking about nonsense, like they used to do before. She wanted to break things off with him but somehow, knowing that at the end of the day she had someone was so oddly comforting that it was hard for her to give up on that. It was wrong, she knew it, but she just couldn't do it.

The conversation kept flowing quietly, she asked him about his animals and he asked her about her day off and she actually didn't lied when she said that she spent her morning with a colleague and his daughter, she just said that they casually met at the docks.

"Why were you at the docks?" he asked, puzzled

She smiled slightly at his question. He apparently trusted her completely "You know, I like to go there to think, it's quiet" she shrugged

"Oh, I didn't know that"

You don't know many things she wanted to say, but she simply smiled back and ate some more of her lunch, not enjoying it like she used to do before.

When they walked out, she knew that they weren't okay in their fake relationship, but she pretended to be. She let him kiss her and she even kissed him back, but she pulled away a little too soon for his likings and she knew it. He didn't complained, though.

He just smiled, like every single time. _He was too freaking smiley_.

She went home almost in a daze, still trying to figure out how to say to Finn that he needed to back off, but she didn't have the courage to do so. She decided to wait for something, anything that could prompt her to break up with the vet because that's what she felt like doing.

She walked past the foyer, hanging up her coat, and a fit of childlike giggles welcomed her. A smile tugged immediately on her lips: Derek was still home. He decided to wait for her at her place because Eden wanted to spend some more time with Meredith and he couldn't wait to do the same as well.

She peeked in the living room and she saw the TV on and Derek tickling mercilessly Eden on the couch, both of them too engrossed in their games to pay attention to the cartoons. She was squirming and wriggling in his arms, but she seemed unable to let go of him while she laughed happily. And God knows how much Meredith needed happy in that moment.

"Help me Meri!" Eden squealed as soon as she spotted her at the door and Derek turned immediately to her, flashing a perfect McDreamy smile. _She was going to melt before dinner if he kept smiling like that_.

She walked towards them and tried to grab Eden from his grasp with the result of being tickled herself till she couldn't breathe and they were lying on the soft carpet on the floor, unable to stop laughing. He was on top of her, Eden nestled between them, but somehow, they were closer like never before. She could see every line on his face and noticed for the first time how blue his eyes actually were, while Derek realized that up close, Meredith had tiny, almost invisible freckles that maybe the sun of the last few days had accentuated. The moment ended when Eden wriggled out of her father's grasp and they just rolled one beside the other, staring at the ceiling and breathing heavily for both the laughing and the tickling.

Meredith had needed that, at least some of the bad mood she had accumulated during lunch had dissipated and she wanted to thank Derek and Eden for that. Somehow she felt always at ease with them, despite she had never been around kids and he was insanely hot to be only a neurosurgeon, especially after the last close scrutiny.

Derek left Eden on the couch, watching the cartoons she had momentarily forgotten because of the tickling and went in the kitchen, glancing to Meredith in a way that meant he wanted her to follow.

She silently sat at the kitchen table while he remained perched on the island stool, watching her with a soft smile and offering her a glass of juice.

"How did it go?" he asked, out of the blue and she immediately wondered how could he understand that she had been seeing Finn. She had said she had to run an errand, not that she was seeing her kind of boyfriend.

"What do you mean?" she played dumb, in the hope of taking a little more out of his psychic abilities.

"You told me you were going to talk to Finn and you came home from your errand with a face that looked exactly the one Eden had when we told her she couldn't keep the kitty she found near the trashcan." he smirked, so sure of himself and somehow she wanted to hit him for his ability of reading her like an open book. She felt always raw and completely at his mercy when he looked at her like that.

"You guessed right. If I looked like that, how do you think it went?" she managed a small smile, but it faded immediately. She kept herself busy with the juice, a reason more to avoid his stare.

"Did he yelled?"

"He was...calm" she replied, still surprised by his reaction "I can't just..." she stopped "He's a great guy and I'm not a great girlfriend" she sighed, looking away

"What did he said?"

"He'd wait. He said he'd wait for me as long as I want," _and it scares me to death_. "You know, if I'll ever be ready for commitment" she sighed, sadly and he glanced at her with a smile that looked just as sad as she was feeling.

"You'll get there, Mer" he reassured and the shortening of her name sounded so familiar and yet so foreign that she simply smiled. She had expected him to go along with Eden's Meri, but she liked his version of her name quite as much. It felt like they knew each other from a lifetime, not merely a month.

"We want different things out of life, Der" she tried out his name and it sounded perfect as well. She saw him smiling at the confidence she had.

"It's not always a bad thing"

"Did you and Addison wanted the same things when you decided to get married?" she asked, curious because he had been there and he had been unhappy, so she wanted to do better.

He swallowed, looking for words and for a moment she regretted asking, but then he spoke "At some point, around Med School when we met, we probably did. After a few years of marriage everything became routine, then I remained with her for Eden's sake only" he admitted but he looked far better than the last time they had mentioned his ex-wife and she knew he had probably accepted the cheating and the whole end of his marriage.

"What should I do?" her tone sounded almost pleading and Derek wanted to do anything to give her answers. Or pull her in a tight hug and never let go of her petite body.

"Do what you think is best" he smiled softly, trying to ease a little bit of the confusion she had in her head.

"Even break up with him, the great, funny guy?" she sighed, almost defeated

"Even that" his lips formed a reassuring smirk

"You know" she said, smirking back, moving away from the heavy conversation "I missed out on not having you around for the past twenty-eight years of my life" she blushed at her bluntness then

"Now who's feeding my ego?" he joked and somehow they were laughing together again.

She felt good around Derek Shepherd and she couldn't deny it. He understands her and he is able to read every thought in her head and, even if she hates it, somehow she also loves it and it makes things way easier than how they are with Finn. Maybe having Derek as a friend will make more good than damage.

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><p><strong>AN: So, our Mer is kind of stuck and she can't just dump Finn. I know you are angry that he's still around, I'm not very fond of him either. He'll disappear sometime soon, it's not a Meredith-Finn story after all ;)<strong>

**Despite Meredith chickening out, I hope you liked the chapter. Well, Derek is practically welcome in the house and they are already very good friends. I hope it doesn't seem too rushed, just say the word instead.**

**Thanks for all the silent readers, the reviewers and the subscribers, I'm still flattered from the feedback this story gets. Thank you, seriously!**


	6. Put Your Hands Into The Fire

**Hey readers! You are growing like crazy out there, I get any chapters even more readers. I'm so happy you are enjoying the story so far.**

**Other than you all people who read and review or put my story on alert, I have to give a special thanks to sparkxx for offering to do a Beta for this story. I'm sure you have noticed many errors and that's my way to try to fix this problem. Selfishly speaking, I need that too. So, thanks again!**

**Back to the chapter, the song had been used already in one of my stories, maybe Soft Shock, anywayy it's Into The Fire by Thirteen Senses. It's on Grey's, episode 1x01 and I was smitten when it came up. So, I'm reusing songs, I'm that bad, who read the other stories knows that already ;)**

**I'm done now, I'll let you enjoy the chapter. Yikes, it's chapter 6 already!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 6 – Put Your Hands Into The Fire<strong>

Meredith was tired. Every bone in her body ached and she wanted nothing more than to curl up and sleep until morning. Except that she was on call and even if the night so far had been normally busy, she knew that she wasn't going to sleep anytime soon.

She found herself lingering outside an on-call room trying to decide if she was going to succumb to sleep-deprivation or she was going to be the hardcore surgical resident a little bit more.

Her thoughts were interrupted when the door flung open and the dark, disheveled curls of Derek Shepherd emerged from the room. Her eyes widened and she felt herself blushing, clearly caught with the hands in the cookie jar or whatever.

He glanced at her amused, his eyes tired, but the smile more than real

"Hey, what are you doing here?"

"Uh, I was... you know" she stammered.

"Meredith" his voice was soft, it sounded almost taken out of a beautiful dream. After that thought she knew she was beyond exhausted.

"Okay, I'm freaking tired and I'm on call. And I need to be an hardcore surgeon because the Chief is picking Chief Resident soon and I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep" she sighed and he cocked his head on the side, clearly amused by her sincere ramble.

"There's a free bunk there, tell people Dr. Shepherd wanted you to watch his daughter sleep" he smirked.

She looked at him puzzled, frowning "Eden is here?"

"Yeah, I'm on call and I still haven't found an overnight babysitter. Besides we have some trouble with the heater at the trailer, and I don't know when I'll have time to fix it" he replied softly and Meredith remained mesmerized by his eyes.

"I'll do as you order, Dr. Shepherd" she smiled back, opening quietly the door and revealing the small frame of Eden's body laying curled up under the sheets.

"Get some sleep, Dr. Grey" he grinned and she simply shut the door quietly behind her back, finding her way in the utter darkness until her eyes adapted to the dim moonlight in the room.

She lied on the bed opposite to Eden's and for a moment, she watched the little girl sleep. She was peacefully laying there, not a line of worry on her face; she seemed quite happy of being there with her father, the smallest hint of a smile on her lips. She was probably having a good dream.

Meredith's eyes slowly closed and in a moment she was sleeping quietly, all the worries of her day lulled by Eden's even breaths.

Somewhere in the middle of the night she felt something poking her arm and her doctor's senses immediately woke up.

"I'm awake" she jumped in bed, but saw only Eden flinching at her side of the bed.

"Hey, sorry sweetie, I thought I needed to be up for work" she whispered, trying to calm Eden.

"Meri" she whispered in a small voice and Meredith felt immediately protective over her "Where's Daddy?"

"Daddy got paged and he's working" she kept her voice calm while the little girl kept standing in front of her awkwardly "What is it?"

"Do you ever have bad dreams?" Eden whispered in a scared voice.

Meredith's eyes softened "Of course. You woke up because you had one?"

Eden nodded emphatically "It was very scary Meri"

"Are you still scared?"

The little girl nodded again "A little bit"

"You want me to keep you company some more?" despite the crushing tiredness, she couldn't bear to see Eden so scared and helpless, she had grown attached to the girl in the few occasions they had spent time together.

"Can you wait until Daddy comes back?"

"Sure, jump here, we can sit together" she smiled widely and Eden immediately took the offer, literally jumping next to Meredith.

She settled her cheek on Meredith's thigh and she reflexively began brushing her wavy hair, trying to calm her and get her back to sleep.

"I'm kinda sleepy, Meri" Eden finally whispered, the sound of her voice muffled inside Meredith's scrubs.

"Close your eyes, I'll be right here until Daddy comes back. I promise."

"Okay" she mumbled, her eyelids closing almost on command while Meredith kept brushing her hair softly, her own eyes closing as well, despite the sitting position, the tiredness having the best of her.

Derek walked in on a scene he was sure it will never be erased from his memories. Meredith was half-sitting, half-laying on the bed opposite the one he had left Eden in, but his daughter wasn't sleeping there anymore, she was comfortably laying across Meredith's lap, her head on her thigh while Meredith's hand rested protectively over her head, almost as if she was brushing her hair and probably trying to calm her down.

Eden must have gotten up and got scared when she didn't found him there and, all of a sudden, he was glad that the heater in his trailer stopped working properly leaving them in the cold in the middle of nowhere.

He tried to muffle the sound of the clicking door but the hyper-vigilant senses of a doctor on call made Meredith open groggily her eyes.

"What is it?" she mumbled, stretching her arms a little and massaging the knots in her neck, one hand still resting protectively over Eden. "Did I miss a page?"

"It's just me, go back to sleep" Derek whispered and it felt like something so familiar and yet so new to say that he couldn't help but smile. He had said it hundreds of times to Addison when he came back late from work but somehow this time it felt different.

"Der" she mumbled, but before she could add anything, she was sleeping again and he couldn't help the smile that curled up his lips.

He took Eden in his arms and the child barely noticed his presence, simply locking her arms around his neck and leaning her head on his shoulder. He kissed the top of her head before he looked at Meredith again.

A few rays of moonlight peeked from the blinds and she seemed almost unreal. Her body was finally laying but curled in an unnatural position even if she looked peacefully relaxed, a small smile on her lips and a lock of her dark blond hair falling graciously from her messy ponytail. He moved closer, and pulled the tresses back, finally touching the smooth skin of her forehead.

"Thank you" he whispered and he heard her mumble something in response, before she snuggled to the pillow.

He covered her with the thin sheet before he could lay on the other bed, Eden gently pressed to his chest while he kept looking at Meredith. He couldn't tear his eyes off her so, despite being beyond tired, he kept looking and listening to her even breaths, lulling him in some kind of light snooze until her breathing pattern changed and became a soft snore.

He couldn't help but chuckle at how such a big noise could come from such a tiny person, but considering how much she could eat, nothing about her surprised him anymore. Eden didn't even stirred when Meredith began snoring and clearly she hadn't inherited his father's light sleep.

Derek kept smiling at how those two girls got along perfectly all the moments they had spent together and he finally fell asleep, dreaming about a big family and a house on his land, his slumber lulled by the soft snores of his new-found best friend and the even breaths of his daughter.

"Derek" he heard his name mumbled softly in the darkness.

"Hey Meredith" he whispered back, recognizing the voice everywhere and turning to search her face in the darkness. Their eyes met and somehow he just wanted to jump out of the bed and wrap her in his arms just like he was doing with Eden.

"I have a free guest room at home, you can use it whenever you want. It's close to the hospital and you can leave Eden there when you are on call, there's somebody home most of the time and we'll be glad to keep an eye on her. Cristina might want in for your next surgery, but she'll come around" he saw her grinning "I live with Stevens, O'Malley and Karev and most of the time my sister Lexie sleeps in the attic or Yang is in the guest room. You are very welcome to stay with us when you need it, it's a busy house, as you noticed" she smiled warmly, her eyes barely open, remaining quiet while he valued pros and cons of her offer.

In fact, he couldn't find any cons, except the fact that he had to share the place with someone else but he was sure that Eden was going to love it.

"Seriously?" he questioned, unable to keep himself from saying the overused term that everybody at Seattle Grace seemed to love.

"See, you're already fitting in" she could see her smirk from the other bed and he chuckled silently.

"Thank you Meredith" he replied sincerely.

"That's what friends do" But somehow for Derek, sharing a room in Meredith's house seemed much more "When does your shift ends?".

"At seven, I'm off for the rest of the day, why?".

"Well, I'm off at about the same time, you might come over and consider the offer. I have amazing coffee to share" she bribed, but she knew she didn't need much effort to have him say yes.

"I think I'll bring Eden with me, then we can go to the park or something, leaving you alone so you can catch up with some sleep. I see she had bothered you tonight".

"No bothering, she had a nightmare and it was dark, I'm glad I was there to help. Believe me nightmares can be really scary when nobody's around" she shrugged but he remained quiet. Clearly the subject was something that bothered her and he didn't want to be too nosy. Instead she continued "My mother was a surgeon too, you guessed that I think, and I spent many nights alone in the dark after my father left when I was five. My nightmares never got better".

Somehow he wanted to close the distance between them and hug her tightly, making her forget her crappy childhood memories, seeing her so vulnerable made him want to protect her more than anything, something he had felt only for his daughter so far and even that was different. He just wanted to be there for her. "I'm sorry" he said, but it didn't seemed enough.

"It's fine, I'm glad Eden will never experience something like that".

"I'll make sure she won't" he promised serious.

Their gazes locked and he saw million things in her eyes, more than she usually displayed and he couldn't help but smile at her because she was perfect all the time, even with so little sleep in a dim-lighted on call room.

She felt her lips curl into a smile as soon as Derek locked his eyes with hers and somehow, she couldn't look away, the intensity of his gaze keeping her there, calm and quiet while she just wanted to scream a few moments before.

Her life sucked; Finn wasn't backing away like she hoped after his failed proposal and instead, he was even more adamant to bring her out to dinner and spend time with her. And she couldn't say no to him when he asked nicely, because she was out of reasons to ditch him and somehow she liked spending time with him.

Not as much as she liked surgery, but he was good company. Lately though, she enjoyed more than anything else the time she spent with Derek and Eden; that little girl was simply amazing and she made her regret every single thing her mother did.

Derek stunned her, because he was raising his daughter alone and he was doing a pretty good job. He was charming and sexy and perfect all the time and made her feel safe. More than anything else, Derek Shepherd was a safe man, except his stares, because when they locked eyes she could forget everything and she could have easily jumped him in the middle of the hospital when he looked at her like he was doing right in this moment.

When there were people around it was easier to be distracted but with him just a few inches away and the practically dark room, she had to wait for him to fall asleep again before she could easily walk out. But she was still with Finn and they were friends.

She waited, pretending to be asleep, until she felt his breaths become calm and regular and his arms relaxed their hold around Eden. She walked closer and brushed Eden's wavy hair once more, then she did the same on Derek's, more out of temptation than anything else, the desire to run her fingers through his thick curls something that had been persistent from the first moment they met. _And damn, they felt even better than she expected!._

Her pager vibrated at her hip and she knew that without its incentive, she would have stayed there the whole night, running her fingers through his hair and simply being.

She reluctantly closed the door behind her back and ran to the pit, hoping to find something so freaking great to make her forget everything about her messy life and Derek Shepherd's perfect hair.

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><p><strong>AN: So...This was some kind of filler. I know you all people want her to break up with Finn, but it's not time yet. She had just realized that Derek's hair are great, leave her be. She'll find the right time to break up with the vet.<strong>

**She's in the run for Chief Resident and she can't (or won't) go home, except that now she might find Derek here. if you would bre friends with him you would have said the same thing, right? ;)**

**Well, you put up with me long enough, thanks for reading, I'll upload sometime in this week, Sunday tops. I'm not promising, but I'm suggesting you guys to check the story out before Sunday.**


	7. Did You Fall For A Shooting Star?

**Sorry about the delay, I had been really busy revising notes and pretending to study. Tomorrow I have the last part of my exam and I needed to relax a bit so I decided to upload a new chapter. I just needed to take my mind of things for a moment.**

**The title is from Drops Of Jupiter by Train. I'm sure you have already heard it somewhere, sometime. **

**I'll let you enjoy the chapter in peace!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 7 – Did You Fall For A Shooting Star?<strong>

In the following weeks, Meredith did what she could do better than anyone else: she avoided. She buried herself in work, practically living in the hospital, and she kept herself busy more than she has ever did. Her mother taught her that surgery could easily made you forget about your own daughter, so she was sure she could forget about Finn while she was in the OR, _right?_

He had been perfect. Every freaking day, he had called her, he had made plans and she had crashed it. If they had to go out to dinner, she looked everywhere for a surgery to scrub in into; if they met for lunch at the hospital, she usually carried a stack of charts to pretend that she was busy, he even arrived early for coffee but at those weird hours of the morning she didn't had to pretend she wasn't interested in having him around.

She liked that he cared and he was still in the game despite her subtle rejection, the problem was that she wasn't in with him anymore and she didn't know how to tell him. But she felt guilty.

Guilt has always been something she had learned to live with, probably since she was old enough to understand that her mother had never wanted to have much to do with her and she probably didn't get rid of her because of Thatcher in the first place, but, guilt was her hot-shot feeling, so she grew up being able to hide it behind a tall and thick wall before somebody could question her too much about it.

She strangely climbed downstairs from her bedroom after spending one night at home, forced away by the Chief in person, and even more strangely, she smelled coffee. Alex and Cristina were too lazy to wake up and made coffee, the others were on call so she wondered for a moment if the last girl Alex picked up at Joe's was kind enough to make coffee for everybody.

When she stepped in the kitchen though, she saw no other than Derek Shepherd, a half-empty mug in his right hand while he easily flipped a pancake. _And damn, he looked good first thing in the morning_. His hair wasn't mussed as usual, the comfortable jeans and the indigo sweater perfectly shaped around his toned body while he juggled with his breakfast, the light blue shirt peeking just beneath the hem of the sweater, giving him a ruffled appearance that she could never get tired of. Ever.

"Meri!" she heard from the kitchen table, before she felt two little arms wrap around her middle and two feet crawl over her own. After the initial daze, she scooped up Eden properly and the girl kissed soundly her cheek. She couldn't help but laugh. She had been so busy working that somehow they haven't seen each other much in the past weeks and Meredith had to admit, she had missed the girl a little.

"'Morning Eden" she finally said, happily.

Derek turned around to place the pancake in Eden's plate and then he looked up, meeting her eyes. She remained stuck there, both of them simply looking at each other quietly despite the hundreds of questions that were buzzing in her head.

"Hey" he whispered softly, almost like he needed time to catch his breath "Want some pancakes?"

She grinned "I must keep you around in the mornings" she said without thinking and she felt the heat rise on her cheeks. He smiled in his McDreamy way and she couldn't help but feel like the most beautiful woman on earth when he looked at her like that.

"I'll keep that in mind" he smirked back.

"Meri, I really want to eat my blueberry pancakes" retorted Eden in her arms, clearly annoyed by the stares and the breathless talk while her father still kept her plate hostage.

Meredith was finally able to break the bubble between her and Derek and put down Eden, moving closer to grab a mug of coffee herself. Grabbing a coffee though, meant moving closer to Derek and in the middle of her attempts to ignore him, their arms touched, and she felt like the whole world was stopping. She had to gather her whole strength to not spill the whole pot of coffee out of her mug. _Jeez, he was distracting..._

"So, you finally got out of the hospital" he grinned, his eyes burned in hers and she couldn't stand the stare anymore, so she walked to the table and sat across Eden who was watching them carefully and definitely frowning, annoyed.

"The Chief literally kicked me out" she admitted, smiling back but fixing her gaze on the table "How long you two have been staying here?"

"We crashed here yesterday night, we missed the last ferry and I thought it could be the better solution. Thanks for telling me where the spare key is or Karev would have wanted my head if I rang the doorbell at that hour" he chuckled and she knew there was some truth in his statement.

"I think I arrived later because I never heard you coming" she mumbled

"Oh, no, you were sleeping like a hog when we got here" he smirked, glancing in understanding at Eden who smiled widely.

"Yep, you snore pretty loud" added Eden, chewing innocently her pancake.

Meredith's eyes widened and she blushed more.

"I do not!" she yelped, completely and utterly embarrassed

He grinned at her innocence "Yes, you do"

"I do not" she repeated, more firmly this time and Eden began laughing.

"Oh, you do, McDreamy is right, I had some trouble sleeping in the room next to yours sometimes, that's why we left it empty" Cristina waltzed in the room yawning and immediately grabbed her own mug of coffee while Meredith buried her face in her hands and Derek simply chuckled with Eden.

"You have to thank me I'd never tell him about the noises when McVet comes over" Cristina whispered in Meredith's ear, winning a sound slap on her forearm

"Hey, don't hit people when children can witness!"

"Children get that people are annoying sometimes, right Eden?" Meredith flashed a smile to Eden and she simply nodded, her own smile in clear display.

"You know, they are both right, you were snoring pretty loudly last night" Derek poked her again, enjoying too much how beautiful she was when she was a bit upset.

"I'm gonna hit you too if you don't shut up" she glared at him while he sat next to Eden and in front of her but he simply smiled back, too busy taking in her beautiful appearance to pretend to be mad at her.

Meredith kept glaring at both the adults for her whole breakfast before sharing a ride to the hospital with Cristina.

"What's going on between you and McDreamy?" she immediately questioned as soon as they got in the car.

"What do you mean?"

"Why you act like the perfect little family with him?"

"We don't..." Meredith remained silent for a second, thinking about the truth in Cristina's statement "We are friends, he needed a place to stay because seriously, he lives in the middle of nowhere in a trailer, there can be bears and deer and his heater was broken and I wanted to be a good friend"

"Okay, I can't deal with you rambling in the morning" she cut Meredith off

"Cristina, the point is; we are friends"

"What's with the lovey-dovey eyes over pancakes, then?"

Meredith sighed. There couldn't be anything more. Her life was complicated enough without the remote possibility that she could like him. She needed him to remain her friend. _Her very hot, McDreamy friend_.

"It's nothing, okay. My life is messy enough as it is. I'm with Finn"

"You mean, you keep ditching Finn because he thinks you are already engaged and wants to do every kind of stupid things people in love like to do" Cristina raised her eyebrows in a mock gesture.

"I still am with Finn. I'm never going to marry him, but I'm with him."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard from you Meredith Grey and believe me, you can be quite entertaining when you're drunk"

"Whatever Cristina" she hissed, hoping that her friend would let go and luckily she did, continuing the rest of the ride in an awkward silence.

As soon as she walked in the lobby, Finn was waiting for her, sitting in the waiting room with two coffees in his hands. She groaned at the sight and Cristina sent her a glare before she walked in the opposite direction.

He stepped next to her and handed her one of the cups "Hey Meredith" he greeted happily "I hope you won't mind if I brought you coffee"

"Finn, thank you but I have to go" she quickly dismissed, knowing that he wasn't going to back out so easily even though the coffee magically ended in her hand.

"Meredith" he cornered her "I know I said marriage and you said not yet, this doesn't mean we can't be together anymore."

"Finn, please"

"I can wait. I still have plans with you"

"My only plan is to get through today, okay? Stop bringing me coffee, stop asking me out, just go home Finn" her voice rose, but became a hiss at the end of her outburst, when she simply gave him back his coffee and ran away.

Finn simply stood there dumbfounded while he watched her disappear round the corner, the two cups of coffee suddenly heavy in his hands.

She ran to nowhere, trying not to cry, until she spotted a closed door and hid there, knowing that it was a supply closet. She leaned against the wall and slowly slid to the ground, before she began sobbing, her whole life just that huge big mess she didn't know how to sort out anymore: Finn was still there, her mother still had Alzheimer, Derek was everyday more dreamy and she couldn't breathe any longer without the clear feeling that she was messing her life every time she moved a finger.

She heard the door open and she quickly dried her tears and stood up, hoping that nobody had seen her crying, but as soon as she looked up from the floor, she found Derek standing there with a concerned expression on his face, his eyes filled with worry. And she wasn't in the right state of mind to look into those eyes and not break down more, so she turned to the wall. She simply kept crying, hoping that he would go away.

But he kept standing there, stoic and unwavering, blocking her escape.

"Leave me alone, Derek" she managed to croak, turning her back to him

"Meredith" he put his hand softly on her shoulder

"Leave me alone, please, I need to be alone" she sobbed and he felt her shaking under his touch.

"I can't leave you like this. What happened, Mer?" he gently turned her around, staring at her gray-green eyes filled with tears and he just needed her to smile again or at least tell him why she was crying.

"I'm fine" she repeated once again, but her voice betrayed her

"You're not fine" he kept staring into her eyes and saw something changing there, something deep and almost scary.

"Okay, I'm not alright, are you happy now? Leave me the hell alone, Derek!" she yelled right in his face, but he seemed untouched

"I'm not leaving" he replied, his voice calm and steady

"Get the hell out, you're everywhere, all the time! I woke up and you are there making pancakes, I'm in surgery and you are freaking there because it's you job, I walk and you are there, I can't even cry in a freaking clos-..."

She didn't have the time to finish yelling at him that somehow she found her body in his arms and his lips were on hers.

He needed some time to get her to respond to his kiss but when she did, he couldn't imagine anything more perfect. She was angry and aggressive, but the kiss was simply perfect. Their tongues fought and she kept nibbling and tasting him, somehow taking the lead in what he had started, pressing him against the closed door. When they pulled away for air, their eyes locked and he found a million of emotions hidden there. She leaned in and kissed him again, this time more softly but not a little less urgently than before.

He couldn't breathe, couldn't think; he was kissing Meredith and he was sure no kiss could be compared to that. Her hands were in his hair while his hips ground into hers. Her curves were perfect under his touch and he couldn't help himself to sneak his hands under her tank top and feel her smooth skin under his fingertips.

She moaned in his mouth so he went up her back while her hands moved from his chest down to the waistband of his scrubs.

"Meredith" he groaned, every other thought in his brain completely erased by her perfect hands slowly tracing his abdomen down to his navel, until she stopped and pulled away.

She looked at him breathless and her perfect green eyes, grayer than he had ever seen, filled with more unshed tears.

"I have to go" she whispered and, as unexpectedly as how she pulled away from him, she was out of the room, leaving a whiff of lavender behind her and nothing more, the world suddenly a colder place without her in his arms.

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><p><strong>AN: I know everybody was waiting for this from chapter 1, I know you readers. Jeez, I was waiting for this! <strong>

**Meredith has a few things to sort out in the next chapters, don't you think? I know I left Derek alone in a closet, the shock will wear off, I promise. Hang there and thank you so much for reading and all you guys who reviewed the revious chapters. I'm still stunned by the number of alerts this story is recieving.**

**I'll try to update as soon as I can!**


	8. Suddenly I See

**My exam is done! After some partying that will be done this week, I'll seriously finish this story. I need to write some more before I'll update again, I've been all for editing or fixing lately.**

**Suddenly I See is a song by KT Tunstall and I have to thank my Beta sparkxx for the help with the title, I always end up with more titles for the same chapter and in this case I had a harder time than usual deciding. **

**I hope you'll like this chapter, I really do. All I'm saying is that things are getting heated...Enjoy the chapter!**

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><p><strong> Chapter 8 – Suddenly I See<strong>

The rest of her day passed in a blur from the moment Meredith bolted out of the closet. She was lucky nobody had been in the locker room so she had some time to recompose herself. When she looked at herself in the mirror, she hardly recognized the usual Meredith Grey and she was sure it wasn't a good thing.

She gathered her interns and mechanically began her rounds and she was extremely grateful she had been assigned to Arizona Robbins for the day. Kids always brightened her mood, even when they were sick.

When she finally sat to eat her lunch she found herself thinking about Eden and wondering what it would feel like someday to have a kid on her own, having the responsibility of the most perfect creature in the world and yet, loving every second of it.

Except that she knew that she was going to screw up things at some point and so she quickly dismissed the idea. If she was a mother like she was a girlfriend or fake-fiancée her future kid was going to be screwed even before birth.

"Why are you attacking the fries like they are your worst enemy?" the snapping remark of Cristina jolted her out of her thoughts

"Just thinking" she avoided

"About?" Cristina questioned

"Stupid things" It was the best excuse she could come up with

"Was Finn's coffee good this morning?" Cristina's mocking smirk won a glare from Meredith.

"I gave it back"

"Oh my God, you are growing a spine!" Cristina's eyes widened mockingly "Did you tell him off? Yell?" she looked almost excited about it.

"I ran and hid in a closet" she whispered and Cristina simply narrowed her eyebrows in extreme disapproval. Meredith sighed loudly and Cristina kept looking at her strangely, almost as if she was looking for something else.

Meredith looked up and saw Derek entering the cafeteria in all his glory and somehow he looked even more handsome than he did in the closet. She couldn't breathe when their eyes met again and she was sure he was undressing her in the middle of the crowded place.

"Oh, you're staring at McDreamy again now? Wasn't breakfast enough?" Cristina asked, but Meredith never answered. She simply saw tears forming in Meredith's eyes and her friend standing up with the rest of her fries and slowly walking out, like nobody would understand that she was avoiding Derek.

Cristina quickly caught up with her and she was still fighting tears even if she was in the middle of the hallway.

She dragged her in the first closet on their way and she slammed the door.

"Meredith" she pressed but she simply saw her friend looking blankly at some point above her shoulder, her eyes shining with tears.

"I kissed Derek" she finally whispered, her voice barely audible

"When?"

"This morning, in the closet" she admitted, biting her lip "He kissed me, but I kissed him back and God, it was such a good kiss, Cristina" she finally looked in her eyes "Am I a bad person?"

"Why? Because he's your boss or because you are still pretending to be with Finn?" Cristina knew she had been a little harsh, but she wanted her friend to figure out her life.

"God, he's my boss too" Meredith banged her head on the wall and in a moment it was like a dam broke and all the tears she managed to keep there all this long began slowly striding down her cheeks, creating well-defined paths.

She was quiet, neither a muffled sigh, she was simply crying while she looked at Cristina, who stood there and waited for her friend to finally understand things. She knew this was the breaking point and she feared her next decision would be wrong. Finn was the good guy, everybody saw that, but she didn't loved him.

Shepherd was hot, but he was trouble from every point of view you looked at him. But Meredith was happy with him.

"What did I do?" Meredith whispered, her voice almost broken, probably talking more to herself than to Cristina.

"You have a decision to make, Meredith. No more avoiding. You can go back to one-night-stands you know?"

"When you came I was thinking about kids. A whole morning with the tiny humans and I was thinking about my future tiny human, Cristina! Actually how much they'll be screwed up but anyway, children!"

"Like multiples? I'd say no more one-night-stands, then"

"I'm serious, Cristina"

"So am I. You know what you have to do"

"No I don't"

"You do"

"Just tell me" she groaned her plea

"I can't tell you, but I have to say that if you want to be friends with Shepherd it's fine, you can be with him and it will be fine too but you can't keep fooling around with McVet, you know"

"I don't like Derek, we are friends" she pointed out, defensively

"But you liked kissing him?"

Meredith's cheek immediately blushed violently "He's a good kisser"

"Meredith"

"Yeah, okay, whatever. I'll do my thing"

"Wanna grab a drink later?"

"My place, I replaced the booze"

Meredith walked out of the closet with a small smile on her face and she was glad to still have Cristina around. They had been friends from the moment they saw each other in the locker room as interns and she couldn't wish for a better friend. At least she had someone to get drunk with.

When Meredith's pager went off her worst nightmare had just became her reality: 911 to the pit with Shepherd. _Simply great! Not even remotely the way she wanted to spend the rest of her day_.

He was in the trauma room in his full glory, ordering nurses around and bossing her interns with his self-confident attitude, as always perfectly fine in his own skin when she wanted to just curl up and hide under the exam table.

"Took you long enough?" he snapped and as soon as he looked in her direction, she saw hard and hurt eyes staring back at her.

"I'm sorry Dr. Shepherd, I had to deal with a thing upstairs" she mumbled, knowing that it would have been better if she had just shut up when he glared at her.

The nurses began whispering and she hated that they were at the center of the attention, everybody kept staring at them like they were about to yell in any minute. The air was obviously tense, the only words they spoke to each other strictly connected to the welfare of the patient. Their gazes met sometimes over that poor man's body and flashes of hurt reverberated from him every single time she dared to look back.

She wanted to just hit him, slap him for having such a childish behavior when he was the one who kissed her even though he knew that she's practically, unwillingly engaged. She shrugged at the mere thought of Finn and their pending engagement.

Derek was seriously making a fool of himself in front of everybody and he knew that it was completely unprofessional to glare at somebody like he was doing towards Meredith but he simply couldn't help it.

He hated when she began running away. He knew he had pushed things but still, he couldn't get the feeling that he did the right thing this morning. At least she knew how he feels at this point. He did it in the wrong way, but he was glad he kissed her. And he'll never forget how perfect their kiss felt for him.

They went in surgery together and the air never loosened the tension that had been building up in the exam room. _If just her delicious flowery smell could simply disappear so he could avoid lifting up his eyes every time he could to meet hers_.

As soon as he finished the last stitch, he saw Meredith storm out of the OR. He quickly followed her in the scrub room, with the hope to talk to her about the events of the morning.

"Stop it, Derek" she hissed, clearly angry

"What?" he snapped

"Glaring. You're glaring and you snap and you make it really easy for me to hate you right about now even if I shouldn't say that, because we are friends. Just quit it, okay?" she asked in a rather composed tone, the forceful way she was soaping her hands and scrubbing away every tiny bit of nothing though betrayed her apparently calm demeanor. "We should forget about what happened" she added and his anger built up again

"You want to forget it? Fine!"

His voice rose and hers did the same when she echoed "Fine!" and stormed off, slamming the swinging door on her way out.

He followed her and somehow he was able to corner her in an on-call room. He dragged her in there and she did her best to push him away with her tiny, ineffectual fists, but he didn't backed away.

"Why?" he continued their argument where they left it, their faces merely a few inches apart, their hot breaths fanning their noses.

"I can't do it right now" she admitted softly, not really matching his angry question "You need to stop doing that in front of everybody, you need to stop corner me in small rooms, you just need to stop, Derek" her voice quivered, almost defeated even before the fight began, her eyes filled with tears.

"What if I can't stop?"

She stopped wriggling out of his grasp as soon as their eyes met once more and they began analyzing the depth of their looks. They could get lost in each other's eyes. She suddenly found it hard to do a simple task like breathing when he was so close to her. She took a slow, deep breath and she saw him lean closer.

Before she could realize it, his lips captured hers and they began kissing frantically. Her hand immediately reached out for his hair, tangling her fingers in the unkempt mess the scrub cap had created, while Derek's hand came to rest on Meredith's hips, grounding them both.

Meredith couldn't think anymore. She was kissing her friend Derek Shepherd for the second time that day and she felt nothing but turned on. _Definitely turned on_. Her whole body was screaming for more and the tension in which they swam the whole afternoon from the trauma room to the OR didn't helped her relax. Her whole body was tingling and screaming for more touching from Derek's perfect hands and lips.

He found her skin under her top, sneaking in his hands skillfully while his tongue kept arguing with hers. They were fighting with their bodies, except she had never felt so alive and good, despite the anger and the resentment. She should have hated Derek right in that moment, but she couldn't pinpoint what she was feeling exactly. She knew it definitely wasn't hatred.

She moaned loudly and he groaned in response, his hand resting now on the tie of her pants, ready to grab the strings and set her free from the clothes separating them. She gave him permission by doing the same on his pants, the feeling of him pressed against her was really difficult to ignore any longer. Before she could set him free of his own clothes, he swept her up on the small table in the room and stood in front of her.

She reflexively wrapped her legs around him, seeking his proximity. He pulled off her top and he stopped for a moment, looking at her so intensely that made her blush. She felt like the most beautiful woman in the world when Derek looked at her like that.

His eyes were a dark navy shade, filled with lust and the tiny bit of anger left but he managed a full fledged smirk "Mer, you're beautiful" he whispered, almost afraid to say it. She looked as carefully as she could and she saw uncertainty in his eyes, like he was afraid of something or he was restraining himself from doing more. He picked her up and laid her on the bed carefully, lovingly, hovering over her while their gaze remained locked.

Then the reason why he was scared somehow clicked in her head, like it did in his and, before every coherent thought slipped away from her, she kissed him once more, to savor the feeling then asked "What does this mean, Derek?"

He completely ignored her when his mouth attacked hers again then he moved to her jaw, her neck, her shoulder then down her sternum between the swell of her breast. His lips left a wet trail of kisses everywhere they touched and she couldn't help but shiver at the sensation he was giving her. She wouldn't even think about what kind of orgasms he could give her if he was already this good. _Meredith, you have to stop_.

"Derek" she moaned when he kissed her, then pulled away to take off his shirt as well, exposing his toned chest. She put her hand gently over it, remaining still while he kissed her senseless.

"Derek" she moaned again but in a different pitch and he groaned, half turned on, half annoyed.

"What do you want me to do?" he snapped, attacking her lips before she could answer back, nibbling and tasting eagerly.

"We...I..." she tried to reply, but her brain couldn't form any kind of sentence. She was in a state of complete bliss and there was no turning back.

His fingers moved to the hem of her panties and she didn't do anything to stop him "What do you want, Meredith?" he asked again, hungrily this time, stripping out of his boxers.

He didn't needed an answer though when she simply kissed him in full force, her hands pulling their naked bodies closer. Her actions were speaking volumes. There was no going back from this and they both knew it, they just succumbed to the moment, with wide, blissful smiles on their faces.

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><p><strong>AN: Uh oh, I seriously wrote this? Don't kill me, please, I have never meant to, I swear. Blame my fingers typing things on their own.<strong>

**Thank you for reading and reviewing every chapter, it means the world to me. And I hope you'll do the same and stick with me even after this chapter :P**


	9. It's Been A Bad Day, Please

**I am so, so sorry about the long delay. I had been in Rome in the past 2 days, when I decided I could upload, and I didn't brought my laptop with me. I assure you, I'll be better in the next chapters!**

**For this title I need to thank R.E.M. and their Bad Day. It's a classic, but please, listen to it if you have time.**

**I know you are all longing for the Mer-Finn break up, it will come in time, just enjoy this chapter!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 9 – It's Been A Bad Day, Please.<strong>

Mark Sloan was in town and Meredith was still ignoring him. Seven long days of avoiding. This really wasn't Derek Shepherd's day.

As soon as he walked through the doors of Seattle Grace, he immediately spotted his ex best friend, shaking hands with the Chief of Surgery and that was only the first signal of his bad day.

Moreover, Eden began fussing to greet her 'Uncle Mark' and Derek couldn't help but let her run in his arms. It disgusted him how he could pick up his daughter knowing that he had taken away her mother from her forever. He had never meant to get a divorce, even if things were bad, because he wanted to protect Eden, but there he goes Mark and literally screw him over.

He just looked at them from a distance while Eden spoke with him full of smiles and happiness.

"Mark" he greeted curtly, approaching Eden to bring her to the daycare before he would be late for his first surgery.

"Derek" he replied with his full fledged smile that looked so inappropriate on him

"I know that's not the time nor the place..." he continued

"You know well" Derek cut him off, picking up Eden in his arms and walking to the elevators, ignoring the rest of his speech.

Mark caught up with him and they were trapped in the elevator before Derek was able to go out and take the stairs.

"I'm sorry man" Mark whispered

"I don't care. And I'm not your 'man' anymore" he hissed back while Eden kept staring at them with a frown. She wasn't used to see her two favorite men fighting like this.

The doors of the elevator opened and Meredith ran in, clearly not noticing who was inside the car before it was too late.

"Meri!" Eden greeted happily and Meredith rewarded her with a wide smile, before she glared at Derek. He could see every emotion passing in her eyes and he didn't like very much what he was seeing. He also didn't like how Mark was checking her out.

"Hey Eden, going to daycare?" she said softly, all the anger gone as soon as she looked at the little girl

"Hm-hm" she nodded "Uncle Mark came from New York" replied the girl, a huge smile brightening her whole face as she turned to point at Mark.

Meredith avoided completely Derek's stare to focus on the men at his right. He was clearly handsome, definitely charming and without a doubt he was good in bed. _He had to be good if Derek's wife left such a good lay_.

Her head immediately waltzed back to the day before, in the on-call room when she realized that Derek Shepherd was more than a friend, after all. He had made her feel like nobody else had before and that had given her even more reasons not to marry Finn. Although everything that happened between the two of them was completely, utterly wrong from every single point of view you began looking at it. _Wrong!_

Meredith felt a feather touch on her forearm and for a moment she hoped that it was Derek, instead she found Mark's flirty smile when she snapped out of her reverie.

"Hi, Dr. Mark Sloan, new Head of Plastics" he introduced himself in a warm, sensual tone -that paled though compared to Derek's-, holding out his hand and she saw from the corner of her eyes Derek glaring at him. He was fuming, his free hand clenched in a fist and she knew that if it wasn't for Eden still in his arms, Mark would have already been laying on the ground unconscious after Derek's punch.

"Dr. Meredith Grey" she shook his hand and even dared to smile. Derek deserved a little bit of sulking, after all. He kissed her and lured her into an absolutely wrong round of on-call room sex, he deserved it all.

"Meri, Daddy said that we'll be at the house tonight 'cause the trailer is still broken. Can we have pizza?" Eden looked up with her convincing blue eyes and she easily shifted Meredith's attention off Mark

"Don't you think we are eating way too much pizza lately, you and me? Why don't we order in something else?" she smiled as well, trying to convince her "Izzie made chocolate cupcakes" she added and that caused Eden to break out in a wide smile. Despite Izzie now lived with George, she still brought over cakes and baked goods every time she had a few free hours.

"Hamburgers and chocolate cupcakes, Meri!" she yelped, already excited.

The door opened again and Meredith was about to walk out before she smirked to the little girl "Hm, I don't think your Daddy will agree with that. Think about something else tonight, I'm up for everything!"

Then Meredith disappeared round the opposite corner where the other three were headed. Derek kept ignoring Mark and walked to his office to wear his scrubs and then drop off Eden at the daycare.

"Daddy, is it okay for you tonight to eat hamburgers?" Eden asked cautiously when they were finally alone in Derek's office

"I don't know if I can make it on time, but you can definitely have hamburgers with Meredith" he smiled, even though it was hard to smile every time he thought about Meredith. That ride in the elevator completely ruined him and all his plans for the day, the perfect smell of her hair still filling his nostrils.

"Please Daddy, pretty please"

"I'll do my best to be home tonight" he smiled widely and kissed the top of Eden's head.

Despite how much he wanted to avoid sharing a meal with Meredith, he was going to do this for his daughter. She was his first priority after all.

Meredith walked down to the pit where she had been paged and when she heard a patient screaming, she seemed to recognize the voice. When she peeked out of the corner she was faced with the figure of her mother yelling and hitting all the doctors and nurses that were wheeling her upstairs to admit her and run some tests.

She froze in the spot: nobody knew her mother was sick. Nobody knew that the awesome surgeon that Ellis Grey had been was gone, replaced with the shell of the woman she had been after the Alzheimer hit her hard. People knew she was writing and traveling and doing all kinds of things, nobody knew that she had been stuck in a home from the moment she had moved to Seattle and began her internship. Meredith just wanted some kind of normal life, for once, nothing though was normal.

She leaned against the wall and waited for her gurney to pass, waited for the following wave of commotions and stares to die. She waited.

She knew her condition was getting worse each passing day, but she still couldn't pinpoint why she couldn't feel anything about it. She had had a few lucid days and every time Meredith regretted going visiting. She felt guilty, again, for liking her mother more when she was relivingthe past than when she was actually talking to her. Just how she liked better her father when he showed up drunk at the hospital rather than when he was pathetically sober. At least he said nice, drunken things to her, her mother was just mean.

"Hey, are you okay?" she heard Cristina say, approaching her in the corner behind which she was hiding.

"Not really"

"I heard about your mother"

"I need surgery, Cristina. A really big one, like a huge pile-up somewhere. Can you give me that?"

"Shepherd has a tumor resection scheduled, you want in?"

"I don't want to have anything to do with Shepherd right now." she groaned, wishing that Derek's surgery wasn't the only interesting thing on the board "Does Callie have some bones to smash?"

"She's in the exam room over there, you can go ask" Cristina glanced at her worriedly but Meredith moved quickly to the room she pointed out and barged in without much concern.

"What's the deal with you Grey?" Callie asked immediately, looking up from the leg she was treating.

"Do you have something to smash and put back together? Anything is good..."

"I have old casts to trash in the other exam room, will they do?" she asked quizzically, arching her eyebrows, while the patient widened his eyes at the request.

"I owe you one"

She walked outside and found the stack of old casts Callie mentioned. She grabbed the first heavy thing she could find and began smashing it in pieces, trying to reduce it to simple white dust. And smashing it felt so good.

She was picturing her mother's face and all the times she had said straight to her face that she had never wanted a daughter and what a disappointment she was being. She was smashing Finn's face because he kept sticking around, despite she was cheating on him and she never loved him. She pictured Derek's face, because he was him and it was enough to make her want to hit things. In the end she pictured her face, because this was all her fault. She created this mess and now she had to deal with her own crap. She cheated and she had to deal with it.

"What the hell are you doing?" she heard Derek's pissed off voice snap at her. _God, why was he always everywhere?_

"Helping Dr. Torres" she shrugged

"We need the room" he requested coldly

"I still have to finish to smash all of this"

"You can picture my face somewhere else, we need the room now" he glared and she just wanted to stop hitting the cast and hit him. Except that she couldn't find him less irresistible and hot while he was so angry and bitter. _Cheater_.

She let go of the tool and placed all the mess she had created in the trash, while he kept scrutinizing every move and glaring, silent.

"I can pick up Eden if you can't make it tonight" she finally asked in a quiet but angry voice "I like to keep my promises"

"I'm gonna make it for dinner" he growled

"She'll be home waiting for you, then" she snapped, shutting the lid of the trash and walking outside, taking a deep breath as soon as she was out of the room.

When her anger had finally subsided, she found herself with nothing to do: all her patients were stable, no surgeries needed a residentand all her paperwork was almost done.

She thought that probably her mother was sleeping and so she could peek in and do some charting in a quiet place, the resident's lounge had been unusually busy all morning and she wanted to avoid more stares.

Her mother was indeed sleeping peacefully when she came in with her stack of charts and she began scribbling her signature here and there. She knew her mother developed an heart disease, not strictly connected to the Alzheimer, but it had made her even more vulnerable.

When she glanced up she saw that her mother was awakening and she immediately left her chart and stood up, moving at her bedside.

"Water, please" she asked groggily and immediately Meredith handed her a glass of the fresh liquid.

"Hey Mom, it's Meredith" she tried to see if she recognized her, but she knew it was probably pointless.

"How many times I told you not to bother when I'm busy" Ellis snapped back, clearly considering Meredith still a child.

"Mom, I'm not five anymore"

"You can be eighty for that matters, I'm busy anyway. And I know you are not five, you bragged for two long weeks after your sixth birthday" she replied annoyed, picking up one of the charts Meredith had left around her.

Meredith felt her eyes water "I'm not six either Mom, I'm twenty-eight and I'm a surgeon now" she tried, expectantly

"Oh" Ellis sighed, then looked carefully at her "you are a surgeon too?" a hint of excitement in her voice. She nodded and tried not to cry when her mother asked "Well, I've never heard of you yet, which field are you specialized?"

"I'm only a third year resident, but I'm pretty sure I'll choose Neuro"

"That's good. I bet my daughter will never give me the satisfaction to even go to college or she'll probably major in something stupid like English Literature or Philosophy. She could have been smart if she had been a little less like her father"

Meredith wanted to just curl up in a ball and hide again, but she kept asking questions instead, "What is she like?"

"Except for the not-so-smart part?" Meredith forced herself to nod at her mother's statement "She's not a real pain in the ass, despite all the rebellion phase she's having on, but she's ordinary. I mean, take out the pink hair and nobody will pick her in a crowd. Sometimes I wish I had left her with Thatcher, they are just so alike; I can't stand them both most of the time."

Meredith swallowed hard and gathered quickly her charts "Sorry, Dr. Grey, I have work to do now"

"Oh, yeah, good work in the OR today" she dismissed, then Meredith fled out of her room and hid in a closet crying.

And she thanked her good stars for not bringing Derek Shepherd in there again.

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><p><strong>AN: I know, I brought in more things to make Meredith's life a mess. Don't hate me.<strong>

**Anyway, I have nothing against English or Philosophy majors, but I think Ellis Grey will find them pointless, they are not related to surgery in any way, so yeah, pointless.**

**No Finn here, I know, Meredith had her hands full without him. Mark is in town! Finn will have his moment, I promise again.**

**I'll be back to my updating schedule in no time, I hope. Thank you for reading, reviewing and loving this story, I'm so glad I published it so far!**


	10. It Starts With An Earthquake

**Okay, I messed up the schedule again, sorry about that! It's a longer chapter than usual, I hope you'll forgive me. I founded hard writing about this story while I did a Bones marathon. I practically watched the whole show so well, I still have a 3D life as well ;)**

**I had serious issues in entitling this chapter, and a brainstorm and beta consultation later, I decided to use R.E.M.'s song Bad Day again. It's linked with the previous chapter anyway because it picks up exactly where it left off. **

**Enjoy this, then!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 10 – It Starts With An Earthquake<strong>

Meredith recomposed herself after a few moments and stood up from the uncomfortable seat on the closet's floor, realizing that she had to pick up Eden because her shift was almost over.

She was on the verge of tears but as soon as Eden was with her, everything seemed to brighten again. It still amazed her how that little girl could affect her mood.

"You're still up for the hamburgers?" Meredith asked with her fist real smile of the day as soon as Eden grabbed her hand to go home. It felt good to smile again.

"I think I still want pizza" Eden mumbled, almost guilty for it.

"You know, we have really been spending way too much time together" Meredith laughed and Eden simply joined her with her infectious giggle.

"Can we go to the docks and see the ferries?" Eden asked

"You know, there's a great pizza place near the docks on Bainbridge Island, do you think that Daddy will mind if we'll be a little late?" Meredith suggested and the girl's smile grew even wider.

"We are taking the ferry?"

"I think we are"

Unexpectedly, Eden pulled Meredith into a tight hug, despite her small arms and she simply hugged her back, enjoying the feeling of being loved, even for a moment. She knew that Eden needed that too, her mother seemed just like what Ellis had been for her, maybe just a tiny bit nicer. She would do anything for Eden to not let her have the kind of childhood she had.

Eden practically ran to the rail to look over the water as soon as they reached the dock on the ferryboat. She gripped it tightly and stared at the water being sliced in two by the hull.

"Mommy told me that LA doesn't have ferryboats" sighed Eden sadly

"LA?"

"Mommy lives here now. I don't want to go live with Mommy" her eyes filled with tears and her whole body flinched at the simple idea

"Does she treat you badly?"

"No, but she never plays games with me. Never ever, Meri" she emphasized

"You know, my Mommy was just like yours. She was always busy working"

"Do you think she loves me?" Eden wondered

At that question, Meredith had an hard time to answer. Because she knew she had to say yes, she needed to tell her that everything was going to be alright and nothing would hurt her, but she knew she couldn't. She still had the scars of what a whole life of pretending and avoiding had done to her.

"I'm sure she does. But if she doesn't, she's missing a big chance to love a very special little girl" she said sincerely, hoping to get the right answer

"Did your Mommy love you?"

"In her own strange way, she did. Probably" she sighed and looked at the water. It was calming; she had to agree with Eden that the ferry had been a good idea.

"Do you think I'll have a new Mommy someday? But not mean like the one Cinderella had, a nice new Mommy" Eden asked with the tiniest glimmer of hope and somehow Meredith still wanted to comfort her over and over.

"I don't know. When your Daddy will get married again, you will have a new Mommy and maybe even a little sister or brother" she tried to lighten up the situation

"Are you going to be a Mommy?"

"Why?" Meredith frowned, surprised by the direct question.

"You are getting married"

Meredith's eyes widened "Where did you hear that?"

"Home" she shrugged. It still stunned Meredith though that she called her house home probably more than the fact itself that she was asking about her limbo situation with Finn so casually.

"Are you, Meri?"

"Probably not" she admitted sincerely and it didn't felt as bad as she thought "I don't even know if I'm gonna get married in the first place"

"Why?"

"Mostly because I don't think that spending the rest of my life with Finn is a great idea" she tried to explain a situation that wasn't clear even to herself.

"But he is nice. And he has lots of dogs" she argued, like nothing seemed hard in marriage. And probably she was even right: marriage is great most of the time if you actually love the person who's putting a ring on your finger.

"It's not as easy as that" Meredith claimed

"Do you love him?" she asked bluntly

Meredith waited a moment before answering "Maybe not as much as I should"

She wanted to laugh, because she was having marriage advices from a four-year-old and she didn't found anything odd in that.

"But he looks like a prince, Meri. And he kisses you. You like kissing him, right?"

_Not as much as I like kissing your Daddy_ "Eden!"

"Sorry" the girl looked at the floor and counted the tiny droplets of seawater on it

"Okay, yeah, I don't mind kissing him" Meredith admitted, blushing.

"I think kissing is yucky"

Meredith simply shook her head, amused. That little girl never ceased to amaze her.

"Maybe he's not Prince Charming even if it's a prince" Eden said tentatively after some thinking

"Yeah, that's probably it" Meredith sighed sadly and began breathing regularly again, hoping that the game of twenty questions was over.

Eden grew silent again and turned back to the water, before speaking again. "When do you know the boy you kiss is Prince Charming?" she frowned

"You just know it. It's...I don't know sweetie, I haven't found my Prince Charming yet" she smiled, trying to seem even more convincing.

"Do you think Daddy will ever get another princess for him? He looks a bit sad"

"I hope he does" she sighed but before she could speculate again they realized they had to go back to the car because they were nearly docking and she was glad for the interruption.

They drove to the pizza place in a few more minutes and Eden couldn't keep still in her booster seat in the backseat of Meredith's Jeep. The more Meredith looked at her, the more her face was elated at the simple idea of buying pizza. Meredith was amazed by the little girl's reaction and the fact that she had a car seat in her Jeep seemed almost normal if the child was Eden Elise Shepherd.

They brought home a huge box of pizza but they both knew they wouldn't have many leftovers as the delicious smell kept lingering in the car even if the box was safely locked in the trunk.

Derek walked in the foyer and hung his coat after a very long shift at work, a small smile tugging his lips when he heard that Eden was giggling happily in the kitchen and Meredith sounded like she was having a blast with his daughter as well.

He had missed her giggle.

It still surprised him how little he could hate Meredith Grey. No other woman had made him feel like that, not even his ex wife and that was maybe one of the main reasons why she had the said title at the moment. Even though Meredith pissed him off all the time recently, he couldn't hate her. It seemed like hating a cute puppy that runs in circles around you to catch your attention or a smiling baby. He just couldn't.

He was so happy that Eden finally found someone to get along with. She had always been comfortable with adults, probably because she had been around grownups most of her young life, but still, it amazed him the close relationship she had built with Meredith. Breaking things off with her meant that Eden would have been deeply affected too and this fact alone made it even harder for him to hate her. She made the painful transition from New York to Seattle more bearable for the two of them and he still didn't know how to thank her.

He was sure a kiss wasn't going to work, despite how good it felt to kiss her. And make love to her felt even better. He had never made love to anyone on their first time together, but he knew already that Meredith was different. She didn't fit any scheme he had drawn before and he was even more excited about it. She was simply perfect and she loved Eden that, considering everything that he was planning, was a really big -giant- bonus.

He lingered at the door for a moment, taking in the figures of his two favorite girls laughing hysterically and, open on the table, a box of pizza so big that could easily fit Eden into and she wouldn't mind. Eden's whole mouth was covered in tomato sauce while she was clutching a huge slice of pizza in her tiny hands and Meredith giggled amused at a joke that they were probably sharing. And God knows how much he missed her smile today at work.

Seeing her crushing those old casts made his heart break. Then he knew that he was only partially to blame, but the unsettling feeling never felt any lighter on his shoulders.

Eden suddenly looked up and saw him hovering, so she simply shouted "Daddy!" and ran to him, leaving her beloved pizza behind.

"Watch your dirty claws, missy!" reproached Meredith before Eden's dirty hands would stain his shirt permanently and that simple sentence seemed so familiar that it hurt twice as much as before knowing that he had probably ruined everything. He had screwed up big time, not just ruined.

"I see that you ended up eating pizza again" he greeted Eden with a kiss, then looked at Meredith, but she simply glared at him and awkwardly took another bite of her pizza, ignoring his presence like she had done the whole day at the hospital. He shrugged, clearly frustrated and sat right in front of her, next to Eden that sat back in her seat. He picked up one of the slices in the box and met Meredith's eyes, but she quickly looked away.

He decided then to talk to Eden "Did you have a good day today?"

"Meri took me to the best pizza place with the ferry!" she squealed happily, her mouth still full of pizza. He finally saw Meredith crack a small smile.

"I bet she knows all the best places around" he joked with the hope to throw Meredith in the conversation, but she pretended not to hear him

"Hm-hm" Eden nodded "We don't have to share the pizza with Alex or Cristina, right?" she asked worried then, turning to Meredith.

"It's all yours, you can even eat leftovers for breakfast" Meredith replied, winking to the girl "I'll put a note on it"

"Thanks Meri!" the girl took another bite of her pizza and made herself busy a little more. She expected some kind of conversation from her two favorite adults, but they were clearly giving each other the silent treatment.

"Watcha doing tomorrow, Daddy?" she piped in

"I'm going to work in the morning, but I might have to stay the night" he explained and the girl seemed a little disappointed.

"I can tuck her in bed tomorrow" finally Meredith spoke to Derek. The more she remained quiet, the more her thoughts kept swirling and she couldn't bear it anymore. Hearing her mother call her not-so-smart once was enough for the rest of her life, talking kept her distracted from her thoughts. Derek's eyes kept her more than distracted as well, especially when they were filled with anger and frustration.

"Thank you" he replied sincerely, his gaze softening at the first offer of peace

"You are welcome"

The quiet settled in the room again before Eden could ran away to her games after asking her permission to stand up.

Derek helped Meredith clean up the few things they used still in an awkward silence, then went to check on his daughter. He found her playing on the coffee table with some stuffed animals but as soon as he entered in the room and sat on the couch, she immediately settled against him, snuggling closer.

"Daddy, are you mad at Meri?"

Eden's question swept him out of his feet and he was glad he had been sitting when she asked "No, I'm not mad, but we are a little bit in a fight. I promise that everything will be over soon" he tried to reassure her and himself at the same time. He didn't know what it was going to be if she kept giving him the silent treatment.

"You and Meri look sad when you fight" she pointed out

He remained quiet next to her, reflecting on what she had just revealed and the more Derek thought about her words, the more he wanted to make up with Meredith.

Eden snuggled closer and in a few moments, she was asleep in his arms. He kept looking at her, breathing regularly in his arms and wondered how Addison could not miss all of this. It broke his heart just knowing that he was probably going to spend the next night away from her, he couldn't even think about seeing her just once in a while. On the other hand though, he was glad she didn't, so he could have Eden all for himself.

He carefully lifted her up and brought her to bed, changing her into her pajamas without a complaint. He looked at her one last time, kissed her forehead then went back downstairs, closing the door behind his back.

In the corridor, he could see that Meredith's door was ajar, a sliver of light coming out of the room. When he passed by the room, he could hear her sniffle and realized that the light was the moonlight, as all the lamps were switched off.

He knocked gently, unable to let her cry alone in the dark "Meredith" he called.

Her only answer was a rough "Go away"

"Is everything okay?" he continued, ignoring her.

"I'm fine"

When she replied he immediately knew that something was wrong, so he just opened the door and saw her sitting on the bed with her legs against her chest, her arms wrapped around her knees tightly, like she wanted to protect herself from something, hiding or disguising with the linens.

"Meredith" he called

"I had enough for today, Derek" she replied tiredly, almost resigned to the fact that he was there, hovering. He was almost positive there were tears shimmering in her eyes.

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry."

"For what? Kissing me in a closet or having sex with an almost engaged person?"

"For everything. I was an ass to you and you didn't deserved it" he replied sincerely and she was taken aback for his real sadness. He had never realized how much he had hurt her before this moment. He completely forgot about Finn's existence the moment their lips met.

"What we did was wrong on so many levels, Derek" she admitted, forcing herself to believe in what she had just said. Having Derek in his room clearly didn't helped much with that.

"Did you tell Finn this morning? I heard you yelling"

They barely had any conversation which didn't involved yelling, she wanted to point out, but she was sure it could give him permission to stick around, and she really wanted to wallow in her misery alone. Above all, she didn't wanted Derek Shepherd and all his perfection around.

"No, I didn't" she sighed audibly. She hated keeping big secrets "I'm sorry Eden heard us yelling"

"She had heard worse, believe me" he admitted sadly

"Still"

Somehow, they seemed okay again. Like two old friends, they apologized and everything could go back to normal, except it didn't.

"Did you heard my mother has Alzheimer?" she said out of the blue. She had missed talking to him about everything and nothing, he wasn't like Cristina, it was so easy to talk to him and she had missed it.

"Yeah. I'm so sorry, I didn't knew"

"Nobody did"

"What else?" he asked, studying her face change at the mere mention of her mother.

"It's lots of things" she looked away, her eyes glistening with tears again.

He let the silence settle for a moment, waiting for her to continue, then he prodded her "You can tell me"

She opened her mouth to reply, but then she closed it again and gazed outside. The silence thickened, until she spoke "My mother was mean to me my whole life"

She looked up and saw his face pleading her to share more "When she had been admitted I went visiting and she said that she would have lived better without me. I'm a disappointment, I can't do something right, ever..." she took a deep breath "you know, the same old stuff, it just hurts every time. Every single time she says that and I'm just tired of hearing it." the first tear escaped the corner of the eye "How could I be a disappointment at five years old?"

Derek remained shocked at her revelation and watched her tears fall down her cheeks again, then he simply sat on the bed beside her and pulled her in his arms, hugging her tightly.

"I just want to be happy for one day, am I asking too much?" she asked rhetorically between sobs. He just tightened his hug.

She basked in the feeling of his strong arms around her and his muscular chest to lean on, feeling unbelievably safe in his hold. He smelled good, just like she remembered, even if he had worked the whole day, he still smelled like Derek and it comforted her. He whispered soothing words that she couldn't understand, but she felt like they were helping. All the rage and frustration was gone and they were okay again.

"I'm breaking up with Finn tomorrow" she admitted for the first time and it felt nice to put it on the open. "I can't lie to him anymore"

"I'm sorry, I..."

"It's not you, it's me" she sniffled and snuggled closer. Her body in his arms felt good, even if she was desperately crying and needed nothing more than comfort. She was beautiful, despite the week she had just gone through and her whole life was a huge mess at the moment. He would never get bored of looking at her.

She rose slowly from his chest and their eyes met, clashing into each other's gaze. He was mesmerized by the perfect gray her eyes had become with her tears. They stared at one another for an endless moment, then her face moved dangerously close to his, before she could back away again. He just wanted to lean over and kiss her over and over, until they were both breathless and panting, but he knew he had to let her take the first step.

Unexpectedly, she leaned in again, she brushed away one of his curls from his forehead, then kissed him.

It was slow and tentative at the beginning, then it filled with all the passion he had kept buried deep down to not take another wrong step. She let out a small, satisfied moan and he suddenly needed more. She shifted against him and sat on his lap, straddling him. His whole body stiffened at the feeling of her. She was just perfect.

"Meredith" he said, his voice something he hardly recognized because it was filled with need, his sweatpants suddenly uncomfortable. He still wanted to make her stop before she could regret anything more, he wanted to do things right this time. He ignored the pounding need to just take her right in that moment and waited for her. She kissed him fully again, her gaze hooded with lust and tears when their eyes met once again.

"I need this, Derek, please" she was almost in tears again, pleading and looking gorgeous so he just kissed her lips softly as a confirmation that she could use him in whatever way she liked.

"Thank you" she replied sincerely, before letting herself go in a happier place of forgetfulness in the safety of his arms.

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><p><strong>AN: Once again, the last part wrote by itself. <strong>

**Many things happened here and I know, I know I have to bring Finn up again, he'll reappear soon, I promise. Thank you for you patience and your great reviews!**


	11. No Consolation Prizes

**Hello there!**

**Sorry for the delay, I had been very busy sorting out a ton of photograpghs of a photoshoot I did a couple of days ago and I still have to finish. I took only a small break to update this, because you deserve it. I still can't believe how much feedback this story has had so far and every time I think about it, it overwhelmes me. A sincere thank you to you all!**

**No Consolation Prizes is a song by Phoenix, that I think is a French band that sings in English but I'm not entirely sure. Just take things on faith and enjoy this new chapter!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 11 – No Consolation Prizes<strong>

Her day had begun with a faint memory of a smile and somehow, Meredith highly doubted that it could last long.

She had woken up tangled in the sheets with Derek and she had watched his back rise evenly while he was sprawled on the mattress, exhausted from the activities of their previous night. The smile slowly disappeared when she realized that she had blatantly used him to cover up her pain. _And she cheated twice. She had chosen to cheat this time_.

Her mother had been discharged later that morning and she was finally back in her oblivion and as much as she hated to admit it, she was glad her mother was finally out of her way. Her feelings towards her were pretty much confused and right then, she had enough confusion in her life on her own.

When she climbed downstairs after a hot shower, her appearance reflecting the rough but cleansing moments she had just spent thinking, she never expected though to see Derek and Finn sipping coffee at her kitchen table, like nothing seemed wrong in that picture. Her eyes widened as soon as Derek smiled warmly at her. Finn's gaze though was way colder than Derek's. His whole body seemed uncomfortable sitting there and he looked almost out of place. Derek on the other hand, seemed to belong there already, it couldn't be weirder.

"Good morning" she said tentatively, afraid to break the spell they had created between the two of them.

"Hey" they replied almost in unison "I was up early and I let Finn in, is that a problem?" added Derek, flashing one of his dangerously perfect smiles

"No, it's fine." she smiled briefly, because if she wanted to really smile she was going to take him there on the kitchen table with Finn watching "Can we go outside and talk?" she motioned to Finn and he didn't wasted any second more.

"Why is he here, in the morning?" he growled, between clenched teeth, clearly restraining himself from yelling at her.

"He needed a place to stay temporary, the heater of his trailer broke and they don't seem able to fix it. Besides, there are four more people in my house and you never complained." she replied dryly, her perfect morning clearly ruined, as she expected.

"Meredith" he sighed in frustration

"What?" she snapped, the frustration of the situation filling her tone.

"Are you sleeping with him?" he growled, his tone scary and foreign

_Deny. Deny. Deny. _"How long have you been waiting to say that? You're unbelievable! And what if I am?" she yelled, slamming the door shut behind her and walking in the kitchen fuming. Finn's eyes widened.

Strangely, he followed her, grabbing her elbow and swirling her to face him when she had barely reached the hall. He had never looked this angry and it scared her.

"What is your problem, Finn?"

"The problem is that your boss is currently sipping coffee in your kitchen after you had sex with him!" he yelled

"So? My boss has a daughter who needs a roof and a warm bed and I'm sure as hell that they come in a package, so if you excuse me while I help a friend! Surely this friend is better than you or I would have come to you for sex!" she yelled back, untangling from his grasp.

"Meredith!" he called out, and she stopped, waiting for more but right then she saw Eden run down the stairs and Finn saw her whole demeanor change.

"What did we agree about running on the stairs?" she reproached with a sincere smile and the little girl went immediately closer to Meredith and hugged her tightly as soon as she picked her up. They shared a sloppy kiss, then the girl ran to the kitchen.

Finn remained dumbfounded at the sight and suddenly, he didn't know what to think anymore.

"We're not done" he said quietly, but the edge in his voice meant business and Meredith was suddenly afraid of what the day will bring her. She knew she had to break things off with him, she just needed more time to think, to make things right.

"I'll call you later. It's been a long week Finn..." she replied, then disappeared in the kitchen.

When she heard the door close she breathed a sigh of relief, sliding against the closed door of the kitchen. As she opened her eyes, two pairs of perfectly matching blue eyes were staring back at her with an amused twinkle in them.

"Are you playing hide and seek, Meri?"

She sadly giggled at the little girl comment "Kind of, yeah"

"That's not a good spot to hide!" she complained, then she began explaining the entire concept of a good hiding spot during the whole breakfast to a much amused Derek, while Meredith finally smiled genuinely again.

They reached the hospital with two separate cars, not after a very awkward moment when they were so close that they had almost kissed as they put away the dishes and somehow, Meredith couldn't stop thinking about him the whole morning, making her all jumpy and bothered at the mere idea of turning the corner and finding Derek right behind. The more she thought about Derek, more images of the previous steamy night resurfaced in her head and she didn't need that, she needed to focus on work. _Work is a good distraction, right?_

As soon as the doors of the elevator opened and Derek and Eden Shepherd appeared behind them, Meredith felt her cheeks turning bright red. She never dealt well with feelings in the first place, but yet, having Eden in the mix seemed even worse if things wouldn't work out between them. They were friends, good friends and Eden was growing attached to Meredith. They liked being around each other but Meredith couldn't help but feeling the need to fiercely kiss again the handsome neurosurgeon right in front of her. Especially when he smiled this widely and Finn acted like an ass. She couldn't help the tingling feeling when he was around with such a perfect appearance.

He was still in street clothes, probably he had came to work early only to do some paperwork, and his comfortable dark sweater looked just perfect on him. Before Meredith could say anything, she felt her legs enveloped in a tight hug.

"Meri!" shouted Eden happily, her wavy red hair flowing loosely on her shoulders and her outfit perfect just like her father's. It didn't seemed like they had seen each other only a few hours before.

"Hey Eden" she found her ability to speak only when she looked at the smiling girl clinging at her legs, diverting her attention away from Derek. "Hey Derek" she then greeted, allowing herself to look up again after picking up Eden in her arms for a sloppy kiss.

"How are you doing?" greeted Derek happily, just a small hint of concern in his eyes, the wide smile plastering on his handsome features that made her melt on the spot.

"I'm gonna work for the next thirty-six hours, how do you think I'm doing?" mocked Meredith, her smile never faltering despite everything. Those two were too good at keeping her smile on her lips.

"It's a shame we're gonna eat the leftover pizza tonight, huh Edie?" they exchanged a mischievous look

"Sorry Meri" the girl giggled

"I'm gonna pretend I haven't heard anything" she smiled, looking amused.

The elevator reached the surgical floor and Meredith stepped out, waving goodbye to both the other occupants, glad that finally things were going in the right direction and even if she felt the need for something more, she was pretty okay with being friendly with him again and talking in elevators. _For now_.

She proceeded with rounds and tried her best to avoid the confrontation over the phone with Finn, but she knew it was unavoidable. Mid-morning she decided it was time to just get over her fears and call him. She needed to do this, at least to be honest with him. She had never meant to let things spin so out of control, but Derek happened to be there when she had needed comfort and she had to deal with it then.

"Hey Finn" she greeted tentatively as soon as she heard him pick up his phone

"Hi" her replied coolly

"I'm sorry about this morning. My mother always messes up with my head and I was a little bit on edge. We shouldn't have yelled" she tried the best she could to disguise the fact that she was a bad cheater and also a liar because the reason she was on edge had a completely different explanation than the one she had given him, namely Derek Shepherd and all the awesome things he could do between the sheets.

"Is she in town?" he asked, surprised. It had been the first time that she had mentioned her mother to him in a normal conversation and he didn't know what to expect.

"She lives in a home in Bainbridge, she has Alzheimer. They needed to admit her for a check up, she suffers from an heart condition and she had a small heart attack"

"God, I'm so sorry. Why didn't you ever tell me anything?" he sounded really hurt, but maybe it was only her imagination

"Because she doesn't want me to" she said defensively.

"What about I come over tonight and you can explain things better?"

"Yeah, fine, but don't throw a fit if Derek or someone else is here, okay?"

"Did you really slept with him?"

"Yes, Finn" she sighed, admitting her weakness.

"I...I don't know what to say" his voice was dripping with hurt.

"We'll settle things tonight, I'll explain, I promise" she sighed, hating to have hurt Finn so badly but at the same time knowing that it was bound to happen at some point.

"Okay."

"I'm so sorry"

"I know. Bye Meredith"

"Bye Finn" she was more than grateful that he hadn't said he loved her once more. She didn't needed to feel even more guilty.

Just a few months had passed since she had met Derek and still, she couldn't stop thinking about him. And the previous night had been just the confirmation she needed to finally break up with Finn. This dinner was exactly what she wanted. No restaurants, no romantic crap, just the two of them at home and a fairly enough dose of yelling. She felt like yelling somehow. She had been feeling weird from a while, to be precise, like she had lived on a roller-coaster from the moment Derek stepped in her life. Strangely enough, it felt more than good to be on board.

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><p><strong>AN: I don't approve cheating, at all, but it's Meredith and Derek here!<strong>

**Finn will disappear, don't worry. Now at least he's not completely oblivious to the situation around him. **

**I hope you liked the chapter, atay tuned for the next one! I'll update as soon as I'll get more photo-work done -so in a veeeeery long time-. Okay, maybe a little bit sooner...**


	12. Not So Strong Without This Open Arms,

**Hello readers, I'm still here! Sorry about the long wait, but I was figuring out a few things for this chapter. I wanted to post a huge chapter today, then I ended up splitting it into two parts to leave you a bit hanging there. I promise I'll update tomorrow, right before leaving for two weeks. I don't think I'll be able to update anything anytime soon, so just bear with me. I realize i'll leave you kind of in a bad place but...**

**I also split the title between chapters, both are taken out of the good ol' Yeah Yeah Yeahs with Runaway. The song had been a big muse for another of my stories and it deserved a bit of praising. **

**I guess you'll enjoy this chapter as much as I loved writing it. Well, maybe not the last part, but it was a big challenge for me. **

**Okay, I'm going to stop rambling right now.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 12 - Not So Strong Without This Open Arms...<strong>

When Meredith met Derek in an aisle again a while later, his happy grin of the elevator was replaced by a deep, worried frown and he looked almost sick.

"What's wrong?" she immediately approached him, trying to understand what was going on in his busy head, knowing that she was allowed again to ask this kind of questions.

"Hospital stuff, I think I'm getting sued" he sighed, leaning limply against the first desk on his way, practically defeated.

"I'm so sorry, is it the old lady in room 3245?"

He nodded "The man says I unplugged his wife when she had chances to wake up and I don't have anything against him." he admitted

"You have your reputation. I trust your judgment" she tried a small smile as well, but he kept frowning.

"You weren't there, you don't know" he almost snapped, but his eyes told her he regretted it immediately. She remained quiet, knowing better to not snap back; he was already pissed off, he didn't need her to pick a fight over nothing.

"We need to wait another week or so for the lawyers to review the case, then we'll know if we'll go to court or not" he looked at the tiles, which suddenly seemed less dangerous and much more appealing than Meredith's eyes, despite how much he loved her eyes.

He loved her, the day of the possible end of his career he had finally figured that out and he had been on cloud nine, but he was also afraid she wasn't ready to be more than friends and all that happened between them was just a mistake, considering that after all that had happened she practically avoided him for weeks and there was Eden in the package with him as well. She was great with Eden, but he knew it was hard for her anyway. And she was still dating Finn, even if they were supposedly breaking up this same night.

He was someplace else when he declared the patient brain dead, even if he knew he was doing the right thing, the smallest sliver of doubt never ceased to haunt him. He was a perfectionist, because he knew there were human lives in his hands, but he was just too happy that fateful day he could have easily jumped up and down in the hallways, just like Eden when she spots the gifts under the tree at Christmas.

When he finally looked up, he met trusty, almost devoted eyes and somehow he realized he needed to tell her his feelings soon, because he couldn't help anymore to stare at her in awe.

He hoped that nothing would change between them after that if she would say no.

"You are a great doctor Derek, that man still needs to figure that out" she said and she meant it.

She wanted to close the distance between the two of them and just kiss it away, just like Eden asked her to do when she grazed her knee in the yard, falling from the steps. 'Kiss it away, it's gonna be okay', her heart kept screaming, but her brain knew better. And so she did the most unusual thing for her: she opened her arms and hugged him. She didn't care they were in the middle of the hallway, neither that he was her boss, he just looked like he needed something to hold on to, so she just hugged him, just like he kissed her when she was crying in the closet or the night before. She was being there for him.

At first, his body stiffened and he remained still, shocked maybe by the unexpected gesture, then his arms wrapped around the small of her back and her shoulders, light as feathers, but there, almost as if he was unsure what this gesture really meant. Meredith's hands remained simply wrapped around his shoulders, worried that doing more would mean something different than a friendly hug. Because she meant more. The feeling of his body under hers made her head spin, needing simply more. His usual smell seemed to tangle everywhere, enveloping her in more than just his arms; she felt overwhelmed by him, despite she was the one who began the hug.

He held her and suddenly, nothing else mattered anymore, because he was holding a perfect woman and she was hugging him. He was broken, but she was there, keeping him upright, despite the unspoken need for more.

_More, more, more, please give me more_. He wanted to scream because he couldn't kiss her again, he couldn't hug her like this every moment of the day, smell her lavender conditioner from the back of her neck each time they were alone in an elevator. He just couldn't and he wanted more. _More, more, more_. He couldn't argue with his brain for throwing a tantrum this time, especially after the previous night.

"Mer..." his voice stopped working before saying her whole name and it felt so intimate and caring that it was almost too much. Except he needed more of it. "Thanks" he finally finished his thoughts, but it didn't seem enough.

"You're welcome" she simply replied, her voice almost a whisper while her arms tightened around him for a second, her nose nuzzling in the crook of his neck, before she pulled away.

For her, the hospital was suddenly a really cold place outside his embrace, the light too bright without the crook of his neck to hide.

When they put a few inches between them, their eyes locked and it was like the hug never ended. The kept staring at each other, drawing comfort from the simple fact that they were there, together, holding each other with their gazes.

"Daddy!" Eden's voice suddenly popped their bubble, bringing a flurry of joy "Meri!"

"Hey Ladybug, why are you here?" Derek joked, tearing away his eyes and picking her in his arms. He wanted to have lunch with her to brighten his mood, so he asked her teacher to bring her downstairs when he paged her. Eden was overexcited.

"Dunno" she smiled brightly and Derek realized why Eden was the only person in this world who could tear his eyes away from Meredith so easily.

"Do you want to join us for lunch?" he asked Meredith, looking at her with his most precious McDreamy smile and making her weak in her knees. She couldn't say no when he asked her that way, with those eyes.

"Maybe" she smirked.

Derek's smile suddenly faded from his face and his eyes turned black with worry. Like a switch, from happiness to worry in a matter of seconds. He looked at her apologetically and she knew he was going to explain later, when Eden wasn't around. She let it go, even if she was getting worried as well.

"Why don't you two go down there and I'll join us in a few minutes, I have a family to update" he tried to keep a smile on his face but Meredith knew it was fake. Eden didn't complain, instead she held out her hand to Meredith with a wide smile, waiving goodbye to her teacher.

When Meredith turned around she saw a middle-aged man walking towards them with an angry demeanor, his eyes full of rage. She understood that he was the man that was going to sue Derek and she knew why he didn't want Eden there. She immediately took Eden's hand and walked away, trying not to bolt to get out of there as fast as she could, without being suspicious.

"Meri, Daddy was weird" Eden immediately stated as they reached the cafeteria and sat at a table, waiting for him. She wasn't worried, just curious, like every kid is. Questions rolled out of her mouth endlessly, if they let her talk.

"He's just dealing with something tough, he's a bit stressed, he'll be here in a minute" she tried not to worry the girl too much, smiling brightly. Eden was smart and noticed when something around her was fake, especially a smile from her Daddy.

"Why were you hugging Daddy?" she asked in her bubbly voice like it was the most natural thing in the world to share hugs in the middle of the hallway.

"Oh" Meredith blushed crimson "He looked like he needed a hug" she whispered, trying to speak properly, like she didn't want to dig a hole in the floor and hide there forever. She was caught even before things started and it was already awkward. And her cheeks wouldn't stop being so hot!

"Kissing it away's better, I told ya" she frowned, just like every time someone forgot something. She was a very bossy girl, she didn't like when people didn't followed her advices.

_'I know kissing is better, believe me, kissing your Daddy is awesome'_ she wanted to say, but she remained quiet, trying not to think back at the shivers down her spine when his body was so close to hers in the very enclosed space of the supply closet or his lips on every inch of her body the previous night. Definitely not what she should be thinking with Eden right in front of her.

"My Mommy never hugged Daddy, even when he was sad, so I hugged him" she said and Meredith felt her heart aching for that little girl who had to grow up too fast. Much like what happened to her.

"He was happy then, huh?"

Eden nodded "But just because I kissed it away too. He was sad again when we went away" she noticed

"He's waiting for your kiss, then" smiled Meredith, pushing away the images swirling in her head with all the memories of the night they spent together. She had never felt that good in her whole life and she knew that it had been the last confirmation to break up with Finn at dinner in the evening.

Derek opened the swinging door of the cafeteria and trudged to their table. He was pale and almost shaky, but his features loosened as soon as he spotted his two favorite people chatting at the table, waiting for him. He sat down and watched the exchange quietly, still amazed how easily Meredith seemed to fit between the two of them. He didn't need to speak, he just needed some moments to recompose himself and listen to their chatting helped. Just being there helped a lot.

When Eden somehow sneaked into his arms and pulled him in a hug, just like Meredith did before, adding a kiss as well, everything was almost back to normal.

He ate quietly, enjoying their time together, listening to Eden talk about her experiences during the day and Meredith reply excitedly to everything, not because she had to but because she really cared. This melted away every kind of worry and he didn't know how to thank them for this few moments of regained peace.

The three of them walked together back to the daycare still smiling widely enjoying their day, walking to drop off Eden before heading to their patient, but when they arrived on the catwalk, Derek froze. It was unusually empty, except for the same middle-aged man from before, his gray hair cut short and his eyes angry. One of his hands was poking out from his pocket, together with a shiny black gun, a devilish grin spreading on the man's lips.

"Mr. Clark" choked out Derek, immediately backing off. He had seen guns before, one similar to this killed his father right in front of him, but nobody had never pointed one right in his face. He wanted to scream and run away, but he remembered of Eden and Meredith next to him. He couldn't dare watch their panicked faces or things were going to become worse than how they already were.

"Are you scared, Dr. Shepherd?" the man smirked and Derek went a shade paler. His body shivered and he swallowed, trying to push his fear down his throat with his saliva. He needed to fight, like his father taught him.

"Let them go, Mr. Clark, then we can sort things out, okay?" it wasn't going to work out and he knew it, he just needed more time to allow Eden and Meredith to be far from them, Eden was too little to see a gun shoot or worse...Derek knew if Gary Clark wanted to, he was a dead man.

"Nothing is okay, you killed my wife!" he roared and immediately Eden hid behind Derek, clutching at his scrub. No air reached Derek's lungs, the booming voice still echoing in his head, the tiny hands of his daughter holding on for dear life. Meredith moved slowly closer to him and for the first time in his life, he wanted her far away.

She held out her hand to Eden, unable to stop staring at the gun pointed at them, squeezing Eden's little grasp tightly. The girl squeezed back and let go of Derek, holding on to Meredith's legs, standing between her feet while she rubbed her back trying to ease away a kind of fear impossible to ease.

"Let them go" Derek almost pleaded, his worst nightmare becoming reality. He needed them safe, they needed to be okay.

"What would your life be like if I kill your daughter, huh?" Derek weaved, tears forming in his eyes. Gary Clark knew where to hit and the man had a gun.

"Please"_ I'm a dead man and we both know it_. He was afraid of leaving Eden, because he knew he wasn't going to be there next to her and protect her for the rest of her life if Gary Clark pulled the trigger, she was going to grow up alone and he was going to miss all of it. All the graduations and the honors, all the boyfriends, the grandchildren and the rest of her life. He kept the tears in his eyes, but the gun blurred, even if it didn't lose his ghastliness.

"Daddy" Eden whispered and Meredith began to cry, silent tears streaming down her cheeks, her thoughts exactly where Derek's were.

"Stop whining!" he yelled to Eden and the little girl winced, nuzzling her face in Meredith's thigh.

"Please, let them go" Derek tried to convince him again, but something snapped in Gary Clark, both Meredith and Derek saw it.

Derek knew that was it, he was going to die that day.

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><p><strong>AN: I picked the worst place to split this chapter, I know. Just stay tuned and you'll see.<strong>

**I didn't know if putting the shooting in the mix was a good idea, but it was the idea that popped in my mind in the first place for this story so I kind of had to work around it to get here. **

**It took me a lot of editing to get here and well, I hope I did a nice job. Thanks to my Beta too!**


	13. ,Hold On Tight

**Here's the second part. I know I finished last chapter badly, I promise this won't end as badly as that. I'm gonna be away for two weeks after all...**

**The song is still Runaway by Yeah Yeah Yeahs, the chapter picks up exactly where we left off.**

**Enjoy and thank you all for the reviews!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 13 – ...Hold On Tight<strong>

_Something snapped in Gary Clark, both Meredith and Derek saw it._

_Derek knew that was it, he was going to die that day._

Meredith tightened her hold to Eden, trying to protect her from the inevitable. She was ready to do anything to save her or Derek, but she knew that she couldn't do anything, she was nobody for Derek, neither a daughter nor a wife and Gary Clark didn't need a best friend for revenge. She wished she was something more for him for a completely different reason than she had always thought and in that moment she knew that if Gary Clark was going to shoot Derek, her life was never going to be the same, no matter what happened, because she knew that she will never feel something like what she was feeling right in this moment for nobody else than Derek. Derek couldn't die.

"I can't have my wife back, neither justice from someone like you, so I'll have her, I want an eye for an eye" Gary Clark stated, before pulling the trigger.

Meredith turned instinctively to shield Eden, ready to take the bullet, the milliseconds while it was waiving in the air became the longest of her life.

The bullet never hit her flesh.

Tears began streaming harder down her face as a loud thump reminded her that something was really really wrong. The bullet hit something, but not her and that seemed wrong. Eden was crying in her arms, more likely desperately sobbing, but she seemed fine. _Something was terribly wrong_.

"Seattle PD, drop your weapon!" she immediately looked up and saw three agents pointing their guns to Gary Clark. A clung of metal reverberated in the suddenly silent hospital and she knew it was over. Still, something wasn't right.

"You're under arrest..." spoke the leading agent, but the rest began just a blur when she turned to Derek and saw his body laying in a puddle of blood. The bullet had hit near his heart, the indigo scrubs a dark black around the wound. Far away, a man was laughing.

In that moment Meredith wanted to die, crumble on the floor and just lay there, let the earth swallow her, then she saw Derek's eyes flutter open and looking around and she remembered of Eden in her arms.

"Daddy!" she yelled and nothing was more tear-jerking that this simple word, her little hand reaching for him while she wriggled in Meredith's grasp.

She knelt on the floor and left Eden standing there for a moment, while her hands immediately went on the wound to press it and prevent him from bleeding out, the doctor instinct in her finally kicking in to keep Derek alive. She couldn't look at Eden. She heard steps shuffling around her, someone calling for a gurney, but everything was blurry.

"Derek, hold on okay, it's over, just...just...Derek" she babbled, her tears streaming down her cheeks out of control.

"Daddy!" Eden cried again and Meredith felt torn. She needed to comfort Eden, but Derek couldn't die like that, in her arms. _He couldn't die, period_.

"I'm gonna be with Daddy all time, Eden, he needs to be fixed, okay? Do you trust me, Eden?" she finally looked up and she realized why she avoided her eyes until now. Eden didn't make any sound or gesture to say that she understood why Meredith wasn't holding her anymore, she was just scared out of her mind.

"I want my Daddy" she whimpered, big fat tears coming out of her shimmering blue eyes. The same eyes locked with Meredith's gaze, then shifted to Eden

"Ladybug" he coughed "Kiss..."_ kiss it better_.

"Yes Daddy" she stepped closer, understanding him even without the complete sentence. She kissed his cheek sweetly, despite the sobs that were shaking her. She believed he would get better, and Meredith believed with Eden, because they couldn't bear the mere idea of losing him. He tried to reach for his daughter, but he was too weak.

"Love you baby" he whispered, using all his strength left, before closing his eyes.

"I love you too Daddy" she answered, backing away from him to give Meredith room to press his wound. Meredith just couldn't stop crying.

"Derek wake up, please, wake up, Eden needs you here, I need you here Derek, please wake up" she teared, while she heard the sounds of the staff wheeling a gurney. "Don't leave us here"

The lights were too bright, the walls too white. His chest seemed on fire. He was going to die but despite the pain, the fact that he was bleeding out to death, his head was fuzzy and he couldn't think straight, he already knew he had to try his best to fight to stay there with them, where he was needed; he had to watch Eden grow up and he wanted to grow old with Meredith, he owed her an happy ending, she never got one and he had to give her at least that. He needed to tell her how much he loved her, every single cell of her.

"Mer, I...I love..." he wasn't able to finish, the words stuck in his throat, he was losing the last strength to stay awake, his body betraying him while his surroundings began fading to blobs of undistinguished colors.

"I love you too Derek, please you can't die, hold on, okay?" she cried harder as his eyes closed one last time before he was laying flat on the gurney and wheeled into surgery.

Meredith kept staring alternatively at Derek's blood on her hands and the door behind which he disappeared, standing shocked on the catwalk, oblivious to anything but the fact that somewhere in that building Derek Shepherd could probably die. _He couldn't die, he just told her that he loved her and she said it back, he couldn't die_.

"Meri" Eden's broken voice snapped her back to the real world while her tears began flowing heavily. She cleaned her bloody hands on her scrubs, turning to the little girl and crouching in front of her. Eden couldn't live all alone or with a mother who didn't wanted her, she needed Derek. _Meredith needed Derek_.

"Meri, I need my Daddy" she whimpered, her tears had slowed a little, but she looked like the weight of her whole world had collapsed on her tiny shoulders and Meredith knew she couldn't hold that all alone.

"I need your Daddy too" Meredith sighed, cleaning the last stains of blood on her hands on her scrub the best she could and wrapping Eden's tiny body in her arms, lifting her up and holding her tightly. Her small hands clutched at her bloody scrub top, but she didn't cared, her legs hooking around her waist. Her face disappeared in the crook of Meredith's neck while Meredith kept crying, trying to soothe her and knowing that they would never stop crying until they knew that Derek was going to be okay. Eden was shivering in her arms, both from sobs and fear but they just stood there, holding on to each other for an endless time.

Meredith moved mechanically to the bathroom when the world seemed safe enough again to walk and washed her hands properly, then to Eden's daycare, picking up her change of clothes to clean her up from her father's blood.

She didn't know why she found that so important, maybe doing something would keep her from drowning in the reality that Derek was probably dying somewhere in the building.

She never stopped every time someone asked her what happened, she tried not to look at all the wide-eyed and freaked out staring faces while she walked down the halls holding Eden, who was still crying silently on her shoulder. She went to her locker and grabbed two clean towels, one for her and the other for Eden. The little girl never left her side or her arms, a piece of the scrubs always tangled in her hands to never let go of her.

"I'm going to clean you up now, then you'll sit with somebody while I shower, okay?" the little girl shook her head and clung more tightly to her neck. Meredith sniffled, brushing away her last tears "You don't want to have a shower?" the girl shook her head again, still hiding in her chest

"But we can clean up and be all ready for Daddy when he'll be out of surgery, how does that sounds?" she tried her best to sound cheerful, but her tone remained somehow flat, expressionless. Nothing in the situation was cheerful. Eden looked up and Meredith recognized the look of trust flickering there.

"Okay" she whispered "Don't leave Meri" she added then and more tears flow silently down her cheeks, so did on Meredith's, but she blinked them away before Eden could notice.

"I'm not going to leave, I'll take a shower, I'll be quick" she reassured, tightening her arms around her tiny body.

"No, stay" she finally voiced, gripping tightly on Meredith.

"What about I'll shower with you?" Meredith suggested and the girl nodded, loosening her hold a little "I can braid your hair later" added her and Eden's tears slowly stopped. Meredith knew how much she loved when people braided her hair, just like every respectable little girl; she was sure it would have kept her busy with something else than her father, at least for a few moments.

They stepped together in the shower, cleaning up silently, both their tears subsided even if neither of them wanted to talk about anything.

Meredith knew she wasn't going to have a proper shower, so she just cleaned up Eden. The usually bubbly child Eden was seemed hidden behind a layer of fear and Meredith couldn't blame her. She was quiet and passive, limp when Meredith tightened the towel around her and lifted her up in her arms.

_And Derek was probably dying somewhere_.

She dressed Eden in a comfortable t-shirt and sweatpants then the little girl waited for Meredith to be dressed as well sitting on the bench in the locker room, a shell of her usually self. Meredith tried to keep it together the best she could, but she couldn't stop the lonely tears that sometimes escaped from the corner of her eyes. Everything was just too much.

The door opened and Cristina was standing there awkwardly, staring at Meredith and Eden alternatively, fidgeting with the clipboard in her hands. Meredith sat on the bench, staring at Cristina and immediately Eden sat cross-legged in front of Meredith. She began brushing her hair and braiding them with swift gestures, while Cristina stood there silently. She didn't dare interrupt the scene taking place in front of her, she didn't know what was happening, she just waited.

"Meredith" she said finally, when Eden's hair were tied in a perfect braid and the girl just climbed into Meredith's lap and sat there, hiding her face in her chest again. Meredith simply looked up at her person, not hiding any sliver of hurt and fear in her eyes.

"He's in surgery with Teddy and Owen" she announced, and it seemed like the usual treatment she gave to the family of her patients, except that there was much more in that simple sentence.

"Okay"

Meredith stood, taking Eden in her arms and walking out of the locker room, she couldn't hear anything more. She sat in the waiting room.

Waiting. Because there was nothing else to do.

Waiting. Because Derek Shepherd was still alive.

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><p><strong>AN: I hate to leave you waiting all this time, but real life got in the way of the progress for this story. I'm sorry. <strong>

**I don't know if I'll have an internet connection, if I will, I'll surely update before coming home, if not, well, that's all you get at this point. I know, I'm a mean author. He's still alive though, right? ****Silver lining ;)**

**I hope you'll spend two great weeks while I'll be in the middle of nowhere relaxing and exploring. Thank you for sticking by so patiently, you are the best readers!**


	14. Reminds Me There's Room To Grow

**Hello readers!**

**First of all you all deserve a prize for your patience because I delayed my long update of almost a day because in Italy today was national holiday and I went visiting my grandma. You know how things goes when you go visit relatives, more of them show up, people here and there and it's dinner time before you'd notice. Anyway, I'm back home and boy, it was such a needed vacation!**

**I wrote much more than expected and I even found some wi-fi along the way, but not much time to update, unfortunately so thank you again for waiting for this update, you are extraordinary people!**

**I'm gonna cut it short, the title is from Drops Of Jupiter by Train. You can enjoy this now!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 14 - Reminds Me There's Room To Grow <strong>

Eden finally fell asleep in Meredith's arms, but her slumber wasn't peaceful. Meredith kept smoothing her long, red hair that she had just braided, rubbing her back, while silent tears kept streaming down her face. She had never cried this much. One of Eden's hands was still clutching at her clean scrubs while the other thumb was safely locked in her mouth, out of fear more than a habit.

Meredith took her phone and slowly dialed Finn's number, she needed to postpone their break up and she could also keep herself busy in the mean time.

"Hey Meredith, I'll be at your place at eight tonight" he said almost cheerfully before she could even reply to his greeting.

"Derek has been shot tonight" she said bluntly, her voice cracking at the end.

The phone on the other line remained silent, before Finn could reply, a shocked "Oh my God, is he all right?"

"He's in surgery, we are waiting. I'm with Eden"

"Meredith" he sighed

"Finn" she croaked, on the verge of tears again

"I'm sorry, I'll be there as soon as I can" he said and somehow she couldn't help but feeling the need to tell him to stay home. But she simply said goodbye and hung up then began caressing Eden's braid again, trying to collect herself.

"Grey" she heard a known male voice call for her and she wished for some more time alone.

"Dr. Sloan" she simply replied, wiping away her last tears and turning to the disheveled man standing next to her. They were friends too, despite everything, he was still friends with Derek.

"Is it true? Do you have any news? I was in surgery..." he spat frantically, taking away his scrub cap to confirm his words

"Dr. Sloan" she repeated blankly, unable to focus on anything but the fact that Derek was in surgery.

"Derek has been shot?" he continued in disbelief, not noticing Meredith's tears falling heavily on her cheeks.

"Mark" she cried, her voice broken, trying all her best to shut him up.

"Oh God" he became pale all of a sudden when their eyes met and he finally understood. He sat down next to Meredith, unable to stand up any second more.

"It's bad Mark, okay? They...they are doing the best they can. Altman and Hunt. And the Chief with Bailey I think. They're doing the best they can" she took deep, shaky breaths when Eden began to wake up.

"Daddy" she mumbled, and Meredith's heart broke a little bit more.

"Hey Ladybug, Daddy is still with my doctor friends, he'll be out of there soon, how are you feeling?" she croaked, her voice filled with all the unshed tears she was fighting.

"Daddy is okay, Meri?" she asked, staring deeply into Meredith's eyes and she knew she couldn't lie to that stare, she was smart.

"I don't know baby, but as soon as the doctors get out of those doors we'll find out, okay?" she answered calmly, somehow Eden was helping her coping with the pain. "Do you want some crayons to draw while we wait?" the girl shook her head.

"I want to snuggle in your arms, can I?" Eden tried hopeful

"Of course. Have you said hi to Uncle Mark?" she tried to keep her mind busy with something else than her father's surgery.

"Hi Uncle Mark" she managed a smile "Where's my Mommy? Daddy told me you'd look after her when we were away"

"I haven't seen your Mommy for a while" he looked carefully at Meredith and she nodded, telling him she knew the whole story. His eyes became sad all of a sudden and she knew that Addison had probably broke things off with him as well "But we can try to call her" he continued, a hint of hope in his voice as well.

"She never answers when Daddy calls her" the girl sighed and Meredith began stroking her back evenly "Maybe Nana knows something" she added

"Oh, crap!" he stopped immediately when he realized he had just cursed in front of Eden "I should call Carolyn"

"She's the best Nana in the world and she knows everything" whispered Eden to Meredith, noticing her puzzled face, finally a small smile brightening her features. Mark's pager rang loudly, snapping them out of the conversation.

"Sorry, it's 911, I have to go, keep me updated, okay"

"Bye Uncle Mark!" waived Eden. "We can call Nana, right?" asked then to Meredith. She looked hopeful and the small smile lingered on her lips.

"We don't have the number"

"Daddy has it in his office" she said happily, her smile fading at the mere thought of his father.

"Let's go get it, then" she took the girl in her arms and began walking to the elevators.

She was freaking out at the simple idea of calling Derek's mother, but she would have done anything to see that beautiful smile on Eden's lips again. So she walked in his office with Eden following closely, finally a little bit more independent and less scared, simply holding her hand and walking beside her. As soon as she opened the unlocked door, Eden ran to the desk and pulled out a address book.

"It's here somewhere for sure" she said happily, handing it to Meredith.

"We can try calling your Mom as well" continued Meredith, as soon as she spotted Addison name on the first pages.

"Nana first"

It somehow shocked Meredith the fact that Eden was more excited to see her grandmother than her own mother, but considering the last events in her life before Derek getting shot, she couldn't blame the girl.

The number was listed under 'Mom Home' in his typical, strangely readable handwriting. His charts used to be way messier than that; she could almost say his handwriting was nice.

She dialed the number carefully, sitting in one of the armchairs in front of Derek's desk while Eden took his seat and began turning in circles, giggling. It made her heart lighter somehow that after everything, Eden could still have fun with something as simple as a chair.

The phone ringed twice, before a warm, motherly voice answered.

"Hello?"

"Mrs Shepherd?" asked Meredith, chocking up on the last breath. She had really called Derek's mother.

"Yeah, that would be me" the woman answered politely, the warm tone of her voice somehow comforting Meredith

"I'm calling from Seattle Grace Hospital" said Meredith, trying to remain as calm as possible

"Oh, my son Derek works there"

"It's about him that I'm calling. He..." she tried to find the perfect words, but nothing seemed nice enough to tell her that her only son was probably dying somewhere. Air slipped out of her and nothing came out of her throat anymore.

"What happened?" the concern in her voice was palpable

"He...he got shot, here at work. We are good friends and now he's in surgery and Mark was paged, so I just..." she rambled, feeling tears in her eyes again

"Oh God, Derek has been shot?" she could sense the concern shift to panic in the older woman's voice.

"He's in surgery right now, I know nothing, I've been with Eden the whole time, I'm so sorry" sniffed Meredith, trying to keep her tears at bay, failing miserably.

"Oh Derek" sighed the woman "I'm on the first plane out"

"If you want to call me I can pick you up at the airport, Eden really wants to see you" she said, without really thinking what had gotten into her

"Thank you..." she wanted to add something, but she seemed not to remember it.

"Meredith, Dr. Meredith Grey, I'm so stupid, I haven't even told you my name"

"Meredith, it's fine. I'll call you as soon as I booked the flight"

"Goodbye Mrs Shepherd"

"See you soon Meredith and thank you so much for calling right away"

Then she hung up and stared at Eden. "Your Nana is coming to Seattle" she tried to look excited for the girl, despite the nagging fear of the meeting. Derek's mother was going to be in town and she was going to be a mess. A real mess. _Not good, not good at all_.

Eden smiled widely, practically jumping down the chair to run to Meredith's lap, hugging her tightly.

"Thanks Meri for calling Nana"

"You're welcome, sweetie"

Before she could do anything her pager rang and for the first time in her life, she was afraid to answer a page.

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><p><strong>AN: I left you in a bad place, I know, I'll update quickly this time around. I have some things banked already, so it will be manageable to get updates done in less time. Sorry also for the relatively short chapter, I practically wrote this whole storyline in a bunch and I had to split it after I had done everything. I'll give you more soon, maybe tomorrow, two days tops.<strong>

**Anyway, thank you for all the reviews, the feedback and the visits, the whole amount of everything still shocks me sometimes. Thank you!**


	15. Wake Up Your Eyes

**To feel a little less guilty about making you wait all that time for a new chapter, I decided to update two days in a row.**

**The title for this chapter is taken out from the first line of Good Morning Fire Eater by Copeland. I think I had already used it, but it's a nice song and a nice title that fits here. **

**i'll leave you to the chapter, enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 15 - Wake Up Your Eyes<strong>

Meredith and Eden stood in the waiting room quietly, looking at Miranda Bailey and Richard Webber trudge towards them. _Trudging was never good_.

"How's my Daddy?" spoke immediately Eden, even before the two doctors could stop in front of them. Finally a smile Meredith had never seen brightened Dr. Bailey's features and she looked deeply into Eden's eyes.

"Your Daddy is going to be just fine"

Eden turned immediately to Meredith with a huge smile, jumping up and down on the spot "Meri, Daddy's okay!" she shrieked

"Yeah, he is" she looked at the two doctors in front of her and couldn't help the fresh tears. She crouched to hug Eden tightly, neither of them wanted to let go.

"Do you want to see him?" asked Richard after giving us some time

"Can we, Meri?" Eden's eyes were sparkling with joy and hope again, almost like before.

"Let's go see Daddy" I grinned widely at her, holding out my hand while she reached for it, finally with the usual enthusiasm.

Walking through the hallways wasn't as scary as it had been a few hours ago, it never felt more right, actually. After being in this hospital her whole life, she began feeling like home only when Derek and Eden moved here and flipped upside-down everything that her life had been before.

She stopped outside the door Dr. Bailey guided them when her former teacher almost glared at her in her usual way that meant trouble.

"Eden, Daddy won't be awake for a while, okay?" Meredith tried her best to explain anesthesia to a four-year-older, but nothing seemed good enough.

"Is he tired?" she asked candidly

"No, doctors made him sleep so they could work to make him better" she smiled, but thinking about the surgery felt like a punch in the gut for her. She knew every single movement that they had performed and it wasn't comforting.

"Oh, okay" Eden replied simply, too excited to see her Daddy

"He has got tubes to help him breathe, so don't get scared, all right?" _you've seen a gun pointed at you, after all_.

"Mhmm" she nodded, the smile faltering a little.

Bailey pushed open the door and Meredith stopped for a moment at the threshold. After seeing thousands of patients in the same position, this time the air fought to come out of her throat.

Derek's body was lying limply, motionless, fixed there, a plastic tube down his throat that looked scary as hell, the sheets pulled up under his armpits, a gown covering the bandage on his wounded chest. He didn't looked like the Derek she had hugged before lunch, not even an inch. He seemed just somewhere else.

"Hi Daddy!" Eden said cheerfully, leaning closer to him and stretching up to hold his hand. She was somehow disappointed when he didn't squeezed back as always. "Daddy, it's sunny, you have to wake up!" she said again, giggling. The same scene could have easily took place in Derek's trailer, early in the morning during his day off. He would have simply groaned, turned to the other side and maybe mumbled something not really coherent about going back to sleep. This time everything remained oddly, painfully silent.

"He needs some time to wake up, he'll wake up when he's ready, okay?" explained Meredith again, trying to ease her sad face. She simply nodded, staring at the situation around her, probably trying to figure out something to do to make him open his eyes.

Dr. Bailey's muffled steps moved out of the room and Meredith stood up immediately to follow her, closing the door behind her back but still keeping an eye on Eden.

"Dr. Bailey" she called. The woman immediately turned on her heels to face her, a curious expression on her face.

"What is it, Grey?"

"How did the surgery go?" she asked what nobody ever wanted to.

"Quite smoothly. Dr. Altman was able to repair the damage to his left lung, Hunt took care of everything else. The recovery will be painful, but in the long run, he'll be just fine" she smiled briefly "They didn't even needed to cut his sternum because the bullet hit much lower, so he would be just fine in two, maybe three weeks tops"

"Thank you Dr. Bailey" Meredith smiled as well, feeling a little bit lighter

"Take off that smirk on your lips, Grey" snickered Bailey

"I'm..." she began, somehow shocked by Bailey's statement.

"I see you two looking at each other, I'm not blind. You know I know everything" she smirked and Meredith's face became red "Take care of the little girl before we find someone else for her"

"I can handle her" agreed immediately, without even thinking "She trusts me"

"I'm going to ask the Chief if he can give you some days off"

"It's fine, Der...Dr. Shepherd's mother is coming from New York, Dr. Sloan wanted me to call her" she began rambling.

"Fine, okay, get back in here and don't do anything you wouldn't do under my watch, are we clear?"

"Yes Dr. Bailey" she nodded, a smile slowly playing on her lips.

Meredith walked back in the room and noticed that Eden was still standing at Derek's bedside, clutching his hand tightly. She moved closer, standing right behind her, one hand placed firmly on her shoulder, the other grazing gently Derek's arm. If nobody knew the story between the two of them he could have easily guessed that they were a perfect family, instead of two friends in love with each other.

"Meri, Nana is coming right?" asked Eden, breaking the quiet in the room, her voice a little bit less giddy than before.

"She'll be here soon, are you hungry?"

"No, I ate Uncle Mark's sandwich" she giggled. Meredith didn't even remember the last time she ate something, but she didn't really mind, she was used to long shifts without time to eat, she could survive a few more hours.

Meredith sat down in the chair next to Derek's bed, her gaze shifting from Eden to Derek. She still marveled how strong the little girl looked, despite everything she had been through in the last few hours. Adrenaline was probably keeping her awake, but after the initial shock, she looked so much better. She couldn't look for long at Derek though, before her eyes could fill with fresh tears and she forced herself not to cry anymore.

Eden suddenly turned to Meredith, who curled up her lips in an encouraging smile, letting her know that she was going to be there for her the whole time.

"Can I sit in your lap Meri?" she asked almost shyly

"Come here" she welcomed her, outstretching her arms.

"Daddy is going to wake up soon, right?" Eden asked, as soon as she was comfortable enough, snuggling closer to Meredith's chest.

"I think so" she mumbled, kissing the top of her head "It's okay if you sleep"

Eden smiled and Meredith began stroking her arm evenly, then moved to her back and in a matter of minutes the little girl was peacefully sleeping, worn out by all the events of the long day.

"Derek" whispered Meredith then, stretching her hand to hold his in hers "God, you're okay. Almost. I was worried you wouldn't make it. I..." she trailed off "I love you, Derek" she confessed, the second time in her whole life she had said those words all together and she felt her heart squeeze with love and fear of still losing him at some point. She was afraid of what her life was going to be without him, even just friends seemed better than this lifeless Derek.

She squeezed his hand a little tighter and she was surprised when she felt a faint squeeze back. She looked up and saw his eyelids fight to be open again. She immediately placed the sleeping little girl on the nearby couch and moved closer to him.

"Derek" she said again, her voice full of emotion, tears of joy building up in her eyes. He groaned, fighting the tube. She quickly went in doctor mode and checked his vitals, pulling out the tube, a bright smile on her face as soon as his perfect blue eyes stared back at her. They weren't really alive, drugged and dull and tired, but they were his eyes.

"Mer" he spoke with so much effort that he practically coughed, grimacing in pain.

"Shhh, don't say anything, it's fine, we have all the time in the world Derek" she managed a teary smile "Do you need something? Water?"

He nodded, the movement almost imperceptible if someone wasn't really paying as much attention as Meredith was.

"I'll grab some ice chips for now" she smiled widely, walking out for a second and coming back with a plastic cup full of ice chips before he could open his eyes again. He tried to reach out for the glass, but he groaned immediately when he realized how hard was to move. Everything hurt. Meredith didn't said anything, she simply pulled a chip out of the glass and pushed it in his mouth.

She wanted to smile widely, because he was alive and breathing and Derek, but she couldn't while he was so weak and incapable of doing all the stuff that made him the cocky neurosurgeon she met sometime this year.

"Thanks" he was able to groan, his voice a little less hoarse than before.

"I'm so glad you're okay, Derek. Your mother will be here shortly and Eden is sleeping" she updated him quickly and his eyes grew wider as soon as she mentioned his daughter.

"Eden" his eyes flickered immediately towards her

"She'sokay Derek, she will be fine" smiled Meredith, trying to reassure him. The look of worry clearly didn't go unnoticed by her side and she knew that Eden should be the last of his worries "I can take care of her until your mother arrives"

"Mer" her managed to say, fighting for every breath "I meant it"

"What?" she asked puzzled

"I love you, Mer" his voice was clearer than ever

"I love you too, Derek, you know that" she replied, somehow embarrassed, the sentence gaining a whole different meaning in her mind.

"No. I'm in love with you, Meredith Grey" he whispered and his eyes sparkled, losing for a moment the veil of dullness that had been there only a few seconds before, a bright smile plastering on his beaten up features. Meredith's mouth hang open for a moment.

"You're on drugs" she smiled, still unable to pinpoint when did she missed it and avoiding the fact that her heart seemed to jump out of her chest. She was almost sure he could hear it.

"I've been in love with you...forever" he continued, his breaths labored but the need to say those things greater than the pain "From first time I saw you, I knew you were special" he continued, looking carefully for her reaction.

He expected anything but the tears that began streaming down her face while she kept staring at him in awe, unable to tear away her gaze from his deep blue eyes.

"I love you too, Derek" she whispered, her tears still untamed but the corners of her lips curling up in a bright smile. "You...you almost died Derek and I felt the whole world slip under my feet, don't ever do that again" she began sobbing

He patted the small free space on his side and she sat there, unable to stop the water works. His arm sneaked around her waist, light as a feather, and she leaned into his touch.

"I'm sorry about Finn and the avoiding and..."

"Could you kiss me?" he asked cockily, a small smile playing on his lips as he cut her off "You know, I'd love to do it by myself, but..."

He had so many things to say but her lips silenced him immediately, no need to be asked twice. It was delicate, fragile like his body, but it felt perfect. She pulled away too soon for his likings, but he knew they will become better. He was almost breathless, but the wide grin on his face gave him away. She licked her lips with the tip of her tongue, her eyes still engraved in his, almost as if she needed proof that this was real. The tingling in her body at the mere contact felt more than real.

They both heard some movements from the couch and they saw Eden stirring awake. Meredith immediately climbed off the bed and moved to her, waiting to meet her blue eyes. They opened relatively quickly and looked up to her.

"Meri" she mumbled

"Daddy is awake" Meredith smiled widely, unable to keep the grin away from her face "He is asking for you" before she could even finish the last sentence, Eden had already bolted to his bedside, a wide smile on her face.

"Daddy!" she yelped excited

"Hey Ladybug" his voice was still a bit hoarse, but he seemed doing better

"You're okay, right?" she asked, concerned

"It hurts a little, but I'll be fine" he smiled widely, but his eyelids remained closed for a little too much and when he opened his eyes again, they were dull and sleepy.

"You are still tired Daddy?"

"A bit, yeah" he admitted

"Let's go eat something and give Daddy some room, okay?" interrupted Meredith, knowing way too well how much rest he was going to need. He seemed to thank her with his eyes. As soon as he looked back at her though, a little bit of the sparkle was back.

"Sleep well Daddy" Eden waved then Meredith took her in her arms and she leaned to kiss his forehead. Meredith fought the pull to kiss his lips again and opted to stroke his hair until his eyes closed and he was back to sleep, a relaxed smile covering his features.

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><p><strong>AN: This chapter was big, I hope I made up for the lost time!<strong>

**Thanks to everybody who reviewed and gave feedback in the last chapter, it's the best gift for a writer. I'll try to make my updates more regular from now on, go back to the three-days span I began with, probably. You can protest, because I know you want more ;) [at least I hope so!]**


	16. Small As A Wish In A Well

**As promised, I'm back with a chapter and not with Stendhal sindrome after being at the Uffizi for like four hours. Wonderfully tiring. **

**Anyway, back to the chapter, I know you don't care a bit about my personal life ;) The title is from another Iron & Wine song, Sodom, South Georgia. Just listen to this amazing man singing with his guitar, please, you'd make me a happier writer.**

**I'll thank once again all the aficionados who stick with the story and bear with me. Enjoy this new chapter!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 16 - Small As A Wish In A Well<strong>

Carolyn Shepherd walked in the building feeling the weight of the whole world on her shoulders. Not just his husband was took away from her with a stupid gun, his only son was fighting for his life for the same reason and this simply scared the living daylights out of her. At the same time though, she was pissed off; she had heard his son so happy over the phone, a tone she had been missing for a while, the one he reserved just when he spoke about Eden recently, but during his last call, everything he said seemed happy enough to be told that way. He was finally happy and he had been shot in his chest.

She opted not to call back the nice doctor that, with tears in her voice, told her about Derek's condition and she was somehow curious as well to meet her. She seemed such a nice person caring so much for a colleague. She said friend over the phone, anyway.

"Mom" she heard the voice of the other son she adopted when Derek brought him home. A small smile crept on her features as soon as she spotted Mark Sloan coming towards her to wrap her in a tight hug.

"I missed you Markie" she said, as soon as they let go.

"I'm so glad you're here" he admitted

"How's Derek?"

"He woke up a couple of times, everything looks good, you know, considering the circumstances" his gaze looked sad all of a sudden, still relieving the feeling of seeing his practically brother laying on that bed helpless.

"Good, that's good. Do you think I can see him?"

"Last time I checked on him Grey...Meredith was there with Eden, but I think it should be fine if we go now even if it's not visiting hours. They'll understand"

"Okay. She's the one who called me, right?"

"Yeah, I wanted to do it, but I got pulled in an emergency surgery" he seemed truly sorry and she understood, all her children were doctors after all.

"She seems a nice person, she was very worried about him"

"Yeah, they're madly in love with each other, they just don't want to admit it. They pretend to be best friends" he chuckled and Carolyn finally managed a smile as well.

It was typical Derek to not push a girl, he needed ages to go on a date with Addison even if they both knew they liked each other. She finally realized why Derek had sounded so happy and somehow, the curiosity in her grew even greater.

They reached the room talking about the other family members back at East who were planning on showing up as soon as possible while Mark updated Carolyn about his new life in Seattle. He thought that it was Derek who needed to tell her everything that concerned him as soon as he felt better.

When they opened the door, Carolyn was very pleased to see his son peacefully sleeping, his hand firmly wrapped around the one belonging to a petite woman, her figure slumped on the chair like she hadn't been sleeping well for ages but a small smile brightening her features, some dark blond tresses poking out of a messy bun. Carolyn guessed it was Meredith. Her eyes widened when she saw Eden resting comfortably against her chest, clutching tightly to her wrinkled scrubs while Meredith's hand was wrapped around her tenderly. A small smile appeared on Carolyn's lips at the scene unfolding in front of her and she immediately thought that the thing that her son and this woman were sharing was something different, like Mark pointed out.

She was about to leave when the woman stirred from her place, yawning widely before noticing their presence at the door and freezing, her hand immediately jerking away from Derek's almost as shocked.

"You must be Meredith" Carolyn decided to step in when she saw the woman struggling to form a coherent sentence.

"Y-Yes" she stammered "You're here" she remained frozen in her spot

"I thought you had more important things to do than pick me up at the airport, I took a cab" she smiled politely, but Meredith didn't react.

"Oh"

"It's nice to meet you" she took the few steps between them and held out her hand. Meredith took it hesitantly and gave her a small shake, trying to disguise the fact that she was shivering.

"I'm Meredith Grey" she said again, hoping to fill the embarrassing silence. She just didn't expected this and, as anticipated, she was freaking out. _This was Derek's mother and she had just professed her love for him. And Eden was way too comfortable in her arms for her to be simply a doctor_.

"Let me get you a coffee, Mark said that you've been here the whole time, you need a small break" Carolyn smiled warmly, but Meredith paralyzed even further.

_Coffee with McMom hadn't been in her plans for the day_.

"I can't, there's..."

"Mark can watch Derek and Eden sleeping, they'll be fine" Carolyn immediately understood, cutting off the beginning of a dangerous rambling. She had five children, after all. "Please?" she tried to be convincing.

Meredith finally meet Mark's eyes and glared at him, he simply smiled apologetically and walked closer to her, taking the sleeping Eden in his strong arms and sitting on the couch.

Meredith smiled, stretching her stiff muscles, then walked out of the room next to Carolyn. They walked to the cafeteria in silence. It was the first time Meredith came down there since the shooting and it felt surreal, remembering the lunch they happily shared together before everything changed. Her hands felt clammy, the bright room suddenly seemed to have not enough air in it.

"Dear, are you okay?" asked softly Carolyn and for the first time in her life, Meredith heard a motherly concern in the question.

"Yeah, just thinking, sorry" Meredith smiled nervously, fidgeting with the hem of her scrub top, her quickening breaths calming down a little hearing the soft words.

Carolyn tried to make small talk when they sat at the table "So, you work with Derek"

"Yeah, he's my boss, actually" Carolyn didn't fail to spot the way her eyes lit up at simply mentioning him "We met on his first day when Eden almost knocked me off my feet in the hall, running away from him"

"Sounds like Eden"

"Oh, yeah, she's a little troublemaker" the bright smile she directed at the mere thought of Eden didn't go unnoticed as well.

"So you are friends"

"Yeah, he's a good friend. I help him if he needs a place, like when the heater in his trailer broke or with Eden, I know how hard is to be a surgeon, living practically in the hospital while balancing a kid at home" Carolyn looked confused. _Did she __have__ a kid as well?_

"Three of my daughters are doctors with kids, I know what you mean" she stepped in pretending to forgo the slip in her sentence

"Oh, I'm not...I don't...I...My mother was a surgeon, I don't have kids or anything" she stammered. _Now she really looked like an idiot in front of Mrs Shepherd._

"I imagined that, it's pretty busy around here. You're a resident, right?"

"It's my third year"

"You're about Amelia's age, then. She's my youngest daughter"

"Yeah, Derek might have mentioned her"

The conversation quieted for a moment, before Carolyn spoke again "Is he really going to be okay?"

"I hope the worst has passed" sighed Meredith, in a second all her fears creeping back in. "The man, the shooter is in jail already" she quickly added

"Good"

Carolyn remained quiet for a moment and Meredith was sure she could see tears building up in her eyes, threatening to fall if she added some more details

"Eden is okay, though. A bit shaken up at first, but I can't blame her" she continued, all the images flooding back and then she was the one who had to

fight tears.

"_Derek, hold on okay, it's over, just...just...Derek"_

"When you called..." Carolyn continued, her voice barely a whisper in the fairly empty cafeteria "I immediately thought something was wrong and when you said he had been shot..." her voice broke and Meredith didn't dare to look up and see the tears

"_I want an eye for an eye"_

"_You can't die, hold on, okay?"_

"Michael, my husband, had been shot in his store when Derek was eleven. He witnessed it. And..."

The woman had poured her heart out to her and in this moment, Meredith felt her whole world crumble on her shoulders: Eden, his daughter, had seen the same scene Derek had to witness when he was barely a grown up boy. His father died in an horrible way and he almost joined him in the same manner. Meredith didn't know what to say or do, she just felt numb. Everything was spinning out of control.

"I'm sorry. Derek, he never...we never had time to talk about it or...I didn't know when I called, I just broke down over the phone and...sorry, that was really insensitive"

"Meredith" Carolyn silenced the ramble, and for a moment she was more than glad to have decided to share a coffee with her, because she seemed to match all the description that Derek had made of this new friend, even exceeding it sometimes. "It's okay"

"No way, I'm really sorry, he was in surgery and Eden was panicking and I was scared he was going to die, because on that catwalk he looked like he was going to die and..."

"You care about him. I'm glad you called even if you cried" Carolyn placed her hand softly on Meredith's, interrupting her fidgeting and her ramble that was starting to go a little overboard.

"I do care" she admitted, a little bit to quickly and Carolyn found her answers with just that single bit of her. _She loves her son_.

"I'm glad you've been with him the whole time. You did a lot for him and Eden"

"Eden...She's scared, she almost lost her whole world, she had seen it slip in front of her eyes and she couldn't even kiss it better. I told the Chief you are going to stay here a little while, but I think I might take some time off as well, I don't know if I can focus enough on working. She's so little..." trialed off Meredith

"What do you mean?"

She realized she had slipped. Big time.

"I was with him on the catwalk when everything happened. Eden was with us. I'm working on her, she looks better, as soon as she realized her Daddy is still there, she is better" she sighed softly, speaking the truth that she knew the woman needed to know at some point. "Derek took the bullet trying to protect her. He got shot because I didn't react quickly enough and I'm so sorry Mrs Shepherd, I'm so sorry"

Meredith finally began sobbing, letting out all the fear she had been holding off to take care of Eden, letting the tears spring freely, not withholding anything anymore. She didn't expected though the two comforting arms wrapping around her jerking body, neither the soft circles rubbed on her back. The hug felt good.

"He's such a good father and he deserves more time with Eden, I have nobody, he needs to be okay, I could have been in his place right now..." she began stammering, her sentences slowly loosing the initial coherence of the conversation while they mixed with her tears.

"Everything is going to be just fine"

And the unwavering tone in which Carolyn Shepherd said it, made Meredith believe in each word.

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><p><strong>AN: I needed to get a little bit into Carolyn's world because when I saw the S7 finale my first thought -after the intial numbness- went to Carolyn and how she'll take the fact that the two most important males in her family had been shot and one of them had even died. I hated that they completely forgot about this issue, so I wrote it down myself. <strong>

**I also purposely not mentioned the fact that Mark had slept with Addison because I wanted to focus on Derek mostly. I'd probably talk about that someday.**

**Well, that's done, all things had been said and Meredith and Derek are still in a good place, I guess you can wait two or three days for an update, right ;)**


	17. Certainly The Spark For All I've Done

**Hello there! **

**I didn't melt yet from the crazy hot days we are having, so consider yourselves lucky to get an update. I know I haven't been the best author lately with all the time lapses and all, but I'm trying to build up a strict schedule to post new chapters. Life will get back to hectic sooner than I realize it, so well, yeah...Scheduling is good. **

**Cutting the babbling, the title is from Jezebel by Iron & Wine which is a pretty amazing song. One of my favorites by one of my favorite artists, I guess that's enough said. I didn't know how to fit it in a title until I listened to it more carfefully and bang, this arrived. **

**Well, enjoy the chapter and thanks again to all the kind people who spent some of their time reading and reviewing, you are all amazing!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 17 – Certainly The Spark For All I've Done<strong>

They walked back into Derek's room when Meredith had finally calmed down and Carolyn felt like that the woman belonged in their family already. She knew they had spoken for just a few minutes, but unlike Addison, she seemed to get the real Derek. Maybe it had been Seattle who had changed him for the better, maybe it had been simply a series of circumstances, but Carolyn knew that Derek was a changed man.

Mark had taken Eden downstairs to the cafeteria and Derek was sitting up alone on his bed, dozing on and off.

"Mom"

Derek greeted, blinking his eyes rapidly to be a little more awake as soon as he spotted his mother hovering at the door, closely followed by Meredith. Both women looked tired and their eyes were puffy, but Meredith smiled brightly towards him and his mother was close to tears again when their gazes met.

"Oh Derek" Carolyn closed the distance between her and her son and pulled him in a gentle but tight hug, careful of his incision. "I'm so glad you are okay"

"It's good to see you Mom" he admitted, his voice sounding fairly better than the first time he had woken up.

He had genuinely missed her but he had been such a train wreck after his move that he didn't have the heart to call her like nothing happened. Before, they used to see at least once a week, twice when he wasn't really busy; it had been two weeks since his last phone call and who knows when was the last time they had seen each other in person.

He met Meredith's eyes once more, unable to see how beautiful she still looked and how close he had been on missing everything with her. He still couldn't believe they had been in love all this time and neither of them had make a move. He knew they started on the wrong foot, because she was still with Finn and he was still an emotional train wreck, but he couldn't care less as soon as her eyes met his.

"I wished the circumstances were happier, but I'm glad I came over here" Carolyn smiled softly again, passing her hand through Derek's curls, like she used to do when he was younger.

"Did you met Meredith already?" he asked and she didn't missed the glee tone his voice gained, like he wanted nothing more than to heal properly and go to the rooftop and shout how much he was in love with that woman.

"We met Derek," Meredith piped in the conversation, coming closer to his bedside and grabbing his hand while with the other she brushed away the hair from his forehead.

"We had coffee already, sleepyhead" Carolyn said with a smile while she scrutinized their young love.

"I hope you haven't told her embarrassing stories yet" he smirked, keeping the tone light

"We have time for that" smiled back Meredith and his heart jumped in his newly fixed chest at the words. It meant that she wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

Her phone suddenly vibrated against her hip and she groaned while he read the ID.

"Sorry, I need to sort this" she apologized "It's Finn, he's here" she told Derek and she saw her smile disappear again, Carolyn suddenly confused.

"Her boyfriend, almost fiancé." he explained calmly when she left the room "She wanted to break up with him yesterday but I got in the way." he smirked

"Wait, almost fiancé?" Carolyn frowned

"He proposed and she freaked out. She doesn't have a good record of working marriages around her" he smiled sadly

"You love her, don't you?"

"I do Mom" he admitted, almost taken aback by how good it felt telling her

"She's something else and Eden seems to love her as well" admitted Carolyn with a soft smile. That girl had taken place in her heart already, despite they had only a short conversation together.

"Oh, they make quite a pair together. She's just as bossy" he smiled, but it died when he heard her yelling in the hall from the slightly ajar door.

"You don't get to come here while Derek is sick and pretend that nothing happened Finn! You shouldn't even be here in the first place!"

He heard her move back towards his room but she stopped when Finn called her name, full of anger.

"You don't get to 'Meredith' me!" she yelled loudly "You pull out rings and expect me to still be with you. I. Don't. Want. To. Marry. You!" she spat, harshly, like he had never heard her and he burned in his memory that it was better not to piss her off when she was already upset or tired.

Carolyn looked at him with a curious glance, still hearing out.

"Meredith!" Finn called again, this time more desperately than before

"I love Derek and I need to be with him. Deal with it!" she roared again, this time managing to come back to his room and slam the door behind her back.

When he took in her appearance, he could see more tears in her eyes than there were before and it broke his heart all over again when they locked their gazes. He hated seeing her upset especially when he was involved in it.

He patted the spot on his right side for her and she sat there without any second thoughts, her cheek resting on his good shoulder while he did his best to hold her with one arm only.

Carolyn wanted to give them some privacy so she just stood up from her spot and tried to silently walk outside for a few moments, and meeting Derek's gaze he simply smiled at her, glad that she was giving them space.

Meredith kept sniffling for a while on his chest then he finally lifted up her gaze and met his, her deep gray eyes shimmering with tears. They always changed color after she had cried.

"How come you just had surgery and you are comforting me?" she said, her voice hoarse but a hint of a smile brightening her features while she wiped away her last tears.

He didn't replied, he just strained to place a kiss on top of her head but he had to back away too soon because of the pain, groaning.

"It's okay, it will get better" she coaxed, tracing his sternum with her fingers

"Who's comforting now?" he smiled, despite the lingering pain

"Do you want some more morphine?" she asked

"I'm good with you in my arms"

"Cheesy" she smiled, finally all her tears gone "God, your mother would think I'm a crazy mess" she sighed deeply.

"She loves you already" he admitted, pushing it a little but he knew even if she had the smallest hint of a doubt once she'll get to know Meredith it would fade away.

As soon as she was mentioned, Carolyn appeared at the door with a soft, motherly smile on her face.

"Sorry to interrupt, but Dr. Webber asked me if you could meet him as soon as you can"

Her breath caught in her throat but she knew she wouldn't get away easily after her outburst that lead to her break up with Finn. She was still on duty and she had been more than unprofessional. She bet all the nurses already knew about their new-found relationship.

"I'll be there immediately" she said, swallowing a lump of saliva then smiling back

"I leave you two to catch up" she said sincerely, before placing a soft, lingering kiss on Derek's lips, her own way of saying thank you. He couldn't help but smile when she walked graciously out of his room.

"God, I love her so much" he whispered to his mother when she sat next to him.

Meredith walked purposely slowly towards the Chief's office, but she knew she couldn't avoid this moment much longer.

She knocked at the door and held her breath when she heard the Chief's voice that invited her in.

He was sitting at his desk, shuffling some paperwork and he barely acknowledged her presence until she cleared her throat.

"Sit down" he ordered, with his usual authoritarian voice.

"I'm sorry about..."

He finally looked at her "You need to keep your private business out of here Dr. Grey" he scolded before she could finish "There will be consequences"

She sighed deeply, unable to meet his gaze "I'm aware"

"Look, I know you wanted some time off to be around Dr. Shepherd so I'm giving you a week of unpaid, forced leave"

"I..." she trailed off, suddenly realizing that probably the whole hospital and not just the nurses knew about them already and her cheeks immediately heated up.

"I'm glad you saved his life, Meredith" he whispered kindly "Keep an eye on Eden, she's like a granddaughter to me" he added seriously

"I'll do everything I need to, Chief" she replied, matching his serious tone

"Good"

"I can still stay here in the hospital, right?" she said, suddenly worried that losing privileges could mean less time with Derek.

"Yeah, just wear your scrubs" he smiled softly, suddenly remembering the little girl Meredith used to be when he had that secret relationship with her mother and, realizing how much crap she had been through in her life already, he decided to cut her some slack.

"Thank you, Chief"

"Take good care of them"

"I will"

She practically hopped back to Derek's room and she saw that he was already asleep while Carolyn was knitting in a corner what seemed like a tiny green hat. Meredith walked closer to him and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead, before sitting near Carolyn.

"Who's the hat for?"

"Oh, Derek's sister Sarah is pregnant" she said with a warm smile. "It's too early to know the sex, so I'm going neutral. We all hope it's a boy though, she has three girls already"

"Derek never said anything about it"

"I don't think he knows. She announced it a few days ago, she's barely in her second trimester"

"Oh" Meredith managed a smile, realizing that she didn't know much about his family. She sudden felt her old wave of fear towards families rush back and she couldn't help the deep intake of breath.

"Are you okay, dear?"

"Yeah, it's just...a lot" she admitted and Carolyn smiled softly

"What did Dr. Webber had to say?"

"Nothing to worry about" she smiled "I have a week of unpaid leave to be around Derek and to knock some sense into my brain that made me yell my whole relationship status in front of the entire hospital. I really deserved it" she rambled, blushing and Carolyn smiled reassuringly at her.

"I'm going to stay a little bit as well, even if I don't know how we'll fit in the trailer" she giggled

"Well, he has a room in my house as well, they stay there from time to time when going back with the ferry is too tiring. I have a free room for you as well" she smiled tentatively.

"I'll go to a hotel, I don't want to impose"

"It's fine Mrs. Shepherd" she said again, still thinking that something odd was happening in her head today at the sudden realization that she had invited her new possibly-mother-in-law to her messy frat house.

"I'll come if you start calling me Carolyn. Or Mom, I don't mind"

_Mom. Wow, she had never had one and now she was offering_ "Okay, Carolyn"

"It's settled then" she smiled "Derek will be upset when he'll realize that we'll hover around him the whole week" she smirked,

"Maybe he'll lose his big ego"

"If he's a tiny bit like his father he never will" she said with a warm smile and Meredith picked up the affection with which she still talked about him after all this years. Derek being shot had clearly triggered memories, but she seemed to deal with them well.

"Thank you for coming out here to see Derek and Eden, I'm glad they have family around"

"Thank you for saving my boy's life and taking good care of my granddaughter" Carolyn replied with sudden tears in her eyes, placing a warm hand on Meredith's forearm.

_Maybe she hadn't had a bad impression on her, after all_.

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><p><strong>AN: Okay, she yelled at Finn! Yay! I was so relieved when I wrote this, but that's not a closed business yet. I'm mean, I know, but at this point it's crystal clear that she loves Derek so you shouldn't worry too much. <strong>

**Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter and I know Meredith it's a bit whiney here lately but her whole world is shifting and changing, let's cut her some slack ;)**

**I'll try to stick to my above-mentioned schedule, updating in two/three days. I'd go for daily updates but I noticed that due to time zones and busy lives it's better to give some sort of two-days span for a chapter. Then I also like to let things settle a bit before going forward and getting you all used to daily updates will be impossible at some point and I don't want to disappoint all the people who are attached to this story. The feedback for this story still overwhelms me so thank you again to you people out there for the support given, openly or not.**


	18. We Think About The Land

**Hi lovely readers! **

**I'm gonna screw up my schedule already because me and my friends decided to have an unexpected 4-days trip to the sea to escape this bloody hot place. I'll be back on Monday at a random hour but I'll try to update as soon as I get back. You can hit me, I deserve it. **

**This chapter's title is form Interpol's Evil. I used it in every long story I wrote and I hope you have already listened to it. I know, it's about a serial killer, they say, but it's great. **

**Enjoy, then!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 18 – We Think About The Land<strong>

Meredith dreaded the moment she had to face Finn again, but she knew it was an inevitable consequence of her being in love with Derek.

It had happened so fast, but the realization left a sweet taste in her mouth, like it was something completely right and not just fooling around. She still had to talk to Finn to fix what she had messed up in the first place, though.

She ringed the familiar doorbell. They had never shared house keys with Finn, even if he had suggested the idea, she just didn't felt ready for that step.

"Meredith" Finn opened the door dressed comfortably, his expression surprised to see her standing there "Come on in" he motioned, staring.

"We need to talk, Finn" she began, swallowing thickly, feeling even a little bit stupid for her lame entrance line.

"We do" he admitted sadly, pausing for a moment "How's Derek?"

"Better than expected" she managed a small but sincere smile, that lead to a long and awkward moment of silence.

"Did you sleep with him?" he asked bluntly but looked extremely hurt when their eyes met and he could see the answer in her eyes before she could speak.

"I'm so sorry Finn" she whispered "I'm sorry"

"Okay" he hissed, his nod not really believable

"It happened, I didn't...I just...I'm sorry" she stammered, tears building up in her eyes.

"Meredith, I get it"

"You do?" her eyes widened

"If you are not ready for marriage, maybe it's better this way. Maybe it was a sign that we weren't right for each other in the first place" he admitted, but she could sense the hurt in his tone.

"I'm sorry I said no and then I cheated on you" she whispered the last part, afraid of his reaction. She realized he could be really intimidating when he began yelling.

"Just remember that if he hurts you, I'm not gonna be around to pick up your pieces" he said, opening the door for her and gently inviting her to get out of his house as quickly as possible.

"I think I loved you Finn, at some point" she whispered, not daring looking at him in his eyes but stopping in her walk out.

"I know. Love clearly wasn't enough" he smiled sadly, walking closer to her and pecking her lips one last time, like he was going to miss the taste of her, then closed gently the door behind Meredith, leaving her alone, staring at the closed door.

She walked back to the car in a daze, still not fully believing that she had just dumped Finn. She knew she had to do that but actually doing it had been a whole different story.

When she walked back in Derek's room, suddenly all her unsettling feelings disappeared as soon as their eyes met. She knew that deep down, she couldn't pretend anymore and she had lived a lie her whole life, with her mother; she wasn't going to repeat her mistakes. She needed to do things right with Derek.

In his room, Derek was lying quite relaxed on the bed, talking on the phone and he looked almost excited while he spoke, even if Meredith didn't know who he was talking with.

"You say two or three months tops?" his voice was full of excitement "I'll call you back Ray, I have a visitor" he smiled at Meredith in his perfect, McDreamy-branded way as soon as he spotted her, staring at him.

She walked closer to him and pressed her lips softly to his when he clicked the phone shut. It felt lively, beautiful, the opposite than when Finn kissed her a few moments before. Kissing Derek felt right.

"Who was on the phone?" she inquired, curious about what had make him excited like a kid on Christmas day.

"Ray, the builder of my home." he smirked, looking carefully at Meredith to savor her reaction to the news.

"You're building a house?" her eyes widened in surprise when his words sunk in.

"I had all this land and only a trailer to put there. Eden deserves something better, am I right?"

"So you have a real house?" she needed to ask again, much for Derek's amusement.

"I'll have it in three months tops" he smiled widely.

"Wow" she shook her head, a small smile appearing on her lips at his reaction.

He carefully looked at her and stayed quiet for a moment, before he blurted "Do you want to move there with me?"

She swallowed, still staring at him "What?"

"Do you want to move in with me?"

He was met with silence and he grew immediately worried. He knew she was afraid, but he was simply too excited to hold back something like this.

"We practically live together already, in your house" he added in a whisper, hoping that he had not scared her away for good.

"It's...I...I'll think about it" she blabbered, standing uncomfortably next to him.

He grabbed her hand and made her sit next to him, smiling sincerely "Okay"

"Okay?" she questioned

"Okay. No rush" his smile brightened and finally hers appeared on her lips as well.

Carolyn decided to enter the room with Eden in that moment and their important discussion was immediately pushed aside for Meredith's relief. They played together for a couple of hours, then Meredith was forced away by a very angry Miranda Bailey, who threatened her unless she went straight home and stayed there at least twelve hours, asleep. Meredith obeyed diligently, feeling tired and desperately needing time to think.

The house was quiet when she arrived. She left her purse and shoes at the door, then walked silently upstairs, where she laid some old clothes on the bed, stripped out of her current ones and started a shower.

She let the spray of water lull her swirling thoughts, the cascading water around her providing a warm cocoon where she could easily hide for a few moments.

She thought back at Derek's offer and closed her eyes, imagining her life with him, on his land, in a big, perfect house. He had promised to show her the plans when they would be back home -her house, probably never her home until Derek and Eden stepped foot there-. Everything sounded perfect and, despite they had been together for less than two weeks, they knew each other.

She knew his favorite foods, books, movies and songs; he knew she liked showering before falling asleep instead of early in the morning because she was lazy at dawn; she loved Eden so much it physically hurt when she had seen her staring at Derek wide-eyed on the catwalk; he knew she'll never forget that day but somehow he was glad something happened.

They knew each other and all of a sudden, she couldn't wait to tell Derek that.

She bolted out the shower, wrapped a towel around her and grabbed the phone she left on the bed.

"Meredith?" his voice seemed almost worried

"Derek" she replied, almost breathless for the magnitude of the confession she was going to spill.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yes Derek. I'm moving in with you" she said, a small smile immediately appearing on her lips. She had never smiled this much before she met Derek.

"Really?" his voice tinted with excitement

"I couldn't wait to tell you. I...Yes Derek, I want to live with you. And with Eden"

"Oh, she'll be thrilled" he chuckled, his mind wandering to the future.

"I broke up with Finn. For real, not a screaming match" she confessed

"Are you okay?"

"I'm perfect, Derek" she admitted, not a hint of a doubt in her voice. And she felt perfect. Happy after a very long time of pretending to be so. Happy was like a foreign feeling.

"I'd kiss you right now if you were here" he chuckled.

"I'd blame Bailey for that" she giggled with him.

"I love you, Meredith" he said softly and she swore she had ever heard something quite like those words. And nobody said her name like he did.

"I love you too, Derek" she matched his voice and he knew that his life was never going to be the same with her in the picture.

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><p><strong>AN: I hope you liked the FinnMeredith better closure, I think the guy deserved it. It's rushed the moving in proposal, but we'll see where things go from there.**

**I know, it was a short chapter and I'm going away for a few days. ****Throw the food after the sound:**

**Beeep!**

**Okay, I'm being silly, I need to pack and shower and...oh man, I'll never make it. **

**Thank you, really, for your patience, your kindness in your comments and for yor ability to bear my schedule. I'm being auto-ironic here, but I hate not being able to update like, everyday. I'm a slow writer...**

**I'll be back on Monday, hopefully more tanned and more tired than before, but whatever, life is good!**


	19. A Night Like This

**Aloha! **

**No, I haven't been to Hawaii, but it was relaxing just as much. Anyway, I'm back and I'm operative!**

**This chapter is a little bit more heated than the others at the end, so you can feel free to skip it if you don't like that stuff. It's not really M, it's a T+ or something. Well, anyway, I hope you will like it.**

**The title is a song by Caro Emerald, the chapter is all yours to be enjoyed!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 19 – A Night Like This<strong>

After a couple more days at the hospital, Owen decided to discharge Derek as long as Meredith would keep an eye on him. And she surely didn't mind it.

Finally at home -technically still Meredith's house- they spent a lot of time on the couch or in their bed talking and laughing, teasing each other or simply being there, with one another while Derek slowly regained some strength. It hadn't been easy or relaxing for neither of them, he was still on painkillers and his stamina was nowhere close as it had been before, but he was doing better everyday.

Carolyn decided to extend her stay and remain in Seattle until Derek was completely back on his feet and practically at work and Eden loved to have her father and grandmother around practically all the time; she especially loved staying permanently with Meredith as well. She had been thrilled when they announced that Meredith was going to move in the new house with them as soon as the builder said it was liveable. The old house in Harper Lane though got even more chaotic than it always had been, but nobody seemed to mind, especially the roommates who enjoyed having Mrs Shepherd cooking for them when Izzie decided to move out.

About a month after the shooting Derek felt almost like himself again. He was due to began working lightly in a week, paperwork and consults mostly, and both him and Meredith were enjoying her day off, hanging out at the docks with Eden, walking hand in hand. Before Derek, she had always found walking hand in hand silly and pointless, but with Derek all her previous beliefs shifted.

"So, what do you want to do today?" he asked after they had both looked at Eden chasing delighted a few seagulls for a good ten minutes in perfect silence. A very comfortable silence to be honest.

"Just spend the day with you and Eden" Meredith replied with a small smile

"Really? Nothing more?" he smiled warmly.

She shook her head amused "Do you have plans?"

"We could have dinner together, go back to the trailer, just you and me" he grinned seductively and she already knew where his mind was.

"Are you sure?"

"The doctor said it's fine" he smirked

"I can't believe you seriously asked Owen that." she hit his forearm

"Okay that he's dating Cristina, but Derek!" she retorted, almost pouting. He couldn't find her more irresistible.

"Would you go on a date with me, Meredith Grey?" he asked with a full-fledged smile that melted her on the spot.

"Sure, silly man" she replied, amused "Do I need to wear something special?"

"Nothing?" he whispered in her ear and she shivered

"Derek!" she hit him again, giggling "I'm serious"

"So am I"

They looked at each other and they began laughing almost hysterically, both unable to stop even when Eden was closer to them and was blatantly frowning at how childish they looked.

"You are very silly" she said, shaking her head "Can I have ice cream?" she asked then and Meredith began laughing again, unable to contain herself and soon Derek joined her too.

"I almost can't breathe" she said, when the overwhelming laughter had subsided and they were merely chuckling or giggling from time to time. It finally felt good to laugh and tease and just being there together was something they both cherished because they almost didn't make it this far.

Derek shook his head "You can have ice cream, Eden. You still put up with us, the least we could do is give you ice cream" he smiled and the girl kept looking at him like he had grown two heads.

"Why you act silly when Meri is around, Daddy?" she asked innocently and they both couldn't help the smiles on their face and a knowing look between them spoke louder than any other word.

He knelt at her level and whispered seriously in her ear "Meri is my princess. It's a secret, don't tell anybody" then he looked up to met Meredith's curious, loving stare and he swore he had seen her melt when he smiled.

Eden pulled at his shirt "That's why you kiss her?" she asked, matching his tone

He nodded faintly and Eden's face broke out in a smile. "I think Meri is a good princess for you, Daddy" she whispered back in his ear.

"I'm going to eat ice cream all alone if you don't stop whispering secrets to each other" Meredith faked annoyance, then grabbed Eden and held her up on her shoulder while she was squealing delighted trying to escape her secure grip.

The rest of the day went by in a blink of the eye and suddenly, they were both dressed up and going to dinner.

He was in a suit and tie while Meredith was wearing a long, black dress that hugged her body perfectly.

"Derek, are you sure Eden is okay with this?" she said, fixing her hair one last time in front of the mirror. He just looked at her with a small smile on his lips and he swore she had never looked so beautiful before.

"Mer, she said you looked like a princess, just deal with it, because you do." he sneaked behind her and kissed her quickly. She blushed, smoothing her dress one last time.

"Okay" she sighed "Corny" she mumbled to herself but he heard her and chuckled, making her giggle as well.

"I'm glad that you are concerned for her" he admitted a little more seriously while he clipped her necklace and kissed the crook of her neck fleetingly "She's going to be fine"

"I know, it's just..."

"I feel like I need to protect her all the time too, it's okay" he grabbed her hand and turned her around to kiss her one last time.

He went out ahead of her and opened the car door for her, a small smile appearing on Meredith's lips automatically at the old-fashioned gesture. He climbed in the car as well, looked at her one last time and started driving. She remained silent for most of the ride, lost in her thoughts, until they took the ferry.

"Where are we going?" she asked, curiosity having the better of her.

"Having dinner" he smirked, still not wanting to reveal his surprise "I know a great place a few minutes from the docks."

She giggled when she realized that they were going straight to his land.

She had been there a couple of times, but each time it surprised her with something new. She had never been there at night and the magic seemed to come back when she spotted the scenery he had prepared for her. He had gone away for a good portion of the afternoon, using the new house as an excuse but she knew there was something more.

"What did you do?" she shook her head when she saw the table set for two on the grass in front of the trailer. It was a nice evening and the weather blessed them with not even a cloud covering the stars.

He had genuinely missed the outdoors he could have at the trailer while he stayed at Meredith's so he decided that their first date couldn't happen anywhere else but here. He had never liked the big, fancy restaurants Addison always dragged him to and he couldn't think of a better place to spend a quiet evening with Meredith. They could even see the shape of their new house in the background and nothing had ever been more perfect. The building company had announced that maybe they'll be able to finish the house even earlier and he was thrilled to say that to Meredith.

Their relationship had gone from non-existent to stable almost too quickly for the normal likings but he couldn't think about it any other way. He had wanted a relationship with Meredith form the moment they saw each other on his first day of work.

He did the final touch up to the table lighting up the candles he set there, then he grabbed her hand and lead her through the uneven grass, pulling out the chair for her with a smile.

"It's beautiful, Derek" she sighed, taken aback by the once again thoughtful gesture. Nobody had treated her like Derek had, on the other hand, she had never had someone in her life like Derek. Surely one-night-stands weren't keen on dinners and house plans.

Finn was from another planet, compared to Derek as well.

"I had a lot of time to plan it" he smirked, cocky as always.

"I'm glad you are okay, Derek" she said, taking his bigger hand in hers and rubbing her thumb against his rougher skin.

"I'm glad I'm here tonight, with you. I've been waiting for a proper date from the moment Eden collided with you" he smiled softly.

"Eden is a good matchmaker, I'll watch out when she'll start high school" she grinned devilishly and he groaned "Oh, jealous already?"

"I don't like thinking about my four-year-old daughter dating" he mumbled

"I don't want to miss her high school years then" she said playfully, blushing at the realization that she had practically voiced the fact that she wanted to be around for a very long time and it was technically only their first date.

He pretended not to have heard his heart skip a beat and continued "We never talked in detail about high school" he smirked. They had talked about many things during his recovery but somehow high school didn't seemed to matter at the time.

"You don't really want to go there, right?" she grimaced only at the thought

"I told you I was a band geek Mer, you think?"

"I would have eaten you for breakfast" she smirked challengingly

"Cheerleader?"

"Seriously?" she pretended to be hurt, crossing her arms on her chest then blurting in a whisper "I had pink hair for a semester" she smiled softly and saw his eyes widen "Don't worry, I'll never suggest that to Eden"

"Pink hair" he echoed

"Band geek, uh? You did very nerdy competitions as well like, Math clubs or voluntary Science projects?" she smirked when he looked like he was practically ready to dig a hole in the ground and hide there forever.

"I would have loved you. I had a crush for the biggest nerd in my Chem class in my junior year" she admitted and she saw him breathing properly again.

"Things change" he shrugged at the thought

"Oh, I'm still a straight A student anyway" she smirked

"Who has the big ego now?" he smiled and leaned in to kiss her smirk away.

They began kissing softly, enjoying the moment, then it became heated as soon as they broke apart, stood up and joined their lips again, like they couldn't keep their hands off each other, the rest of their dinner suddenly forgotten.

She could feel the soft fabric of his suit under her fingertips, the feeling of his lips on hers suddenly all she could think about. They had avoided those heated kisses in order to keep the recovery G-rated, but after a whole long month of chastity she needed him more than anything. She moaned loudly in the night and the silence around them overwhelmed her.

He moved her against the edge of the table, cleaning away the rest of the Italian takeaway he had ordered from her favorite place and lifting her up there. She wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his hips, his warm body closely pressed against hers. Suddenly the night wasn't chilly anymore.

He groaned, moving his lips from her mouth to her jaw, then down her neck to her shoulder. She shivered like a leaf in his arms.

"Let's go inside" she managed to moan when his lips trailed down to her cleavage.

"In a minute" he mumbled back, his hand sneaking behind her dress and touching her heated skin on her hips and back.

"Please" she moaned and he didn't waste a second before lifting up his lips from her skin and locking their passion-filled eyes together.

"We can be a little adventurous tonight" he mumbled, a different twinkle adding a layer to the already midnight blue color his eyes had assumed. He began attacking her neck again and she was completely at his mercy.

"Are you up for it?" she practically moaned

His response was pressing his body even closer and she felt him everywhere, tasting and teasing. "What do you think?" he finally whispered huskily in her ear and she shivered in his arms when he began lifting up her gown and his fingers hooked her panties.

"I still don't know why I put up with you" she replied to his teasing almost breathless.

"Because you love me" he said, finally setting her free of her panties while she quickly worked on the zip of his pants.

"I do love you Derek" she claimed his mouth again hungrily, losing herself in the feeling of him.

"I love you too"

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><p><strong>AN: So, how was it?<strong>

**Anyway, I'm still sorry about making yhou wait. I'm preparing for university at this point, but I'll be updating as regularly as possible, you know, real life has a way to be in the middle of things.**

**Well, this is it for now, next update in three days!**

**AN 2: My thoughts go to all the people who are living or have lived the passing of hurricane Irene. I feel particularly touched by the subject since it's my first name too. It was cool to have a natural phenomenon named after you (metaphorically speaking), until it killed people. I clearly can't imagine what those people are going through, but I can wish them to be safe and pray for them. **


	20. What We Built Is Bigger,

**Hi again!**

**I finally update after a schedule and this chapter brings in a couple of storylines that will characterize this story in the future. I hope you will like them, they just happened and my fingers typed this chapter on their own. I'm partially to blame, but please, stick around!**

**I don't think I used this title already, but if I did it's because it's a good title. It's from the first track in Declaration of Dependence, 24-25, by Kings of Convenience.**

**Well, enjoy and I hope you'll stick around even after this. It's not mean, I promise, but it's big. Bigger than the sum of two.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 20 –<strong> **What We Built Is Bigger Than The Sum Of Two**

When she woke up that morning, she was surprised to see Derek laying on his stomach. He was forced to lay on his back or his side since the shooting, so they usually slept spooned. This morning he was sprawled on the bed like one of those animals die hard bear hunters display in their living rooms, his bare left leg and a hint of his bare shoulders were peeking out of the thin, summery sheet.

With a smile, she reached to kiss him exactly between his shoulder blades but she had to jump out of bed as a wave of nausea overcame her out of nowhere.

She had felt a bit off for the past few days, but she had blamed the long thirty-six hours shift and the fact that she worked in a hospital and the crappy cafeteria food. She was hoping at this point that she wasn't contagious, at least then Eden wouldn't have caught whatever bug she had.

After a good fifteen minutes in the bathroom she crawled back in bed to get an hour more of sleep and see if she could make it to work. She had missed a couple of weeks in total already and she needed to be up and running if she remotely wanted to be considered for Chief Resident. She eased herself gently under the covers, but Derek stirred anyway, his arms pulling her close to him as he spooned her and he placed a sleepy kiss on her shoulder.

"You okay?" he asked, his voice filled with sleep, his eyes still closed.

"It's just a bug, it's early you can go back to sleep" she mumbled. She knew she had a bug, because she hadn't been drunk for a while and this definitely didn't felt like an hangover.

"You're sick?" he asked for confirmation, still a bit too sleepy to make connections on his own.

"I'm fine" she replied, but as soon as he heard the word, his eyelids opened. He already knew she couldn't trust her when she said she was fine.

She looked pale in the dim-lighted room but not as sick as he expected. She didn't had a fever either when he checked her forehead with his lips.

"See" she smiled softly, before she had to bolt out of bed once more and retch in the toilet all over again. He followed her and rubbed gently her back, holding up her hair and letting her lean limply against him when the wave of sickness had passed.

"You do look fine" he said playfully trying to make her smile, but she just groaned so he decided to drop it. She was already cranky, he didn't need to upset her even further.

"Go back to bed" she suggested, her voice a little bit harder than he expected

"I'm not leaving you here on the floor"

"You need to go to work, Eden needs to be fed and dressed and at some point, you'll have to leave"

"Until then, I'm fine right here" he smiled reassuringly, pulling her against his chest.

"I'm not hurting you, am I?" she asked for the umpteenth time, her voice softening "You were sleeping on your stomach this morning" she finally managed a smile, skillfully trying to divert the focus of the conversation.

"I was" he grinned back "That tells you that I'm more than okay with you laying in my arms"

"Okay. You are a very comfortable man, Derek" she giggled softly and he welcomed this sudden change of attitude.

"You mean, comforting"

"No, comfortable. I could stay in your arms forever" she sighed, her eyelids closing in satisfaction while she leaned her head in the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent. "I'm going to brush my teeth" she said then, but as soon as she moved, the churning in her stomach returned in full force.

"Are you okay?"

"In a minute" she whispered, snuggling closer as the feeling subsided.

She was finally able to stand up and brush her teeth when the alarm rang in their room.

"I'm going to call in sick for you" he said when she laid again in bed. He tucked her in and kissed her forehead softly.

"Thank you" she managed to babble, before her eyelids closed, clearly drained mentally and physically by the nausea.

He went in Eden's room to wake her up and he explained that Meredith was sick so she had to be even a better girl today and surely, she didn't disappointed him.

Eden brought Meredith saltines and ginger ale for breakfast and the first thing she did that afternoon when they came back home was to go upstairs and snuggle with her.

Meredith was feeling a bit better and welcomed the girl in her bed, putting down the medical journal she was reading, relieved to have some company.

"Hey Eden!"

"You okay, Meri?" the girl asked in a very concerned voice

"I'm feeling a lot better right now"

"I brought you my favorite book when I'm sick, do you want to read it?"

Meredith smiled sweetly at Eden. She didn't know how she could possibly be so perfect all the time.

"I would love to"

Eden handed her a very colorful and a bit worn book and Meredith scooted aside wrapping her free arm around Eden, then began reading in a soft voice while Eden excitedly told her own version of the story, snuggling even closer to Meredith.

Derek peeked in the room and couldn't help but feel his heart swell with love at the scene unfolding right in front of him.

When the book was finished, Eden ran out of the room to pick up more toys and he saw Meredith smiling tiredly at him.

"Hey" he greeted "Sorry about the intrusion"

"Don't worry, I was bored to death. Medical magazines are not so interesting after the third copy you pick up" she smiled brightly, but he could tell she was tired.

"I'm taking her to the park to burn off some more energy"

"She can stay Derek" she replied and he moved closer to peck her lips then her forehead. Addison had never wanted Eden around when she was sick or even a tiny bit more tired than usual.

"You need your rest. I'm glad you are feeling better"

"I told you I was okay" she smirked.

"No, you told me you were fine. This is not a very good word in your vocabulary" he smirked

"Okay, whatever, go to the park" she pouted

"Yes boss" he mocked and win a glare that meant it wasn't clearly the time to joke. He smiled sweetly, cupping her cheek and pecking her forehead again, then he whispered "I love you".

She held his hand for a moment, briefly kissed his lips and whispered back "I love you too. Have fun with Eden"

He went out of the room smiling widely and Eden reacted enthusiastically to the news that they were going to the park. She was so eager to play all the games there that Derek had to carry her asleep in bed from the car when they came back home.

He went then checking on Meredith, but she wasn't in her room. He knocked in the bathroom and it was empty as well. He grew worried, so climbed downstairs and peeked in the living room but the couch wasn't occupied. He tried the kitchen and finally found her perched on the stool at the island wearing a ratty college t-shirt that belonged to him and boyish-cut shorts he didn't recognize.

She was eating yoghurt and his muesli that she had always despised like the plague, complaining that it tasted like cardboard.

She remained with half spoon in her mouth, half out and let out a guilty grin.

"Sorry about the muesli. I was going to tell you, I promise" she managed to utter between one chomp and the other, very unladylike and completely adorable.

"You are converting to muesli?" he asked amused.

"Just felt like eating it" she shrugged off and he immediately thought that she was still sick as she couldn't eat muesli on her own free will. "Where's Eden?" she asked after she had swallowed the latest bite.

"She dozed off in the car, I'm sure she will go to tomorrow morning in a blink" he smiled softly, the smile she knew it was reserved only for his daughter. "I guess you are feeling better, you are eating" he pointed out

"Yeah, even though I always hated muesli so I think is just a down effect of the puking." she grinned "Your sister Sarah called, she wanted to talk to you, you left your phone on the nightstand" added then, grabbing another spoonful of muesli and chewing it noisily.

"I'll call her in a minute. Where did you get the shorts?" he asked, out of curiosity when he noticed once again her clothing.

"In my drawer?" she replied quizzically, still chewing.

"You steal shorts?"

"What?" she looked at her legs self-consciously "Oh, those. My roommate in college wanted me to try tennis with her and I begged her not to buy one of those extra-short skirts so we went to the store and I bought things for boys. They are like heaven" she smiled satisfied.

"Do I need to hide mine from now on?"

"You have shorts?" she asked, raising her eyebrows while a hint of mischievous appeared in her eyes and a smile stretched on her lips between one bite and the other.

"And I'm calling Sarah back!" he chuckled while she joined him with her perfect giggle.

"Go ahead, I need to finish my dinner for freaks. I'll be upstairs if you take too long"

He pulled out his phone and dialed Sarah's number, moving in the foyer so he could still keep an eye on Meredith while he spoke.

"Hey big brother!" she greeted him cheerfully after two rings.

"Hey Sarah, you called?"

"Yep. Did you move in with Meredith?" she asked, curious

"Practically. She'll move in with me when I'll have a house, though. All this rush for such an easy question?"

"Congratulations but no, I have a request to make. I heard that you are feeling better and I'm sure you could come down here in a few months" she began, tentatively.

"Spill it" he smiled. His sister was really able to start telling stories exactly from the beginning and keep going for hours if you simply didn't shut her up.

"I'm having a baby in November Derek. It's a boy!" she said with a contagious happiness that immediately stretched a smile on Derek's lips as well.

"Oh my God, that's great! Well, not for him, he will be swamped with girls clothes and princesses, but he'll be fine" he mumbled, reliving his whole childhood in a blink as he remembered the other three girls Sarah had.

"That's why I want you to be the godfather"

"Sarah" he smiled, suddenly overwhelmed by his emotions. His sister, whom she hadn't seen in months if not years, wanted him to be the godfather of her baby boy.

"It's my first boy and all the sisters have their own girl to spoil, it's your chance Derbear" she said convincingly.

"I have to ask Meredith if she wants to come, but I'll try to be there and bring Eden with"

He really missed his sisters, especially Sarah, who was the closest in age with him and somehow they had been practically inseparable during their whole childhood. She was also the one that he had called more often since he moved to Seattle. Maybe he felt less alone on the West Coast knowing that Sarah lived in San Francisco and not in New York like his other three sisters.

"Meredith seemed pretty okay with the idea over the phone this morning" shrugged off Sarah

He frowned "Oh, this sickness is serious, first muesli, then family gatherings" he muttered, more to himself than for Sarah to hear.

"Sickness?" she asked curiously

"Oh, she was puking her guts out this morning. That's her way to put things, I'm just quoting" he smiled, reminding how she got upset when he missed his lunch break to go check on her.

"I see" Sarah smiled almost knowingly.

"And now she acts weird"

"Just talk to her and see how tomorrow goes, I'm glad that she was eating after the morning she had" he could see her soft smile even if they were on the phone.

"Believe me, she hates muesli. If tomorrow I'll come home and she'll share Chinese with me I'm taking her to the hospital" he chuckled

"Call me as soon as she feels better, tell her to get well soon" she smirked even though Derek couldn't see her

"I will, I need to give you an answer as well"

"Take you time"

"Bye Sarah, I love you"

"Love you too Dearbear" she smiled, hanging up the phone.

Derek went back to the kitchen where Meredith was still devouring the bowl of yoghurt and the hated muesli.

"Is everything alright?" she asked

"Sarah is having a baby boy and wants me to be the godfather" his smile suddenly stretching on his tired features

"That's great!" she almost cheered and Derek moved closer to feel her head and check if he had missed a fever or something.

"She wants us to go to San Francisco when the baby is born for the baptism" he stressed the concept because clearly, she had missed it.

"I will have to meet the whole clan at some point, right?" she easily replied and Derek thought he had to pinch his arm to see if he was dreaming "I'm freaking out, yes, but I'm sort of overcoming my fears or whatever. I'm growing" she rambled

"Since when did you become so wise?"

"Since I spent three hours laying on the bathroom floor" she joked "Do you mind if I go to bed? I feel like a truck has run me over and I barely sat up straight the whole day" she admitted, standing up slowly.

"I'll be right behind you, I'll just have a shower" he said, following her up the stairs.

Freshly showered, he lied spooning her, his hand lowering on her stomach and rubbing soothing circles.

"How are you doing?" he whispered in the dark

"Much better now that you are here. I think PMS and flu don't mix well together" he felt her sigh.

"Are you sure you want to see Sarah's baby in November?"

"I have like six months to get used to the idea, Der. It will be fine when we'll actually have to take the plane" she giggled

"You barely have five months Mer, it's mid July already" he smiled, kissing her shoulder at how out of place she had been recently with all the events in their lives and how fast things had changed.

As quickly as the nausea in the morning, a realization hit Meredith: she was freaking late.

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><p><strong>AN: Is this considered a mean cliffhanger?<strong>

**Okay, the muesli and yoghurt it's me. I got addicted after my trip to Munich. I feel like a healt nut every time I say that I eat muesli for breakfast though. The tennis shorts is me as well. The puking is definitely not me.**

**I got creative with the unknown fourth Shepherd sister and I decided that Derek needed some support on the West Coast, so she lives in San Francisco. I've never been there so well, I hope you'll forgive me for my eventual mistakes in the future.**

**Well, I rambled for three paragraphs and I completely skipped the implications of the final sentence, how smart am I? I hope smart enough to keep all my readers here hooked. Anyway, than you for all the support given to this story so far, it's overwhelming sometimes to have such a great impact.**

**The next update will be up in two-three days as planned.**

**AN2: Have you seen Flypaper, the new movie with Patrick Dempsey? If not, just find your ticket or download it, rent it, I don't know. Watch it! I couldn't stop laughing for the whole 100 minutes! **

**This AN was completely pointless, I know, but I have to share some of my love for that man openly once in a while and not just by making him the most dreamy man in the history of fan fictions! **

**Sorry about the never ending ramble here, I just got carried away! Keep reading even after this, please!**


	21. There's A Little Bit Of Me Inside You

**Hey, I'm back, to resolve the cliffhanger I left you in the last chapter. I guess I'm finally getting the hang of this schedule thing, hopefully. Wow, I'm proud!**

**Title from the song Me In You by Kings Of Convenience. I used it for my only one shot already and it's magic. Listen to this band someday, please!**

**Okay, enough for now, the chapter speaks for itself, I suppose. Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 21 – There's A Little Bit Of Me Inside You<strong>

Meredith was feeling queasy even the next day, so Derek forced her to stay one more day at home, despite how much it drove her crazy. It hadn't been as bad as the day before, around lunchtime she was already feeling great and she decided to go in for a late shift, completely ignoring Derek's overbearing attitude. She couldn't stay home anymore because if so, she was going to be alone all day and she was going to think and thinking was bad when she was almost positive that she was pregnant.

She didn't know how it could have happened, she hadn't had a lot of sex lately and even before, with Finn things weren't going so smoothly to have sex. She was sure it wasn't Finn's, but how could it be Derek's?

_If there was a 'it' in the first place_.

Her phone ringing on the coffee table was her cue to stop thinking and she was so glad for the interruption that she didn't even looked at the ID.

"Hey you're still alive!" Cristina's voice reached her and she sighed audibly

"Thank God you called, I was going crazy"

"Okay" replied Cristina with a hint of her her proverbial sarcasm in her voice

"Tell me you have an hour to keep me company" Meredith almost begged

"Actually I was calling to ask if you weren't contagious. I can't stand my apartment anymore and I have nothing to do on my day off."

"Not even grocery shopping?" she asked, out of curiosity than anything else

"I order out. You go grocery shopping Mer?" she could see her friend frown over the phone

"Not really"

"Then why asking?"

"Well..." A second of silence stretched mercilessly in their conversation until Meredith finally asked "Couldyougobuyapregnancytest?"

"What?" confusion filled Cristina's mind and for a second she thought she had heard her ramble wrong.

"A pregnancy test, could you buy one on your way here?" Meredith sighed deeply, her eyes falling shut at the mere thought of her last sentence. She asked and it felt even worse knowing that it could become real rather than this fleeting hypothesis in her head. _It felt freaking scary_.

"A what? Why?" surprise dripping from every word she uttered

"Cristina" she sighed

"For...Oh"

"Yes, oh. I'm saying please here"

She was begging and she hated begging. Cristina hated hearing people beg and she was begging her, feeling utterly hopeless and a tiny bit stupid.

"Okay, I'll be there in fifteen, thirty minutes tops"

Meredith sighed in the emptiness of her house. _She couldn't be pregnant, could she?_ _Except that she could and it was a very big mess_.

She had her career to think about, her and Derek had been together from barely a few weeks and he has already Eden to take care of. How could they tell her that she's having a sibling when her mother is somewhere else?

_If he wanted to have a baby with her in the first place_. People tended to walk away from her when things became tough so she wasn't expecting anything from Derek. She wanted him to be different, but she couldn't blame him if he decided to move to Alaska and forget all about her. He wasn't that type of father, she knew he would like to keep up with the progresses of their baby, but she knew he had no obligation to stay.

_If there was a baby_.

The door flung open and Cristina walked in with her usual grace, interrupting her mental rambling.

"Hey Mer!" she called

"Living room" she shouted back.

Cristina walked in the room with an unreadable expression on her face, giving her a small bag with her request, even if somehow Meredith needed to peek in the bag to see if it was really what she had asked.

"I still had one in my bathroom" she shrugged off when Meredith noticed the bag belonged to a Thai take out.

"Thanks" _at least Cristina had made her smile for a second_.

"Are you taking it now or you wait for Shepherd?" Cristina wondered

"He has a long shift and I decided to go in later tonight and cover the night pulling off a double shift, I have lost too many hours already"

"So basically you won't see him 'till tomorrow?" Cristina pointed out

"Yep"

"Plenty of time to decide what to do"

"What do you mean?" Meredith frowned

"Are you seriously considering keeping the probable thing?" Cristina's eyes widened

"I..I don't..." she stuttered and suddenly, replying negatively at Cristina's question seemed almost unbearable. "Maybe?"

"Oh, you are so screwed" her friend shook her head

"Cristina"

"Say goodbye to Chief Resident Mer. Head of Neuro? In your dreams. I'll marvel if you can become an attending in the first place"

"I..." Cristina was right. She knew she was going to lose all this things if she wanted to be a good mother, she had to. But still, could she manage everything and have a kid as well? "I...There's Derek"

"With his own spawn. You'll play mommy all day while he will be busy cutting"

"It's a baby Cristina, not a monster, so is Eden. Children!" she hissed angrily, standing up and walking upstairs.

She couldn't believe how much her friend could hate kids. She had never been a huge fan of children, but since Eden walked in her way -literally, she had grown to like the tiny humans. Somehow thinking about her own tiny human with Derek didn't seemed all that scary at this point. Okay, maybe not so okay, but not even this horrific change. It was just change, right? A tiny, screaming, pooping change, but whatever.

Meredith was fuming when she entered in the bathroom and took the tests, not fully realizing what was going on until a blue line appeared where it was supposed to be white on both sticks and her whole world stopped. Right then it became scary.

She expected the line to appear, but actually seeing it was another story entirely. And probably Cristina was right, she was so screwed.

"What's the verdict?" said Cristina, strangely knocking on the bathroom door before entering uninvited anyway and sitting next to Meredith who was clutching the two sticks with her eyes wide open in shock. "I see" Cristina mumbled then, peeking over Meredith's hands to see by herself when her friend didn't answered.

Finally Meredith lowered the sticks and looked at Cristina directly in the eyes, almost like a deer caught in the headlights of a truck in a country road.

"I...I'm pregnant" she said, still in shock to process more, her mouth opening to add something more but her voice stuck in her throat.

"What do you want to do?" Cristina asked again

She finally shook herself out of the shock and mumbled "Tell Derek"

"Are you sure it's his?" Cristina asked out loud the question that had been plaguing her since her friend had called.

"We slept together before he got shot" her cheeks assumed a rosy hue from the revelation "Twice" then she was a deep shade of red.

"Seriously? When I thought you were boring, you rise" smirked Cristina

"Cristina, so not the point here! I'm pregnant. As in having a baby, being a mother!"

Cristina knew this moment was going to arrive, she knew her person too well after all, and her freaking out were usually predictable in those kind of situations.

"You want to keep the munchkin then" she tried to state the facts and made her clear her mind a little. She was going to support every decision she was going to make, even if it meant that her person was going to be an housewife.

"I'm gonna be a terrible mother" she sighed, hiding her face in her hands

"Oh, the tiny Shepherd loves you so much is almost disgusting seeing you together"

"You think?" Meredith knew that being bitter for Cristina was like approving, so she didn't mind much her bad choice of words.

"If you tell Eden let's jump from a cliff she'll take your hand without even thinking Mer. You haven't screwed her up, the fact that you converted her to pizza it's a huge bonus for the freakish lifestyle Shepherd had grown her accustomed to"

Meredith had to let out a small smile when she realized how Eden was really attached to her. And at the same time how attached she was to the girl. She didn't felt like a mother yet, but she knew that she wanted to be a role model for her at some point. And mostly, keep her safe; it still broke her heart when she woke up in the middle of the night screaming after nightmares.

"See, I'm always right" snorted Cristina.

"It's big Cristina"

"I know, but you know what to do Mer. Shepherd is full of himself but he's a good guy."

"I'm gonna end up with five chatty children with perfect hair while he'll be in the OR cutting!" she sighed, letting her head fall in her hands in defeat once again.

"No you won't. You might have five children though, seeing how much you two go at it since he's up and running"

"Cristina!" she reproached, blushing.

"Meredith!" she said back, winning a slap on her forearm "Ouch, that hurt"

"Sorry" she lowered her head and suddenly a tear fell down her cheek "I'm a mess" she sniffled.

"It's gonna be okay" Cristina tried to calm her, running her hand up and down her arm "But that's the closest thing to a hug you are gonna get"

Finally Meredith was able to smile and for a moment, she let herself believe that everything was going to be all right.

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><p><strong>AN: Most of you guessed right. Meredith is pregnant. I know, I wrote too many baby stories but they are so sweet and cute and...you get it why I write them, right?<strong>

**More implications of this scene in the next chapter. I really liked how this chapter unfolded by itself, I hope you liked it too.**

**I put Cristina in this scene with Meredith because I love their friendship and she's a great character. A bit hard to write, but worth every line. **

**A thank you for my Beta sparkxx because it's been a while and deserves a praise for her work, then well, thank you to the readers and the reviewers, I hit 150 and wow, it blows me away. See you next chapter, stay tuned, because I loved writing it.**


	22. Without Your Love I Won't Make It Throug

**Finally following a schedule, chapter 22 is here!**

**Tomorrow I have to take a preliminary test for university and I needed a moment to breathe, so I updated this story. I don't know this year how things will end up, but I promise you this story will be finished, sooner or later. I might need a little time when university will start because I'll move to another city so maybe I'll stop posting for a while, but I'd warn you in advance, don't worry. **

**Except for tomorrow, I think I have about a month more of vacations and I intend on enjoying every single day left to relax and recharge the batteries before throwing myself into university, head first. **

**Anyway, I'm glad all of you liked the twist. I love baby stories and I just can't help writing a Baby Shepherd in each one. Blame the sweet, mushy side of my brain.**

**Well, this title is a tribute for Derek's love for The Clash, since it's a line from Train In Vain. I got obsessed with a couple of their song before my July exam and if you popped in my room at random hours in the afternoon, between History note revising and French literature, you could see me dancing -out of tune- and singing -badly- this one and Rock The Casbah. Exams have strange effects on my brain cells. Sorry for the missing H at the end of Through as well, the title was too long, as usual.**

**Okay, this chapter is long enough without my rambling. I loved, really loved, writing it, so I hope you'd enjoy reading it just as much!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 22- Without Your Love I Won't Make It Through<strong>

Barely a few hours had passed since the stick turned out to be positive and Meredith couldn't wait to tell Derek, even if it still scared the crap out of her.

She had worked the night and her usual shift pulled together for more than twenty-four hours of hell but she was finally going home and she was waiting this moment since she had worn her scrubs last night.

She had seen Derek a couple of times during her shift, both in the late afternoon and around lunchtime, but she had still missed sleeping spooned to him. She would have probably arrived home before Eden would come home from her trip to the aquarium with all her friends from daycare. She knew Derek was home waiting for her and she realized that without Eden around it would have been the perfect moment to tell him. She was just scared of his reaction. They were going to be completely alone for a few hours and she couldn't wait to see the expression on his face at the revelation.

They had been together for a bit more than a month and everything looked so rushed and wrong when she first grasped the thought.

After her first day spent puking, the realization hit her hard and she had spent the rest of the night awake, thinking about the future and what it would lay ahead, most of the time scared to death, sometimes with just a bright smile on her face.

She was driving slowly on a road she knew by heart, her head somewhere else entirely. She had to stop right behind a school bus, waiting for the light to turn green and her mind drifted immediately to Eden and how they were going to tell her that she was going to have a sibling. She didn't even knew if Derek wanted her to stay around, but she would have loved to take care of Eden as her own child. It felt like she had known her forever at this point, even if she never ceased to amaze her. Her hand went immediately to rest on her stomach and a small smile appeared on her lips.

The school bus moved forward and she was about to follow it, when unexpectedly, a van appeared out of nowhere and the two vehicles collided in the middle of the intersection. Her eyes widened. The van was stuck in the left side of the bus and Meredith didn't waste a second to call 911.

She picked her badge from the hospital out of her purse and she went on the scene, trying to help the injured kids that were slowly climbing down the bus, all her tiredness soon forgotten.

She approached a girl probably around four years of age who looked scared out of her mind with her chocolate hair clipped on the side and two messy pigtails.

"Hey there" she said softly "I'm Dr. Meredith Grey, are you hurt?"

The little girl shook her head "My friend Eden can't move her arm, she's in there" she managed to say. Her heart dropped in her stomach at the name. _It couldn't be her, it was just a coincidence_.

"Okay, you stay here and I go check on Eden, all right?"

She shrugged the bad feeling that was creeping in her and walked past another group of children, all scared like the girl she had talked with. She seemed to recognize Tucker, Bailey's son and one of Eden's favorite playmate, but she swore it was just her mind playing tricks and reminding her that Eden could have been hurt on that bus.

She took a deep breath and walked closer to the wrecked vehicle. She noticed that the driver was helping all the kids who could walk to step outside but she stopped dead in her tracks when she climbed on the bus and spotted a too familiar set of red hair. It was surely Tucker then.

"Meri!" Eden called for her, crying desperately. Meredith moved closer and hugged her tightly to her chest, still careful not to hurt her more, her tears threatening to fall.

"Eden, are you okay? Are you hurt?" she crouched down at her eye level to asset her condition in a glance. She looked fine, despite a few bad cuts and the fact that her left arm seemed trapped between the seats.

"My arm hurts a little, and my leg" she said between sniffles, tears still glistening her cheeks. "I'm so scared" Meredith held out her hand for Eden and she grabbed it tightly. When she glanced down at her leg she could see a long gash that was soaking her jeans with blood.

"You'll get out of here Ladybug" she promised and she didn't know what she was going to do if Eden wouldn't make it perfectly okay out of that bus. She didn't know how to tell Derek that his daughter was hurt, she suddenly didn't know anything about medicine, she just wanted Eden to be okay.

"Can I call Daddy?" her small voice made her heart break even further and she wanted to get her out of there as soon as possible.

"Of course" she replied, managing a smile, still trying to figure out how to take her away from the seat without hurting her more.

Meredith dialed Derek's number and waited for him to pick up. She swallowed thickly at every ring, until he answered.

"Hey Mer" he greeted cheerfully "Did you get held up to the hospital?" he expected her to be home already and suddenly, she couldn't find the right words to tell him why she still wasn't home.

"No, it's Eden, Derek" she heard a bad silence as a response and she was sure he had caught the fear in her voice and he was immediately worried.

"What happened?" a chair squeaked in the background and she was glad he sat down.

"Don't freak out" she breathed "I was on my way home and the school bus she was on collided with a van. Eden is right here, she wants to talk to you" she tried to remain vague in the hope he wouldn't worry much more than necessary.

"Oh my God, is she okay?" she heard him panic nonetheless

"She looks fairly good, she might have a broken arm" she decided to avoid telling him about the leg.

"God, Meredith" he was almost crying.

She heard some sirens approaching "We are going to the hospital as soon as we can, I'll let you talk to her for a minute, okay?"

"I'll be here as soon as I can. Can you promise to stay with her the whole time until I get there?" he said frantically and she could hear undistinguished noises and tingles on the other end of the line, a clear sign that he was already on his way outside.

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be" she replied softly then she handed the phone to Eden who was visibly calming down.

"Hi Daddy" she began in a croaky voice

"Hey Ladybug, are you okay?" he replied, trying to sound as calm as he could

"I'm hurting a little" she sniffled and he wished he could teleport next to her and hold her

"I'm sure it will be fine as soon as you get to the hospital" he tried to reassure her

"Promise?" she said sadly in her sweet voice

"Yeah baby girl, I promise. I'm going to be there immediately, okay?"

"Okay." she sighed "I can stay with Meri, right?" she asked, suddenly worried

"The whole time." he was glad that Meredith was there when he couldn't "I love you Eden, it's gonna be alright"

"Bye Daddy, love you too"

Eden gave back the phone to Meredith and she saw her studying the scene around.

"Okay, I could take you out of here but you have to promise to stay still"

Eden nodded and she looked at Meredith holding her limp arm and moving it carefully on her lap. Meredith could hear voices around her, but she knew Eden was the only one still on the bus. The girl winched at the change of position and let out a small cry, but Meredith gathered her in her arms immediately and walked outside. She was still light as a feather.

On the field she met Alex and Lexie, who looked extremely worried as well, and she updated them on the situation, before climbing on the first ambulance out.

"It hurts, Meri" cried Eden as soon as she was laying on the gurney that looked way too big for her. Meredith knew that feeling pain meant there was nothing seriously wrong, but she hated that Eden was feeling it

"You can squeeze my hand, Eden"

"Can you hold me?" the girl asked, instead of grabbing her hand, her eyes filled with tears were pleading her silently.

Meredith knew that it was wrong, but she couldn't help but open her arms again and allow the girl to snuggle into her chest.

They spent the whole ride in silence, Eden crying silently while Meredith rocked her back and forth to calm her down brushing her hair lightly and tried her best to not let the hormones have the best of her. She knew she was a mess but Eden needed her to be strong, so she held all her tears at bay while she tried to calm down the girl in her arms. Eden seemed almost asleep when she decided to place her back on the gurney, but she immediately tightened the hold she had of Meredith's sweater whispering "Don't go, Mommy"

Meredith didn't knew if it was the pain that made her say that or the fact that she was probably dreaming already, she just felt her heart swell with love and worry. It felt right somehow being called Mommy and that scared her. It scared her the trust and the promises that simple word contained for Eden and she knew that she couldn't break her trust. It was almost as big as admitting that she was pregnant, but she knew she had to take this leap of faith at some point. And so she leaped.

"I'm not going anywhere, Ladybug" she whispered soothingly, placing a kiss on her forehead and running her hand through Eden's hair while the girl closed her eyes again and her features relaxed in what could be considered pure trust.

When Meredith arrived in the ER, saying that the place was chaotic was an understatement. Crying kids were laying helplessly on various gurneys, worried parents shuffled around the place trying to find their children while surgeons and nurses were busy stitching cuts and splinting arms or fingers. She had seen Dr. Bailey hovering over her son's gurney but she hadn't able to say anything to her, she was too busy with Eden to care. She hoped Tuck was okay though and she promised herself that as soon as she had a moment she was going to find Bailey and ask her how he was doing even if he didn't looked bad.

She brought Eden on the first free bed and began bossing around her interns to let the girl have the best care possible. They took her blood and they gave her supplies to stitch up the cuts while the smartest of them brought her the x-rays machine. When she finally read the x-rays, she had the confirmation that Eden's arm needed a cast so she paged Callie and together they waited, while she began cleaning up the gash on her leg. Meredith tried to keep Eden busy talking about the aquarium and somehow it seemed to work, even if she knew she would have been a thousand times more excited if they were snuggling on the couch telling her memories rather than on a hospital bed.

They both heard some ruffling of the curtain behind which they were staying and a disheveled and worried Derek appeared, his eyes wide at the sight of his daughter hurt

"Oh God, Eden" he sighed in relief and went hugging the girl, who managed to hold his neck tightly with the good arm.

"Hi Daddy" she said breathlessly, relieved for his presence. Even Meredith finally felt like she could breathe.

"I was so worried baby girl" he squeezed her tiny body one more time, then let go to watch her condition first hand, glancing her body up and down to asset the damages with his own eyes.

Meredith felt all the emotions she had tried to suppress bubble back out at his attentive, caring stare and suddenly she needed out of the confined space. She slowly walked out of the curtains, pretending it was nothing, but closing her eyes and tuning out the rest of the noises coming from the ER as soon as the curtains ruffled back in its place, all her energy focused on not breaking down in front of the whole hospital. Her breaths were short and raspy, her eyes filled with tears. She tried her best to calm herself down, but it seemed even worse.

After what seemed hours of hyperventilation, she felt two strong arms grab her shoulders and pull her in a hug. Even without opening her eyes, she knew it was Derek. She could recognize his smell everywhere.

She carefully slid her arms around him and hugged him, not too tightly but enough to finally let the tears spring free. At first she was simply crying, but soon she was breaking down, her ragged breaths losing in the expanse of his soft dark sweater.

Her eyes remained closed, pretending that she wasn't in the middle of the ER crying like a baby, but then she felt her feet move automatically towards an unknown direction and when she finally stopped and opened her eyes, she saw that Derek had brought her to an empty hallway and was staring at her with a loving gaze. Somehow, deep down he already knew what she needed and this marveled her once more.

"Thank you" he whispered, then leaned in to kiss her softly, more gently than always if it could be possible, like he was afraid she was going to break if he put a little more force in it. He had needed this hug just as much as she had needed him. "You have been so strong for Eden and I'm so glad you were there" he let out a breath he didn't even realized he was holding.

"I was so scared, Derek" she sobbed

"It's over now" he smiled, then kissed her again with the same gentleness that screamed how much he loved her and how much he hated seeing her in tears. He could understand the feeling, he had been ready to break down as soon as he ended the call, but he couldn't understand why she was crying all that much.

Meredith leaned back on his chest carefully and she realized this was their first proper, tight hug since the shooting and more tears filled her eyes: it was the first time she allowed herself to breakdown in front of him.

"She's okay" he repeated, clearly taken aback by the tears, then placed a kiss at the top of her head.

"I know, it's just...I was really worried when I saw the accident, then I climbed on the bus and Eden was there, crying. I didn't know what to do and she was so scared. Then in the ambulance she called me Mommy and it felt weird and beautiful and this is our first real hug, I'm so tired and I'm pregnant and all this hormones won't let me stop crying!" she rambled, only later realizing what she had just confessed and she gasped.

Derek had listened carefully to everything she said but somehow, he was sure he had heard the last part wrong. He grabbed her shoulders and looked straight into her puffy eyes, still full of tears that were streaming down her cheeks.

"I'm pregnant" she said again and she saw his face change into one of confusion "I'm having your baby" she replied and it sounded _so_ good told out loud. She was expecting some kind of reaction that never came. She knew it wasn't exactly how she had planned to tell him, but his lack of expression worried her.

"You're sure it's mine?" he asked almost in a whisper and it hurt her. It hit her hard and for a moment she just looked at him directly in his eyes, trying to read him, but she could tell he was serious about the question.

She stepped back from his arms, a sudden cold hitting her shivering skin "Who do you think I was fooling around with six weeks ago?" she replied harshly, her words dripping with hurt and she pulled away from him folding her arms on her chest.

As quickly as the frown settled, it was replaced with a slow but wide smile that brightened his whole face "You're having my baby?" this time his voice was filled with amazement and that was the reaction she was expecting.

"I am" she replied, the smile coming back on her lips again and the warmth enveloping her again as his arms went at her hips, pulling her a little bit closer.

He smirked, then leaned in for a loving kiss, his arms pulling her even closer to his body than how she already was and he left her panting, her eyes closed in bliss, wishing the moment would never end.

"Mer, you're pregnant" he tried it out again, because he still couldn't believe it.

"I was planning on telling you as soon as I got home, maybe in a nicer, less rushed way, but you know..."

"We don't do things as planned" he replied, his full-fledged smile the best reaction she could hope for.

"You...you are not going to regret this or walking away or..." she didn't had the time to finish her sentence before his lips found hers in a searing kiss.

"I'm not going anywhere, I have never meant to" he said as soon as they pulled away and she leaned against his chest for a moment longer, relishing his warmth and how his arms seemed to fit her frame perfectly. They relished the moment, remaining in a comfortable silence for a long time, until Meredith spoke.

"I want to call Addison later, let her know what happened with Eden" she whispered, afraid of his reaction.

"She doesn't have any right to know" he replied bitterly, his whole body stiffening.

"She's her baby girl. I know she screwed up, but she carried her around for nine months, Derek"

"Thirty-eight weeks. Eden surprised us before the due date while I was in the middle of a craniotomy" he smiled at the memory.

"You were there during labor, weren't you?" suddenly Meredith's gaze lifted up to meet his.

"Yeah, even if Addison opted for a C-section"

"Did she had complications?"

"No" he relished the memory and the happy twinkle got lost somewhere during those moments. "Then she asked Mark to fix the scar" he remembered "It was like nothing had happened" he sighed, sadness filling his words

"A lot happened that day"

"I know"

"I'm still calling her, Derek. I couldn't think about my baby getting hurt and not knowing it, even if I am the worst mother in the world." she admitted and she blushed at the admission.

His right thumb moved from her hip to graze gently the skin under her top, right above her navel, drawing soft, loving circles "You won't be"

She got lost in his loving touch that for a moment she forgot to reply something, her thoughts completely thrown aback by the soothing motion of his hands. She finally whispered "What?" when their eyes met once again and she could see hundreds of emotions in there, a beautiful sight she wanted to remember for the rest of her life.

"The worst mother in the world, you are a good mother already Mer"

"I'm..." she leaned into his loving touch, her head resting on his shoulder "Eden called me Mommy today" she whispered, because it still didn't felt real.

"It's awesome when it happens, right?" he said remembering exactly the day Eden called him 'Dada' for the first time while they were playing together on the living room floor.

Meredith barely nodded, unable to hold the tear that fell on her cheek "I think she was dreaming already, but it felt good"

He placed a fleeting kiss on the top of her head "Do you want her to call you Mommy?"

"She doesn't have to. She can, if she wants to, I can be Meri forever to her and it would be fair as well" she admitted "I kinda like being Meri" a small grin brightened her features.

"I think she would love to call you Mommy"

"She told me once that she would like you to have a new princess and her a new Mommy" she sighed, breathing in his calming smell at the revelation.

"Maybe she got her wish" he grinned at her words

"Cheesy" she began giggling and somehow, all the tears seemed forgotten.

When she was finally quiet again she suggested "Let's go back to her, she must be worried"

"We'll talk more at home" he said, tightening his hug for a moment then leaning in to steal a quick, soft kiss to her lips before kneeling at her feet, lifting up her top and placing a tender kiss to her stomach.

She didn't expected the tears that built in her eyes at the spontaneous gesture and somehow even being a Mommy didn't feel all that bad anymore if he was going to be next to her.

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><p><strong>AN: Awww *sighs*<strong>

**I know, I wrote it, I shouldn't 'awww' to my own chapters, but every time I reread this I just feel that fluffy feeling in my heart. I'm sorry. **

**I'm also sorry I had to trap Eden in a bus for the purpose of this story, but she's perfectly fine and she'll remain that way, don't worry. **

**This was a big chapter, lots of things had happened, most of them happy things. I thought for a moment that Derek could be over the moon at the news that Mer is pregnant, but then at the same time, he needed to have a tiny moment of doubt, right? I haven't mentioned Finn in a while, but the thought still lingers there. **

**I also considered the idea of bringing Addison back in Derek and Eden's life, explain a few things a bit better, reasons for their divorce stuff like that and it felt nice that Meredith would be the one to suggest the idea.**

**Okay, I'm sorry for the double ramble here, I get wordy before exams. Next update will be up in three days, as usual lately -yay!-.**


	23. ,It's Best To Let Go

**Sorry for the unexpected delay, readers, I had a sudden sleepover with a friend and I ended up spending the weekend there, then yesterday I went visiting another friend who needs surgery so well, it all became a little bit hectic.**

**Anyway, here's chapter 23, title from the song Sometimes by Noah and The Whale. **

**As I hinted in the other chapter, Addison will show up, but you don't have to worry, just read!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 23 – Sometimes You Got To Know It's Best To Let Go<strong>

Derek had slept next to Eden when the girl asked him and Meredith not to leave her room and, as soon as he opened his eyes the following morning, he couldn't imagine a better scene to wake up to every morning, except for the hospital scenery it was put into: Eden was laying asleep in the huge hospital bed, Meredith sat instead on the reclining chair filling charts. She was focused on the task, but she was there anyway, her eyes glancing up from time to time when Eden stirred or when some noise disturbed her concentration.

"Hey" she greeted with a smile when their eyes met during his scrutiny

"Hey beautiful" he couldn't help but notice how perfect she looked that morning.

"I've been in this place for three days straight, I'm hardly beautiful" she complained with a grimace, turning back her attention to the charts, tucking back a strand of hair that always escaped the hair tie after more than four hours in the hospital.

He stood up and placed a kiss on the crown of her head "You are gorgeous" he whispered, tilting up her chin and kissing her lips softly, his hand going automatically to brush her still flat stomach and a small smile appeared on Meredith's lips.

There was a knock at the door before it opened and an impeccably dressed redhead walked in. _Addison_. Meredith had seen her only once, but she knew it was her. She remembered the model body, the perfect legs, the stylish clothes and the perfect hair, the same color as Eden's.

"Addison" greeted Derek, his voice suddenly cold, loosing the softness it had only a few moments earlier.

"Derek, is she okay?" Addison asked, almost frozen in her spot as soon as she spotted the girl asleep.

"She's doing fine, she will be discharged before tonight, they kept her here only for observation" her replied just as coldly.

"Good, I'm..." she swallowed, darting her gaze alternatively from Eden to Derek but avoiding Meredith.

"I'll be right outside" Meredith whispered to Derek and made a move to stand up, but Derek's arm kept her in place.

"You can stay" said Addison "I have no business to be here" she replied, before going out with tears in her eyes.

Derek sighed but Meredith was quicker and walked outside, chasing Addison in the aisle.

"Addison!" she shouted.

"What do you want? Go back to what had been my family, I clearly don't deserve them" she called back, the hurt still dripping out of her voice.

"Have coffee with me" Meredith regretted the offer immediately when the fact that she was pregnant dawned on her. Even worse, the perfect woman worked with pregnant women all day.

"What's wrong with you?" Addison's eyes widened at the request

"Eden is your daughter, you have every right to be here"

"Not according to Derek"

"He's an ass. Have coffee with me, take a walk, just have a conversation with me" she pushed and saw something crack in Addison's hard stare.

"Okay, let's talk outside"

They silently exited the building and sat on a bench, holding a cup of coffee each in their hands and Meredith grimaced at the taste of decaf. She was going to miss her coffee in the next few months.

"Why do you want to talk? Why did you called me in the first place?" her voice somber.

"You are her mother, you have every right to know" _and I tend to do impulsive things since I realized that I'm freaking pregnant_.

"I'm not her mother, I gave birth to her, but I'm not her mother" she admitted and Meredith was taken aback by the confession "I'm seeing a shrink, she said it's good for me to talk about it"

"What happened?" Meredith felt a sudden sympathy for the broken woman in front of her.

"Post-partum depression" she sighed "Actually, I had been bitchy during the whole pregnancy and it simply became worse after Eden was born. I..." she shook her head vigorously, trying to keep away her tears "I wished she had never been born every time she cried. I was the worst mother she could possibly have. Then some days she just woke up and looked at me with her big, beautiful eyes and I hated myself for thinking those things" she sniffled, unable to hold her gaze anymore. "She doesn't deserve a mother like me"

"You are still her mother"

Silence stretched between the two women, who kept sipping from their cups to avoid the awkward moment when they realized that the one they were having wasn't a really normal conversation.

"Who are you?" asked Addison in a whisper

"I'm Dr. Meredith Grey, I know I didn't even introduced myself, I'm sorry" she said simply, sounding stupid even to herself.

"I mean, are you dating Derek?"

"I helped him settle in Seattle and then we are more than just friends since he had been shot" they didn't defined their relationship yet, but probably they were dating as common knowledge._ Having a baby together implied somehow dating, right?_

"I wanted to call so many times when I heard the news" her voice trailed off "I mean, I have lived with him so many years and we were sort of friends even before getting married. I still care about him even if I'm glad we divorced"

"He needed a bit of recovery but he's doing great now" Meredith replied, trying to fill in the woman on the hellish weeks that they had just put behind themselves.

"Look, I know I must look like an horrible person to you but I love Eden, I just..." she sighed, their eyes meeting "I think the depression never went away" she admitted "That's why the marriage fell apart, that's why Derek doesn't want me ten feet near Eden, that's why Mark left me after three good months of good fucking" her tears began building up in her eyes and yet she wasn't doing anything to stop them.

"But you are here now"

"I'm glad Eden has you in her life. I don't know how things are between you and Derek but I'm glad you have helped them settle. I..."

"I'm glad they are part of my life, but Eden is part of yours too. Heck, you share half of her DNA!" she emphasized and Addison finally smiled "I'm never going to keep you from seeing her and I'll tell Derek to do the same"

"Thank you" she squeezed Meredith's forearm "Just promise that when she starts calling you Mommy, you'll..."

"You gave birth to her, you are her mother, that's what I'm going to tell her when she will ask. We'll tell her more when she'll grow up, but you are still her mother"

"I want her to be happy"

"She is a perfectly happy little girl even if she knows that her mother is not with her"

"I'm so sorry she had to go through that"

"She will be fine"

"Thank you for taking care of her"

"She makes things so easy, you know" Meredith smiled at all the memories they had collected together in their days spent around the city or even the worst days after the shooting. Her pager rang and pulled her out of her memories.

"Sorry, I..." she let out a forced smile.

"I'm a doctor as well, go save a life" Addison smiled back "It was nice talking to you Meredith"

"You too Addison. Go back to them" she added Meredith before disappearing.

Addison stood still for a moment, contemplating Meredith's words, then she moved back to Eden's room.

She didn't know why that petite woman, that she should hate with all her self, somehow made her feel confident in her ability to talk to her own daughter. Maybe it was the fact that she had been more of a mother for her little girl in the time they had been apart rather than herself during four whole years.

Eden was a beautiful child. Despite being hurt and scared out of her mind, her little girl was beautiful, that was the only thing Addison could come up when she observed her from the open door of her room. She was glad the only thing that made them look alike were the hair. And the nose. She was the split image of Derek and it seemed even odder for her to despise her with all she had as soon as she had been born.

Addison didn't really knew where things had gone wrong exactly, maybe not just a little after the stick turned blue and somehow she realized how badly Derek had always wanted kids and how little she had compromised. She knew he resented her somehow and she knew he was beyond angry, but she decided to knock softly and enter in the room anyway.

Derek sent her an icy glare and she smiled politely. She deserved a death glare as well, icy didn't seemed enough.

"Mommy?" Eden's surprised voice caught her off guard.

"Hey Eden" she replied, almost breathless.

They stared at each other, before Eden's gaze became a frown when she noticed Derek squirming in his seat as his pager rang.

"Do you have to go, Daddy?" Eden whispered, almost scared

"I'll be back as soon as I can, okay?" he managed a fake smile, kissed softly her forehead, straightened her hair then slowly walked out of the room after checking his pager, fuming on his way out.

Eden looked back up at Addison and resumed her staring.

"You are my Mommy, right?" she asked, almost suspicious that the answer was not what she hoped.

"I gave birth to you, yes" Addison smiled sadly. She dreaded the rest of the conversation because she knew she was going to leave a crushed little girl. Her own crushed little girl.

"So you are not my Mommy" stated Eden matter-of-factly

"A Mommy is someone who is around her children and spends time with them. I'm hardly that kind of Mom. But I love you Eden"

"Daddy loves me a lot" Eden smiled

"He does" Eden's happiness was contagious even for Addison who regretted even more every single thing she had done wrong.

"Meri too. She picked me out of the bus!" she said marveled "Meri is cool"

"I like Meri too" Addison admitted.

"Mommy, if Meri and Daddy kiss, does it mean that they'll get married?"

_Whoa!_ "You should ask Daddy this question."

"If they'll get married she'll be my Mommy too, right? But she will stay..."

"Yeah, she will stay." she needed a moment to process the information, then Addison added "I'm so sorry I left Eden"

"Why?"

"It's mostly a problem between me and Daddy. I'll tell you someday"

"It's because of the yelling?"

"Yeah"

"Meri yells too sometimes" Eden's face grew worried

"It happens to yell, it's just that me and your Daddy...we said very mean things to each other and at some point we decided it would have been better for you to live just with Daddy"

"Okay. I hope Meri won't ever go away" Eden sighed but before Addison could say anything more, she added "Can I go back to sleep?"

"Of course"

Addison caressed her hair gently, placed a soft kiss on her porcelain forehead then her deep blue eyes closed and in a blink she was asleep. She kissed her soft cheek one last time, then she went out, unable to keep a few tears at bay. She had just said goodbye to her own daughter.

On her way, she bumped into Derek. "I'm sorry for coming out here uninvited" she apologized immediately, wiping away the tears.

"Meredith called you, it's fine"

"She's nice"

"She's perfect" he said, warmly but his voice hard, like she was peeing on his territory and he wanted her out as soon as possible.

"You know I live in Los Angeles now, right?"

"Yeah, Mark informed us when he showed up here" his voice was even more bitter now.

"Look, I'm sorry. I'll never be in the way ever again. I just want some updates once in a while, see Eden grow up from a distance. She never deserved a mother like I had been so I don't expect anything from her"

"I'll tell her the whole story when she'solder"

"I...Thank you Derek"

"I just wanted you to know that Meredith is not just a fling" he continued, proud of the relationship but still embarrassed to have to endure this conversation with his ex wife.

"I'm happy for you. And for Eden, she seems to adore Meredith"

"That's mutual" a grin spread on his face

"We could maybe try to be friendly from now on" she wondered. Friends was a big step, but friendly seemed fair enough.

"We could"

"I'll fly back tonight"

After a long silence, he asked "Do you need anything?"

"No Derek, I'm perfect. I'm glad I came up here" she admitted

"It was closure, yeah" he completed for her

"Goodbye Derek" she said with a sad smile

"Goodbye Addison" he replied and they both knew it was going to be a long time before they would be able to see their faces again.

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><p><strong>AN: Okay, I had my reservation when I wrote this and right after I typed the MerAddison conversation I just stopped and said: what the hell were you thinking? And I had almost deleted the whole thing. **

**Anyway, I'm still waiting for my test results and hopefully I'll know by the end of the week. Fingers crossed.**

**I'll update as soon as I can, even though the banked updates I have left are less and less. I hope I won't need ages to complete this! **

**Thank you to all the people who contributed to the 170 review, the dozens of alerts s and the more than 30,000 views. You are amazing people! And thanks to my patient Beta sparkxx as well!**


	24. This Is When I Need You

**And I'm in!**

**I did good in my test and I got accepted into university, so I guess I'll be moving soon! Wow, I still can't put my fingers on that. **

**I'm late for this update, I know, I'm sorry. I hope you'd like it. **

**The song is once again by The National, Mr. November. I'm kind of obsessed lately, I'm sorry about that. It's the desperate way in which the singer says that that keeps me hooked. Just listen to it.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 24 – <strong>** This Is When I Need You**

"Derek, tell me we are not having twins" whined Meredith when Derek parked the car in the Seattle Presbyterian Hospital parking lot.

"Why would we have twins?"

"I don't know, I'm freaking out here" she said staring the car parked in front of theirs like she wanted to move it with her thoughts.

Derek smiled softly and leaned over to squeeze her hand and reassure her "We are going in, then we'll see how things go, okay?"

"What if it's triplets?" she exaggerated

"Meredith"

"I know I'm paranoid, I'm sorry" she huffed, folding her hands in her lap

"It's cute" he kissed her temple and she immediately relaxed "Are we good to go?"

"Yes, okay, yeah" she stammered, then opened the door and stepped out, taking a deep breath and then walking next to Derek.

He instinctively wrapped an arm around her shoulder and brought her closer, kissed the top of her head, then they remained connected just with their linked hands.

They sat on plastic chairs in a waiting room full of perfectly looking babies with rosy cheeks, bright smiles and chubby limbs and for a moment Derek reminisced the same moment with another woman next to him. The last time, Addison wasn't holding his hand for dear life, her gaze wasn't fixed to a point in front of her while her other hand was resting protectively on her stomach, Addison was just there, like she was on duty or something like that.

"Meredith it's gonna be fine" he soothed for the umpteenth time, seeing her tensing next to him.

"You don't know that"

"We are going to be okay" he decided to change the sentence and she didn't objected. He was a little bit scared too that things weren't going to be perfect for her whole pregnancy, but he was hopeful and he had been there before, for Meredith everything was new and he understood her, being there was scary.

She turned towards him with scared eyes and their gazes locked, until he pressed a soft, reassuring kiss on her lips and she considerably relaxed next to him.

The hold on her hand tightened again when a nurse called out her name from a list and for a moment he wondered if he looked so professionally detached when he worked or it was just being on the other side that made you see things under another light.

Meredith tensed, but she stood up and shakily reached the room.

"Hello Dr. Grey, I'm Dr. Alicia Frington" the woman, mid-forties, short, salt and pepper hair said with a bright smile and Meredith shook her hand shakily. Then the woman looked up at Derek and he held out his hand as well, introducing himself "Dr. Derek Shepherd"

"From Seattle Grace, Neurosurgery" she half stated, half asked. He nodded knowing that he probably was well known for the fact that he had been recently shot in the chest more for his surgical abilities.

"So, first appointment, right Meredith? Can I call you Meredith?"

"Of course" she replied in a small voice and Derek just wanted to hug her tightly and tell her that everything would be all right.

"Okay, you presume you are eight weeks along, am I right?"

"I...We wanted to come before but things had been a bit hectic at home and we just..."

"It's fine, don't worry. Did you experienced cramps, spotting?" Meredith shook her head convincingly "I suggest you to try to relax because I assume that you have been under a lot of stress lately"

"It's...I..." she was panicking and Derek was ready to interfere.

"I know, life has a way in that department"

Meredith looked frightened at Derek and he just said "Excuse me" to the doctor, before coming to stand right in front of her and cupping her face in his hands "Meredith, it's going to be all right, you did nothing wrong, I promise. You have been perfect. We're all going to be okay."

She nibbled her lower lip nervously and sighed deeply. Derek smiled and kissed her lips first then her forehead, until she finally returned a small smile. "Thank you"

"Anytime" he grinned, coming to stand next to her.

"Such a wonderful man" sighed the doctor.

Meredith was able to giggle lightly "Oh yeah"

"Anyway, how's the nausea?"

"Comes and goes, but since the first time it's slowly getting better"

"Good. If it gets worse you can come here anytime and I can prescribe you something. Now," she said, standing up "Let's get to the most exciting part of this visit"

"We can hear the heartbeat, right?"

"If you are really eight weeks along sure" Dr. Frington smiled brightly while Meredith looked more relaxed than how he had ever seen during the day as she laid on the examination bed.

She looked at Derek with eyes full of everything and he just squeezed her hand gently when he saw her wince from the cold gel that the doctor had placed on her still mostly flat stomach.

Dr. Frington roamed with the probe for a while, until the comforting, expected _whoosh whoosh whoosh_ filled the small room. Meredith looked at Derek with tears in her eyes and he couldn't help the wide smile that curled up his lips.

"That's your baby" the doctor said, turning the screen and pointing at a peanut-sized blob on the black and white screen.

For Meredith the world suddenly stopped because that was her baby she was hearing and seeing. A life that her and Derek had created together and, despite the suddenness of it all, she couldn't have it any other way. She loved Derek, he loved her and they had created a baby together.

Suddenly, all her worries doubled but not in the all-consuming way they did before, in just a plain I-need-to-do-this-right, way. She guessed that motherly instincts were already kicking in and she was glad she wasn't a complete freak of nature after being raised by Ellis Grey.

Dr. Frington kept the image up as long as possible, but for neither of the new parents was enough. They eagerly grabbed all the sonograms the doctor handed them and decided to grab the taped version of the ultrasound as well. They both knew there wasn't much to see but the simple idea of knowing there was a life growing into Meredith's stomach was enough to make them crave everything about this pregnancy.

Meredith looked at Derek with the most loving eyes he had ever seen, while he looked back at her like she was a miracle. He knew how children were created, but knowing that Meredith was creating a child with him was something he still couldn't put his finger on.

He led her out of the unfamiliar hospital and they walked back to the parking lot, still in a comfortable silence, until Meredith sat and smiled sneakingly.

"It's not twins" she grinned

"It's a perfectly healthy, peanut-shaped baby" he grinned back. "We have time for twins" he joked and she swatted his arm.

"Don't even say that!"

"We can have as many children as you want" he replied seriously

"You know what I want?" she said huskily and he shook his head, preparing himself for one of the weirdest cravings he expected her to and surely not a sexual favor "An apple. You know, a red, crunchy one" she practically licked her lips at the idea.

"So, you crave apples" he wanted to laugh

"Don't even think about laughing. It's all your fault. You and your health nut fetus are ruining my life" she pouted adorably "Metaphorically speaking"

"So you are glad to have us?" he asked amused.

"Immensely" but her answer was anything but a joke. She leaned over and kissed him softly then whispered "I love you. And our baby"

"And I love you and our baby too" he grinned against her lips, before kissing her again, softly caressing her stomach.

They arrived at Seattle Grace for their shift and they reluctantly parted ways. It had been one of the rare times they walked in the building holding hands and the staring didn't stop until they both were in separate sections of the hospital, like they knew something was going on.

Meredith had to monitor one of Derek's post-op patients and she gladly sat at Mrs. Tiller bedside to update the rest of her charts she had left behind in the days before.

"Mrs. Tiller, how are you doing today?" she asked, as soon as she entered the room, a bright smile on her face and the woman replied with an equal expression.

"No headache" she grinned

"That's wonderful! Do you mind if I stay here for a bit, charting? I need to monitor your stats for Dr. Shepherd and I wanted to catch up with work" Meredith asked while doing routine examinations.

"Oh, I don't mind, really. You look happy Dr. Grey"

"I am" she said simply, relishing the truth in the statement.

Meredith sat on the comfortable reclining chair, balancing on her lap the first of the stack of charts on the small table next to her.

Mrs. Tiller noticed immediately the automatic gesture of the doctor, who brought her hand to her stomach as soon as she sat and, seeing it curling ever so slightly, she immediately knew the source of that happiness. Dr. Grey was indeed glowing.

Meredith tried so hard to focus on the charts in front of her, but the numbers seemed to mix up in a huge, black blob, mocking her. She didn't felt tired until she sat in the comfortable chair. She pinched her nose to try to awaken her senses and saw Mrs. Tiller smiling softly.

"The first months are always the hardest" the elderly woman said softly, knowingly.

"I...How...?" Meredith stammered, caught by surprise.

"That big smile on your face, that hand on your stomach, I just guessed"

"Oh. Well, yeah" Meredith giggled nervously. _She shouldn't look pregnant at work already_.

"I know, I'll keep the secret. People look at you differently when they know and not in a good way, especially if you work"

"Thank you Mrs. Tiller"

"What made you so happy?" the woman asked, testing the waters.

"First scan today" Meredith replied happily even if it was a personal question.

"Aw, those are the best." she sighed softly "And the baby's daddy?"

"Ecstatic" Meredith smiled softly, the vivid memory of Derek's face fresh in her thoughts.

"They always are"

Meredith sighed, then went back to her charts and saw the woman go back to her book with a smile on her face. She liked that patient, she had been really kind during her whole stay, despite the life-threatening condition she had just overcame. Meredith knew she must have felt lonely, with her husband gone and her two children busy at work, so she had decided to share a room with her instead of a library table with another resident and she was glad for her choice.

When the pile of charts was considerably reduced, her eyes just begged to be shut and she decided to give in. Just for a second.

Thirty minutes later, Derek entered the room to check on Mrs. Tiller but she hushed him and eyed the sleeping form of Meredith. She was curled up in a weird position on the reclining chair, a pen in one hand, the other draped on her stomach protectively. The woman saw the eyes of her surgeon soften and a small smile appeared on his lips. He mouthed "I'll be right back" then in five minutes he was in the room once again, a red apple in his hand. He closed the door of the room and shared a smile with Mrs. Tiller "Not a word" he added and the woman smiled softly at the man.

She saw the surgeon lean in and kiss the woman's forehead softly, then caress her arm from her shoulder down her wrist. She stirred then smiled brightly "What are you doing here?" she said groggily.

"Checking on my patient" he said with a smile, his eyes full of love and a hint of amusement seeing her panicked reaction.

"Oh God, I fell asleep?" she practically groaned

"It's no big deal, Dr. Grey" Mrs. Tiller replied with a smile and Meredith hid her hands in her face.

Derek kissed the top of Meredith's head, then said happily "I've got something for you" a smile widening his features when he pulled out the apple from behind his back.

Meredith stretched even a wider smile than the one she had and grabbed the apple happily "Wonderful man" she sighed, taking a huge bite of the juicy fruit with a noisy crunch.

Mrs. Tiller giggled "Apple cravings?"

"It's the baby's daddy's fault" replied Meredith with an amused smile, glancing to Derek after the second bite.

"Congratulations to the both of you, then" Mrs. Tiller said with a smile.

"Thank you Mrs. Tiller" spoke Derek, Meredith too busy chewing her apple. "I see that you have the situation under control, I'm heading home in a bit, I'm picking up dinner, any choice?"

"Ask Eden what she wants, but I want apple pie"

He shook his head with an amused smile "We'll see you at home"

"Bye Derek"

Derek turned to his patient and asked "Do you mind if I kiss this wonderful doctor here?"

"Go ahead" grinned Mrs. Tiller and her two surgeons joined their lips for a quick kiss.

"Mmh, apple" grinned Derek, before leaving the room and leaving the two women with a smile on her face.

"He's gonna be a great daddy" sealed Mrs. Tiller and Meredith couldn't help but nod at her statement, chewing the latest bite of her apple.

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><p><strong>AN: It's a very fluffy chapter, I just needed this after all the sad chapters I had written. <strong>

**I will be free of any restriction for a few weeks more, then I'll start classes so I guess time will reduce substantially. I hope I'll keep up with the updates, but I guess they'll get a little bit farther than before. I have warned you and I'll repeat it when it will actually happen. **

**Anyway, they have a perfectly healthy baby. One. I put things light here, but I guess it's normal to feel a bit apprehensive, right? And apple cravings it's just to shaken things up!**

**I hope you all stay tuned for more, thank you for your reviews in the past chapters and the alerts, you are great readers, all of you!**


	25. You're The Only Thing I Ever Want Anymor

**I know, it's been ages. I'm really sorry, I got busy with university stuff and friends and I had to fight a slightly minor lack of ideas. Okay, I was freking out because my banked chapters were less and less so I just paused a moment and only wrote. I also published a couple of other stories that kept my mind a little busy, they had been planned a while ago and they just begged to be published so yeah, there they are.**

**I also decided to make anonymous reviews possible, which means YOU CANNOT use this as a mean to insult my story but maybe you're just shy or you don't have an account. I accept criticism, I said that at the beginning, but at least if you don't like the story just go read something else. There are hundreds of good stories out there, all right?**

**After this little rant, the title for this chapter is taken from...surprise! The National - Conversation 16. I neet to seriously stop putting their discography on a loop anytime I write. My apologies.**

**Enjoy this chapter, I loved writing this ;)**

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><p><strong>Chapter 25 - You're The Only Thing I Ever Want Anymore<strong>

It was dark and stormy outside. Meredith knew that Eden didn't like the weather, only since the shooting the simple dislike for storms became almost full-fledged panic attacks, which was almost crazy for a four-year-old, but considering her background, anything was possible.

Derek was sleeping beside her, sprawled on his side and lost in his dreams. She had grown accustomed to feel his arm draped around her even when he was fast asleep, unconsciously protecting her and their unborn baby, that seemed every day something more and more tangible. They kept things quiet with their friends, the only one that knew was Cristina, but it was okay, they needed time to adjust.

A thunder cracked in the sky and seconds later she could hear tiny feet tiptoeing in the corridor and a tiny hand opening the already ajar door, closing it and then stopping right at Derek's bedside.

"Eden" she whispered, before she could wake Derek up. He had had a long day and he deserved some sleep.

"Meri" she said with a broken voice and she could guess there were big tears ready to fall down her cheeks.

"Come here" she still whispered cautiously and then two little hands were holding onto her arm and two little legs were crawling on the bed.

In a matter of moments they were snuggled close under the covers. Eden was still sniffling quietly, but her breaths were a bit more even and her body a little less tense than the moment she had climbed into Meredith's arms.

"Is this better?" she asked and the girl nodded into her chest. "Was it another nightmare or just the thunder?"

"Both" Eden spoke in a very small and scared voice "Sounds like the gun"

"It does Ladybug, but there's no gun. It's just you, me and Daddy"

"I know"

"We'll be right here the whole time" Meredith whispered "Just close your eyes" she added, brushing her hair gently, trying to calm her down even more.

"Okay" Eden sighed, and Meredith could feel her small body grow heavy in her arms. She laid beside her and she closed her own eyes too, falling back into a deep, content sleep.

She was woken up again when the sky outside was a bit lighter, Derek pressing soft, sexy kisses on her shoulder and on the bare skin of her neck.

"Good morning" he whispered huskily, clearly still half asleep

"Sleep" she groaned, curling up even more and remembering of Eden in her arms. She was in the exact same position of the previous night.

Derek kept trailing soft, tantalizing kisses on her body, slipping one hand under her t-shirt to graze her stomach, then up to her breast.

"Eden" she moaned

"What?" he kept kissing and nibbling her skin, clearly clueless

"Eden's here" she slurred, clearly too asleep or too turned on to form words. He stopped almost immediately, placing one last kiss on her lips.

"Nightmares?" he sighed, finally peeking from Meredith's shoulder and stroking Eden's hair.

"And storm. Bad combination" she sighed.

Eden stirred in Meredith's arms and her big blue eyes fluttered open, just for a moment, then fell shut again.

"Baby, we are going to shower and get dressed, just stay here, okay?" Derek said to Eden and the girl nodded, maybe understanding, maybe too sleepy to care "I hope you'll join me" he whispered then in Meredith's ear, smirking and kissing her favorite spot on her neck again.

"We'll be right back" added Meredith, kissing Eden's forehead then wriggling out of her grasp and rolling out of bed, following Derek who had disappeared in the bathroom.

"I hate you" she smirked, as soon as the door was closed and he pinned her against it, their bodies close as they shared a heated kiss

"You love morning sex" he smirked, his lips finding hers again

"My hormones are running havoc on me and you tease me when in bed there's your daughter!" she pouted and he could just kiss her again, his lips moving then to her most sensitive spots on her neck and shoulders and she moaned again.

"That was a lapse of judgment" he whispered seductively in her ear, nibbling it while she took off his t-shirt.

"We need to be quiet"

"We can do quiet" he smirked, before starting up the shower and undressing her.

The shower took them both a little bit longer than necessary and when they reappeared in their bedroom, they saw Eden slowly sitting up and rubbing her eyes, heavy with sleep.

They both had the Sunday off and they were looking forward to spending it together.

Derek was already wearing a comfortable tee and sweatpants while Meredith had just her bra and her favorite shorts on, a towel in her hands to dry her damp hair while she stared at her reflection in the mirror. Derek stood behind her, gave her a quick kiss to her temple then sneaked his arm around her middle to rub soft, unnoticeable circles where their baby was silently growing. A smile immediately curled up Meredith's lips.

"Daddy?" Eden's voice sounded questioning and when they both turned to her they saw she was frowning.

"Hey, good morning Ladybug" he replied, trying to ignore her facial expression.

"Why do you always touch Meri's tummy?" she asked in a very serious tone and both their eyes widened. They looked at each other, trying to find the perfect words.

Meredith knew this moment had to happen at some point, but it still paralyzed her the idea of telling Eden and especially her reaction.

Derek pulled away from her and sat on the bed, motioning to Meredith to sit on the bed. She threw an old t-shirt on and sat next to him, while Eden crawled into his lap.

"Was I a bad girl, Daddy?" she immediately wondered, after seeing the adults' reaction, tears filling her beautiful blue eyes.

"No, baby girl, it's just complicated to answer your question" he tried to smile convincingly.

"Okay"

Meredith took Derek's hand in hers behind Eden's back and squeezed it gently.

"Eden, do you remember when last Christmas we went at Nana's home?"

"Yes, there were pretty gifts and pretty lights. Then Santa came and ate all the biscuits and the milk!" she giggled, clearly the happy memory sinking in, and for a moment Meredith wondered what would be like their next Christmas, with the Shepherds, with a baby on the way that will have beautiful Christmases.

She sighed and unconsciously put a hand over her stomach.

"You remember Aunt Nancy had the big tummy?"

"Uh uh" she nodded "She said there was Brad in there" she recalled

"Meri has a baby in her tummy as well" he explained calmly and she could hear her heart skip a beat.

"But Daddy, she looks like Meri, not like Aunt Nancy!" she retorted Eden and Meredith giggled at her deep frown while the girl stared at her.

"That's because the baby has to grow a lot before I will be like Aunt Nancy" Meredith explained but Eden didn't seemed very convinced by her answer.

"Why there's a baby there?" _ugh, good question girl_.

"Well, because I love your Daddy very much and he loves me back" she said. _Lame, Mer, very very lame answer_.

"Yeah, you kiss each other a lot" she said almost disgusted and in that moment sounded so much like Cristina that she couldn't help but laugh.

"Yeah. When two people kiss a lot sometimes it happens that they make a baby" she replied a smile still brightening her features as she exchanged a look with Derek.

"And how did the baby get there?"

"Well" Derek cut in "You know that boys and girls are different, right?"

"Ugh, boys are messy and they are always bad" her eyes widened

"I mean," he chuckled, embarrassed "they look different"

"They have shorter hair" she seemed to think "And Tuck pees standing up. I saw him once that I went to the wrong bathroom"

"Okay" sighed Derek, almost horrified by the explanation he had to give to his four-year-old daughter.

"You know that boys can't carry babies, right?" cut in Meredith and he sighed relieved. _He couldn't do that_.

"Yep, why is that?"

"Because girls have a very special place in their bodies made only for them to grow babies. It's called uterus"_ oh, she's going medical, this is not good_.

"Oh, cool" _or maybe it is_.

"Girls have tiny little things similar to eggs that when they meet boy's eggs could create together a baby"

"But eggs like the ones we eat?" Eden asked confused

"No, much more smaller but inside they have all they need to create a baby"

"Oh. And how can the baby get big?"

"Well, their mommies gives the babies everything that they could possibly need until they come out"

"How they come out?" Eden was clearly into the subject at this point.

"Well, mommies have to push their babies out" she shrugged and felt Derek's hand resting comfortably on the small of her back, rubbing soothing circles.

"But it hurts"

"Yes it does, but it's better when it hurts or mommies will need surgery and doctors have to take out the babies"

"Surgery?" her eyes widened in panic

"Oh sweetie, it happens very rarely" Derek spoke again "Meri will be fine" he smiled reassuringly for all of us.

"So Meri is this baby's Mommy?" she asked when the panic passed.

Both adults nodded and Derek could see Meredith's eyes fill with unshed emotional tears "And you are this baby's Daddy?" she stared at Derek almost accusingly.

"Yes, Eden, this is going to be your baby sister or your baby brother" he smiled softly at the idea of a boy.

"But..." her lip quivered "You are my Daddy! My Daddy!" she said, storming out of his arms and in her room.

Derek remained dumbfounded for a second, staring at the open door where Eden had disappeared.

"I'll talk to her" Meredith came into his thoughts then she moved out of the room, leaving Derek still sitting there, wondering where the conversation had gone wrong.

Meredith knocked gently on the door, but she was met only with a teary "Go away Daddy!"

She knew it was big and she knew the girl would have an hard time accepting it, but it didn't broke her heart any less.

"It's Meri, please, can I come in?"

"No" she replied sternly, despite the tears

"Okay, I'll talk from here then" she sighed and waited a moment for the door to open, but it remained closed, so she began "You still have your own Daddy, he is not going anywhere. It's this baby's Daddy too, but he's also your Daddy"

"It's not true" Eden's voice filled with tears, anger and fear.

"You know Lexie?" she asked to the closed door

"She's your sister"

"Yes. Her Mommy is not my Mommy, just like I am not your Mommy" she said, a little bit of sadness filling her heart.

"Addison is my Mommy" her voice barely a whisper, like she wasn't very convinced of the answer herself.

"Yes, she is. My Daddy is still my Daddy even if he had Lexie just like your Daddy will remain your Daddy when I'll have this baby"

Silence stretched between the two sides of the door, until Eden finally opened it and stared at Meredith with tears in her eyes.

"You promise?"

"Of course I promise. I'm not going to take your Daddy away from you" she said with a convincing smile, crouching at her level and the girl wrapped her chubby arms around her neck and held her tightly.

Meredith picked her up carefully and sat with her on the tiny bed, Eden's legs wrapping around her torso while she buried her face in her t-shirt.

Meredith saw Derek hovering at the doorframe, looking out to see the scene but Meredith mouthed that she was handling the situation, so he simply remained there, watching his two favorite girls sharing a very big moment.

When she finally calmed down, Eden looked up and her eyes met Meredith's. The girl then looked down and touched Meredith's slightly rounder stomach with her tiny fingers.

"You're gonna be this baby's Mommy, Meri?" she asked softly, all the anger gone

"I am" she admitted simply, stroking Eden's hair.

"And this baby is going to be my brother or my sister?"

"Yes"

Eden finally lifted up her gaze and met Meredith's "Can...Can you be my Mommy too?" she asked shyly, a hint of fear in her voice.

"I would love to be your Mommy" she said, pulling the girl closer to her chest and hugging her tightly, tears forming in her eyes.

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><p><strong>AN: Okay, this was kind of a big chapter. I wanted to get it right and I hope I did.<strong>

**Thank you for your patience while I was busy freaking out, I hope this chapter made up for the lost time!**

**Anyway, I'm metaphotically pouring my heart out on the screen already after the Premiere, but you won't see results anytime soon. I bet it will be a little harder writing my S8 story, but I have been working on it for a while so it will be done.**


	26. ,Everything At Once

**Hey readers! I'm back!**

**Maybe having three stories on the go is not really a good idea ;) Okay that "Thank You" is basically written, but here the banking chapters are getting less and less and I don't want to disappoint you all. I decided to slow down a bit the updates, but I hope you won't mind. I would have hated to stop posting completely for weeks!**

**Anyway, the song in this chapter is Fake Empire by -newsflash, really- The National. I promised I would have stopped, but I just couldn't. And I have written this a while ago ;)**

**Okay, since you still put up with me, here's the chapter!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 26 – Let's Not Try To Figure It Out, Everything At Once<strong>

The moving squad brought in even the last of the million boxes they had packed and, as the door closed, they realized they were home.

A stack of brown, huge boxes were the only thing covering the empty living room floor, but it didn't matter. They had a house only for themselves today.

Eden was still at home with Alex, who had the day off and offered to babysit, while the two of them were completely alone.

Meredith went near one of the boxes and tried to lift it up only by being stopped by a yelping Derek.

"What?" she replied, a bit annoyed with him.

"Don't lift heavy things, Mer" he said softly, a small, unnoticeable smile tugging at his lips.

"Derek" she sighed, sitting in a heap on the floor.

"It's not good for the baby"

"I know that, I'm a doctor and I lift Eden practically every day." she snapped, a bit annoyed by his overbearing attitude.

He moved closer to her, cupped her cheek and kissed the top of her head "I know. I lift the boxes and you unpack" was his resolution.

She melted under his touch and, despite being gross and sweaty, she wanted nothing more than curl up with Derek for the rest of the day and sleep.

"Do you want something to drink?" she asked

"Yeah, let's take a break" he smiled, wanting to respect her timetable more than how he was eager to clean up everything.

They moved to their new kitchen and for a moment they stood at the doorframe, taking in the newly delivered furniture. Deal wood covered most of the surface, except for the steel sink and the stoney counter. Bar stools rounded a central island with lots of drawers and the whole room had a classic feeling but with a modern look.

Everything was baby proofed and already working, luckily. They sat at the bar stools with icy water in two glasses and they stared wordlessly at each other while sipping their cold drinks. It still didn't felt real for either of them.

"You know, I still haven't phoned back Sarah to give her an answer about the baptism" Derek broke the sudden silence.

"You can call her now, we have a minute, you can tell her about the house..."

"And the baby"

Meredith froze for a moment then echoed, swallowing thickly "And the baby"

Derek looked at her reaction carefully, then asked "You want to wait?"

"No it's fine, you can tell her"

"It's fine?" he inquired, raising his eyebrows

"It's okay" she puffed, shaking her head and finally smiling for a beat.

He stood up and was almost out of the door when he stopped and looked at her with an unspoken question on his lips, like he was pondering if he should say it or not. Meredith smiled encouragingly so he mumbled in a low voice "Can I call Mom too?"

Meredith held his stare, then smiled "Yes" she replied simply, but it was enough.

Derek practically hopped to their bare living room at her answer and she lowered her head for a moment on the counted, head in her hands.

Things were moving awfully fast and for a moment she wondered if she would be able to keep up the pace. She had lived stuck in her tequila-hazed reality for so long that so many times she wondered if she'd became an alcoholic like her father at some point; then in no more than a month she had a wonderful boyfriend, a daughter, a baby on the way, a house and an hanging Chief Resident position to gain.

She knew that with Finn she would have settled for the comfort of the whole situation, the fact that she wanted to be normal for once, but with Derek there was something bigger -scarier- involved in it and she couldn't help but wonder if she was enough for that. For him.

He had built a house and he had invited her in without second guessing, just like she had invited him, but this time, things were awfully different and it scared her.

She had Eden to take care of and not simply give her food, make her laugh and keep her company but give her rules, advices, comfort, be there, put her first and even if it sounded easy, it already wasn't. She was going to be responsible for her and for a creature so very similar to her so soon and she didn't know a thing about this whole being a mother business.

She was clueless on how to be a good girlfriend, a great lover, a devoted partner for Derek, because he deserved so much more than what she could offer and all of a sudden, she wondered if she should really be there, in his home, with his daughter, carrying his baby. He was announcing it to his family and she knew she was going to mess up the relationship he had with them.

Families never liked her and his was not going to be the first one to do so, despite how welcoming his mother had been while she stayed in Seattle with him.

She just didn't belong with him and it scared her, because she had never loved someone in the way she loved Derek, in that all-consuming, you-die-I-die way.

In the mean time, Derek ended the conversation with his mother with a smile and chuckled to himself at Sarah's reaction to the news, her ear-shattering yelp "I knew it!" and the consequential congratulations and virtual hugs. Her perky character was one of the things Derek loved the most about his sister.

His mother instead had taken things more seriously, but he could tell she was smiling. In the time she had spent with them, her and Meredith had bonded and he could see so many things in his future at this point, while he talked to his mother and listened to her warnings. He realized they weren't the same things she had said to him when he announced his engagement to Addison neither the news of the pregnancy, like she knew already that things were just going to crumble in his hands. She probably knew about Mark vicariously but she pretended not to and he liked the fact that she could treat him in the same way.

After the shooting Mark had helped him a lot and the little things led to a drink, then a sport night, a beer together on the couch and before he realized it, Mark was his friend again. Too much water has flowed under the thing to be mad, Meredith had said to him once and he realized that if it wasn't for her, Mark would have been still a stranger.

When he came back in the kitchen and saw her sobbing and fighting for air, clutching at the sonogram picture she was about to hang to the fridge, he stood stunned for a moment, before rushing to her side.

He took her small hand in his and she sobbed even loudly, pulling away from him, standing up the best she could, placing the sonogram back on the fridge. He went in doctor mode to avoid freaking out, but it seemed harder than usual.

"Meredith" he called, but she just fought for every breath and wasn't able to answer. He called her name again but she simply shook her head.

She was shaking and he was worried she would fall, so he took her hand and they sat on the floor, against the dishwasher him, the fridge her. She didn't seem to calm down a notch, though.

"Meredith" he repeated softly

"I can't...I don't...I can't..." she sobbed in panic.

He suddenly panicked as well, when he saw her hand move to her stomach. "Are you okay? Is it the baby?" She imperceptibly shook her head and he let out a relieved breath, before tensing again, knowing that the cause of the panic attack was still unknown.

"Okay, breathe Meredith. Slowly. In and out" he mimicked and she was able to follow him. When her breathing regularized, he encircled her shoulders and brought her body closer to his. She curled up in his arms and slowly she calmed down.

"What is it?" he asked softly when her breathing was calmer and she sniffled loudly.

"I'm not ready" she said, tears making her voice shake once again while she clutched a piece of his t-shirt in her hands.

"We can wait to move in together it's sudden, I know"

"I was smashed each day off I had until last year, Derek, how can I be a good girlfriend or a mother a year after?"

"You are wonderful at both already" he squeezed her in his arms

"I don't know how to do anything of this. I don't cook, I can't decorate, I don't even know lullabies or stories or whatever crap a baby needs"

"I don't even know all this stuff too, Meredith. Every baby is different and I had been pretty lucky with Eden. We'll learn together" he said softly.

"Nobody wants a knocked up girlfriend to show up at his parents' door" she whispered and he finally realized what was the issue that triggered all the negative thoughts.

"I want that. My mother was even happier than Sarah to hear that we are having a baby together and Sarah squealed over the phone, Meredith" he tried to lighten up the mood, but her eyes filled with tears and she shook her head.

"I'm not good for you, just leave me alone" she bolted from his arms before he could stop her and disappeared.

He stood up and run after her, following the sobs and the steps. He found her upstairs, standing in the middle of the green-painted, empty nursery, her hands hiding her tears, but her shoulders giving away the fact that she was still crying. He moved closer to her and wrapped her in his bigger arms, squeezing her so tightly he was worried he could make her stop breathing. He could already feel the gentle swell of her stomach and he promised himself to fight for this baby from the moment he knew about it.

"I love you. I would have asked you to move here even if no baby was on the way. I would have wanted you to be the mother of my children in the future, all of them, how many you would have wanted, even a million, I would have wanted to go to sleep next to you every night and wake up next to your warm body every morning, cuddling with you on the couch at night, get married to you anyway you wanted and watch our great-grandchildren play in the yard, Meredith."

"I..."

"I know things happened fast, but we can slow down"

"We can't Derek, we're gonna have a baby in February!" she wriggled in his hold

"And we'll welcome a baby with open arms. If you want, we can wait for later to move in together, we can just date and have a baby, you can still play with Eden and spend time with us whenever you want and just be Meri"

"Derek, I told her I'm gonna be her mother, but I can't. I can't take that back, but I can't do that either" she leaned a bit more comfortably against his chest "I don't even know how I could love her the same as my own baby, Derek"

"You love her already just as much"

"I don't..."

"You do" he said firmly, interrupting her, and she sobbed limply against his chest. "You are amazing, Meredith. The most extraordinary woman I have ever met"

"Derek" she cried

"I love you, no matter what you think and I'm still open to share a bed with you for the rest of our lives"

"Are you sure?"

"I would get married tomorrow if it will help you but I don't think getting married would ease the change and the suddenness of it all" he chuckled softly and she could feel it under her ear. It was comforting to be in his arms, close to perfection. She felt loved and cherished and perfect and she realized how silly she had just acted.

"I'm sorry" she said, drying her tears with the back of her hand.

"Meredith, you know you can talk to me, right?"

"I worried you"

"You can worry me too"

She new she was not going to win this so she just met his perfectly comforting eyes and held his loving gaze.

"Thank you" she said sincerely and he just smiled, replying with a soft kiss, brushing away her last tears.

"I love you" he said softly. "You Meredith" he stressed.

"And I love you"

"Thank you for loving me"

"Thank you too"

They remained in each other arms no more words needed. Meredith was calm and Derek content to have her in his arms. He was able to calm her and she felt finally safe in his arms. She knew that things were going to change suddenly, but she knew that with him, she could do everything.

"They are going to deliver our bedroom in a few hours" she broke the comfortable silence. "The shop called this morning"

"Good"

"Do you want to go shower then pick out the furniture for the nursery?" she whispered tentatively.

"I would love to" he smiled sincerely, kissing the top of her head. "I'm so glad we are having a baby together"

"It's wonderful" she sighed, longing for things to be easy but she was Meredith Grey after all, things were never going to be easy. Except when Derek Shepherd smoothed them for her.

"Do you think Eden would like to be involved?" she said, finally loosening their hug.

"She has a good sense of fashion, she loves to shopping" he grinned

"We'll pick her up on our way, then"

"Will surely do" he looked deeply in her eyes before kissing her softly. He knelt then, kissed Meredith's stomach too then whispered "Hey Baby, we are going shopping for you" then moved out to get ready and left Meredith there, finally happy and relaxed.

"Derek" she called and he peeked from the door with a smile on his face, shirtless "You know, it's hot and I'm tired and pregnant..."

"What is it?" he interrupted playfully

She grinned mischievously "Could we get some ice cream on the way?"

"Did Baby decide to stop being a health nut?"

"I think I bribed him" she said nonchalantly

"Him, uh?"

"If he can be bribed it's surely a boy" she snickered, kissing him quickly on his lips then pushing him back in the bathroom "And hurry up, we want our ice cream!"

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><p><strong>AN: I know it was a bit sad, but I put ice cream cravings in the end, do you forgive me?<strong>

**They have a house in the woods and they moved in. Sorry about the lack of Eden here, but you understand.**

**Anyway, thank you all, especially the anonymous reviewers, I don't get the chance to thank them with a PM, but it's like I have already did it, mentally. You readers are wonderful and the response to this story overwhelms me everyday more. Thank you!**

**And thanks to my Beta for pointing me out a teeny tiny slip ;)**


	27. Mistaken For Strangers

**Sorry about the waiting. I had to settle in the idea of going to classes and actually spending time to organize them the best I could. And I'm house hunting, which is draining me of all my energy.**

**I have a bad cold and I feel all stuffed and my desire to do anything that resembles moving is practically non existent. You're lucky though, new chapter. I might need to have cold more often, you'd say ;)**

**Anyway, song by The National, the part in brackets is just to underline the concept and it's part of the refrain. **

**Enjoy this Meredith and once again, sorry for the waiting...**

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><p><strong>Chapter 27 - Mistaken For Strangers (By Your Own Friends)<strong>

It was barely eight in the morning and Meredith was already tired.

Eden had been needy the whole previous night while Derek was on call, throwing a tantrum as soon as she realized that Derek wasn't going to be home.

This morning instead she barely woke up on time and she kept her eyes open only long enough to get into the car and fall back to sleep.

Meredith marched in the hospital with Eden tightly hanging at her neck, her legs securely wrapped around her middle, right above her slightly rounder stomach. This morning, as she looked at herself in the mirror, she had noticed a few changes for the first time and so far, she liked those changes. She knew it wouldn't be long until she'd be fat and even more hormonal, but for the time being, being pregnant looked very nice.

"Eden, come on, I'm tired, can you walk to the daycare?"

Eden barely shook her head at her suggestion, burying her face in the crook of Meredith's neck and hiding there. Meredith sighed deeply and pushed the button for the elevator. When the doors opened, Cristina shuffled out, then stopped, turned around and climbed in the elevator with them.

"The Chief is choosing Chief Resident right about now" she blurted when the doors closed in front of them, completely ignoring the fact that Meredith looked already tired and she had a sleeping girl in her arms.

"When will he hang the results?" Meredith asked out of curiosity.

"After rounds"

"We'll see each other in the lockers, I need to bring Eden upstairs"

Cristina seemed to finally acknowledge the presence of the child and frowned "Where's Shepherd?"

"On call. And we didn't liked that very much, did we?" Meredith suddenly spoke to the little girl in her arms in a soothing voice.

"Oh crap, Meredith" Cristina widened her eyes

"What is it?" she sighed, more annoyed than anything else.

"You are all...Mommy" Cristina replied, her eyes questioning surprised the changes in her.

"Meri said she'll be my Mommy" Eden piped in sleepily, making Cristina's eyes widen even more.

"Meredith"

"I'm happy Cristina, just shut up and let me get to work on time" she finally concluded, ending their conversation bluntly.

"Whatever" mumbled Cristina and Meredith kept looking ahead of her, not even saying goodbye when Cristina walked out of the elevator.

Meredith spent the time to get to the remaining floor in a comfortable silence, while Eden rubbed her eyes tiredly.

"Can you climb down now?" she asked again and Eden nodded tiredly "Thank you Eden"

The little girl grabbed securely Meredith's hand and she squeezed it gently, trying to reassure Eden that she wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. She handed Eden her backpack as soon as they were in front of the daycare and the girl seemed disappointed for being left there another day more.

"Meri, can I call you Mommy sometimes?" she asked seriously

"Whenever you want" she replied with a smile, kissing the top of her head gently, just like Derek always did.

"You'll come soon, right Mommy?" she said and Meredith felt her heart pinch at the words and wondered once again if it would it be like that when her own child would say the exact same words to her and if she'd feel this overwhelmed too.

"You'll be home when I come back, Daddy is going to pick you up"

"Okay" she smiled sadly "Bye Mommy"

"Bye Ladybug" she replied, giving her one last kiss before going to the lockers and changing into her scrubs. Cristina had already left but she hadn't expected to find her there anymore.

She met Bailey as soon as she walked out of the locker room, right before picking up her interns to have rounds. Her former resident looked at her differently and said "Congratulations, Grey" then paused to see the puzzled reaction of Meredith, who instinctively put a hand on her stomach, then jerked it away.

Bailey missed the gesture, but added "I have a bowel resection scheduled at ten but I need to do a few consults, do you mind handling it solo?"

Meredith's eyes widened even more "Of course, I...Thank you"

"You'll make a perfect Chief Resident" Bailey concluded, right before walking away and leaving a bewildered Meredith in the middle of the hall. She was worried that Bailey's sixth sense had alerted her of the pregnancy, but being appointed Chief Resident was a completely different story at this point.

She did her rounds in a daze, trying to figure out if Bailey had just revealed her that she had just won the race to Chief Resident or she had just dreamed their conversation. She couldn't have, because the bowel resection at ten had her name on it, but still, she could have dreamed the rest of it.

When all her interns were assigned and working, she decided to check the paper herself to finally solve the doubts that were plaguing her before her surgery.

She stood directly in front of the sheet and stared at the black bold name written on it. She blinked once, twice, but the name remained the same.

Dr. Meredith Elizabeth Grey MD PhD was Chief Resident, it said.

Finally her pager buzzed and forced her to move to the Chief's office. A million thoughts were running in her head while she knocked at the door and Richard Webber welcomed her with a wide smile from his desk as she walked in.

"Congratulations, Dr. Grey" he said immediately "I paged you to discuss a few administrative tasks and your new schedule"

She kept staring at him bewildered while he handed her a batch of papers, then she began reading through it absentmindedly, until she reached her monthly count of hours and her eyes widened. Her hand moved instinctively to her stomach once again, but this time the Chief didn't missed the gesture.

Meredith looked up and he could see the guilt deep hidden there.

"I can't accept the position, Chief" she said simply, her voice small but clear while she placed the papers on her lap and she began shuffling them, fidgeting nervously.

"Do you need more money? I believe keeping Ellis in a home must be expensive..."

"I don't need anything, I just can't do all these hours, Chief" her voice was barely a whisper, filled with guilt.

"We can try to make a schedule that works for you, it's not a big deal"

"I can't spend eighteen hours of my day at the hospital every day, I'm not an intern anymore and I surely can't do it any longer"

"Meredith" his eyes began looking at her in a different way from this point on.

"Chief, in February I'll be on maternity leave and guess I won't be a very reliable element on your team." she paused, letting the shock of the revelation settle "Besides, I have a little girl to take care of already and I just can't put the hospital first"

"Meredith"

"I wanted to wait a few weeks to inform you about my pregnancy and come clean with my relationship with Dr. Shepherd but I guess things never go as planned"

The Chief interrupted her beginning of a ramble "I was aware of your relationship, Dr. Grey" he let the pregnancy slide though.

"I need to be a mother first, Chief" she concluded, suddenly leaving the papers on his desk and standing up more securely than before.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Absolutely Chief. I'm not saying I don't want to be Chief Resident, I dreamed of it for years, but dreams change"

Their eyes met and Richard saw the love and the fear written there, so he just sighed and agreed "I respect that"

"Thank you Chief" she replied gently, knowing that maybe he wasn't really okay with it but he will be. She wasn't sure if she was okay with it either.

"We can discuss your leave and Derek's in another meeting, I have things to sort out" he cut the conversation, clearly uncomfortable.

"Of course. Thank you for the trust you put on me and I'm sorry I couldn't be the doctor you expected me to when I began working here"

"I'm sure you'll have many occasions to make your name rise other than this"

"I need to go Chief, Bailey handed me a solo bowel resection and I have to scrub in in fifteen minutes"

"Congratulations on your pregnancy, Meredith" his voice wasn't fake, but it wasn't excited either. She remembered Dr. Bailey's maternity leave and she knew what to expect from him.

"Thank you Chief and please, can you keep it quiet until it becomes official?"

"I'll make sure of that"

She looked at him one last time then walked out with a sigh, her hand resting for a moment on her stomach while she gathered the rest of her strength to move to the scrub room.

She knew that Derek will never need to know about this, especially the fact that the Chief knew about them and their baby. He didn't need to know that she had acted impulsively and probably leave her. Derek will never know about this.

She found her moment to think and let her mind wander right after this thought while scrubbing in, because her brain was going wild after the magnitude of the things she had just said to her boss and the ones she had to hide to her boyfriend.

Scrubbing in felt cleansing. She could put her problems aside for a few hours because if she thought a little bit more about it, she failed to recognize herself and that wasn't a really good thing to do before performing surgery.

The procedure wasn't long, mostly thoughtless, without any complications so when she scrubbed out she could go have lunch without any regret and inform the family that everything went smoothly and their loved one will be fine.

She filled her tray with all sort of things then sat at the table where Izzie, George, Cristina and Lexie were having lunch already, with the hope to keep her mind busy with someone else's problems. Before anybody could speak, Alex came blasting and sat next to Meredith, gloating.

"Say hello to the new Chief Resident" he smirked and Cristina's eyes widened.

"What?" she almost choke on her sandwich

"Down in black and white" he added "See for yourself" he pointed to the bulletin board where the familiar white sheet with Alex's name was mocking Meredith. She tried to focus as hard as she could on her food but she could feel Cristina glaring at her. Cristina had seen the sheet before.

"Congratulations!" squealed Izzie, jumping to him and kissing him.

George smiled politely and so did Izzie, while Cristina looked deep in her eyes and asked "Meredith?"

"You wouldn't understand" she simply whispered, biting her sandwich but feeling the bile rise in her throat.

"What the hell did you do?" she hissed

"I...I gotta go" Meredith blurted out, turning green all of a sudden and bolting to the bathroom. She barely made it in the stall before she heaved in the contents of her stomach. Baby apparently didn't like stale cafeteria sandwiches and poignant staring.

She felt a knock on the ajar door and when she didn't answered, she heard Izzie ask "Are you okay?"

Meredith resettled her scrubs and went out, washing away the bitter taste in her mouth and nodding.

"What was that about?" Izzie kept questioning

"When?"

"All of that" she gestured towards the imaginary direction of the cafeteria

"Hormones and morning sickness I guess" she shrugged. Meredith found everyday harder to keep her pregnancy from everybody and she guessed this was a right time to speak up.

"Oh my God, you're pregnant!" squealed Izzie again, enveloping her in a hug

"Izzie, Izzie!"

"Oh, sorry" she giggled nervously "How far along are you?"

"Thirteen weeks"

"Congratulations!"

"Thanks Izzie"

"That's why Cristina was glaring at you, she knows already"

"She does, but that's not the point. I told her I wanted to keep it quiet for a while, I mean I just got together with Derek and it looks weird already that I bring Eden to daycare in the morning"

"I think that's cute. Why do you think she was glaring at you?"

"You didn't checked any bulletin board before Alex pointed it at you, right?"

"Not really checked, just forgot to continue reading until I saw 'Isobel Stevens' written on it" she giggled "Why?"

"Just asking"

"Meredith" she grew impatient while I dried my hands "Oh my God, you got the spot and the Chief took it out when he realized you are pregnant"

"I didn't accepted it, Iz" Meredith admitted, looking down at her hands

"You didn't?"

"I...I need to be a mother and I can't be a good mother if I'll be in the hospital eighteen hours a day. I'll be crappy enough without the hospital getting in the way, so I refused the position"

"Oh, Meredith" Izzie sighed and another hug followed suit "You'll be a great mother"

"Thanks Iz"

"What you did was brave, Mer."

"More stupid than brave" she mumbled to herself

"It's a matter of choices. You choose your family instead of work and with our jobs is brave"

"I don't want my baby or Eden to end up like I did. It's...I don't want to be like my mother" she finally admitted and Izzie looked up at her with a sincere smile

"You are nothing like your mother"

"I hope so"

"God, you look...different" Izzie said with a soft smile.

"Fatter?" Meredith smirked and Izzie squirmed.

"No! Well, a little bit rounder but not fat. I mean...I was just saying that I don't even recognize you at this point Mer"

"Is this a good or a bad thing?"

"Good, really good, even if I'll miss Meredith on tequila for the next few months"

"I have been told I'm quite entertaining" she smirked "Thanks Izzie" she added sincerely

"Oh, Mer, I almost forgot, do you need anything?"

"Just to go home and sleep" she sighed, the exhaustion she felt in the morning simply doubled after the meeting with the Chief.

"I bet you do. Take care of you and the little McBaby"

"I will"

Izzie left Meredith in the bathroom looking again at her reflection, until Cristina walked in.

"Why did you do that?" she blazed "You got Chief Resident and you threw it away!"

"Cristina"

"Where the hell is my person and what did you do with her?"

"I'm right here"

"You have gone mental"

"Maybe, but I did what I had to do"

"Hell no!"

"I can't be in the hospital eighteen hours a day when I'll be a million weeks pregnant! I can't work full time after my maternity leave! I can't leave Eden alone all day in the daycare! I can't and I won't!"

"Did you tell the Chief to name Alex to piss me off?"

"You didn't just said that!" Meredith's voice rose "I left that office in shame, the least of my thoughts was to suggest Alex to fill in for me!"

"Why Alex?"

"I read the contract and most of the stuff is paperwork, believe me Cristina, you would have hated it"

"Because you know me so well" Cristina snapped

"It's not so important, Cristina, there are better ways to make a name of yourself"

"Like popping out Derek Shepherd's babies?"

"That was completely uncalled for!" Meredith shouted, pulling open the door and stopping at the threshold when Cristina yelled her name.

"What?"

"Why did you give it up?" Cristina's voice was quieter, probably accepting the fact that she had overstepped a big line.

"I don't want to be my mother Cristina. I need to let things go, to not end up like my mother. She decided to let me go, I decided to let the Chief Resident go. I'll regret that, but I'm proud of my decision"

Cristina looked up apologetically then whispered "I'm sorry" and for a moment Meredith had a hard time recognizing her as well.

"I know"

They exchanged two small smiles, then Meredith left to check on her post-ops a little bit lighter than before. They didn't hug, but a normal friendship would have added a friendly hug at this point.

She was drained when she finally pulled the keys in the lock of her front door in the evening and was delighted when Eden ran to her with her arms wide and hugged her legs.

"Hey Eden"

"I'm glad you're home, Mommy" she mumbled into her jeans, before Meredith could pick her up and kiss her forehead soundly, letting her run away after a few moments.

Derek looked at the familiar scene unfolding and he loved every second of it. As soon as Eden disappeared, he walked in front of her and took in her tired features but her smiling face anyway. He moved closer and her smile widened until their lips met in a soft, long kiss. When they pulled away, she rested her head on his chest and didn't let go of him.

"I'm so tired" she whispered

"Lay down a bit, then. Are you hungry?"

"I think"

He guided her on the couch then mover out of the room only to came back with a steamy bowl of soup, apparently the last of her health nut craving.

"You are a wonderful man" she sighed, gladly taking the bowl and the spoon in her hands while he sat next to her. She devoured the soup almost like she had sipped it with a straw, not eaten it, then she placed the bowl on the coffee table and leaned into his arms. Right in this moment, she would have told him about her declined offer if he would have asked and she would have probably even cried, but she decided to just enjoy being in his arms a little bit more.

"Meri!" Eden arrived squealing with her pajama on, carrying her favorite bear.

"Eden, Meri is very tired" Derek said softly, but Meredith opened her arms to welcome Eden on her lap.

They both leaned on Derek then, snuggling closer while he held Eden with one hand and with the other he caressed Meredith's abdomen.

"Daddy?" Eden used her most persuasive voice

"What is it Ladybug?"

"Can I call Nana and tell her that I'm having a new brother or sister?"

"Right now?" he smiled softly and she just emphasized her nodding "Okay, okay"

He picked up his phone and dialed his mother's number by heart, then gave the receiver to Eden who picked it up eagerly. He knew she was excited and he hoped it could last as long as possible.

"Nana!" she squealed in the receiver.

He could hear her reply in a faint voice while Eden snuggled into Meredith's arms "Hey Eden, what a nice surprise! What is my favorite granddaughter doing?"

"I'm snuggling into Meri arms" she replied "You know she said she can be my Mommy?" her voice perked up.

"Oh yeah?"

"Mh-mh. She's a very good Mommy, I really like her."

"You do?"

"I'm gonna have a new brother or a new sister soon too" her voice brightened even more.

"Wow, that's great! Do you want a brother or a sister?"

Eden looked around, scrunching up her nose then she replied "I don't know yet"

"Oh, you have time to know what you will have anyway"

"Meri said so too. Do you want to talk to her?"

"Yeah, I'd love to"

Eden passed the phone to Meredith who took it steadily. She had made the decision to be a mother and she had to go through everything, even mother's calls.

"Meredith, dear" she heard. Carolyn's voice always calm and soothing.

"Hi Carolyn, sorry about the hour"

"It's no trouble, I miss hearing from you all the way in Seattle"

"Yeah" Meredith sighed.

"So, I heard a lot from everybody but not from the actual person who's carrying this child. How are you doing?" her voice was motherly and Meredith suddenly longed to have a mother like her for guidance.

"I'm getting used to this whole thing, you know" she hesitated "It's hard"

"It gets better along the way, believe me" Carolyn replied longingly.

"I bet it does" Meredith felt Derek hold her a little bit tighter than before and she kept stroking Eden's hair while the girl played with her bear.

"Okay, you must be exhausted, we can talk some other time"

"I can't say I'm not tired" smiled Meredith to herself

"I'm glad you called anyway, say hi to my son, will you?"

"Of course. Bye Carolyn"

"Bye Meredith"

Meredith handed back the phone to Derek who smiled brightly and kissed her temple quickly, his smile plastered to his face. Meredith looked at Eden attentively and began stroking her hair more gently, trying to calm her down and make her sleepy.

She knew the little girl liked it and she just wanted to snuggle a bit into this big hug between her and Derek.

They fell into a comfortable silence and Eden fell asleep relatively quickly in Meredith's arms. Derek smiled softly at her daughter first then at Meredith.

"Do you want me to get her upstairs?" he whispered

"Not right away, I won't be able to hold her much longer when Baby will be in the way" she sighed

"Are you okay?"

"Just a very long day" she shook her head almost imperceptibly "I told Izzie about the baby"

"That's good"

"She was very happy about it. I bet that as soon as we know if we're having a boy or a girl she'll go overboard with stuff" a smile appeared on her lips immediately.

"Do you want to know?"

"I don't know yet"

"Okay"

"Do you?"

"Maybe, maybe not, the waiting was one of the nicest things I had before the ultrasound revealed that I was going to have a little girl. I loved knowing but at the same time it would have been nice to be surprised"

"We'll think about that, then"

"It will be easier to pick out names"

"Oh, I'm thinking about them already" she said smugly and he smirked

"Care to share?"

"Not yet, I'm still working on it" she grinned mischievously "We should tell the Chief soon, I think he already knows about us" her voice a shade troubled, trying to hide her secret.

"We have been very discreet, right?" his tone immediately more worried

"Yeah, but I guess that people talk too much"

"Are you okay with it?"

"I'm perfect" she snuggled closer then a comfortable silence settled between them. She knew that despite rejecting the offer, she was probably gaining something wonderful, something she had never had and this was better than any other surgery she could perform in her whole life.

Derek thought she had fell asleep before she could speak again "Do you think I'll be like my mother someday?" she whispered, afraid of the answer.

"A great doctor?" he replied, wondering what brought this up.

"A horrible mother"

"No. But you'll be without a doubt a great doctor"

She sighed and somehow, Derek knew there was something else bugging her, but he decided not to pry anymore. When he was ready to speak again, he heard a soft snore and he realized that their talk had to be postponed.

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><p><strong>AN: A few things happened here, I know, I hope you liked this longer update.<strong>

**I put Izzie and eorge in this story, despite it's set when they are fourth year residents, because I don't really feel like writing about April or Jackson. Jackson is a nice character, but April is just...too much. I might write a story with her in it, but at this point I just needed to miss the former interns.**

**Thank you to all the readers that contributed with the more than 40k views, the 200 and something reviews and all the alerts. Especially a big thanks to the anonymous ones. An update will be up as soon as I'll get some more writing done and considering my new schedule, it will be a while. I'll try to cut it to soonish though ;)**


	28. Love Is Not A Victory March

**I know, I've been away for like eons, but moving out is serious business. ****Updates will come out in a random schedule from now on, but when I'll settle down I might find a schedule for this too.**

**The title from this chapter is taken from Hallelujah by Rufus Wainwright. I know the song it's not his, but his version is my favorite. Pick another one if you don't like it. **

**I hope you'll like this chapter and once again, sorry about the waiting. Enjoy it!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 28 – Love Is Not A Victory March<strong>

"Meri!" Meredith heard from the room that it became Eden's for the time being. "Mommy!" the voice called again impatiently and she felt melting on the spot. That single word still warmed her heart.

She stood at the doorframe and peeked in the room, wondering what was the commotion was for. She saw Eden picking out many different outfits from the wardrobe and throwing them around. "What's going on in here?" _Third World War, probably_.

"I have to go to the movies with Daddy!"

Meredith smiled at the little girl eagerness to dress up for a simple outing with her father. It looked like the most important date of her life.

"What if I give you some suggestions on what to wear?" she asked the girl, that rewarded her with a surprised, but happy expression. "Do you want a dress or pants?"

"Dress. It's prettier, right?"

Eden attacked the section of her closet stuffed with dresses and picked out a short dress with a flowery pattern. "What about this?"

"It's a bit too cold for that, it's sleeveless"

"This?" she said, showing a very elegant dress with a bow on the back

"Too serious" Meredith smiled. "You need a big occasion for this"

"I love this!" she exclaimed, taking out a simple white dress with some hearts and pink stuff printed on, very very girly but that looked just right.

"Daddy would love it too"

Eden smiled brightly and took off the homey clothes she had on, wearing eagerly the dress. Meredith fixed her hair with a brush and Eden really appreciated the result when she looked at herself in the mirror, a bright smile appearing on her lips.

She frowned when she looked better at Meredith and saw her still in her Dartmouth shirt "You're coming, right?" asked almost worried.

"I'm going to change right now" she replied softly "You look perfect Ladybug" she concluded, brushing her hair one last time and then walking in her room to change.

She choose to wear something simple, it was movies with a kid, after all. After she picked out a simple top and a pair of black jeans, she stood for a moment in front of the mirror in her bra only and admired her stomach curving to accommodate the baby that her and Derek had created. She had never noticed it before and she liked how her body was changing.

"You are gorgeous" arrived a deep, well known voice from behind.

She wore the simple top she had chosen and turned her head around to find Derek staring intently at her while he leaned against the doorframe, a soft smile on his lips, taking in her image reflected in the mirror.

"You don't look so bad yourself" she smiled back, looking at him through the mirror and appreciating his jeans-and-tee simple look. Even if he tried, he couldn't look bad.

He moved closer and embraced her from behind, his hands finding the gentle swell of her stomach and his lips finding the back of her neck. She leaned against his chest, enjoying his closeness.

"Eden is excited" she whispered with a smile, her eyes closed while she basked in the feeling of his arms around her.

"I saw the mess on the bed"

"We won't be too late if we make her pick up everything before we leave, right?"

"Oh, you're taking the Mommy thing very seriously" he chuckled, his thumb creating small circles on her belly.

"Can we go now?" came another impatient voice from the door and they both turned to Eden, standing there with her hands on her hips waiting for them.

"We can't go until we fix the whole mess in your room" said Meredith gently but sternly.

"But..."

"I can help you" interfered Derek, a smile on his face "But you know I'm no good at fashion, right?"

"We know" Eden smiled, running back to her room

"She's a good girl, Der" Meredith stated softly, a smile curling her lips.

"And you're a good Mommy" he grinned, kissing quickly her lips then disappearing with Eden.

Meredith stared at her reflection while she waited for them, wondering how her life could change in a matter of months and how good everything had became since Derek and Eden intruded in her life.

"Ready!" exclaimed Eden when they reappeared together with big grins on their faces and Meredith simply shook her head, picking up her purse.

"C'mon silly, let's go!"

Eden chatted excitedly during the whole ride about her daycare friends, the movie, basically about anything that popped in her smart head and she practically squealed when she saw the cinema.

"She's a tiny bit excited, you were right" commented Derek with a chuckle when he unbuckled her and she practically ran to stare at the poster of the movie they were going to watch.

They were walking together inside to buy the tickets when Derek's pager beeped. Eden's smile fell instantly from her lips and let go of his hand, going to grab Meredith's. Derek watched the pager and hoped in everything but an emergency. And of course it was 911.

He called the Chief that explained that he had to go to work because there had been a bad pile up and all the other surgeons were busy. They had enough residents, but not attendings.

Eden looked at him with tears in her eyes when he hung up, upset and frustrated.

"Daddy" she mumbled almost afraid to know that he was going to leave.

"I have to go to work, Ladybug" he mastered a very guilty voice while Meredith glared at him.

"But you promised to see the movie with me" her voice faltered, big tears ready to fall down her cheeks.

"We can go some other time" he proposed, but she shook her head, hiding into Meredith's hold. "I'm sorry baby" he added. Meredith glared at him again.

"I'm seeing the movie with Mommy" declared then Eden, grabbing Meredith's hand and practically dragging her away.

"I told you so, Derek" hissed Meredith "We'll talk later"

"Wait, here, the keys" he offered as he ran to them "I'll take a cab"

He hoped in some kind of reaction but the two simply walked away with his keys, leaving him standing there, alone in which was supposed to be a family night.

The work at the hospital ended up being long but he feared more his return home rather than a hellish twenty-four hours shift like the one he had almost managed.

He carefully opened the door and he was met with giggling and general happiness. He breathed a sigh of relief hanging his coat, until Eden appeared in front of him, her eyes blazing with anger.

"I hate you, Daddy!" she blurted, before he could even apologize.

He stared stunned at the tears falling down his daughter's cheeks, then triedto reply "I told you I'm sorry, baby"

"You were supposed to see the movie with me. I had a nice dress on!" she sobbed freely "You don't love me anymore!" she yelled before disappearing upstairs.

He stared at the empty space where his daughter had just stood until Meredith took her place. She looked just as angry.

"You'd better sleep on the couch tonight" she stated simply, taking the same way Eden had run a few moments before, a little less hurriedly.

"Meredith" he called and she luckily stopped mid stairs, her body half turned to face him.

"I told you not to promise her a movie night while you were on call but you're stubborn Derek!" her tone rose

"You had the day off!" he growled back

"You shouldn't have promised anything!" she shouted

"How I was supposed to know they'd call me in?" he yelled back

"You were on call!" she glared

"They never call me in while I'm on call, it was important!"

"It's always important! Movie night was important for Eden too!" she could feel tears building up in her eyes "You did just what my mother would do" she whispered

"What did you just say?" he attacked, defensively

"I said that I freaking gave up Chief Resident to be with Eden and your future child as you knocked me up but you can't take a night off work!" she was crying freely then "You are sleeping on the couch tonight, and thank whoever you want that I haven't kicked you out yet" she concluded, not giving him time to reply.

Meredith walked upstairs and crumbled in a heap on her bed, sobbing freely. She couldn't believe he did this. He wasn't the man she had known all along if he could do such things. He wasn't Derek if he became like her mother.

She dried her tears after a while and decided that Eden needed her more than Derek deserved her tears, so she pulled herself together and went in Eden's room. The girl was curled in a ball on her bed, sobbing quietly. Meredith walked to her and sat next to her, stroking her arm. Eden immediately climbed in her lap and hugged her tightly.

"I'm sorry I made you fight with Daddy" Eden said after long, silent minutes in her arms, sniffling loudly.

Meredith kissed the top of her head "He deserved all the yelling tonight"

"Do you think he doesn't love me anymore?"

"He does love you, he's just brainless" admitted Meredith

"But he works with brains" Eden frowned and was able to steal a smile from Meredith's lips.

"He'll come around" she sighed and they remained silently in the hug a little while longer.

"What's Chief Resident, Meri?" Eden asked innocently, breaking the silence.

"It's like the boss of every resident in the hospital, especially the younger ones. It has lots of responsibilities and things to do because residents are doctors who are still learning. I am a resident"

"Daddy is not"

"No, he's an attending, he's my boss. He's the boss of other attendings too because he's the Head of his department"

"In the head there's the brain that makes everything work" she recited, like something she had learned a long time ago and it made Meredith smile once again.

"Exactly"

"But he's brainless"

Meredith laughed at Eden's confused face "Never tell him I saidthat"

"Okay" Eden smiled, the became serious again "You gave up Chief Resident for me?"

"Yes, because I would need to work too many hours and I couldn't spend time with you anymore"

"You really want to be my Mommy, then" Eden's face was stunned.

"I really do" admitted Meredith with a soft smile, kissing the crown of Eden's head

"Thank you for being my Mommy" Eden whispered sincerely and it squeezed Meredith's heart a little.

Meredith kept holding Eden in her arms gently and waited for her to calm down, until she fell asleep. She tucked the girl under the covers, then left for her empty bedroom. She hated when Derek was out for the night or when she had to sleep alone in the on call room, but this time it was even different. She felt Derek farther than he had always been and she was the one to had confined him to the couch.

When she opened the door of their bedroom she was surprised to see Derek there.

"I needed something to sleep in" he immediately said as an apology for his presence. Then he turned to her and she could see million of emotions displayed in his eyes, even if she couldn't read them.

"I'm sorry" he said simply and somehow, for her it was not enough. She continued to ignore him, rummaging in her drawer for a clean t-shirt and underwear, before going to have a shower.

"You were right, I shouldn't have promised" he continued, still staring at Meredith while she tried her best to ignore him.

"You should apologize to Eden" it was the only thing she whispered.

"I know. I need to apologize to you too"

She remained silent but she dared to look up at him and she immediately regretted doing so. His eyes mesmerized her and once more, she realized how awful it was to sleep alone.

"Eden first" she mumbled, because she was sure that if he kept looking at her like that she would fall in his arms in a matter of seconds.

"Okay" he said, then moved out of the room.

He couldn't look at Meredith when she was like that. He had hurt her and he didn't know where to start to make it up to her. He hoped it would be easier to do so with Eden.

He wanted to punch himself when he saw Eden all curled up under the covers, rolling and turning from distress. He sat on the bed and grabbed her, until her eyes opened and they stared at each other for a moment.

"Daddy" she said simply

"I'm so sorry Eden"

Eden looked at him with eyes full of questions but she asked only one, one that knocked the air out of Derek's lungs; "Do you love me?"

"More than always. I did a very bad thing last night"

"Meri said so too" Eden sniffled, snuggling a bit closer to Derek

"She's right. I promise I won't do that again"

She looked at him like she was searching the truth in his statement, then asked "Do you still want to go to the movies with me?"

"All the movies we could manage" he smiled as brightly as he could and Eden smiled back.

"Meri said that you are a bit brainless"

"I am" he chuckled, trying to mask the fact that he perfectly knew he had hurt her and regretted it with every cell in his body.

"She was very sad, Daddy"

"I'm going to make her smile again"

"Okay. 'Night Daddy" she concluded their conversation snuggling closer to him and falling asleep again, this time more relaxed.

When he came back to his room, Meredith was half laying on her bed, her back propped up on her pillow while she stared straight ahead, rubbing her slightly swollen stomach. He had realized the day before that sometimes he could see her new found stomach from the scrubs while she turned or bended in certain ways and he couldn't help the pride in that. She looked beautifully sad though right in that moment.

"Eden is sleeping again" he said, feeling a little stupid to introduce such a big conversation in such a lame way.

"Good"

"She said I should make you smile again" he continued, even more lamely.

"Derek" she cried

"I'm sorry, I know how you feel about your mother and how hard you are trying to be a good mother. I'm sorry"

"You don't know anything, Derek" she whispered

"Tell me, then" he challenged but he regretted it immediately. "Tell me what I did wrong" he tried to save it.

"You put work first and I'm trying so hard to put Eden and the pregnancy first and you don't seem to notice" she avoided eye contact, her gaze fixated on her hands.

"I noticed and I admire you. You are a great doctor and you always put my needs or Eden's first, that's really something. I asked Richard to consider you for Chief Resident even if you missed a lot of hours to take care of me and I was slightly disappointed when he named Alex"

"I gave it up." she said, suddenly her turn to challenge as she looked up "He had chosen me, but I decided to give it up. I couldn't work eighteen hours a day and be a good mother, Derek"

"Meredith" he said, taken aback "We could have worked out something"

"I know, it could have been easier, but I don't want to add extra pressure on Eden or work until exhaustion and mess up this baby" she confessed.

"I could have been there for them while you worked"

"I didn't wanted that either. I know you would have and you will be, I just want to be there for them. With you."

"You should have kept the position and worked out something with Richard"

"I...You don't understand Derek." she paused, trying to find a believable example. He was ready to reply, but she held up her hand "It's like the movies, you promise you'll be there but in the end, you aren't. I wouldn't want that for Eden or our baby. I prefer not to make promises I'm not sure I can keep"

Derek remained silent, then walked towards her, kissed the crown of her head gently and he could hear her sigh. "I don't have more words to say how sorry I am and how perfect you are. Thank you, Meredith and I'm sorry, once again"

He pulled away and he saw her looking up at him expectantly, like she wanted to say something but she was afraid it was the wrong thing. He turned back and began walking out, when she finally called his name almost in a plea.

"Would you mind sleeping here tonight?" she whispered then she saw him turning around with a sincere smile.

"I'd love to" he replied, changing his direction and laying right next to Meredith.

She snuggled immediately into his chest and laid her head on his shoulder, completely quiet. He kissed her temple, then his hand began rubbing soft circles on her back and the other on her curving stomach, while she closed her eyes in bliss.

As abruptly as it began, their fight was over and Derek promised to himself that they were never going to go to bed angry ever again and that they'll always share a bed at night when they were both home. He also decided to promise things he was absolutely sure he could maintain.

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><p><strong>AN: I trust my Beta for this because I haven't really re-read this. Busy times ahead, I'm sorry.<strong>

**I hope you'll bear with me. Thank you for sticking by and thank you all who reviewed, especially anonymously. **

**Stay tuned for more!**


	29. Spend A Day To Make Her Smile Again

**Oh, I'm super ****very ****sorry. I thought I had updated this story and yet, I didn't. I'm a really bad person, I know. There's no good excuse.**

**University is seriously getting in my head, you see.**

**The song this time is Winning A Battle, Losing The War by Kings of Convenience. One of the first songs I heard of them and one of the first I loved. I hope it will calm down you raging spirits from the lack of updates that has gotten way too far. Apologies again, I promise this story will be finished, no matter what.**

**Enjoy this, even if you should hit me with tomatoes.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 29 – Spend A Day To Make Her Smile Again<strong>

Meredith's baby bump was slightly visible from her scrubs and she was freaking out.

She kept smoothing and moving the fabric, trying to cover up the fact that she was twenty-two weeks pregnant, but it was unavoidable at this point. And it was freaking bad because the following week they were supposed to be in San Francisco for Seth's baptism and everybody would know that she was the slutty rebound girl.

"Meredith, we're gonna be late for rounds!" Cristina shouted, appearing from the door and moving to her cubby to gather the last few things.

"I can't have rounds today" she mumbled.

"Oh, c'mon"

"I'm pregnant"

"That's news, really" Cristina retorted

"I mean, I look pregnant"

Cristina turned to Meredith and glanced up and down her body, analyzing every single inch "You do, a little"

"Cristina" she whined

"Do you need me to page Derek?"

Meredith plopped on the bench and shook her head, a tear threatening to slowly roll down her cheek "I shouldn't look pregnant today"

"What is wrong with today?"

"Next week I need to meet the whole McFamily and they're gonna hate me because I'm the slutty resident that screwed their only male and..."

"Meredith"

"His mother would kill me or maybe she'd like to have our first born to kill him herself"

"Meredith"

"Or maybe his sisters. Kathleen had been kind of nice to me over the phone, but she had never seen how pregnant I am. Sarah will surely send me back home because I stole the spot for her son, Nancy..."

"Meredith!" Cristina yelled and made Meredith stop abruptly in her rambling "You are gonna be fine. I know you don't do families, but Shepherd will stick by even if his whole family hates you, the way he looks at you makes me sick sometimes"

"I'm not ready for family, Cristina"

"Nobody ever is. Now you stand up and go round"

"Cristina"

"Now Meredith!"

Cristina poked her and Meredith finally stood up, smoothing the fabric of her light blue scrubs one last time and then walking out. She was sure she could hear whispering and knew that everybody was looking at her differently.

She was pregnant and today, for the first time since she had realized it, she wasn't proud of carrying Derek Shepherd's baby.

She found a safe place in the empty elevator and it became even safer when Derek casually ran in. When the doors opened to reveal him, a bright smile appeared on his lips when he noticed that she was inside.

"Hey" she greeted, but avoiding his gaze ever since. She was sure he could feel that she wasn't proud of being pregnant.

"Hi" he greeted, walking to stand slightly behind her and kissing her neck softly, his hands resting softly on the swell of her stomach. She pulled away at first, but when his lips touched her skin, she leaned into his touch and set all her emotions free. She turned abruptly and hugged him tightly, nuzzling her face into the crook of his neck and just breathing him in, fighting tears.

"Mer, is everything all right?" he whispered immediately, concerned, stopping the elevator with the emergency button.

She nodded into his chest at first but when his hand became soothing and relaxing, drawing soft circles on her back, she mumbled "Not really"

"What's wrong?"

"I don't think I can come to San Francisco with you" she admitted sincerely, but remaining vague.

"Meredith, my family loves you already. Mom is excited to see you again, Sarah asks about you every time I call her and I bet that the other three sisters can't wait to meet you as well. I told you, Amelia is about your age so you'll get along together, then Kathleen.."

"I can't, Derek" she interrupted

"Okay, now we get off this elevator and we talk about this" he said sternly, but kindly.

"I can't, I have rounds" she sighed, enjoying her last seconds of safe heaven in his arms.

"Later then"

"Later"

"You'll be okay until then, right?"

"Yeah"

"Good" he kissed her softly then restarted the elevator while she untangled from his arms and stood next to him.

She kept holding his hand until the doors opened and she had to get off.

The moment the doors closed behind her she regretted not telling him immediately. She didn't even know when she'll have time to deal with this whole thing, but she knew he'd remember.

She kept herself focused during rounds, listening carefully to each of her interns babbling notions and stats to the different attendings.

Luckily for her, Derek was the last one that they met on their way so she was able to just stare at him pleadingly the whole time and not feeling guilty. He looked up at her sometimes and managed an imperceptible smile, the one he reserved for on-duty her.

She left one of her interns with the patient to bring him up to the MRI, then she went to stand at the nurses station right outside the patient's room, knowing that Derek wanted to deal with their half-completed conversation as soon as possible.

She was signing charts that she was supposed to fill in the morning when she heard the nurses whisper her name and she knew it wasn't going to be good.

"See, she's totally pregnant" one of them said

"How do you know?"

"Look at the scrubs, she didn't gained all that weight overnight"

"Oh, you're such a gossip Mary. I don't think that her and Shepherd are all this solid to think about having a baby"

"Do you think it's Shepherd's? What about the other guy she was dating before, I heard that she used to get around a lot"

"Oh, shut it, she brings Eden to daycare two or three mornings a week and I heard that she moved in with him in his new huge house on Bainbridge"

"No way, he has a house there"

"He built this crazy big, all ecologic house on a cliff, apparently"

"I'd have his baby too if he'd bring me there every night"

Meredith slammed her chart shut and made all the nurses flinch and stop talking abruptly.

"Good morning" she whispered, like her whole world wasn't crumbling in front of her after all that they had said.

"Dr. Grey" the one called Mary said, clearly embarrassed.

Luckily for all of them, before Meredith could burst and yell at all of them, Derek arrived and cut their conversation short with the most neutral sentence "Dr. Grey, Mr. Gibson's MRI results are in, I wanted you to look at them before the surgery, do you mind following me?"

"Not a problem Dr. Shepherd" she almost growled and he knew that she was beyond pissed and completely scared when she talked like that. He wished then that he hadn't done anything wrong this time.

He brought her into an empty on call room and made her sit on the bunk. She kept staring at the floor, fidgeting with her watch while she avoided his stare.

"Talk to me" he poked and she finally looked up. Her eyes were filling with tears.

She abruptly stood up and almost glared at him "Look!" she blurted, waving a hand on the length of her abdomen.

When Derek's eyes finally noticed the visible baby bump under her scrubs, his eyes had a twinkle of recognition and he smiled softly. He made a move to get closer but she retracted, almost scared. He ignored her hesitancy, knelt in front of her, lifted up her top and placed a soft, lingering kiss to her growing stomach. He felt her sigh deeply, surely fighting tears, then her hand tangled in his hair and she held him there.

"Baby is growing" he whispered when he guessed she could be a little calmer.

"Baby should have waited a few more weeks to show up, dammit!" she retorted, pulling away from him and sitting again on the bunk.

"Meredith, everything is fine, you are pretty tiny, you are bound to show earlier than other people..."

He had dozen of comfort sentences to use, but she cut him short "I need to meet your family while I look really freaking pregnant, Derek!"

"We told Sarah and Mom that, they are overexcited, you know that"

"They'll think I'm the slutty rebound girl who gets pregnant to live with you in a house on a cliff, that's what I'll be" she fought sobs from mid sentence and Derek remained there a moment, staring at her deeply in the eyes to see if she was serious or he had just made up the whole conversation.

When she didn't contradicted herself, blaming the hormones, he knew he had to act. "My family is gonna love you, Meredith. They know how much you helped after the shooting, how much Eden loves you and how important you and this baby are for me. If they don't love you, that's their loss because I'm not leaving you Meredith. Ever."

"You can't promise that"

"I know, but I'll try to say that every day so I won't need to promise and I'll just remind myself of my reality." he paused, looking at her deeply "When I arrived there, I was drowning and you held out your hand and pulled me out of the water. You saved me and I couldn't be more grateful. I can't throw in the woods all that, Meredith. I can't promise to be the perfect man for you for the rest of our lives, but I'll try my best to be that man"

"Der" she barely uttered, before standing up and wrapping him in her arms and kissing him deeply, the only way she knew how to top that speech.

"I love you and my family will love you" he finished

"Are you sure?"

"You'll always be welcome in my mother's house, I promise"

"I love you too, Derek. Thanks." she sniffed, then a bright smile appeared on her lips "Even if you are the corniest man I have ever met."

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><p><strong>AN: Another freakout and more McDreamyness, because I really miss it. <strong>

**I hope you'll stick with me and I'll make sure I'll never forget to post from now on. I'm ashamed, people.**

**Side note, updates will be weekly, because I can't manage more than that. See how well that went U.U So weekly, mostly on Saturdays since I'm home and all. And I seriously need to bank chapters *sighs***

**Thank you people for still being here. You are amazing and you put up with me, which is not easy, I admit. Thank you so much!**


	30. It's Just A Ride

**Hi readers! The time change did me goood, sleeping in until 11 and realizing it's 10 is priceless. And it's 1 hour bonus to write more ;) **

**I'm not specifically writing this story or the other two I have ongoing, for what matters, but I'm writing, which is a big step towards getting to write this story again. I have all the ideas planned out, but never the great inspiration to write them down. I hope you won't mind.**

**The title is a song by Jem, not The National. I bought both Alligator and Boxer though, so you can expect more titles from them very soon ;)**

**Anyway, thank you for your patience with the weekly updates, I hope they'll stay this way for a while more. **

**Enjoy this, then and have a good day!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 30 – It's Just A Ride<strong>

Meredith was surprised when they arrived at the airport even earlier than how they had planned to.

Baby Shepherd had woken her up early with a sudden craving for muesli -again- and the impending urge to go to the bathroom, so she had decided to just get things done earlier and there they were, all three of them ready to board their plane for San Francisco thirty minutes earlier than their schedule.

They arrived at the desk to retire their online tickets and, as they moved through the airport, something was off. SeaTac has always been a busy place, people running around in all kinds of outfits, with all kinds of luggage and company. That morning though, it was strangely empty. There were a few annoyed families here and there, a couple of college kids, a few men with briefcases, but it seemed more like a country airport than the main airport of one of the biggest city in the Northwest.

Meredith looked at Derek to see if he had noticed that too, but he was too focused on keeping Eden in his eyesight to do so.

All her worries became her reality when they reached the desk and the flight assistant announced that their flight had been canceled. In a swift motion both adults looked up and noticed a series of 'canceled' to each flight on the board.

"Nobody informed you about the three-days strike?" asked candidly the woman behind the desk and Meredith glared at her.

"No" she growled "We don't have time to check the news every second of the day, ma'am" she stressed the final word and Derek looked at her wary "We are surgeons we don't consult crystal balls before boarding a plane, you know"

"Mer, c'mon, we'll figure something out" Derek hurried, knowing that those were just a series of mixed emotions that could cause a blow up thanks to her raging hormones.

"What is to figure out? We need to take that freaking plane, see your freaking family and go home, there's absolutely nothing figure out!" her voice rose

"There's no plane, ma'am" the assistant interjected, calmly.

"You find a plane right now, we have to get on that plane!" Meredith fired back

"Meredith, please, sit here" Derek pleaded, pointing to a bench, trying to avoid making a scene.

"I don't need to sit, I'm pregnant, I'm not an invalid" she snapped

"Meredith" he said sternly

"Derek, you need to be in San Francisco" her voice lowered but it was still with the same hard edge.

"I know, just give me a minute okay, you sit there, you calm down and you let me handle this while you keep Eden company, okay?"

"Okay" she sighed, finally going back to her old self. As she sat down, she whispered "Where's Eden, Derek?"

Her voice was strange, different and Derek immediately looked around, just to came to the same conclusion that Meredith had; Eden was missing.

"Eden?" he called, then he began looking for her frantically.

The idea of not having Eden in their sight terrified both adults and they also felt guilty for getting too wrapped up in their problems to not notice her absence. They were just hoping to find her as soon as possible and hopefully happy.

They both turned upside down every corner, every waiting spot, every bathroom door was open, every corridor analyzed, until they spotted her set of red hair plastered in front of a toy gift shop, filled with stuffed animals. They sighed in relief practically in the same instant.

"Eden!" they called together and the girl turned innocently, a wide smile on her face.

"Daddy, Mommy look at all this animals!" she said amazed, before Meredith could sweep her up in her arms and hug her tightly. Derek kissed the top of her head as well.

"We thought we had lost you, Ladybug" Meredith said with tears in her eyes.

"You need to tell one of us where you go from now on, okay?" added Derek

"I'm sorry Daddy" she said with an apologetic voice.

Meredith put her back on the floor, then grabbed her hand softly and they came back to the desk where they had left all their stuff in a hurry.

"Look, sir" the woman at the desk spoke kindly, like they haven't just made havoc in the whole airport "There are direct trains for San Francisco, we can convert your ticket. Or you need to wait three days"

"Mer?" Derek turned to see her reaction "We can call Sarah and tell her we can't make it, it's okay"

"How long is that train ride?"

"You'll be in San Francisco like...tomorrow morning. There's a short bus ride as well" the woman said, looking up things on her computer.

"Meredith we'll stay home and we'll go visit some other time"

"There are bathrooms on the train, right?" Meredith asked to the woman, tuning out Derek.

"Of course" the woman replied with a knowing smile

"Let's take that train then" Meredith turned to Derek with a determined expression and he was the one who sat on the bench. Eden sat next to him and kept looking between the two adults, still not understanding why they were talking to that lady instead of going into the most beautiful toy shop she had ever seen.

"Mer, are you sure about this?"

"Look, Derek, I would have suggested to take your car but since I can't drive for more than an hour it's not practical" she shrugged "I'll be fine"

"I..."

"I want to go to San Francisco and the baptism is in three days, we won't make it otherwise"

Meredith could see Derek thinking while he stared at her a bit surprised, still trying to decide what was best for them.

"Derek, I had an InterRail in Europe, I know how a train works"

"What?" his eyes widened

"Let's just take that train then I'll tell you"

"Blackmailing your boyfriend already?"

Meredith giggled "It could be fun" she practically pleaded "And Eden won't need to sit still in a car for I don't know how long but she will be able to run around a bit when she gets restless"

"Okay, fine" he sighed, powerless when she asked that way "But we come back to Seattle in first class" he smirked

"Deal!"

Derek turned to the kind woman who had witnessed the whole conversation, smiling as friendly as he could, thanked her and he was sure he could hear her giggle alone when they took their luggage and moved to the train station.

They had a quick snack to wait for the coincidence then, an hour later, they boarded on the train.

It wasn't a honeymoon suite of a five-star hotel, but it was nice. They didn't findany bed available, but they had reclining seats and luckily, a couchette only for themselves. Derek took care of securing their suitcases then they sat one in front of the other while Eden sat next to Meredith, her legs dangling from the seat, too high for her to touch the floor.

"So, you promised me a story" Derek smirked, looking deeply into her eyes with the needed amount of amusement necessary.

"Yeah Mommy, you promised" piped in Eden.

Meredith smiled at the girl next to her, who had just recently completely converted to calling her Mommy and even if only for that, she deserved a story. At least it would keep her entertained for a while.

"Okay" Eden's interest peeked immediately and the girl snuggled slightly closer "I was out of college and I had a crazy friend, Sadie. Well, I was a bit crazy too, but that's not a story for little ears" she smiled to Derek, who would surely ask more when they'd be alone "We decided to go to Europe and well, my mother had lots of money and she didn't want me to waste time traveling while I could be graduating for the second time. She didn't approve me going to medical school, but she didn't discourage my education either. I have a minor in English just to...well, make her very angry" she tried to make the story audible for a four-year-old.

"Why would you make your mommy angry, Meri?" Eden asked puzzled, clearly here the double 'Mommy' confusing her.

"Well, my mother was not very nice to me, but that's not important for our story" Meredith smiled to the girl, avoiding Derek's gaze, knowing that even this part would have been discussed later, when she was asleep.

"Okay"

"All right. I decided to take a tour of Europe with Sadie by train"

"You never climbed down?" Eden interrupted again, her eyes wide.

"Of course we did. We had a one month pass and we made a complete tour of England, France, Italy and Germany. We have visited some of the most important cities, staying there a couple of days each, then we moved on. One month later we came back home and I began Med School"

Meredith summarized quickly, but she knew they both had many questions.

"Mommy, did you see many cities?"

"Yes, Paris and Berlin were wonderful, London was...okay, I don't remember much about London"

"How so?" Derek smirked at Eden's question

_I was drunk all the time_ "Hm, we had a bad weather and we stayed only one day" she lied

"You have been to Italy already, then" Derek finally interfered in the conversation

"Why, taking notes for getaway places already?"

A sparkle in Derek's eyes told her that maybe it wasn't a simple trip the one he wanted to plan and a shiver trailed down her spine "Maybe" he simply replied but she knew he was hiding something.

"You know, I'd go back to Italy anytime, if you have never been there"

"I haven't" piped in Eden

"I bet you haven't, you are only four" Derek shook his head, smiling.

"But I'm a big girl" she frowned "I wanna travel like Mommy" Derek's eyes widened and Meredith was quick in saving him from a sure heart attack.

"I was way older than four when I went there alone. I had finished all possible mandatory schools already"

"Yeah?" sighed Eden sadly "Even elementary school?"

"Even that" Meredith smiled amused

"But after that can I go too?"

Meredith looked at Derek to see his reaction, but he seemed stunned by the request "What about we'll talk about this in a few years, okay?"

"Okay Mommy" she replied happily, then opened her little backpack and pulled out her favorite stuffed bear, snuggled it to her chest and leaned against the seat.

"Can I close my eyes when you tell me some more of the story?"

"Yeah, Ladybug, take a nap, it will be a long ride"

Meredith wasn't even halfway through her first week when Eden was sleeping already. Derek moved to sit next to Meredith, lifting up Eden in his arms and holding her as she relaxed in her sleep.

An elderly couple sat in the two of the remaining three seats and smiled brightly at them, their gaze softening at the sight of Eden and Meredith's visibly pregnant stomach.

Derek watched the elder man struggle to put up the heavy suitcase so he shifted Eden from his lap and moved to help him. He looked like he had been working hard in his life, something that kept him fit and healthy, even though the age had weakened him. His wife was a beautiful elderly woman, her hair tied in a bun, neatly dressed and with soft, warm eyes.

"Thank you, son" the man said, patting Derek's shoulder. Derek smiled brightly, then sat back at his place.

"I'm sorry about this whole 'I want to travel like Mommy' thing" Meredith whispered, moving next to Derek and snuggling into his heat, enjoying the foreign feeling of the word on her lips more than anything else.

"It's fine, I just...For a second I imagined her going backpacking in Europe and it scared me a little" he chuckled nervously.

"She should do that, if she wants to. It's a beautiful experience. Even if I was drunk most of the time, it had been beautiful" she longed

"I don't believe you did that only to piss off your mother"

"I just wanted some time to think about my life, you know, find myself, understand what I wanted to do. I had my crazy minor in English, I could do other stuff than being a doctor, then I realized I wanted to be a surgeon for me, not for my mother. It was something I did for myself"

"So I guess it worked out for you"

"Yeah. It fed a bit my addiction to tequila, but widened my horizons to beer and wine too" she chuckled "You need to blame our three-days stop in Provence for the lavender obsession"

"Thank you Provence, then" he chuckled, running his hand through her hair, then breathing her in. "Somehow I think I need to thank your mother as well"

She looked at him puzzled "What do you mean?"

"Well, if it wasn't for her you wouldn't be here, like you are"

"You mean, if she would have been a bit more nurturing than a steak knife maybe I would have turned out differently?"

"Yeah" he chuckled, then he eased the atmosphere "I can't see you minor in English though"

"I know, I ramble, but I'm a nice writer" she smirked. "I was thinking about a minor in Art, but my mother would have stopped paying college so well, I needed the money" she grinned.

"You amaze me every day more, you know that?"

"Derek" she sighed, leaning against him

"You do, you just tell me things like those and I realize I just know a tiny bit of you and I wanna know more, I wanna know everything"

"You don't, really" her eyes closed, trying to hide, despite remaining in his arms

"I do, when you are ready" he replied, kissing her temple.

She shook her head "I'm a mess"

"I know. And I love you" he smiled softly

"I love you too" she replied, not like a habit though. "I haven't really talked to my mother since I found out I'm pregnant" she confessed, her hand resting gently on her stomach at the mere mention of their tiny miracle.

"I'm sorry, we had kept you really busy"

She interrupted him "I don't know how to tell her. I don't even know if she will understand, Derek"

"We'll go together"

"No, Derek. No." she replied firmly, shaking her head forcefully.

"Yes. It's not negotiable" he tightened his hold on her a little

"Derek..." she sighed

"I want to know everything" he concluded and she let go. Maybe this was part of the happily ever after, in the end.

Derek kept stroking her shoulders and arms gently, relaxing her stiff posture, almost to the point that she could fall asleep, then she just smiled, meeting his deep blue eyes and losing inside them.

"I'm sorry" the elderly woman whispered, interrupting their staring "Do you work at Seattle Grace?"

Both their heads turned to her and they both nodded, managing a small smile "Why?" Derek asked

"You are Dr. Shepherd, right?" she said, looking at Derek as he nodded again "You saved my grandson, Cole Richardson, after he got t-boned with his father a few weeks ago" she said, her eyes shining with grateful tears

"Of course I remember"

"I will never thank you enough" she added, her eyes scanning the people surrounding him. "Is that your family?"

"Yeah, I believe you remember Dr. Grey, she must have been around Cole for a while"

"Yeah, she always kept him in line" she chuckled and Meredith smiled too

"She's very bossy" Derek grinned, squeezing her hand

"She needs to be, I had to manage two kids and a very needy husband too" the woman smiled brightly at Meredith

"Um, we're not...I'm...She's..." Meredith stammered, trying to explain how things were without being rude.

"You two have a beautiful family" the woman concluded and Meredith just smiled knowing that, even if their past was complicated, their future could be just as bright and for the time being, at least until being back in Seattle, she decided not to care anymore.

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><p><strong>AN: This whole train ride comes out of my late experience with trains and stations and also my extreme desire to just pack my bags and do an InterRail myself. I have researched a bit of information, but anything that is incorrect, just...well, forget about it and go with the story, okay ;D<strong>

**The 'nurturing as a steak knife' had been borrowed from the show, I'm sure you all remember it, but I loved the line and so I put it here. **

**I know this chapter could be a little unrealistic, but this is it. They really need to go somewhere together, even if Eden is with them. **

**I hope you liked this and thank you for everybody who remained here despite my recent lack of updates and the slight stall in the story. We'll be moving forward soon and next chapter we'll be in San Francisco. **


	31. ,In This Place You Can Reinvent Yourself

**My kinda-weekly update is here! I know I said weekends, but this week we had a bit of a break so there it is, update. Just keep the faith, okay? **

**The -very long- title of this week's update is out of...*surprise surprise* The National - You've Done It Again, Virginia. My fantasy is really limitated when it comes to titles, lately. Sorry about that. I hope you'll keep reading despite the lame titles.**

**We're in San Francisco! Since I've never been there, I avoided all possible sightseeing tours or stuff like that and you can easily rename the city however you want, except Seattle. I hope you won't mind.**

**Well, first hours there. Enjoy the Shepherds!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 31 - They Say In This Place You Can Reinvent Yourself<strong>

_The Shepherd happiness had engulfed her in a bear hug_.

That's the only thing Meredith could think of that night, when she finally collapsed into bed around eight-thirty. The train ride and the final drive to San Francisco with Jared, Sarah's husband, had drained her of her whole energy, but as soon as the whole family surrounded her, she just felt overwhelmed and happy.

She was freaking out at the mere sight of Jared at the station, then later at all the cars parked outside Sarah and Jared's house, but she had decided to get over her fears, and all of a sudden, being with the Shepherds wasn't really the worst thing in the world. She could bet that her pregnant hormones were making tell her so, but she couldn't care less.

All the sisters and the husbands have been very welcoming, except for Nancy, the second in the family and known to be generally cold with everybody. _Also, Addison's college friend_.

Sarah had hugged her and put Seth in her arms right after she arrived and Meredith felt something different than all the other times she had held a baby, because Seth somehow was family and the mere thought warmed her heart.

Then a fleeting thought passed through her head: _the next baby I will hold could be my baby_.

Derek's happiness had been contagious as well. He had smiled and laughed and proudly showed off her and Eden, who at some point disappeared with all her cousins and never made an appearance until dinner time.

Meredith had no energy left, but struggled to fall asleep. She had so many things filling her head that somehow, it seemed impossible to fall sleep.

She stretched her arms and back, laying on the soft bed and relishing the calming sensation it had on her aching joints, then her right hand moved to rest on top of her slightly protruding belly. Her palm stretched while she moved her thumb back and forth in a soothing motion. She knew that Baby had not enjoyed the stress of the last few days and she just needed a good night sleep, even if she couldn't.

She felt a flutter right under her hand and for a moment, hundreds of worries filled her head.

Then, the tiny sparkle of Baby's first kick reverberated in her head and she grinned like a fool by herself.

"Hi Baby" she mumbled "You are really there, then" she said, somewhat sounding crazy even to herself. Baby responded with another flutter.

She laid down rubbing her stomach for a few moments more, relishing the feeling of having a tiny human growing inside of her, then she decided that she couldn't wait to tell Derek.

She climbed carefully out of bed, moving slowly from tiredness but still, unable to fall asleep until she shared the news with him.

She walked in the kitchen but there was only Sarah standing there with a glass of water in her hands, looking outside the window to her garden, where the rest of the family was shuffling in the cars. There was only Carolyn Shepherd missing, but it was only because she was staying with Sarah as well instead of going to a hotel like the other three sisters.

"Hey, I thought you went to bed" Sarah greeted with a wide smile as soon as she turned around when she heard footsteps behind her.

"I just can't seem to fall asleep. Do you know where Derek is?" Meredith asked, a smile tugging up her lips when she mentioned his name.

"Craving sex?" Sarah speculated and Meredith blushed violently.

Meredith shook her head somewhat embarrassed "No, just..."

"It's okay to share, I felt like a horny teenager most of the time" she shrugged off, gulping the rest of her water.

"Baby kicked for the first time" she confessed, her hand resting on the exact same spot where she felt the first flutter and Sarah turned to her with a wide grin.

"Those were the good times. When they come out of a tiny hole and start screaming it's all a different story" she sighed, but Meredith knew by the imperceptible smile that she wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. "Boys sucks the life out of you even in the uterus though" she mused, bobbing her head.

"I hope it's a girl, then" Meredith smirked

"Congratulations. I don't know if I said it before or I just implied it, I'm happy Derek has found you" Sarah added, suddenly more serious than before.

"I..." she stuttered

"I mean it. It had been a long time since I had seen him this happy"

"He makes me really happy too" Meredith mumbled, embarrassed a little by this revelation.

"Am I interrupting something?" Derek's soft voice reached their ears and before Meredith could turn back, his arms were already wrapped around her, his hands resting gently on her stomach while he kissed her temple. "Shouldn't you be asleep already?" he whispered, his lips lingering on Meredith's cheek for a bit more than necessary.

"Baby kicked" she blurted, unable to keep the news to herself any longer and Sarah grinned to herself.

Derek spun Meredith around in his arms and looked deeply into her eyes "Yeah?" he said, almost breathless, overwhelmed by all the emotions that were invading him, one of his thumbs rubbing her bump absentmindedly.

"Yeah" she echoed, breaking out into a smile, her eyes filling with happiness. "I couldn't fall asleep without telling you" she filled the silence while she looked at him staring at her with some sort of adoring gaze, the one that always made her feel inadequate for him.

He just stared, the world around them disappearing, until he finally spoke when he snapped out of his musing, his eyes still crinkling with happiness. "Let's get you two to bed, it's been a long couple of days"

They said goodnight to a very amused Sarah and he led Meredith upstairs, holding her hand.

"Is Eden in bed already?" she asked, when they passed her already closed door

"She went out like a light" he chuckled, then opened the door for Meredith.

When she was in the room, he closed the door behind her back and kissed her passionately, pushing her body against the wood and making her whole body tingle, triggering another flutter deep inside her womb. She immediately giggled when they broke apart and Derek looked at her quizzically.

"Baby likes it when Daddy kisses Mommy" she whispered, like she was afraid to say all three words in the same sentence.

"She does?" he grinned, pulling up her t-shirt to reveal the bump and kneeling at her feet to kiss her bare skin, then he looked up, amused.

"Since when we're having a girl?"

"It's just a feeling in my gut" he grinned, standing up again to kiss her lips, his hand never leaving her stomach though.

"You'll be whipped with another girl running the halls"

"Yeah, but I wouldn't care" he grinned happily.

He kissed Meredith again, but when he pulled away, she practically yawned in his face, making him chuckle a little too loudly. "Let's go to bed" he shook his head lightly, pecking her lips one last time, then guiding Meredith to bed.

They laid down spooned, his hand resting on her stomach, then she molded in his arms, sighed contentedly and snored until the sun began shining through the blinds.

They woke up and together they climbed downstairs for breakfast, not before sharing a shower though. They brought Eden in the kitchen with still her pajama on, but she didn't seem to mind while she enjoyed Carolyn's pancakes.

"So," Sarah appeared with a smiley Seth in her arms "You have two hours to get ready before Mass. Mom, do you mind going with Derek's car, we are kind of full?"

Meredith looked at her carefully and she felt the confidence the woman had. Three kids had her organized and not scrambling down the stairs to tell her husband that the baby had kicked for the first time. For a moment more, she doubted if she was adequate enough for the occasion, but Derek's reassuring hand in hers suddenly made her feel a tiny bit more comfortable.

"Mommy, do I get to wear the blue dress with the bow on it?" Eden piped in, stealing a smile from Carolyn. Nobody had heard Eden call Meredith Mommy yet, and the two women in the room were slightly surprised.

"Yes, I packed it just for this occasion. I told you you'd need a big day for that" Meredith smiled at Eden when she kept splattering her face with the chocolate topping of the pancake, content of the answer.

"Okay, let's get you all cleaned up to wear the dress, shall we?" Derek smiled at his daughter and she grinned back at him, gulping her juice and standing up excitedly.

"Will you do my hair? Daddy is no good" she turned then to Meredith, snorting at the mention of Derek's inability to comb hair.

"Of course" Meredith shook her head looking up at Derek and meeting his amused eyes, while Sarah giggled softly.

They both disappeared out of the kitchen and Meredith kept eating silently, the kitchen, quiet except for the noises of the stove and Seth's gurgles.

"A birdie told me that the baby kicked" Carolyn interrupted the comfortable silence, turning to Meredith, who looked up and smiled widely, touching her stomach absentmindedly and confirming her news with a nod.

Carolyn studied Meredith's reaction for a moment and sighed, knowing that maybe her son could finally be happy in a relationship, and accepting the woman in front of her a little bit more. It was the way her eyes crinkled when she nodded, the same way Derek's had earlier that morning, meaning that they both couldn't be happier than right here and there, having a baby together. She wanted to know more about them, how they ended up there, how that woman could hold Derek's heart in the palm of her hand and the other way round, but she knew this wasn't the time, so she simply smiled back, feeling a proud grandmother once again.

"Derek was so cute when he popped in this morning and announced it to Mom with a bright smile on his face" Sarah joked and Meredith smiled again.

"He bragged for days to Mark after the first ultrasound until Mark finally said 'Dude, I know it's your kid but it looks the same every time I watch it'. God, that was hilarious" Meredith giggled to herself at the memory.

"He speaks with Mark?" Sarah's eyes widened

"They just put the past behind them. They're good, I don't know how, but they still go out for a beer together after their shifts sometimes so I guess they worked out their issues" Meredith shrugged off. "You'd better ask him for details though"

"Boys" Sarah and Carolyn muttered practically together, then glanced at each other and smiled.

"You could see them ripping their heads off while fighting in the dirt and the same afternoon they were watching a game together" Carolyn reminisced, her lips curling up in a smile.

"I can picture that" mused Meredith, standing up to place her empty glass and plate in the sink, cleaning up her breakfast, on her way picking up Eden's and Derek's.

"Go get your pretty dress on and leave me and Mom work with the dishes" Sarah said, practically snatching Derek's plate out of her hands.

"Are you sure you don't need anything?"

"We're sure" Carolyn nodded, a smile appearing on her lips

"Thank you" sighed Meredith "For everything" she weighted her words a little

"We're very welcome to have you here" Sarah said immediately, a look of understanding passing between her and Carolyn.

When she walked upstairs, Meredith finally felt like she belonged somewhere, with someone and somehow, it made her incredibly happy.

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><p><strong>AN: I wanted to thank all the readers because this is officially my most read story and it gives me a very warm and fuzzy feeling, since I like very much writing it. And I was also doubtful about publishing it at first, so the response is even more welcomed.<strong>

**I want to thank my Beta because she makes me look at things from another perspective and all the people who gave some kind of feedback all throught the story. I'm glad for the more than 100 alerts and all the reviews I recieve after each chapter. **

**I babble a lot before and after my chapters, I know, but this was something I really needed to say. Someday I'll post a story with minimal babble, I swear!**


	32. What You Don't Know You Can Feel It,

**Hiya! ****As you can see, I have finished every possible greetings, but the story is far from over!**

**It has an end, don't worry about this not getting finished, I just can't estimate how long it will take for me to update all the chapters, especially considering the fact that most of them aren't even all written.**

**Anyway, song by U2, Beautiful Day. And it is a beautiful day indeed, since I'm updating ;)**

**Enjoy this and let me know what you think!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 32 – What You Don't Know You Can Feel It Somehow<strong>

"So, hair's done" Said Meredith when she placed the tie in Eden's French braid. She had wanted to leave her hair flowing, but she knew that things were just going to go downhill from there so she decided to tie it.

"Thank you Mommy!" Eden said excited, smoothing the last wrinkle on her dress.

There was a soft knock and the door cracked open "Oh, we have a pretty girl here" Carolyn entered then in the room.

"Do you like my dress, Nana?"

"Yeah, did you picked it out with Mommy?"

"Uh-hm" she nodded "We went shopping together when she had finished fixing brains" Eden smiled at her grandmother and so did Meredith "She fixes brains like Daddy, did you know that?"

"Yeah, Daddy told me"

Eden quieted and kept fidgeting with the hem of her dress, while Meredith disappeared in the bathroom, bringing her long, sleeveless, pastel-colored dress with her.

"Do you go out often with Mommy?" Carolyn asked, just needing another perspective to understand the relationship between the two most important people in her son's life. In this case a four-year-old perspective had to do.

"She takes me to the pizza place often, she really likes pizza. She can't cook but Aunt Izzie makes very special cupcakes and she lets me help!" Eden said delighted.

"Do you like spending time with Mommy?"

"She's very fun, Nana. She knows a lot of stuff too, just like Daddy" Eden said, bobbing her head for emphasis.

"Since apparently I'm really smart, is it wrong if I ask you to bring Daddy here?" said Meredith with a smirk, emerging from the bathroom, her hair falling on her shoulders, her dress hugging loosely her curves, a grin brightening her face.

Eden looked up at her in awe, then her eyes rested on the growing baby bump. Meredith usually wore either scrubs or comfortable clothing, so Eden had very little experience of Meredith's growing stomach and for a moment, she remained blindsided by it.

She cocked her head in the same way Derek did then asked, pointing at Meredith's bump "Is there where Baby is growing?"

"Yeah, right here" Meredith sighed, patting gently the top of it. "Do you wanna touch it?"

"Can I?" Eden's eyes widened

"Of course, in here there's your baby sibling" Meredith said with a smile, grabbing her tiny hand in hers and guiding it where she could feel the flutters getting stronger.

"What I'm supposed to feel?" asked Eden, looking up wide-eyed.

"Well, right now nothing, but in a few weeks you might feel the baby kicking"

"Baby kicks you Mommy?" her eyes widened, then she patted Meredith's belly and said "You shouldn't kick Mommy, Baby. You know it's wrong to kick people, right?"

"Baby knows, but he doesn't have much space in there so when he turns he kicks me. Baby doesn't hurt me, Eden"

"He doesn't?" she said, her look still filled with concern "It's a girl then, boys always kick" she mused, her nose scrunching up wisely.

"We have to wait to find out" Meredith concluded, kissing the top of her head, smoothing down the braid she had made a few moments before "Will you go and get Daddy for me? He needs to change in his suit"

Eden caressed her stomach one last time, whispering "Don't kick, okay?", then she bolted out of the door and while running she began shouting "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy wants you to wear your suit!"

Meredith shook her head amused when she disappeared, then she went to stand in front of the mirror, fixing her hair one last time.

"This dress looks wonderful on you" Carolyn spoke and for a second, Meredith was startled by her presence. Eden had made her forget about her future, possibly mother-in-law.

"I...Thank you" she tried to remain calm.

Silence stretched between them, but it wasn't really uncomfortable as she expected. Carolyn helped her zip up the dress and fixed the back of her hair, without Meredith even asking, then their quiet was interrupted by Eden bursting into the room and leading an amused Derek by the hand.

"I got you Daddy, can I go play?"

"Just play quiet games or you'll ruin the dress, okay? We need to leave soon" Meredith completed, then saw Eden disappear and she immediately focused on Derek.

He remained at the door, just staring at her as he leaned against the doorframe while his mother fixed her last curl and she knew that he was picturing a completely different moment in his head. His smile brightened and he walked behind her as soon as Carolyn vacated the spot, his hand resting on her hip, the other rubbing small circles on her stomach, then he whispered "You look amazing", kissing the back of her neck.

Meredith blushed, because the way he said it meant that he wanted her out of that dress right in that moment and his mother was standing behind him.

"Okay then, I go change into my dress and I'll leave you two alone. Sarah said we need to leave in half an hour" Carolyn smirked "Will it be enough for your hair?" she joked with Derek.

"Ha ha" he grinned "We'll make it, Mom"

Derek kissed Meredith softly, then he disappeared in the bathroom, coming out in his boxer only, then putting on his charcoal pants while Meredith kept staring at him.

"What?" he said, when he noticed

"Nothing, just looking at you"

"You do find me irresistible, don't you?" he smirked

"My hormones find you irresistible" she corrected amused and he came closer, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her deeply. "Not now Derek" she tried to convince herself when he trailed teasing kisses down her neck "Later" she practically moaned, breathless.

"Later" he grinned, backing away and picking up the white button down shirt.

They made it downstairs barely on time, but holding hands and Carolyn shoot them a smile.

They arrived at the church and somehow, Meredith felt a little out of place. She had never been in a church except for some casual wedding, she didn't know where to sit, what to say or even what to expect and truth to be told, it was a little bit overwhelming.

She sighed deeply and Derek caught her gaze immediately "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just...yeah" she smiled, her hand going to rest on her stomach to ground herself. It usually calmed her down, feeling their baby, more so at this point that she could actually feel flutters and movements.

Derek smiled brightly, knowing that something was bothering her but deciding to drop the issue. He could tell it was a lot on her, but she was just barely tensing next to him and most importantly, she was dealing with it. He had all the time in the world to pry later.

They watched as the priest lowered the tiny, wriggling body of Seth in the warm water, then everybody smiled when he began whimpering, his toes curling and his legs bending to avoid further contact with the water. Seth stopped crying when he was safely back in Sarah's arms, not a minute earlier.

"Did you baptized Eden as well?" Meredith asked in a whisper, while they were finally walking out of the crowded church, looking for Eden to just go home and relax. They spotted her red hair running around with one of her cousins so they just decided to spend a few more moments out, enjoying the warming Californian autumn sun.

"Yeah, just not like that" he chuckled "She cried more, though" he remembered, his thoughts suddenly far away.

"If you want, we can baptize our baby" she said, her hand lowering gently on her bump, like a habit every time she mentioned the tiny human growing inside her.

"We...I thought..." he looked at her carefully, afraid to slip on this apparently simple statement.

"You know I don't believe in it, but you do. At least I think you do so you can baptize our child. Even like that"

"Oh" he said somewhat taken aback, then he recovered and smiled brightly "Better a good bath than a few drops on the head, right?" his eyes widened at her sentence, so she continued "It's probably more meaningful or something, right?"

Derek had to suppress a chuckle "Yeah, probably" he sighed then "Mom would be so happy to know that we are baptizing our baby by immersion"

Meredith didn't reply anything though, she just smiled up at him, easily filing away that conversation as done. They haven't even properly set up a nursery yet, but they had plans together and it felt pretty great.

"Let's fetch Eden and go home, shall we?" he broke the comfortable silence, holding out his hand and grinning like a fool.

"Eden!" Meredith called out twice before the girl could turn towards them and sprint before him.

"We are going home, okay?" Derek updated her.

"Can't we stay a little more?" she pleaded, batting her eyelashes in what usually was a very effective technique.

"Mommy is tired" Derek said and Meredith's heart still fluttered each time he called her Mommy.

"Is Baby kicking you again?" Eden asked, a frown appearing on her features and her hands going at her hips fiercely. Derek couldn't help but chuckle.

"No, but I'm tired from the trip" Meredith replied softly.

"I guess that's okay then, Baby behaved" she shrugged off, then took Meredith's hand.

"Baby behaved" echoed Meredith, looking up at Derek with million of feelings in her eyes and no words to express them.

Overwhelming was the adjective she would use to describe the Shepherds, but she would do it all over again if she needed to, and this scared Meredith a little bit more than anything else that had happened lately.

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><p><strong>AN: I know it's getting fluffy, I apologize for the readers who want a little more drama. I'm writing it, I just needed a fluffy break. And sorry even for the rather short update, it just came out this way. I hope nothing that you want to see is missing.<strong>

**P.S.: Anyone who's in Grey's withdrawal already?**


	33. Everything You Say Has Water Under It

**I'm so very sorry, guys. I haven't updated in eons and it's all my fault. I promise next time I'll do better, really, this is unacceptable. You can complain!**

**Back to business, the song for this chapter is Brainy by The National. And no, I'll never stop using their songs every other chapter. Deal with it, or download their discogaphy somewhere.**

**I don't suggest illegal download, that's clear. And no, I don't own Grey's Anatomy. Shonda does and she will do it hopefully for a while more. It needed to be said, after 33 chapters I believe you need reminding ;)**

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><p><strong>Chapter 33 – Everything You Say Has Water Under It.<strong>

Meredith was on a family high.

The Shepherds had done that to her and in that precise moment, she was on the passenger seat of Derek's car, driving to her mother's nursing home, a beautiful, quiet home outside Seattle, overlooking Elliot Bay.

If somebody had told her that she would be visiting her mother while pregnant she would have laughed in their faces. First of all, because she wouldn't visit her mother if she hadn't Alzheimer's, secondly because she didn't get knocked up by anybody.

Except that she still had that tiny bit of hope in the back of her head, her six-year-old self still eager to ask for a pony or her eight-grader self showing off a pretty A on a very hard test only by being shrugged off both times by a very resolute "I don't have time for this, Meredith".

She felt the same giddiness and she knew it will end just like that, her track record of appreciation by her mother was awful, but Derek didn't know and he seemed somewhat excited. Derek had been wonderful to her, she could give in for something more, to make him happy,_ right?_

She was startled by his hand on her thigh, rubbing soft circles while he navigated the car absentmindedly through the same old road she knew by heart at this point.

"I'm okay, I'm just..." she stammered, knowing he was expecting her to freak out, her gaze wandering outside the windshield, avoiding his eyes.

"I know, Mer" he replied with his soothing voice, the same he used with Eden when she was upset. It didn't bother her this time, though.

"She gets in your head Derek, I mean it"

"I'll be fine" he replied confidently, but she couldn't be convinced

She was a grown woman in her thirties and Ellis Grey still got in her head. She had the same old need to please her and she knew without a doubt that she never will.

Roseridge was a huge villa with a quiet garden which in spring was filled with all kinds of different flowers, the perfect place for Ellis to live in solitude and anonymously the rest of her life. She had chosen this place personally, when her illness wasn't much invalidating and her mind still sharp as her scalpel.

Meredith had moved across the country for her and she still felt it wasn't enough. She'll never do enough and she'll always be a disappointment.

Ellis was sitting in the visitors room on a soft chair, her gaze lost outside the window while she fidgeted with her wristwatch. Meredith froze for a moment at the sight, imagining the same situation happening to her in thirty or something years and her hand drifted immediately to her stomach, trying to ground herself. When the baby moved gently inside her, she finally had enough strength to look up and meet her eyes.

She felt Derek next to her and she hoped that after this, he wasn't going to flee back in the woods. He touched her side softly, then squeezed her hand and they moved towards Ellis. He could feel her tense each step they took together.

"Mom" Meredith said, sitting on the sofa across hers. Ellis turned to look blankly at Meredith "It's Meredith, Mommy" she repeated and Ellis eyes hardened.

"I don't have time for your nonsense, Meredith, I have surgery in twenty minutes" she snapped, sliding off the seat and standing up to pace on the soft carpet.

Meredith followed her movements, grabbing resolutely her forearm to effectively stop her. "This is Dr. Derek Shepherd" she said, hiding the hurt for the umpteenth time "He's the neuro consult you requested for the surgery"

"You must be new here" Ellis said sharply, studying him and shaking his hand

"I came here from New York" he replied gently, smiley and charming as usual, but Ellis didn't fell for it. She never did.

"Mount Sinai?"

"Yes, I did my residency under Smithson"

"How is he doing? We worked together at Mass Gen" Ellis replied, her voice brightening considerably, a rare smile appearing on her lips.

"He's good, I believe. I haven't heard of him since I moved here" he said sincerely

"He told me once that he had a brilliant resident a few years ago, that must be you then" she said, just as charmingly as Derek could be.

"Hopefully" he chuckled, realizing that they could go on and talk about surgery all day and it would became the highlight of Ellis' week. He was here for Meredith though. "I met Meredith" he threw in casually.

He noticed immediately that her face fell and her eyes filled with something not properly motherly "It's hard not to notice the pink hair, I guess"

"She's amazing" he pretended not to have heard the news of her flashy hair dye for the first time, plastering a sincere smile on his face.

"She just wants to be noticed; she doesn't even bother about other people, since she's so obsessed with herself and her tequila"

He saw Meredith stiffen next to him, her eyes darting outside in shame.

"She's smart Dr. Grey, she'll do great things in her life" he tried to save it.

"She's too busy dreaming to do something in her life. Her books or her paintings will never get her somewhere. She'll need to make a living at some point and I won't be here forever to help her" she added sharply. "She's just like Thatcher"

"She's a great woman, Dr. Grey"

"Her father spent days playing with her and doing nothing. He had his eight-to-five job and he always complained that I was never home and he had to take care of her. I don't see her dying since he left" Ellis snapped "I give her food, clothes, a top education, what's more?" she argued and Meredith wanted to disappear.

"I believe she's a good daughter" Derek weighted in, but it fell to deaf ears.

"She's just a disappointment"

Her words were hateful, bitter, harsh. Derek had never imagined that Ellis could be exactly how Meredith had described her, he hoped she was just exaggerating before but instead, she had lived with her her whole life.

"Mom" Meredith interrupted, suddenly needing to stand up for herself "I went to Dartmouth, I finished med school, I'm doing my residency at Seattle Grace" her eyes filled with tears but her voice remained steady.

"She's working with me Dr. Grey, she'll be a great surgeon" Derek added

"Oh" Ellis' eyes widened, a flicker of recognition flashing in her eyes.

"Mom" Meredith repeated, her voice hopeful and afraid at the same time as their gazes locked when Meredith moved closer.

"You...You're all grown up" Ellis said almost amazed when her mind finally aligned with reality, then glanced at her to see the changes in her body. Ellis frowned, noticing Derek's hand at the small of her back in comfort and her baby bump.

"Mom" Meredith echoed, a slight amazement laced in her voice.

"You're pregnant" Ellis blurted out, almost horrified "You were supposed to reach greatness, Meredith!" her voice rose "A baby will only slow you down! Where's the fire you had?" Ellis paced on the carpet, glaring once in a while at Meredith, lost in her thoughts.

"Mom, I'm a surgeon and I'm a mother, I think it could be considered great enough for most people" Meredith finally found the strength to fight back.

"Surgeons are not most people!" Ellis snapped.

"I don't want to be anything like you Mom! I love this baby and I love the family I have with Derek and you won't do anything to break this too!" she flamed

Ellis looked at Meredith, really looked at her, then moved closer and wrapped her in her arms, whispering "I'm so sorry" then she let go of her and sat back on the chair, looking outside the window.

Meredith didn't know what her apologies were for. She didn't know what to expect next, what this whole thing meant, why her mother was suddenly apologizing, but most importantly, she couldn't say anything back.

When Meredith tried to approach her as she had gained more confidence, trying to apologize maybe, Ellis was back in her own oblivion. Just like the last time, before leaving for Europe, when they argued about her going to Med School. Meredith never had the chance to clear the air then and she'll never have it this time around as well.

Meredith stared for a moment at her mother, then caressed her cheek with all the love that Ellis never deserved, she kissed her cheek then backed away, looking at the shell of what her mother had been.

Ellis grabbed an old stack of papers and began shuffling them, mumbling all kinds of medical procedures possible and Meredith knew she would never have the luck to have her remember once more.

After one last glance, she finally whispered to Derek "Take me home, please", her voice small, almost childish.

She clung to him until they were in the car, her steps shaky and her eyes misty, then she began crying as soon as she sat in the passenger seat, her sobs making her shake on the seat while Derek waited for her to calm down.

He helplessly stared at her shaking form, then decided to move in her seat and he wrapped her in his arms, stroking her hair, her arm, her bump while he let her cry freely.

And right in that moment, he fell in love with her a tiny bit more than before.

And right here and there he understood that he definitely didn't want to spend any day of the rest of his life apart from her.

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><p><strong>AN: I know, chapters had been retty, before this. I hope you're still up for a little bit of drama. I was very into drama when I planned this story...<strong>

**I'll try to actually manage a Christmas update around Christmas, but I'm sure you'll have it in January, if I keep up with this snail-paced updates. It would be around chapter 40, if my plans won't betray me. **

**Remember, keep the faith! ;) And thank you again for still being here, reading!**


	34. You Make Me Happy When Skies Are Gray

**Hiya! My semester is almost over and finals are coming up. It's gonna be soooo much fun!**

**Thank you for all the kind feedback I still get, I know it's a long story already and I hope you aren't bored yet. I think this chapter will shaken up things a little.**

**The song is "You Are My Sunshine" pick your favorite artist for this because I think everybody has recorded this at least once. My pick this time is Johnny Cash. **

**Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 34 - You Make Me Happy When Skies Are Gray<strong>

After the days spent in San Francisco, Meredith had finally found bigger scrubs to hide her baby bump. People knew and whispered about it, but at least her patients didn't notice immediately how huge she was becoming and she was grateful for it.

She was a good surgeon at this point and she knew that seeing your pregnant doctor was somehow distracting, especially when you realized that she was going to cut into your brain while carrying around another human being.

People talked and she was grateful for the loose scrubs.

Debbie, the queen of gossip, this time realized that maybe a certain level of privacy was welcomed, so she tried at least to shut the younger nurses in Meredith's presence and Meredith was grateful. It was bound to happen at some point, she knew, so she had to deal with the gossip.

Meredith wrapped herself into her pristine lab coat for good measure after changing in her looser scrubs, then went down in the ER for her shift. She knew good Neuro cases could come up in the ER so she welcomed the solution. At least she wasn't stuck in the skills lab like George. She had her morning booked for the following week, though, even if she would have welcomed the slow day for a change, since she and Derek had a birthday to organize. A birthday for a very special girl who turned five.

She scanned the room and picked up the lonely chart of the only bed occupied. She sighed, glad that not many patients decided to get hurt so she could plan Eden's party. She was happy until she read the name of the patient.

When she looked up to meet the eyes of Finn Dandridge she groaned loudly. She scanned the rest of the room to find anyone else who could work on him, but she found nobody. And surely, nobody else needed her urgent care.

She shuffled calmly towards his bed and she saw him quietly waiting, clutching his left arm while he tapped on his phone with his free hand.

"Hello Mr. Dandridge" she said, since he hadn't looked up to meet her eyes.

His face snapped up and his eyes lit up. For a second, he just stared at her while she took in his tired features and she remembered once more how her ex-boyfriend looked like. It seemed a lifetime ago that she was almost engaged to this guy.

"Meredith" he said, his voice disguised in a surprised, almost relieved breath.

He stared at the woman in front of him in awe. She looked wonderful. He couldn't tear his eyes away from the beautiful features of her face. Her eyes looked tired but bright, a few tendrils of her honey hair fell from the messy bun she always had after coming home from work, her rosy lips looking deliciously kissable. She was glowing.

"God, it's been awhile" he said, since he apparently didn't know what to say anymore, his eyes unable to move from the perfect features of her face.

"Yeah. What brings you here?" she replied, almost clinically and he knew she was doing her job, but he couldn't help but feel a little hurt by the distance with which she was treating him.

"Dislocated shoulder. Just put it back in" he grinned when she smiled reassuringly.

"How did that happened?" she said, her body moving closer to him as she started feeling the damages on his shoulder.

"I was giving a shot to an ox and suddenly, I was on the ground" he grinned "You know, nothing major, like that time about a year ago, do you remember it?" he asked, a hopeful glint in his eyes when he started recalling the story.

She checked nerves and muscles while he talked, but things seemed so different than how they used to be. She remembered the moment he was describing, but suddenly, everything had shifted and they were standing on two parallel lines.

"Definitely dislocated. No nerve damage though" she stated, grabbing her pen and scribbling the news on his chart.

"Are you still intent on going with Neuro?" he asked at the mention of nerves, genuinely curious and simply missing talking to her.

"Yep, definitely pursuing it" she stated "In a couple of years I'll be an attending, hopefully. If Derek lets me under his teaching wing" she grinned, remembering their playful banters when she brought up the subject. Finn stiffened at the mention of Derek's name, but pretended that he didn't mind a bit.

He watched her put down the chart at the end of his bed, then she turned to take off her lab coat and put it on a chair nearby. When she faced him again, he almost choked at the sight of her rounder stomach.

Meredith noticed his eyes widening and she followed his gaze self-consciously, landing on her stomach. She sighed and closed her eyes, waiting for the unavoidable question.

"You're pregnant?" and there it was, even with a shocked yelp.

"Yeah" she said awkwardly and she watched Finn's face morph from surprised to confused in a blink of the eye. "It's Derek's" she added for good measure.

She leaned closer to him, wrapped her hands around his shoulder and before he could reply, she snapped it back into place and made him cry out in pain.

"Ouch" he sighed

"I'm sorry" she whispered and she didn't knew if it was more for the pain or the rest of the conversation that was going to follow his realization of her pregnancy.

"Isn't it a bit rushed?" he growled, still grimacing from the pain.

"It just happened" she justified, sitting on the stool next to his bed to add a few details on the chart, her hand resting on her stomach out of an habit when she felt a soft kick.

"So it was too soon to marry me but now you're marrying Shepherd?" he snapped, hurt dripping from every word.

"Finn, we're having a baby. It wasn't planned but I couldn't go for an abortion. We started out as friends and I would have had his baby anyway, even if things wouldn't work out between us. It's more complicated than that and we're not getting married" she tried to justify, but he didn't buy it.

"Would you have had this baby if it was mine?"

"I believe so" she said, uncertain though and he laughed bitterly.

"How far along are you?" he said, irony filling his question

"I'm almost in the third trimester" she confessed and his stare darkened.

"It could be my baby" he stated, his eyes narrowing.

"Finn, I cheated on you" she said, her voice small and apologetic.

"It could be, Meredith"

"Finn, we hadn't had sex for weeks after Derek arrived in Seattle"

"Well, then you did it with him" he growled

"Do you want to call me a whore? Go ahead Finn" she dared "Bring it on, I heard worse in the aisles of this hospital" she shrugged off, scribbling a little more forcefully than before.

"I didn't mean..."

"I know I hurt you, but I didn't really love you Finn. Absolutely not in the way you loved me. And you deserve better."

"You're having a baby with him Meredith"

"I know and we've been through a lot" she simply admitted and he noticed her eyes gaining a certain spark that was lost before, when they began arguing, and he regretted his burst of jealousy immediately.

"Do you love him?" he asked, knowing that he was just going to throw salt in his open wound.

"Yes" she answered simply and, as much as it pained him, he could see she was sincere. "I'm glad you are concerned Finn, but I will be fine, you know" she said, a small smile on her lips.

"You'll be a mother" he swallowed, the concept still overwhelming. He had never got to the stage when he imagined her having his children and now she was pregnant and more beautiful than ever, carrying another man's baby.

"It's the most wonderful situation a woman can find herself in" she stated simply and he knew that this was a completely different Meredith Grey than the one he met a few years ago. She was a surgeon, a mother and a lover and he was sad he wasn't the one who could bring out all this wonderful things she had in her.

He realized in a split second that with him she had just settled for the best option in the book, the safe solution, while with Derek she was just an equal participant in the relationship and he regretted trapping her for all that time.

She had chosen Derek and she would deal with the consequences of everything.

"You know, if you'll ever need help, you can always call"

"Yeah, maybe when Eden will start asking about getting a puppy. We're safe for this birthday, but we might need to worry for the next" she shook her head amused, trying to lighten up the conversation and he knew she was a mother already, even before that baby came out of her womb. It was this little details that made him sure he had to move on and it eased a bit the burden on his heart. He was glad for the time they got to spend together, but their moment had passed and she was happy, this was the most important thing.

"You know what I mean" he stressed his point ans she nodded, clearly understanding.

"I do know. Thank you Finn." she gave him one of her small smiles that made her so beautiful "I'm sorry" she concluded, closing gently the chart.

"I'm sorry too"

She looked at Finn one last time, then placed the chart back in its cradle and said "You'll need a follow up, here's the prescription for pain medication. If you have anything to ask, just..."

"Yeah." he sighed and they looked at each other for probably the last time and he enjoyed every second of it "It was good to see you" he added, sincerely.

She nodded, then she was gone.

She went outside, breathing the damp, chilly air of Seattle, cleaning her lungs, trying to name the weird feelings she had seeing Finn.

It's not that she missed that life, it just brought her back to a time when she was a completely different person and her hormones were all over the place.

She breathed deeply, then finally moved back in to finish her shift, looking forward to the moment when she'll get home.

While she walked back, her mind focused on Eden, trying to shift her thoughts. She couldn't wish her happy birthday this morning, because when she left, Eden was still sleeping, but hopefully she'll come home before her bedtime. They had decided for a party the following Saturday, when both her and Derek had the day off to look after the six little friend she had invited to their home, but at the same time, she wanted to make her feel special on the day of her birthday as well.

First her mother, then seeing Finn again had given her an uneasy feeling and right then, until she was home, focusing on Eden was the best option in the book to avoid a freakout.

She tried paging Derek, just to see him and ground herself, but the nurse informed her that he had already finished his shift and he was at home.

She looked at the clock and she still had two hours before she would leave. Of course, she could use the pregnant-lady card, but she didn't want to abuse of her position, people whispered enough without her leaving earlier.

She endured the last two hours of her shift trying to remain focused and calm and luckily the ER didn't got any emergency around the time her shift ended, so she had the opportunity to leave even a few minutes earlier, change in a flash speed and drive safely home.

When the gravel crunched under her tires, she sighed deeply, feeling home already. Those little details about their house made her feel more at home than she had ever felt anywhere else she had lived.

She opened the door and she immediately smelt something baking in the over. And when her stomach growled, she realized that having a birthday girl in the house had its perks.

"I'm home!" she hollered and it felt so familiar that it warmed her heart more than anything.

She had barely ended her sentence that Eden was already running to her.

She crouched and opened her arms wide and the girl crashed against her, almost making her lose balance.

"Happy birthday Eden" she whispered, kissing her cheek soundly and Eden pulled away, staring right into Meredith's eyes.

"I thought you forgot" she said, a hint of sadness veiling her statement

"I went to work while you were still sleeping, I didn't want to wake you"

"I'm glad you remembered Mommy" she said, a wide smile immediately plastering on her lips.

"Of course I remember your birthday!" she said, kissing her soundly again and Eden giggled. "Okay, I'm hungry, do you want a snack?" suggested Meredith then, slowly standing up and taking Eden's hand in hers.

"No, Mommy, I ate lots for my last day of daycare" she sighed, almost sad.

"Hey, what is it?" Meredith asked, moving to the living room and sitting on the couch instead of going to the kitchen. "Don't you want to go with big kids to preschool? You're gonna learn so many new things..."

"I know, but I don't have friends at the new school" she pondered, shrugging her shoulders.

"You can always make new ones. Or maybe you already know someone, who knows..."

"Really, Mommy?"

"You're gonna be okay, Ladybug" Meredith smiled softly, kissing the top of her head "I promise" she added for good measure. "Go play now, no more sadness on your birthday!"

Eden giggled softly, then followed Meredith in the kitchen.

"No birthday girls allowed in here" Derek said even before they could enter

Eden sighed "Okay Daddy", leaving reluctantly the room.

Meredith stepped in and Derek turned with a wide grin on his face, his hair wild, his t-shirt covered in flour on most of his stomach, a spoon in his hand as he stirred a dark, chocolatey batter.

"I'm not mean, I'm making her a birthday cake" he said simply, when he noticed that Meredith had no reaction to him except stop dead in her tracks. "Chocolate. Your favorite" he fueled, smiling dreamily and Meredith finally grinned back.

"I'm gonna kiss you right now" she said, moving closer "With tongue" she whispered, before attacking his lips passionately.

She pushed him against the counter and kept kissing him until she couldn't breathe anymore, her fingers tangled in his wild hair as she stared then deeply in his eyes, hers filled with any possible emotion.

"I should bake more often" he said, almost breathless, grinning widely as he brought their lips together for another kiss, one of his hands resting gently on her stomach, welcoming home both her and their little human.

"You're a wonderful Dad, Derek" she said simply, her eyes almost glassy with the whirlwind of emotions. Seeing how much he cared sometimes still blew her away.

Staring at him, she knew then that no matter how bad her mother treated her or how horrible her day at work went, when she'll get home, he and their children will always brighten her day.

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><p><strong>AN: Okay, Eden is growing up, Meredith is a different person and no, you won't get to see the birthday party. I'm sorry, I just don't want to get your hopes up. You can complain about it, it's just that I'm not a big fan of birthdays myself and I have no clue how to write a five-year-old party at the moment.<strong>

**Anyway, I hope you liked Finn's brief return, he won't bother us anymore, I promise. **

**Thank you for sticking by and I'll hopefully post before Christmas comes!**


	35. It's Alright To See A Ghost

**So much of a before-Christmas update, uh? I'm sorry about that.**

**I let things spin a little out of control. I have exams in January, understand where I come from. At the same time juggling family time, friends and getting thinngs done on time. It has been a little hectic, as always.**

**Anyway, the title is from Santa Clara by the always faithful The National. I hope you have listened to at least one song of them by now.**

**Enjoy this chapter and once again, sorry about the waiting!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 35 – It's Alright, To See A Ghost<strong>

Eden was five.

It was the first thought that passed through Meredith's head when she sat down on the couch at the end of her day.

Having her in preschool had been weird, more for Derek than for her, since she had found him once sifting through old photographs of Eden as a baby, beaming at each of them. That warm feeling of simply watching him look at a bunch photographs made her think how good of a dad he was, even for their baby. It would be different, but she knew she could rely on him and that comforted her.

She had bid him and Eden goodbye when they announced they'd go to the superstore, crashing on the couch exhausted. That growing a human inside her uterus thing was having a toll on her at this point.

She sighed, rubbing her swollen stomach and closing her eyes, enjoying the quiet. It was in moments like those that she didn't miss having roommates. Yeah, they were useful for groceries and cleaning, some company and a drink after a long day, but for the quiet, their house in the middle of nowhere was unbeatable.

For once, she had an hour to herself and she decided to spend it preparing for the baby. Cristina had mocked her endlessly every time she found her with a new onesie in her cubby, but Meredith merely shrugged it off and piled the garments in the nursery.

Meredith remembered of her last purchase so she went in the foyer to grab the extremely cute bibs she had seen while she was stuck in traffic the day before and she just had the chance to buy. She picked the plastic bag from her bag then moved upstairs to the room that had been destined to be the nursery since the plans of the house had been drawn.

It had a wooden door, just like all the other rooms in the hall, but there was a cute tag on it, spelling 'Nursery' in tones of green. Eden's room had a similar tag, but her name was colored in lavender tones. Just like the name tag in Eden's room reminded of the colors of the wall, the nursery was painted in a soft green.

The earthy tones dominated the room, giving it a very natural feeling, completed with the sketch of a tree on the main wall. There were a few photos and frames that needed to be hung, but overall, the room was practically finished.

Meredith admired the wooden crib, testing its smoothness once more, then moved to the dresser where she placed the bibs in the assigned drawer. Everything was neatly arranged, waiting, ready for their baby to arrive there.

She sat in the rocking chair instead of coming back downstairs and relaxed there, closing her eyes and rubbing her stomach soothingly.

"I'm sure you'll love this room, Baby" she whispered, her lips curling up in a smile as the baby rolled inside of her.

Days like the ones she had just passed made her feel even strongly the idea of a family and all the support it could give her. She loved it when Eden came home and flung herself to her, delighted for her presence. It filled her heart with love and something she couldn't exactly understand, since she never had a real family, before this one.

Meredith was almost dozing off when the doorbell rang. She groaned and lifted herself up the chair, cursing Cristina's name in every possible way she knew, only to realize, when she opened the door, that it wasn't Cristina who had disturbed her almost nap.

At her door stood a man in his sixties, his hair salt and pepper, a little bit unstable on his feet and with an afraid expression in his eyes. The more she looked at the man, the less she could understand what Thatcher Grey was doing at her door.

"Meredith" he breathed out her name, his voice shaking a little.

"Thatcher" she replied, not knowing what else to add, except "Why are you here?"

"I...I'm sorry, I can leave" he stammered, then began walking away.

"Wait!" Meredith called out, not even knowing why. "Do you want some coffee? It's surely been a long drive"

"I'd love to" he said seriously, but a smile brightened his features for a second.

He came inside the house and they went to the kitchen in an awkward silence. Meredith put up the pot for the coffee, then grabbed an empty mug for him and a glass of juice for herself.

"I was talking to Lexie a couple of days ago and she told me you are having a baby and..." he began explaining "I just wanted to see how you were doing" he admitted.

"She gave you the address, I suppose"

"Yeah, don't be mad at her"

Meredith smiled, then sipped her juice. Her stare was hard again though, when she asked "Why now? Why did you wait like twenty-five years before caring?"

"I...Your mother was a bit of a hawk when you were concerned. She was worried that my presence could weaken you, so she practically prohibited me to see you. I came in Boston a couple of times, then I just gave up"

"And now my mother is sick" she completed matter-of-factly.

"You are a grown woman, you are a mother yourself, I caught a glimpse of you at the hospital and I knew I needed to apologize to you" he said softly, fidgeting with his cup of coffee and Meredith immediately knew that she picked up the trait from both him and her mother.

"I gave up on having a dad a long time ago" was her only statement, pouring the coffee in his mug.

"I understand" he nodded, their eyes meeting.

There was something sincere in this visit, she could see it in his eyes. They were almost a mirror of hers, it was strange how many little things of herself she could see in him. She wondered for a second if her baby will say the same things about her growing up and something stirred inside her; she never had anybody to ask this things.

"If you want, you could be this baby's grandfather, though. I know there's Laura already, but..." she tried, surprising even herself, but for once deciding that hormones would win this battle.

"I..." he began, his eyes glistening with emotions "I would be honored"

"I met Laura once, she seems like a great kid"

"Yeah" he grinned softly "I've seen you with a girl around the hospital..."

"Oh, that's Eden, Derek's daughter. Dr. Shepherd, we're...he's my...baby's daddy. My boyfriend" she added, a bit awkwardly, unsure of what to tell him.

"I think Lexie told me about him, he sounds like a good guy"

"He's great. He's not here, though. He's out with Eden for groceries or something, I wasn't really paying attention when they left" she grinned and Thatcher smiled back.

"I'll meet them another day, then" Thatcher said hopeful.

"Yeah" she agreed and plans were roughly drawn.

Meredith didn't know where they stood, but she knew she wanted her baby and Eden to have a proper family, and that included mending the bridges with her estranged father.

"I'm gonna go now" Thatcher said, interrupting the pensive silence that had settled.

"Oh, okay" said Meredith "You can come by anytime, even though you'd have better luck in finding us at the hospital most days"

"I remember that about your mother" he sighed "But I'm sure I'll be finding you here easily as well" he smiled, his way to let her know that he saw her like a completely different person than her mother had been and she didn't know what to think of it.

"It's quite the drive here"

"It's worth every penny, the view from here is breathtaking and the house is wonderful" he downplayed it, a small smile stretching on his lips.

"Derek planned it by himself" Meredith smiled softly "I just helped him matching paint chips"

Her and Thatched chuckled until they were in the foyer.

"I'm glad you came by" Meredith said sincerely

"Me too. Thank you for the coffee" he bid her goodbye, then exited in the night.

Meredith remained in front of the open door for a while, watching his car drive away, then she kept staring at the barely visible shape of the firs and the shining lights down in the city.

When she closed the door, she sat back on the couch with a lighter heart and a swirling head, finally falling asleep for her well-deserved nap despite the swarm of thoughts the visit had brought her.

Meanwhile Derek and Eden were going out of the supermarket with a full cart, Eden hopping next to Derek because she was five years old and 'big girls don't sit in the cart'. It had taken them a little bit more time than usual, but Eden was glowing with happiness and this was what mattered most to Derek.

The past weeks had been tiring and a bit rough on the family, but things were getting back into the usual routine. Meredith had been upset for a few days after the visit to her mother, her harsh word still resounding in his head sometimes and he promised himself he'd never say something like that to his children. Ever.

At this point he wanted to make Meredith feel special, romance her, give her all the love nobody had ever given her. All that, for the rest of her life.

It was something unspoken between them, the idea of being together forever. It lingered there, just below the surface of their relationship, but they both knew they were heading in that direction and somehow, he wanted to make it official.

He was scared of her reaction and he still needed a ring, so he was just waiting for the right moment. He knew it will come, so he waited; she wasn't going anywhere and neither was he.

"Aw Daddy, look how sparkly they are!" Eden's singing voice interrupted his thoughts and forced him to look at the window of a jewelery, behind which all kinds of diamonds and gems were shining.

He looked immediately at the rings and his gaze was caught by a very simple ring, a golden band with diamonds embodied inside, nothing with many carats, but pretty nonetheless.

"Do you like that ring, Eden?" he asked, not even knowing why.

"That one?" she pointed exactly at the one he was stuck on.

"Yeah, the one with the tiny diamonds in it. Do you like it?"

"For my birthday?" Eden's eyes widened and so did Derek's

"No, you had your gifts yesterday. It's for Mommy. To tell her I want to marry her" he admitted, whispering the last part in her ear, like a secret.

"You want to marry Mommy?" Eden replied excitedly, her voice raising a notch and turning a few curious heads towards them

"I really do" he grinned like a fool, winning a few more weird looks from the people who were passing by.

"It really looks like the ring for a princess" Eden said seriously.

"So it's a good ring" he played along.

"Hm-hm. You should buy it, Daddy!"

And with that, he had found a ring for Meredith.

He wasn't nervous like the moment he had wanted to buy the ring for Addison, that time he was sweating buckets and Mark wanted to kill him for dragging his 'poor feet' around the whole New York for a very expensive, very flashy engagement ring. This time, he just needed to look at one jewelery window to find the perfect ring. Meredith was easier in this field, but not in the rest of it. And honestly, he loved every complicated bit of her.

"Are you going to give it to Mommy tonight?" Eden said with a wide grin and Derek hoped that Meredith could be at least half as excited as how Eden looked.

"I need to plan something special for her. It's a very important moment, she needs to remember it forever" he explained

"You should give her flowers"

He looked curiously at her, a smirk on his lips, then he nodded "I'll think about it"

"You can ask Uncle Mark. He always says he knows how to romance women"

"I'm sure he does" Derek chuckled, always more surprised by the many embarrassing stories Eden absorbed and retold, the perfect blackmailing material to hold against Mark.

"Mommy is gonna love it lots" Eden said simply and Derek couldn't help but hope she was right.

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><p><strong>AN: Ghosts resurfaced. I hope you didn't mind much.<strong>

**So, since this wille be surely my last update in 2011, I wanted to thank everybody who read, followed and reviewed this whole year. I was fairly new last year to this "writing stories" thing and I appreciate this more each passing day. Thanks to all of you.**

**For all the aspiring writers out there or the people who have stories and are afraid to publish them, just do it. It's worth the try, even if you won't always get great reviews or heaps of readers, it's worth every second spent working on the chapters. **

**I wish you all a perfect beginning of 2012 and even a better continuation of the year! **


	36. Through The Storm We Reach The Shore

**Hey guys! **

**It's the Epiphany today. I even got candies so I knew I owed you an update. I bet you're gonna like this one.**

**The title is from U2's With Or Without You. I'm sure you know this one, if you don't go google it!**

**Well, it's time, enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 36 – Through The Storm We Reach The Shore<strong>

Typical end-of-autumn day in the pit, Meredith thought when she sighed and began analyzing the charts of the patients she had to treat.

Bed one, a guy with a sprained ankle from a fall on wet leaves. Bed two had just been discharged. Bed three, nasty cold, probably pneumonia. Bed four, banal knife cut.

"We have an incoming" somebody yelled from the nurses' desk and Meredith's day suddenly brightened.

She abandoned the charts and gowned, then she waited outside for the ambulance to pull over. The morning was quite chilly, the humid air getting into her bones as she waited.

"What have we got?" Owen appeared next to her a bit breathless, but perfectly gowned and gloved, right in time to see the ambulance getting in the bay.

"Incoming trauma" Meredith filled in, then waited for the paramedic to climb down and assess the condition of the patient more specifically.

"Sixty-one year old female, lost pulse twice on the ride here from Roseridge, previously diagnosed with..."

Meredith tuned out as soon as Roseridge was mentioned and the patient was taken out of the ambulance. "...early onset Alzheimer" she completed the paramedic's words and Owen looked at her confused. "It's my mother" she said plainly, then backed away and took off her gloves.

"Grey, do you want to..."

"No Dr. Hunt, I can't treat family" she replied, almost like it wasn't her speaking and for a moment she asked herself if she could be actually dreaming.

Her mother was at Seattle Grace, for once as a patient and not the leading surgeon with the latest fancy technique. Her mother lost pulse twice in a fifteen minutes ride.

She sat heavily on one of the chairs in the waiting room, once again being on the other side, the family's side, waiting for news. It brought back haunting memories and dark memories of being there with Eden, waiting for news on Derek, so she just closed her eyes and focused on her breathing and the child quietly moving inside her.

She was breathing normally after a few moments, steadying herself right there, knowing that Derek was safe and her mother was in the best hands. She realized that the more she kept doing nothing, the more her head would wander in dangerous places, so she stood up and began treating the sprained ankle in bed one. At least there were nerves involved.

She began the treatment plan for bed one, stitched up and checked for nerve damage bed four, bed three was left to an intern, for once playing the pregnant card, then she welcomed another case of a swallowed bottle cap with a very chubby two-year-older.

She resumed in a blink favorite technique: avoiding. For the first two hours, it all seemed to work, until Owen personally came to see her, while she had just discharged the guy in bed four and she was about to go treat the two-year-old boy.

"We need consent forms to put her on a ventilator, then I asked Altman for a consult" he said clinically, but she could sense the slight edge his voice had gained.

She grabbed the paperwork and signed "Do whatever you need to, just...keep me posted"

"Do you want to see her?"

"I'll finish with this patient then I'll be there" she replied, not to sound rude. Seeing her mother today had been the last thing in her mind, especially her sick mother that needed a ventilator.

Owen studied her shrugging off the situation and he vowed to keep an eye on her. He knew he was missing something in all that, so he decided to support her through Cristina and Derek. He had them both paged.

Meredith finished with the chubby boy, who squealed happily when he was finally free to breathe and she even let his mother rub her stomach, throwing out of the window all the possible boundaries between doctors and families. She needed the ego boost, even if only for a blocked airway, she needed to feel worth something and having reminded of the life growing inside of her was more than perfect.

When she appeared in front of her mother's room, she could see Ellis' body dwarfed under the ventilator. Her mother had never looked so fragile and small in her whole life.

Ellis Grey had been a force of nature, always busy bossing people around, regardless of their social status, age or condition. The Ellis in that hospital bed was a shell of that woman.

"Hey Mer" Cristina's voice from inside the room made her step in and close the door behind her.

"Hey" she replied, not really knowing what to say anymore, but having Cristina there surely helped. "How is she?"

"Well, Teddy said she needs a valve replacement, but we're waiting for the tests results" Cristina replied clinically "Her heart failed sometime this morning and her condition seems to get worse by the hour, I'm so sorry" Cristina replied sincerely, the iciness of her update slowly morphing in understanding and the slightest bit of sympathy.

Meredith nodded, then moved to hold lightly her mother's hand in hers. She had done that a few times in her whole life and it was very foreign and very unexpected when Ellis squeezed back. Cristina decided to exit the room and give them some privacy by obscuring the blinds.

"Hi Mom" Meredith said and for once, Ellis eyes seemed to recognize her. Ellis blinked and squeezed her hand, building up an unspoken language. Meredith smiled in comfort.

Strangely, Ellis didn't look for her chart or the monitors, she just looked at Meredith, taking in every single inch of her daughter, then rubbed her stomach with all the energy she had, managing to curl up a bit the corners of her mouth in a smile of recognition, despite her eyes were filling with tears, tears that Meredith had never saw there before.

"Baby is doing great, Mom, I think you can feel the kicks if you keep rubbing" Meredith decided to reply to the silent questions out loud and Ellis seemed relieved, squeezing Meredith's hand even tighter afterward.

"I know Mom, it must be awful, but we're doing everything in our power to make you feel better. Dr. Altman and Dr. Yang are amazing surgeons."

Ellis barely shook her head and she closed her eyes in defeat, like she had lost a battle and Meredith didn't know what to think of it. Her mother never backed away from a fight, but her mother never had to face something like this either.

"I love you, Mom" Meredith said, suddenly needing to tell her mother that and a tear finally escaped Ellis' eyes.

Meredith kissed her mother's cheek, then sat next to her in a comfortable silence, just holding her hand and with the other rubbing her stomach.

"Meredith"

As soon as she heard his voice from behind her, she turned with a small smile and spotted Derek. His face was a mask of sadness and relief, uneasiness and sympathy, but the good kind, almost like Cristina's.

"Hey Derek" she replied, then turned to Ellis "Mom, do you remember Derek? He's my boyfriend" her smile brightened for a moment her features and Ellis noticed it immediately. She had been in love once and she was glad her daughter could feel that same overwhelming sensation as well.

Ellis smiled back as much as she could, then Derek squeezed her hand, saying "Hello again Dr. Grey". She squeezed back.

Silence settled again in the room, just the sounds of the ventilator covering up the steady breaths of Meredith and Derek, their hands linked on her stomach as she connected with her mother.

Nobody said anything, because they didn't have anything to say, so they just sat there, making each other company, waiting for something to change.

Ellis' eyes closed after what seemed hours and slowly, her stats dropped.

Before the code team could arrive in the room, she was already flat-lining, no matter the CPR Derek was performing or the silent tears that Meredith tried to keep at bay as she stared motionless at Derek and the nurses hovering over her mother's body.

The long, steady beeping of the machines didn't change until Derek turned off the monitors and took the tube out of Ellis' throat.

The room was suddenly filled with silence and the news finally sunk in.

Ellis Grey was dead.

The hustle and bustle of the code had kept Meredith's mind busy, but right then, the magnitude of the whole thing was about to swallow her whole.

She stared into space, the form of her mother in the bed suddenly only a blob of color, tears filling her eyes, until she grabbed a hold of Derek almost blindly, primal. She held him close, hiding in his chest, building a safe heaven and simply feeling him next to her.

He reciprocated the hug, his arms tightening around her, soothingly, lovingly, gently swaying her back and forth as her breathing became more ragged and raspy, her tears not falling, but ready there, on the brink of her eyes.

Derek held her close and whispered in her ear, making her feel safe, loved, cherished. Not like her only parent she had ever known was dead.

Ellis had been a crappy mother, but she had stuck around, at least.

Meredith couldn't help but feel sadness.

Derek led her out of the room after a time that seemed to stretch for days, brought her to his car and just drove home. She recognized the road without even paying attention.

"Where's Eden, Derek?" she asked out of the blue almost halfway home, her voice hardly recognizable.

"You don't have to worry about her" he said "She's in good hands"

Meredith nodded, their silent ride continuing until the gravel crinkled under the tires of Derek's SUV and their home appeared behind the turn and the big oak.

Derek helped her out of the car, out of her clothes and into her pajamas.

Only then he finally asked the question he dreaded the most: "Are you okay?"

He was expecting avoidance but instead her reply was to shake her head and move swiftly to reach out for him, burying her head into his chest and this time she set free all her tears.

She cried and sobbed and sighed, while he soothed her and whispered kind words, his arms making her feel safe, his warm breath comforting her of his presence as they stood in the middle of their living room.

"Don't you ever die" she said at some point, almost childishly, but he understood perfectly from where she came from so he nodded, holding her a little bit tighter as she molded into him despite the still growing baby between them.

"I'll do my best" he whispered, placing a kiss on top of her head and letting his lips linger.

They stood there for a long time, until Meredith had finally stopped crying and they moved to the couch.

He held her then, a little loosely, but still snugly to his chest, until her breathing was regular, her rubs on her stomach seldom and her eyes closed. Derek stretched one of his limbs and she stiffened, her eyes jolting open. She then relaxed as soon as she noticed that he was still there.

"Don't go" she pleaded

"I'm not going anywhere"

"Don't leave me" she moaned, the pain in her heart suddenly strange to understand.

"I don't plan on it" he smiled, then took the courage into his hands and added "I can stay here forever, if you want me to"

She looked at him blankly for a second, then recognition dawned on her and she looked at him quizzically, searching an answer to her unspoken questions. He was the one to interfere the look when he blinked and whispered "Will you marry me?"

He rummaged through his pockets and took out a velvet black box, then opened it to reveal a simple gold band, tiny diamonds embodied in it, the design simple yet perfect, the perfect ring for her.

She looked up at him, checking the seriousness in his voice and surely, no joke was being cracked. And at this she felt the urge to reply "Yes" and just let go of every fear she had and the rest of the world around them simply disappeared when she kissed him.

Yes because he had seen her dark side and he was still there.

Yes, because he made her feel safe.

Yes, because his eyes always filled with so many emotions when he looked straight into hers.

Yes, because he gave her a family.

Yes, just because.

Then, as Derek brought Meredith upstairs and laid her in bed, life was suddenly way more simple when the covers hid them from the world.

And just as quickly as they could say 'I love you', they were going to get married.

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><p><strong>AN: I managed a quicker update this time, uh? Exams aren't gonna slow me down ;) <strong>

**Seriously guys, I have stuff banked for a little, I think I can get through January quite safely. Keep the faith!**

**PS: Have you seen the last Grey's? :D**


	37. Can't You See What Our Love Has Done?

**In time of exams I update nonetheless! Which means I'm *dying* to study at the moment.**

**Anyway, the song is Windows In The Skies by U2. I'm not gonna ramble much about this, just enjoy it!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 37 – Can't You See What Our Love Has Done? <strong>

Meredith woke up with a smile on her face and a ring on her finger. Everything was so foreign and suddenly, so familiar. Because Derek's naked body was nestled beside hers and life was good. _Sort of_.

He stirred and his hold on her tightened imperceptibly, clear sign that he was awake too, then he rubbed her growing stomach before placing a delicate, fleeting kiss to the nape of her neck, making her shiver under the warm covers where they pretended all the problems in the world weren't really important after all and life was simple.

But there was a cold world outside, colder than the chilly air that hit her skin when she draped Derek's shirt on her body and went to the bathroom.

Derek was behind her in barely the time she had to pee and look at herself in the mirror.

"God, you look stunning" he said, admiring her clad in only her panties and his shirt, his gaze hungry once more despite the long night they had just spent in each other's arms.

She smiled, lowering her hand on her stomach and just staring back at him through the mirror, the same hunger mirrored in her gaze. But it was late already and they had to burst their bubble of newly engaged couple and go to work, like normal people do.

So Derek kissed her passionately one last time, to the brink of almost losing control, then pulled away and went to wake Eden, grinning mischievously.

Meredith dressed slowly, her mind fixated on the ring resting on her finger, the weight comforting, the feeling so beautifully new.

When Meredith made it downstairs, Eden was already having breakfast happily, sharing something with Derek. Her face lit up at the sight of Meredith and she smiled happily.

"Hi Mommy" she grinned happily and Meredith frowned at her morning cheerfulness

"Has Daddy fed you sugar already?"

"No! Daddy gave you the pretty ring!" she exclaimed

Meredith looked at her, torn between amusement and disbelief, then she just shook her head and gave in to her excited expression "He did"

"Can I see it?"

Meredith held out her hand and showed off the simple gold band with tiny diamonds embodied in it. Not big, not flashy, just like she had always dreamed of. Eden beamed at the sparkles and studied the ring carefully, then looked up with even a wider smile.

"It really looks like the ring for a princess" she said in awe. "Are you going to marry Daddy, then?"

Meredith nodded, unable to keep the smile off her face, glancing for a second at Derek and seeing him beam at her.

"When?" Eden asked, very cheerfully and suddenly the magnitude of everything that had been decided in a simple night of comfort dawned on Meredith.

All the people they had to tell, the things to plan, the place to choose, the dress, the documents...she was overwhelmed and suddenly scared.

Derek noticed immediately her expression morph into panic, her eyes searching frantically for an answer, so he cut in "We still have many things to decide before we can get married, Ladybug. There's a lot of stuff to plan" he remained vague and kept a small smile on his face.

That for Eden was enough, because she replied "Okay!" with the same glee. "I'll go grab my backpack!" she added, then stormed away upstairs.

Meredith looked up at Derek and unleashed all the fear in her eyes. He saw every bit of it.

"We don't have to get married right away. It's sudden, we're having a baby in a few months, we can wait. It's okay"

She looked at him pleadingly and he just pulled her up from her seat and into his arms, holding her tightly, trying to soothe all her raw emotions. She held onto him just as tightly, her hands grabbing his sweater as she buried her face into it, their hug becoming every day more awkward because of her growing stomach but the need for comfort bigger than any other bump between them.

"Shhh, it's okay Mer."

"It's not..." she began, choking on her own sob "I want to get married so badly, Derek. I'd marry you tomorrow" she sniffled "It's just..."

"Overwhelming?"

"Yeah" she sighed

"I know my timing wasn't perfect, but this doesn't mean we can't have our perfect wedding" he soothed her, his hand rubbing her back in circles as she relaxed in his arms.

"I have never thought about a wedding" she admitted in a whisper. "But I want to marry you before this baby is born" her voice gaining a little more strength "That's all I know"

"That's a start" he said with a smile, kissing the top of her head gently, keeping her in his secure arms. "We can go from there" he repeated, another sweet kiss dawning on her hair.

"Mommy, why are you crying?" Eden's upset voice made their private bubble burst and their hug to break apart.

Meredith managed a semi-sincere smile, wiping away her tears "I told you that Mommy sometimes cries for silly things because growing a baby in her belly makes her do that, didn't I?"

"Is this silly crying?" Eden mused

"Yeah, silly crying Ladybug"

"I thought you were sad because your Mommy got to go to Heaven and she can't come back" she stated simply and Meredith looked up to Derek in search of something. He gave her a look that meant something along the lines of 'I had no idea what to tell her' and he put his hand on the small of her back.

"It's a little bit of that too" Meredith replied sincerely and before she could add anything else, Eden flung herself to her and hugged her. Well, she mostly encircled her bump from the side, but it was the simple idea of her comforting that made Meredith pick her up in her arms and, despite the difficulty of the process and the need to sit down, she hugged the girl tightly. When they pulled apart, Meredith was crying again, but happy and stunned tears.

Eden wiped away every last drop and smiled at Meredith sweetly "Don't cry anymore Mommy"

"I won't, I promise" Meredith replied, suddenly realizing that maybe it wasn't the wedding only she was scared of, but a mixture of things that suddenly, with the affection Eden showed her, they just melt away.

Derek was staring stunned at his daughter and the love of his life -soon-to-be wife- bonding in a very unconventional and exceptional way and he was glad for everything that happened in his life.

Meredith smoothed down Eden's wild hair, then smiled genuinely, before letting the girl hop off her lap and stand up herself to grab a slice of toast and juice.

"Are you ready, Eden?" Derek asked, so commonly it seemed almost wrong to say something like that and break the connection the two had created. Eden nodded happily, picking up her backpack from the floor and trying -almost successfully- to wear it. Derek grabbed her jacket and hat, helped her wear them, then they peeked back in the kitchen where Meredith was sitting at the table, calmly finishing her breakfast.

"Bye Mommy!" Eden said happily and Meredith's smile widened

"Bye Eden!" she replied, just as happily, before Eden could run to her and place a sweet kiss on her cheek. Meredith tickled her and smooched her cheek too, before letting her run back to the foyer.

Derek moved closer to Meredith's chair, rested his hand on her cheek and bent down for a sweet, lingering kiss to her lips. She put her hand on his chest and kissed him back, her lips unable to wipe off the smile.

"I love you" she whispered, and it meant more than anything for him to hear her say that.

"I love you" he replied, his mildly serious face morphing into a silly one as he knelt in front of her and added "And you" before kissing her belly with a goofy grin on his face.

"Daddy, stop kissing Mommy and Baby or we're gonna be late!" Eden peeked from the door with her hands on her hips, making Meredith erupt into giggles.

Derek gave one last rub to the belly and one last kiss, before leaving for work.

"Be a good girl for the teachers, I love you!" Meredith called out to Eden, then heard the door click shut.

She sighed loudly, the sudden calm that had washed over her when Eden and Derek had comforted her slowly vanishing. She had had more days off since she began showing and for her dismay, this was one of those.

She had begun enjoying days off since she had moved in with Derek, Eden was usually around to keep her amused for a while, but she was in preschool and things where changing. She just 'couldn't miss preschool'. So Eden went to work with Derek and she was alone in the four acres of his land. Soon-to-be their land. Their as in married 'they'.

The choking feeling came back in full force and she avoided a panic attack only when Baby began moving inside of her, reminding her of scarier things than a wedding.

Like the fact that her mother was dead.

She breathed_ in, out_ for a brief minute, then her thoughts were collected and her mind set on the bigger things. She was a mother and she was engaged. Engaged to Derek, the love of her life, the father of her unborn child. She could put together a wedding for him.

She had to.

Her mother could wait to pop into her head and mess in there.

So while she cleaned up the remains of their breakfast and washed the dishes, she began thinking about the perfect wedding. _Her_ perfect wedding.

And in a few hours the picture was clear, the main ideas sketched on a sheet of paper, websites opened and as suddenly as she became engaged to Derek, she had her dream wedding.

Her stomach rumbled loudly and forced her to grab a snack around lunchtime, more than one snack in fact, but when Derek and Eden came back home she was still in the office, surrounded with papers and sketches, ideas and crumbles of food.

"Meredith?" Derek asked tentatively, while a very hyper Eden had already fled to her room.

She lifted up her gaze and met his concerned eyes with twinkling eyes, simply saying "I have a wedding" then she glowed with an exaggerated smile.

Derek just stared at her in awe, unable to say or do anything but stare at how beautiful she looked, how perfect she was and how he couldn't wait for her to be his wife and the mother of his children. And from the smile on her face, she couldn't wait either.

"So, this wedding..." he began with a light tone, amusing her, then coming closer to her and kissing her passionately.

"I have a ring too!" Eden danced in the room, startling them and making them break apart and look at each other with confused expressions. "Look Mommy!" she held out her hand, adorned with a candy bracelet and a plastic ring. Eden was beaming.

"Oh, wow. It's very...sparkly" Meredith giggled, unable to keep a straight face and Eden nodded happily.

"Tyler gave it to me" she said simply

"Oh, Taylor, how nice of her" Derek misunderstood "Did you play princesses with her?"

Eden frowned at Derek, almost angry "Tyler, Daddy. He's my boyfriend. We're getting married tomorrow." she said, her tone suddenly upset. "Mandy promised us, but today she has a fever so we have to wait tomorrow"

Meredith saw the color drain from Derek's face, even more so than when Eden asked for a backpacking tour of Europe. He was blindsided.

"What?" he was only able to utter, his voice barely above a whisper

"Tyler got me this. Is very pretty, right?"

Derek remained still like a mannequin, astonished, looking around like a deer caught in the headlights, so Meredith decided to save the situation.

"Very very pretty. I'm almost jealous" she tried to remain amused for the sake of Derek's sanity, but he seemed already on another planet entirely, one where it was Eden wearing a white dress and not Meredith, where said Tyler professed his love for her daughter and he was the one walking her down the aisle, their arms linked.

"He must love you lots" added Meredith for good measure, trying to divert Eden's attention and not let her see her father almost hyperventilate.

"Hm-hm" nodded Eden "He always gives me sweets and toys"

"Aw, those are the good guys. Do you mind picking up something to play then the two of us need to have a little talk about boys?" she said with a smile.

"Am I in trouble?" Eden whispered, her voice suddenly full of fear as 'talking' usually meant trouble.

"Not until Daddy is shell-shocked" Meredith giggled and watched Derek making his own mental film as they talked, his mind miles away. "Go, I'll find you in a little bit, okay?"

Eden nodded relieved, then left the room in a strange silence.

Meredith touched Derek's arm and he shook from the reverie, humming something intelligible.

"Derek?" she questioned, unsure if he was still in dreamland or actually standing in the same room as hers.

"What?" he said, almost breathless

"You are pale"

"I..." he sighed. "She's..."

"Faking a marriage. Their love is based on sweets and toys. She's five years old, didn't you have a girlfriend at five years old?"

He looked at her bewildered, then slowly his face morphed into a relaxed one and he sighed.

"I just...It's like when she talked about Europe, you know, just a hundred times worse" he chuckled nervously and she passed a hand through his hair.

"We have time before she'll get married" she reassured with a smile and for a second she let her mind wander to that day, knowing that she'd be around and for the first time, this thought of such a long-lasting relationship didn't left her in a heap of fear.

"Thank God. I want to marry you first!" he grinned and this time, all the color was back on his face and the smile genuine.

"You have to listen to all my plans then" Meredith smirked "I'll talk to Eden later to prevent you further heart attacks, okay?"

He just looked at her, then they burst out laughing, their life brighter of a notch.

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><p><strong>AN: Things have happened, I know. I'm not gonna skid over the Mommy Issues completely, don't worry.<strong>

**I hope you liked this chapter at least half as much as I liked the latest Grey's episode and it would mean the world to me.**

**Thank you to all the new and old people who are reading, you are what keeps me going!**


	38. I'm Insane To Complain,

**I know, it's been ages. I have a paper due tomorrow and I spent all my energy on that. Okay, most of it. Then me and my Beta had a few misunderstanding and...yeah, weeks passed. Apologies, again. **

**The title is from Loser by Beck. **

**Enjoy this and wish that February arrives soon!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 38 – I'm Insane To Complain About A Shotgun Wedding<strong>

Parents, they define your life. They put in this world and after a while they just say 'You're old enough to do it by yourself' and so you do it. And you fail. Miserably most of the time.

Death is unexpected. When you are a child, you never expect your Mommy and Daddy to die. Then one day your father disappears from your life and your mother sorts of does the same thing, so you think you'll be prepared when they will actually die.

_Fool_.

It always hits in your guts, no matter how much hatred and crap had build up between the two of you.

Meredith was avoiding all that.

She could have a degree in avoidance at this point, she felt she was a better avoider than a surgeon some days, which explains a lot. She was a little rusty in the best techniques after spending so much time with sane people, but it all came back quickly.

She focused on her engagement as an avoiding technique, which was the biggest oxymoron ever conceived by her mind. But she basked in the good feelings for once. That and all the attention Derek was constantly giving her.

When she went to work two days after her official engagement and the death of her mother, she was politely smiling, wearing proof of Derek's love on her ring finger proudly.

Everybody -and with that I mean even the janitors- were looking at her like she had grown three heads or she was carrying quintuplets, or both.

"Mer" Cristina's worried voice reached her ear, before being pulled aside in a broom's closet.

"Good morning to you too" Meredith replied sarcastically.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I'm getting married" Meredith said excited, making Cristina's eyes widen.

"What!"

"Derek proposed" she explained, showing her the ring.

"He has the timing of a tsunami, man..." Cristina snickered, studying the ring "At least he has good taste"

"He was just...it wasn't out of the blue, c'mon, we share a life already, I'm carrying a human being branded with his DNA, I was expecting this!" Meredith retorted, one hand pointing down at her expanding stomach.

"And?"

"I feel good about it"

"Seriously?" Cristina was still incredulous

"Seriously" Meredith echoed, smiling in the process.

"Do I have to worry?"

"Not yet"

"What about your mother? Not to plunge the scalpel in the flesh, but..." Cristina frowned.

"I'm coping. I'll cope" Meredith corrected herself

"You're avoiding"

"Ergo, I'm coping" Meredith smirked

Cristina smiled unconvinced "Whatever, Mer"

"Look, I love Derek. I love the life I have with him. I love Eden. I love our baby. We'll be okay" she sighed

"I know. It's just..."

"Quick?"

"No. Yes. Maybe?"

"We just made things official between us"

"Don't use it as an excuse to keep your life busy and your head away from your mother, Meredith. It will end badly. Remember Burke?" she almost flinched only mentioning the fact that he had left her at the altar.

"Derek is no Burke, Cristina" Meredith said, almost offended "I love him, he's not him"

"I'm not saying he's like him, I'm just saying that maybe you should deal with your mother before dealing with shiny rings"

"I'll deal with her when the time to deal will come" she said, clearly avoiding the subject and Cristina decided to drop the whole issue, knowing that she was going against a wall of avoidance in any way she poked her.

"Okay" Cristina sighed "Any good surgeries?"

"I think Derek has a brain tumor scheduled, but I don't want to get my hopes up"

"Heart transplant" Cristina smirked "I so win today"

"Yep. But I'll enjoy the tumor immensely. It's like a week that I'm not allowed in the OR. I'm being mommy-tracked already" she sighed "Stuck in the skills lab, for a week"

"Poor you" Cristina grinned, patting her stomach "You're definitely getting fatter"

"Oh, shut up you bitch!" Meredith hit her and Cristina faked an unconvincing "Ouch!"

"This is how you'll treat your children, Mer?" Cristina grinned

"Nope, this treatment is reserved for my person" Meredith snickered back, mirroring Cristina's expression.

Cristina then sobered up "Look, I'm happy for you and Shepherd. Well, for you, I still dislike the guy and his ego a little, but I'll try to get over it, okay?"

"Thank you" Meredith smiled and almost felt like hugging Cristina, before realizing how awkward that looked.

"Do you want to be my bridesmaid?" Meredith whispered then, right when Izzie and Lexie entered in the room.

"Are you getting married?" Izzie squealed and both Meredith and Cristina were sure that people in Spokane had heard her.

"I am" Meredith sighed, happily, but slightly annoyed that she had found out like this. "Derek proposed two nights ago" she added.

"Oh, that's wonderful!" Izzie's expression was neutral, though, her previous yelp more out of surprise than actual excitement.

"I was going to tell you today, Iz, you just didn't give me the time" Meredith smirked "Since both of you are here, I wanted to ask you to be my bridesmaids"

"Wait, both of us?" Lexie was staring at her wide-eyed.

"Yeah, you're my sister" she replied simply and Lexie almost flung into her arms for a hug, then she retreated herself.

"Thank you" she limited herself to say."Have you set a date?"

"December 22nd, it's before Christmas so Derek's family can fly here for the wedding and spend Christmas here. I couldn't fly over there, so we'll just cram the two things together."

"Oh, it's gonna be a hell of a week. Literally, Mer" Cristina snickered, chuckling and Meredith glared at her.

When she turned to Izzie for a bit of support though, her friend was frowning.

"Isn't all this a bit too..."

"Shotgun?" Meredith filled in for her, smiling, because she knew people were bound to talk about this.

"No, I didn't mean..."

"You do mean that. I'd marry Derek today at City Hall, but his mother is nice, I like his sisters, he wants to wait"

"It can't be a church wedding" Izzie half-stated, half-complained about it.

"It will be in a church, not a consecrated one though. We'll have a minister, a short ceremony and a buffet in our new house. That's all."

"You planned everything already?" Izzie looked as if she wanted to hit Meredith, somehow, disbelief etched all over her face.

"I had a day off yesterday"

"You planned everything in a day? A single day?"

Before Meredith could understand what was going on, Izzie had stormed off the room shocked, leaving Meredith stunned in the locker room.

"I'm in for the bridesmaid thing if you don't make me wear pink. Or pinkish" Cristina cut the awkward silence and Meredith was finally pulled out of her staring at an empty doorway.

"What about lavender?" Meredith whispered

"I think I can deal with lavender"

"Okay"

"Okay" echoed Meredith

"I think it's a beautiful color" Lexie told timidly "For a wedding".

"Thanks Lexie"

Before any more awkwardness could pass in the room, the shriek of Meredith's pager saved the situation, making her rush into surgery.

It wasn't until the end of her shift that she was able to talk to Izzie.

She practically tackled her in the hall and Izzie grunted annoyed when she was pulled in an empty on-call room. Cristina's technique proved to be effective once again.

"What's wrong with my wedding?" Meredith asked immediately, she didn't want to spend a lot of time going around the subject, since her feet ached and she just wanted to lie down and rest at home, possibly with Derek giving her a foot rub.

"Your mother just died and you spent a whole day planning your wedding!" Izzie recoiled, almost yelling in her face.

"What should I do? Cry all my tears?"

"At least plan her funeral, not your wedding. It's selfish!"

"She had her funeral planned since she was diagnosed with Alzheimer!" Meredith shouted back.

"Show some respect for her death, for God's sake!" Izzie shook her head disapprovingly.

"Look, I took care of my mother for two years before coming to Seattle and sometimes I even had to feed her. Feed the freaking world-class surgeon Ellis Grey. I had mourned her death since I was five years old!"

"Meredith..."

"You don't know what it was like to be left alone at six years old. 'cause my nanny was a cheap one and often got out to buy herself alcohol and get drunk while I pretended to sleep. Sometimes I waited up for my mother to come home and she never showed up before midnight. Never. I mourned her death a long time ago." Meredith replied forcefully, this time around though the hormones had nothing to do with her anger.

"I'm sorry"

"You don't know because I never told you, but when I arrived in Seattle and I put her in Roseridge, she wasn't herself anymore. She recognized me a dozen of times since she got here. Maybe twenty. I lost count after a while"

"I'm sorry"

"Do you think it's nice to hear how much you ruined your mother's chance at happiness by merely existing? How many surgeries she lost during the months she was pregnant of you and she had to got to maternity leave? She left me to the cures of my dad when I was two weeks old. At three she was already in the OR, by the time I was a month and a half she did thirty-six hours shifts."

"Mer..."

"I can't even...I'm in love with this life I have with Derek and I don't care if you think it's shotgun. If you despise this wedding so much, just stay out of it!"

Meredith finally breathed heavily after her rant, her cheeks flushed and her eyes blazing. Her chest was heaving and her breaths were still irregular, more pants than anything else and Izzie was almost scared. She had heard Meredith fight once or twice with Derek, but being the counterpart was far worse than hearing it from the comfort of her own bed.

"I'm sorry" Izzie said in a small voice and Meredith's anger started to dissipate "You're right. About everything. I just...jumped to conclusions"

"That's why I wanted to tell you at home, not like that" Meredith sighed, finally a little calmer after her freeing rant.

"I would love to be your bridesmaid" Izzie admitted

"Good." Meredith sighed "I hope you like lavender" she lightened up things and they both finally managed matching smiles.

"I think it's perfect. I'm happy for you and Derek, Mer"

"I know"

"And I'm sorry about your mother. Everything you said about her"

"It's okay. I'll cry about it someday" she admitted, then she left the tiny room after another smile and a meaningful look that meant more than anything, leaving Izzie stunned and a little unable to move.

"Oh" Meredith's face peeked from the door with a childish smile after a few seconds "You know, I really could use your help about a few things, I'm a terrible wedding planner" Meredith grinned and Izzie couldn't help but laugh, not caring if the whole building heard her.

"I guess I'll help you. That's my duty as your bridesmaid, right?"

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><p><strong>AN: At the end of the month this chapter will probably be replaced, since my Beta will fix what's wrong. So if you find weird things and typos, it's absolutely possible :D Point them out or not, but it will surely be helpful for me if you do. <strong>

**Anyway, I hope you liked this, even if it was on the short side. I'll try to update soonish!**


	39. The Funeral

**Exam session is over! Yay! Okay, one exam had been moved to the end of February because we're snowed in and our professor was busy until then. Hours on books totally wasted. To get my spirit up though, I'm updating. I also published another story, or better, a series of one-shots inspired by adjectived in alphabetical order. Check it out if you want!**

**Anyway, The Funeral is a song by Band of Horses. It's been a while since I mentioned them, I kinda missed it. **

**Here, we go, enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 39 – The Funeral<strong>

It was a gloomy day the morning of the funeral. Not that Seattle saw many sunny days in December, but it still set the mood.

Meredith had gone from planning her wedding to set up a funeral.

She wasn't surprised when her mother suggested in her will to be cremated, she had said that once, many years ago. Everything at this point belonged to her, even the legacy her mother left.

It was hard to keep up with her, but despite her strong personality and her tendency to alienate everybody from her life, there were enough people at her funeral.

Meredith had lived in a sort of haze since her mother had died in front of her, the idea of being engaged overcoming the sadness and the mixed feelings death always brought, but slowly, the effect faded and all the sadness that she had been able to somewhat tone out, burst out at the cemetery.

Out of the blue, Meredith began crying.

Most of the people attending the funeral were staring at the ground, listening carefully to the words of praise Richard was speaking of. Meredith had tried to write a speech, but gave up when she realized that she had nothing worth telling to all those people. She had brushed it off at first, but as soon as the tears were unleashed, it came back full force.

She didn't know her mother just like her mother didn't know her. They had shared a house like strangers, they had lived parallel lives and she couldn't come back from it.

Her mother was dead.

At first, the tears streamed slowly down her cheeks, creating a defined patter, her eyes fixated on the ground, but the more Richard talked, the less air arrived in her lungs. She reached down at her side and found Derek's strong hand already palm open, waiting for hers. She squeezed it tightly, holding on for dear life, until a sob escaped her lips and he just pulled her closer, encircling her body with his arm then turning her face inside his suit jacket, giving her all the privacy possible to cry all the tears she had kept inside her.

She had never liked crying, she felt that it wasn't useful, until Derek had wrapped his arms around her. Crying became cleansing when she was in his arms and at this point, she had to just cry out all the tears.

She did it silently, discretely, she had had enough displays of her personality around with nurses or other doctors, this time around she could control it and she would.

Having Derek there helped immensely.

He stood behind her, holding her in his arms, not showing any emotion but staring straight at the minister, his chin resting gently over her head as she hid in the crook of his neck, breathing in his cologne, waiting for all of this to just end.

He was there and in a second she realized that he'd be there for the rest of their lives. Finally she could emerge from his comforting hold.

Meredith looked around and noticed that all her friends were there, maybe simply to support her or to remember a great surgeon; the only one missing was Lexie who excused herself from the invitation, but offered to stay with Eden. They were standing further from the main group of people gathered around the burial ground, listening to what Richard had to say while they stood one next to the other.

Then, on their left, Thatcher emerged from the crowd.

It was strange to see him there. His eyes were trailed to the ground, his pose unsettled, as if he didn't feel like he had to be there but at the same time he wanted to, his hands linked together in front of him, mimicking a praying gesture. She had not invited him, but she guessed Lexie had told him the venue.

Meredith was glad to have a sister in those circumstances, a mediator between her new life and the old one, the one that disappeared when she was five years old and for long she thought lost, a life she knew she'll never get back but she wanted to try to give to her children.

When Thatcher looked up, the same shades of blue-green clashed together and Meredith couldn't keep away the questioning gaze with which she stared at him. Thatcher instead was met by two puffy eyes, still full of unshed tears, wet cheeks and tired features.

Meredith waited the end of the ceremony, still clinging desperately to Derek's comfort, then she excused herself, reluctantly leaving his side, and she went to greet Thatcher.

"Condolences" he said immediately, when she was close enough for a conversation.

"I'm glad you could come by" she said sincerely, managing a small smile.

"Lexie told me and I just..."

"Yeah" Meredith sighed, not really knowing what to tell him.

"I'm sorry, I..." he stammered, shuffling his feet to leave

Meredith stopped him putting her left hand on his forearm and managing another smile "It's okay"

Thatcher looked down at her hand, one of the very rare contacts they had in the last twenty-something years and he seemed taken aback at the sight of the ring.

"Derek and I are engaged" she said, understanding his sudden change of expression, the smile on her face brightening considerably at the clarification.

"Congratulations" Thatcher replied, unsure on how to react, his smile strange but not forced.

He saw Meredith search in the crowd for Derek and when their eyes locked together, both of them had reassuring grins on their faces and eyes full of love. It was the same way he had looked at Susan, the same way Ellis had looked at Richard every time they met in the hallways. He had seen the glimpses of love many times and he was glad Meredith could have it.

"We are getting married in three weeks. There's a small chapel on the other side of the woods behind our house, the ceremony will start at eleven."

"Oh" he said, a little blindsided by the offer._ Did she had just invited him?_

"Lexie can give you more directions, I'll send the invite by her" Meredith added with a sincere smile and he knew then that he was invited.

"Thank you" he replied just as sincerely, a small smile gracing his features. He might not be walking his first daughter down the aisle on her wedding day, but at least he would attend it and for him, it was like an early Christmas present.

"It won't be something big, just friends and family. Since it's two days before Christmas we'll have the reception at our house, so you can come there if the ceremony is too much"

Meredith rambled and for a moment he had a glimpse of her as a child, chatting his ears off every time she came home from the hospital with Ellis, telling him animatedly about her exciting day at the daycare and he wished he could have kept her so innocent for a long while more, instead of breaking her little five-year-old heart. And that little girl was now a woman, a mother and -soon- a wife, without his knowledge.

"I'll be there, Meredith" he promised, but this time, he knew he would keep it. He had let her down too many times already.

"Good" she said, fidgeting with her ring, surely just as unsure as he felt.

Their eyes locked and before either of them could say anything more, she was approached by an old colleague of Ellis and whisked away to a group of people Thatcher thought he recognized.

She blended in, that's all Thatcher could think of.

She was having snippets of conversation with everybody, politely accepting all the condolences and relieving her mother's happy memories she clearly was clueless of. But she didn't back away, she remained there, rubbing her stomach, looking gloriously pregnant between all that sadness.

Thatcher Grey was proud of how Meredith had turned out. Even without him.

Derek had noticed Meredith approaching Thatcher but as long as they didn't rip their heads off, he wanted to let her bond with him. She had told him that she wanted to give Eden and their child a proper family, so if for her it meant mending bridges, he was more than open to the option.

She was looking gorgeous in her plain black, long dress, her hand almost always placed on her stomach, rounder by the day, her tired features giving away a smile from time to time. Once in a while she stopped and just looked around for him, like she needed to know that he was still there to keep going and every time, her rewarded her with a smile, which she never failed to reciprocate.

He could see a little bit of residual redness behind that mask she was pulling up, the fragile woman she always hid far behind, the one he had seen just glimpses of and he couldn't help but fall even more in love with her.

_His fiancée_.

When he had announced his engagement to Mark, despite the hatred that had ran between them, he seemed genuinely happy for them. So happy that he was standing at the margins of the group, behind Meredith's friends, staring silently at the ceremony the whole time, then leaving as soon as it was over.

He knew Mark was that kind of guy, despite everything he had done to him, and he was glad he was trying to be his friend again. In all honesty, he missed having Mark around.

Derek had also called his mother the day before, to announce his engagement and the impending nuptials and he almost lost his hearing, even on speaker phone. Kathleen was there too so he had one less phone call to make. He called down to San Francisco and Los Angeles and both his sisters were equally excited to spend Christmas in Seattle, despite they went on for a while about the rain and probable lack of snow. He let them talk and talk and talk, a technique he had mastered when they were growing up, just humming loudly and nodding to himself as they spoke. It wasn't that he wasn't listening, he just never had anything to add.

When he called Nancy the waters had been a little stormier. She had scolded him a little for the bad timing, but then, she politely congratulated and promised to attend the ceremony, even though she'll be alone and she'll go back to New York right after, since it was her husband's family turn for Christmas and she didn't feel like canceling plans basically last minute.

Meredith had been next to him for most of the phone calls, except Nancy's and she even spent a good amount of time speaking with his mother, God knows about what, since she shuffled graciously to the kitchen with the phone glued to her ear and one hand on her stomach. He couldn't tell her yet, but she was slightly wobbling at home. She was gorgeous nonetheless, the more he looked at her.

He was pulled back to reality when someone bumped into him and the gloomy day fell upon his bright memories.

His eyes searched hers when he saw her moving closer to him, her features tired, her eyes still a little puffy but she managed a small smile. He could tell she was exhausted from all the small talks and the pretending to know awesome surgical stories.

Halfway to him, she was stopped by her friends, the ones who had stayed behind the whole time but never failed to show up. George was leading the group, next to Izzie, Cristina right behind them with an unsure look on her face, Alex next to her, even though his expression was unreadable.

They chatted and made Meredith smile, they patted her shoulder and gave half-hugs, then they let her go, both of them turning to Derek and greeting him with polite smiles. He was glad she had all those good friends in her life.

When she finally managed to stand in front of him, she took his hand softly and squeezed it gently, bringing out a small smile. She was looking great, despite the day she was trying to get through.

"I invited Thatcher to the wedding" she said simply

"That's good" he replied, surprisingly pleased that she got that far as in asking him.

"I was glad he was there today" she mumbled and he didn't know what to tell her. There weren't good words to add after funerals, so he kept his mouth shut and stared at her, holding her hand and making her feel his presence.

"Let's go home, Derek" she said in a whisper after a minute of quiet sharing of space.

"Yeah" he agreed, turning her around and leading her to the car, once again blown away by her strength and a little bit prouder of her than he was the day before.

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><p><strong>AN: Hopefully I'll be updating sooner this time! Thanks for all the love in the reviews, they're more than 300. Also thank you for the 70,000 and counting views and the alerts, it's humbling. Thank you! Even if there are less and less of you out there, I'm still grateful.<strong>


	40. Hang Your Holiday Rainbow Lights,

**This story is officially winding down.**

**I know, I am very sorry about the lack of frequent updates for this. Life has been busy and ideas haven't flown as much as I wanted them to. It's not an excuse, I know, but I kind of had a slightly minor writer's block for this. I wrote other things (see, Pizza House), I challenged myself (L Is For The Way You Look At Me) and I tried to fix other on-going projects. All mixed up with exams for university. It's not an excuse, it's just a reason.**

**This song is again from The National, Gospel. Old faithfuls, uh? I hope that by now you have listened to at least one of their songs ;)**

**I hope I can feel the love back for this story. Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 40 – Hang Your Holiday Rainbow Lights In The Garden<strong>

"So, what do you want for Christmas, Eden?" Meredith asked as they sat huddled together on the couch, under a woolly blanket.

"Uh...A doll. And Baby. Why we still need to wait for Baby to come? I wanted him to taste Nana's cookies" Eden sighed

"Because Baby is not big enough to come out yet. He will be here in two months" Meredith tried to explain, being in fact a little bit impatient for Baby's arrival herself as well.

It was two weeks before Christmas and her and Derek got the first day off together in what felt like months. They wanted to hang decorations and spend some time with Eden, finally together.

"But that's a long time..." Eden whined.

"I know Ladybug, but Nana is coming with the plane in a week and we're going to see her at the airport, aren't you excited?" Meredith tried to divert her attention

"I wanted her to see Baby"

"I'm sure she'll see Baby plenty of times when he or she'll be here"

"Um, okay" Eden said, very unconvinced.

Meredith squeezed Eden closer and smiled to her. "Baby is not a toy, remember?"

"Yep. Baby will be little and need lots of Mommy's attention, but this doesn't mean that you and Daddy don't love me anymore" she said in a singing tone, repeating the sentence she already knew by heart at this point.

"Come here and snuggle with me" Meredith said with a sincere smile, pulling Eden's body closer to hers and kissing the top of her head.

They heard a loud thump from outside then and Eden looked questioningly up to Meredith.

"Derek?" Meredith called out

"Everything's fine" his faint voice arrived from the deck "I'm all in one piece" he added.

Meredith and Eden shared a look of understanding, then they both sat up and went to the porch, where Derek was standing on a ladder, putting up the lights over their front door.

"Hey girls" he greeted with a smile as he saw them approaching. His cheeks were red from the cold, his hair spiking up in all directions because of the humid air, but the bright smile confirmed that he was alright, despite the unusual sound.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just dropped the lights as I hung them, nothing's broken" he smiled brightly. "What about Eden becomes Daddy's little helper?"

"Can I?" she said amazed, turning to Meredith who was glaring at Derek.

"Don't you dare let her climb over that thing" she said protectively, one hand on Eden's shoulder, the other pointing at the ladder and Derek chuckled.

"Can you go and grab me the box of tools in the garage Ladybug?"

Eden nodded happily and before he could finish the sentence, she was already invested in her mission.

"Are you sure you know how to hang those things? Because I don't want Eden to..." Meredith asked suspiciously

"Meredith" he interrupted before her mind could wander "I have hung lights for decades, since Dad died I think. I sent Eden to the garage because I know she loves to help and I don't want to bother you with it" he said softly

Meredith rolled her eyes, putting one hand on her hip "God, I hate when you treat me like I'm gonna break" she snapped, then went back inside.

He grimaced, cursing silently, then called out "Mer!"

"No, since I'm too slow to move, you hang your freaking lights and you decorate your stupid tree alone" she said as she slammed the door behind her back, practically on Derek's face.

Derek immediately climbed off the ladder and when he was able to find her, she was sitting on the couch, staring straight ahead as she rubbed her stomach and fought tears.

"Go away" she said softly, hurt dripping from her feeble tone

"Mer, I'm sorry"

"No, you're not. I'm a freaking beached whale, Derek" she sniffed, her glassy eyes meeting his, almost pleadingly.

He softly curled up his lips in a smile and moved closer to her "I just want to make things easier for you. You are growing my baby here" he said, placing a hand on her round stomach, rubbing the fabric of the plain long-sleeved t-shirt she was wearing, one of his probably. "It's the least I could do for you"

"I'm so tired already" she said, leaning into him and letting him soothe her "I don't even know if I'll fit in the wedding gown" she sighed

"It's gonna be worth every ache, I promise" he smiled, kissing the top of her head as she curled into his arms "And you'll fit in the dress, I'm sure. You'll look beautiful" he saved it "We have the whole day for us to relax after we finish decorating" he added "We have cookies to make" he smirked.

Meredith had asked him to try to bake a bunch of cookies before Christmas so she could make them with Eden and put them out for Santa on Christmas Eve.

"I'm sorry I snapped" she whispered, looking up at him and meeting only love in his eyes.

"It's okay" he smiled, kissing her briefly, finally bringing back a small smile on her face. "Let's go back or Eden won't find me"

As on cue, they heard "Daddy? Are you playing hide-and-seek?"

Derek chuckled "No, Eden, I just came inside for a glass of water with Mommy" he shouted back, then they both walked back on the porch.

"Oh, okay" said Eden when they reappeared, handing him the toolbox.

"So, can you grab me the hammer? I need to hang this properly" Derek said more to himself than for Eden to hear and when he turned to the girl, she was looking at him puzzled. "Oh, right, that black object with a wood handle?"

"This one?" Eden said, holding up a pair of big scissors

"Silly, those are scissors, next to them" Derek smiled

"This?" Eden held up a bottle-green screwdriver

"What color is that?" Derek asked playfully, leaning against the ladder.

"Uh, green?" Eden grinned sheepishly

"What color is the hammer?"

"Black...and woody!" Eden said, pensive, studying the toolbox, until she finally squealed in delight "This!" holding up the hammer.

"Yep." Derek smiled "This is a hammer. You'll probably never need to use this, but who knows" he said "The green one is a screwdriver"

"Oh, cool" Eden sighed, amazed "Why I can't use those things? I like to help you Daddy. I can climb the ladder!" she said convinced, but before she was even on the second step, Meredith had already removed her, struggling, but managing to pull her back on the deck.

"Why don't we let Daddy work?" she said sternly and Eden's gaze filled with disappointment.

"Okay" Eden said resigned, then went back inside

"You could have let her stay" Derek argued, beginning to work again

"I don't like the idea of you on a ladder either" she admitted, before she left, leaving Derek in the cold, hanging lights.

He was smiling brightly, heck, he felt like whistling as he worked. He was looking forward to decorating their house together and baking cookies during his day off and it didn't matter that Meredith was in a sort of weird mood-swinging phase, he was glad he could enjoy this entire day with her and Eden.

"Derek?" he heard Meredith call out for him, her voice slightly upset

"What is it?" he hollered, then he heard her mumble something in the other room "I can't hear you, Mer" he shouted again.

She appeared then at the front door, her hands on her hips, her eyes blazing "Why is there no flour? I told you I wanted to make cookies with you to try out the recipe and you forgot the flour. And the sugar."

"Crap" he shut his eyes, biting his lip.

"Crap my ass, Derek!" she retorted "You didn't want to make cookies with me because I'm a complete disaster in the kitchen. I know that, don't you think?"

"Mer, I forgot, I'm sorry, I was in a hurry last night when I picked up the groceries"

"We live in the freaking middle of nowhere and we don't even have a neighbor at a walking-without-jacket-and-boots-on distance to ask flour to!" she rose her voice

"Mer, I promise I hang this last string of lights then I'll go buy flour"

She glared at him, then slammed the door in his face once again, leaving him a little stunned and hanging tightly to the ladder, afraid that it could fall from the forceful slam. She might be seven months pregnant, but she was still fierce.

He swallowed thickly, in the hope that when he'd buy the flour he'd be forgiven, but then she reappeared after a few moments, this time with her coat on and her purse, car keys in her hand.

"I'll go by myself" she mumbled, slamming the door behind her back.

"Mer, it's fine..."

"No, it's late, just forget it, okay? Gimme some freaking space for once, Derek!" she yelled and Derek once again examined everything that he did wrong in the past hours to deserve that yelling. Apparently today Meredith and hormones weren't a good mix.

He watched Meredith stomp her way to her car, slamming the door forcefully and driving away quite angrily. Meredith could be so stubborn when she wanted to. He sighed poignantly, then resumed his work and a couple of minutes after, it was completed.

He called out for Eden to see the results and the girl smiled widely when she saw the twinkling lights on the whole wrap-around porch, despite it was still bright outside and she could barely see the twinkling.

"I love it Daddy!" she exclaimed "It's even better that Nana's house!"

Back in New York, at his mother's house, he used to decorate a few windows, nothing much, since the time he had was less and less, but this time, for his first Christmas with Meredith, in Seattle, with an over-excited five-year-older and a baby on the way, he just wanted to go overboard.

That, and the fact that he was sure Meredith never had something like this growing up. She never explicitly said it, but he could feel it, when she asked sometimes banal questions or when she marveled at the simpler things. And he had promised himself he'd give her everything.

"Does Mommy like the lights?" added Eden

"She hasn't seen them yet. She..." he sighed "Went to the store. We promised you cookies, but we forgot the flour"

"Oh, she'll love it when she comes back!"

"I'm sure she will" he grinned, contemplating a little more his work and folding the ladder.

"We wait for Mommy to put up lights on the tree or I can help you?"

As soon as the word "tree" was mentioned, Derek fell again from his cloud. He had forgot to pick up a tree this morning.

"Sh..nap!" he corrected himself before cursing in front of Eden "We don't have a tree today. We'll decorate it tomorrow"

"Oh" Eden didn't seem really convinced, though. "But we have lots of trees out there"

Eden pouted a little and came back inside. Derek looked around and actually, he was sure he could see firs between all the possible types of trees in the wood surrounding their house. And maybe he could decorate one, right?

"Eden, c'mon, chop chop, we're picking a tree!" he shouted happily, picking her jacket from the rack and waiting for his daughter to show up. Punctually, she arrived with a still perplexed frown on her face.

"Where?"

He grinned "We might put lights out there, what do you think?"

"A Christmas tree outside? And how can Santa put gifts under it? We can't leave the cookies and the milk..." she objected and she had a point. His idea was lame.

Derek tried to save it then "We'll make one inside and one outside. Inside we leave the cookies, outside we'll leave carrots for Rudolph and the other reindeer. How does that sound?"

"Daddy, but we need a tree for inside" she whined "Can't we move one inside?"

"Look, if we're really quick in picking a tree, we might" he said "The place where they sell trees is probably still open and it's close by. Let's go before Mommy comes back and gets upset because we're not here."

"Okay Daddy!" Eden said, wearing her jacket and hopping outside.

Literally opposite to his land, there was a florist, with a series of greenhouses and other plants that he grew himself. Luckily he was selling Christmas trees as well during this season and Derek walked there eagerly, holding Eden's hand loosely in his.

"How come we never take a walk with Mommy?" Eden asked, suddenly.

"She's pretty tired Ladybug, you know that. As soon as Baby will arrive we can think about that"

"I like walking with you, Daddy" she said simply, smiling as she fell into step with him, her littler feet needing a lot more steps than his to cover the same distance, her hand swinging with his.

They reached the shop quickly and he immediately showed them the remaining trees of his stock. There weren't many left, but they had to do.

"So Eden, which one do you like?" he asked, pointing at the mid-sized Christmas trees in display. He'd love a giant tree, but he didn't have the time to drag it home, set it up and it probably wouldn't even fit in the room. A mid-sized tree had to do.

"That one" she pointed at a rather good tree, one of the ones in the slight selection he had already made mentally. It had enough branches and it looked good at first sight.

"We'll take that one, then"

"Do you need it delivered?" the owner of the shop that had accompanied them asked

"Oh, we live over there, near the cliff, I'll drag it home" Derek shrugged it, gesturing to his land.

"It's kinda heavy. I'll give you a hand, I'm closing right now" the guy said and Derek noticed the particularly muscular biceps of the man and realized he could come in handy.

"Oh, thank you then" was his way to agree.

He payed the tree then he began fixing ropes around the tree to drag it as Eden stared fascinated at him.

The owner then joined them. He had a classical wood-chopper shirt, with bright red and green squares, comfortable khaki working pants and a baseball cap with the logo of his shop. He was wide, with a blondish beard and a friendly smile.

"So, I'm Jim. I live a little more uphill, I think our lands borders" the guy spoke.

"Oh, really? We're neighbors?" Derek chuckled

"Apparently"

"I'm Derek, by the way, and that girl hopping in front of us is my daughter, Eden"

"It's nice meeting you. How long have you been staying here?"

"We just built a house a few months ago"

"So you were the ones who made all that noise this summer" Jim laughed and Derek followed suit.

They began dragging the tree with a lot less effort that they expected and they were more than halfway there before they decided to stop and rest.

"So, you have family here, Jim?" Derek asked, catching his breath and stretching his back muscles.

"Wife and two boys. I've been living here for a while though, my grandfather bought the house" he smiled

"Wow, I think I've never come so uphill. I usually go down to the stream to fish, I never go up"

"You fish?" Jim, asked, quite surprised "You don't look like a guy that fish"

"That's because I barely have time anymore. I'm a surgeon"

"Fancy. Where?"

"Seattle Grace. My fiancée works there as well" Derek said, smiling. "And we have to bring this tree home before she comes back from the grocery store or she'll know the most painful way to kill me and make it look like an accident" Derek laughed and Jim followed suit.

"Daddy, are we there yet?" Eden interrupted, looking slightly impatient.

"Almost home, Ladybug. Don't wander too far!" he warned, noticing the sun setting and motioning to Jim to resume the dragging.

Minutes later they could see the house in front of them.

"Nice place, doc" Jim said pleased

"Was it worth all the hammering you had to suffer?" Derek grinned proudly

"Yeah, I guess" Jim smiled. "C'mon, I'll help you put the tree up. I can never get it straight"

"I always bribed my little sister with cookies to supervise the work, I know what you mean" Derek smiled as well as they dragged the tree inside the house.

He put the vase in the living room, in the corner between the window and the fireplace, then they holstered the tree up.

"Push it a little behind" Jim suggested "Okay, that's it"

Derek stepped back a few steps and together they admired the straight tree.

"Derek?" a small voice coming from the foyer interrupted them.

Meredith appeared at the threshold with her jacket still on and her eyes widened at the sight "What's that?" she exclaimed. "And who's he?"

"Meredith, this is Jim, he's our neighbor. He owns the store in front of our gate, the one that sells flowers, remember?"

"Hi" she said immediately realizing her false step, her cheeks suddenly heating

"And that, is our Christmas tree" Derek said with a bright smile, pointing at the tree and Meredith just kept staring at him, confused.

"I think I'm gonna go home to my boys, it's getting late" Jim announced awkwardly, cutting in their conversation "Next time you go fishing pop by the store and let me know" he addressed to Derek "Bye Derek, it was nice meeting you Meredith!"

Jim let the room and between them fell a more awkward silence as Meredith took off her jacket.

"You bought a tree" Meredith whispered and when their eyes met, Derek could see tiny tears ready to fall.

"Yeah. Eden wanted to wait for you to decorate it" he said simply and she just sat on the couch, staring at the naked tree and him alternatively.

"I never had a real tree" she admitted in a barely audible sentence

"Now you do" Derek said with a smile, sitting next to her and taking her hand in his.

"I'm sorry if I had been a little...moody" she confessed "It's just overwhelming. I never...Christmas and the wedding and the baby, everything is so new and so exciting I just...then with my Mom" she trailed off, a single tear falling reluctantly from her eyes, one that she wiped away before it could reach her chin.

"It's okay to feel overwhelmed"

"I ran to the grocery store. It's not okay" she groaned

"Well, maybe you could overlook that part, but the rest? Totally understandable"

She sighed, leaning against his shoulder and taking his hand in hers, only to place them on her stomach.

Derek grinned and kissed her lips lightly, turning to stare into her blue-green eyes, then ducked down to lift up her shirt and kiss her bare stomach.

When his lips replaced his hand though, he was finally rewarded, as he felt a kick back.

"Oh my God!" he exclaimed, almost startled.

"You felt that?" Meredith said, equally surprised, a slow smile building up on her lips as well.

"I did" Derek grinned like a fool

"Your baby is very active today" Meredith sighed happily and moved his hand to track the movements for a while, both smiling widely and enjoying the quiet moment together.

"I can't believe it" Derek whispered.

"Believe it"

It had been a while that she had tried to let him feel the baby moving, but he never could. Maybe this was just an early Christmas present.

Derek looked lovingly at Meredith, before stealing her lips for a heated kiss.

"What do you want to do? Decorations or cookies?" he completely changed the topic as he looked at Meredith's flushed cheeks and secret smile.

"Cookies, definitely cookies" she smirked "Call Eden, we'll continue this later" she smirked coyly, then she stood up and moved to the kitchen, leaving him there to contemplate what a wonderful Christmas he was going to have this year.

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><p><strong>AN: I don't think this story will have more than 5 or 6 chapters at this point. I have no idea if I'll be able to write as nicely as I had planned too, but they'll be delivered. Before springtime this story needs to be finished, not for me, but for you guys. You have been so patient with me and you deserve a little reward.<strong>

**Thank you for the anonymous reviewers that are always present and all the readers. You always make my day, all of you!**


	41. Guest Room

**I'm not happy about this chapter. It's all I can say. **

**You know, when you start a story and you have all those great ideas and so little time to write. Well, this is one of those times, when this chapter had to come out in a totally different way, but here it is. It's basically a filler, nothing less, nothing more.**

**I fell back on the old faithful The National for this, since from the title this chapter had been an issue. **

**I know the prospect is not exciting, but I hope you can appreciate this, next chapter will be surely better...**

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><p><strong>Chapter 41 – Guest Room<strong>

The airport was filled with all kinds of people when the little Shepherd family stood at the gate, waiting for their first member of the New York relatives to join them for the holidays. Eden this time had been kept under strict surveillance and forced to never leave Derek or Meredith's side, since Meredith was tired enough even without chasing the five-year-older around in the airport.

As soon as the spiky, white hair of her grandmother appeared in sight, Eden began bouncing on her spot and smiling excitedly, as much that Derek had to let go of her hand and let her run to his mother. Carolyn immediately bent down and, leaving her suitcase, she hugged the child tightly.

"Hey Eden, how's my favorite granddaughter doing?"

"Oh, I'm so happy you're here Nana, but you still can't meet Baby" Eden sighed, grabbing her grandmother's hand and walking back towards her parents.

Meredith let Derek greet Carolyn first and the two hugged tightly, then Derek took his mother's luggage and let her hug Meredith. It was a little awkward at first, considering that Meredith's stomach was starting to get in the way, but they managed a comfortable hug after a few tries and nervous giggles.

"How are you doing, guys?" Carolyn asked, grabbing Eden's hand again, then following Derek as they moved back to the car.

Derek glanced at Meredith and they shared a knowing smile. Things had been hectic. Preparing Christmas holidays and a wedding wasn't something they'd suggest to anyone, but so far, they were enjoying every single bit of it.

"We're excited" he summed up

"I bet you are. Is the Baby giving you a hard time?" Carolyn turned to Meredith with a soft smile, eying her bump and noticing the difference from the last time they had seen each other, a few weeks back.

"Not really. I mean, no more than usual" Meredith smiled, one of her hands going to rest protectively around her stomach, out of a perfected habit.

"I'm helping Mommy a lot!" Eden piped in, showing off a full-fledged smile that seemed almost fake, since she kept bouncing up and down until they reached the car.

"She is" Meredith confirmed softly and Derek smiled when her free hand went on top of Eden's head protectively.

"Me and Daddy teached Mommy how to make cookies for Santa!" she added.

"We did. But it's taught, Ladybug, not teached" Eden sighed at the fatherly reproach and he shook his head, amused.

"You know, I told you that for a year before you could finally learn it" Carolyn giggled and Meredith followed suit. "Some things never change"

"You didn't Mom" he frowned, clearly a little embarrassed, but Carolyn just smirked widely, exchanging a knowing glance with Meredith, who smiled as well.

"You're making fun of me already? You have been here what, two whole minutes?"

"Ten, Derek" Meredith corrected, then burst out laughing.

"Nana is funny" Eden shrugged it and at this point Meredith laughed so hard that a few people turned to look towards them.

"Oh, it's gonna be a long week..." Derek mused, sighing, then walking a little ahead alone, followed swiftly by Eden, who grabbed his hand and they just kept walking contentedly to the car while Meredith and Carolyn trailed a little behind.

"I'm sorry about your mother" Carolyn then blurted out, their smiles fading quickly "Derek told me what happened, last time he called"

"It's...She had been sick for a long time" Meredith sighed "But thank you"

"If you will ever need any kind of advice, don't hesitate to call. I already consider you part of our family, more now that you're about to marry Derek, so feel free to ask me any kind of question"

"I..." Meredith's throat was suddenly dry "Thank you"

Carolyn smiled, then linked arms with Meredith and they kept walking silently. As they reached the car, Derek was leaning against the closed door, his arms crossed in front of him, Eden mimicking him as they stared right ahead, waiting patiently. Both women, when they reached the car, burst out laughing.

"C'mon silly, take us home" Meredith intimated, making a move to sit in the back but being anticipated by Carolyn, who sat swiftly next to Eden and left her the front seat. Surely, Meredith didn't complain for the more space.

The car ride was animated by Eden's conversation with her grandmother, as she explained to the older woman all the new things about preschool and the fun stuff she liked to do in her free time.

Meredith half listened to the whole thing, amused and content, Carolyn's words still ringing in her ears loudly, covering everything up.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Derek whispered softly, when he noticed her pensive frown.

"Nothing" she brushed it off with a smile "I promise" she added, noticing he wasn't very convinced.

"Are you sure?" he pried

"I'm just thinking" she smiled more widely, squeezing his hand for comfort. At the following red light, Derek grabbed her hand once again and looking directly into her eyes, kissed it softly, barely brushing her skin with his lips. She replied to the kind gesture moving their still joined hands on top of her stomach, where their baby was kicking and letting him enjoy the moment. Derek's amazed smile every time he felt the baby still blew her away.

Carolyn looked proudly at her son and the adoring gaze passing between the two, relishing old memories of a long gone past. She was happy for Derek, because she had never seen him this happy and she knew he was marrying the right woman. He had looked for her, 'the one', for a long time, so long that he had almost tricked everybody in believing that Addison was in fact the one, but after Eden was born, the card-castle just came crumbling down and Carolyn had feared the worst for him. She was glad everything turned out for the best, all things considered.

The conversation slowly quieted down as Eden's energy faded and the girl fell asleep. The car remained mostly silent as they drove, not wanting to disturb Eden more than necessary.

"Okay, Mom, you are going to stay with us, but I can't fit all the sisters at home, so I booked hotel rooms nearby, do you think it's okay?" Derek asked when they were boarding the ferry, turning to make eye contact with his mother.

"I could have stayed in a hotel as well" Carolyn tried to complain, but she found it impossible to do anything more than retort.

"We have so many rooms at the new house and if it turns out the guest room is a bust, we're going to ask for refunds" Derek joked

"Am I a test subject?"

"Sort of" Derek grinned, looking at Meredith, who was smiling.

"I know those fifteen hours of labor were going to pay off" Carolyn smirked then giggled, while Meredith paled considerably.

"Fifteen?" she asked in a small, scared voice, one hand immediately moving to cradle her stomach.

Derek ping-ponged from her face to his mother's with the rear-view mirror, asking for a silent help "With the girls I had been in labor only for five or six hours. He was a stubborn one" Carolyn tried to reassure, but the only effect was to make Meredith turn towards Derek and almost glare at him.

"You'd better hope it's a girl" she almost growled.

Derek swallowed thickly and was glad when he had the distraction of moving the car on the ferry.

"Your sisters are coming on Friday, since neither of them could get off work before on such a short notice" Carolyn changed the subject immediately, interrupting the uncomfortable silence.

"Yeah, Kathleen told me" Derek replied, forcing a smile as he stopped the engine.

"Do you mind if I go and stretch my legs?" Meredith asked, getting out of the parked car even before receiving a reply.

Derek watched her go away and sighed, leaning back on his seat, rubbing his eyes with his forefinger and thumb then pinching his nose.

"I think I'm gonna go after her" Carolyn said, putting a hand on Derek's shoulder "You stay here and watch Eden sleep, we'll be right back" she smiled and he sighed again.

"Don't take it personally Mom"

"Neither do you"

Carolyn left Derek there and walked on the deck of the ferry. She spotted Meredith immediately, she was the only one out there in the chill, despite the shy sun peeking from the clouds. Her hair blew with the wind as she stared into the empty water, leaning against the railing.

"Hey" Carolyn approached her quietly "Derek told me it's beautiful out here so..."

"Yeah, it is. I dont think I'll ever get tired of it" Meredith admitted, her eyes still wandering on the scenery and avoiding Carolyn's, a layered worry and fear hiding there.

"I know fifteen hours seems like a hell of a long time" Carolyn smiled softly and Meredith's head snapped immediately towards her, a little shock etched on her face. "Every single minute will be worth all the pain. I promise you. No matter how scary it looks"

Meredith barely opened her mouth to reply, but Carolyn shut her with a swift gesture of her hand and the same soft smile.

"When I was pregnant with Kathleen, I worried all the time. I thought that the second time around, with Nancy, things would get better but they didn't. I was worried when I gave birth to Amy, because she came too quick. How crazy is that?"

Meredith bit her lip and this time it was her who couldn't give an answer.

"Derek will probably never get why you worry, but it's okay." Carolyn continued, leaning against the railing and standing next to Meredith.

Meredith straightened up, then, turning to face the older woman "Honestly, Carolyn, I have no idea what am I doing" Meredith admitted "No clue whatsoever" she sighed, covering her eyes with her hands, tears ready to come out at the following blink.

"You know, I had no idea what I should have done either. Nor I have it right now. You just try your best to make things work, day by day" Carolyn replied honestly, moving closer to Meredith and rubbing her shoulder "It's okay to worry but don't wallow in it, okay?"

"Why can't I just be excited and happy and show off my belly like all those mothers with normal lives do?" Meredith snapped, more angry with herself than with Carolyn.

"Because you are you and your life right now is pretty hectic as it is" Carolyn smiled "You'll have plenty of time to show off at the wedding"

"I'm gonna be hideous" Meredith whispered, trying to shrink in size and simply disappear instead of being scrutinized so lovingly by Carolyn.

"Because you are carrying a child? Nonsense"

"And I'm gonna be even bigger before the baby comes!" Meredith whined, her tears ready to spill again.

"I saw the photos of the dress you sent and believe me you look gorgeous. Nothing hideous in being pregnant."

"Don't you think I'm just being ridiculous?" Meredith asked, almost surprised, wiping away an invisible tear from her eye.

"No, I've asked myself the same questions five times"

Meredith looked away again, sighing loudly, then braced herself for a blew of wind a little stronger than the others, which made her wrap her arms around herself a bit tighter.

"Let's go back inside, I don't want you to catch a cold the week of your wedding" Carolyn smiled and lead Meredith back to the car.

"Thank you for being here" Meredith said, halfway there, locking gaze with the woman at her side.

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be"

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><p><strong>AN: It wasn't terrible, right? Tell me it wasn't...<strong>

**Thank you to the faithful reviewers and the new readers out there, you pop out like mushrooms, it's awesome :D**

**It's definite, 46 chapters. Plus epilogue, maybe. And sadly, no sequel. I had a hard time finishing this so... Anyhow, thank you for sticking with this! I will never thank all of you enough.**


	42. It's Like Rain, On Your Wedding Day

**This is one of the chapter you people have been waiting for a while. I know you did. I did. I couldn't wait to share this chapter with you. Even if it's weird written and it could have gone a lot better. It's short too, so apologies beforehand.**

**The title is from Ironic by Alanis Morissette (whose name I'm always scared to spell wrong. My apologies if I did, my intentions were good).**

**Well, here it is, enjoy its shortness!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 42 – It's Like Rain, On Your Wedding Day<strong>

Something old: the Shepherd's necklace. Passed from bride to bride who married in the Shepherds, she had to give it to the bride of their first son when the time came, or either to the first daughter, Eden. _Check_.

Something new: shoes. Picked in a rainy night with Izzie, Lexie and Cristina in a huge bridal shop, after finally finding the gown. _Check_.

Something borrowed: Carolyn's bracelet. All her daughters had worn it on their wedding day and Meredith felt like she was going to cry when Carolyn snapped it close gently on her wrist. She smartly blamed the hormones. _Check_.

Something blue: a post-it. In blue ink, from Cristina, hanging at the mirror before the ceremony, saying 'Don't run!'. _Check_.

The sixpence wasn't in her shoe, it was highly uncomfortable, but she didn't mind it in her bra, so there it stayed. The simple, no veil, no trail wedding gown fit her perfectly, despite the growing baby bump.

She had said simple and Derek respected it.

She wasn't afraid of a wedding, but she didn't want something huge either. They invited family and close friends, a small ceremony held under the massive firs of a small chapel opposite to the soon-to-be-their land. A buffet held inside their home completed the day. They had a Christmas eating bonanza to get to in two days, after all.

Meredith could already picture the five rows of seats by each side, the flowers on the altar, the strangely sunny morning clouding, as expected. There was still a little bit of snow on the ground outside and everything looked magic.

She put her jacket on, then smiled when Sarah and Amelia fixed her hair one last time.

Eden came in the room squealing delighted, just to stop abruptly at the sight of Meredith. Her mouth formed a surprised 'O', then she said "Mommy you look pretty!" making Meredith turn to her and smile brightly.

Eden was in a lavender dress matching the bridesmaids, the choice of color practically suggested by Derek, the long gown still looking great at this point of the day, even though they all knew she'll get messy as soon as she'll spot the food. Her hair was held together in a twist that left a few strands poking out, giving her a neat but messy aspect at the same time, the color of her dress bringing out the different shades of her hair. Kathleen was apparently a renowned hairdresser for the Shepherds weddings other than a well-known psychologist.

"You look very pretty too, Ladybug" Meredith smiled.

"Is my baby sibling behaving? Daddy told me to ask you if my baby sibling was behaving" she said innocently and Meredith knew Derek needed to know she was okay even if he was in the guest room and his sister threatened him to rip his head off if he saw Meredith's dress before the ceremony.

"Go report to Daddy that Baby is being very good and Mommy is very happy"

"I'm very happy too, Mommy" Eden said simply, before hopping out of the room, leaving Meredith with a sweet taste in her mouth and sudden tears in her eyes.

"Don't you dare cry, I spent an hour on that make-up!" warned Izzie and that made Meredith giggle slightly.

"Okay, we're ready, right?" Meredith sighed when Cristina zipped up her dress and she smoothed the non-existent wrinkles on the thick silk.

"Yeah" Cristina said, looking at Meredith through the mirror. "I'm proud of you" she said and Meredith smiled.

Lexie entered in the room, smiled at her sister then whispered "Derek is already standing there. You both look gorgeous, by the way" she said with a smile, then closed the door once again.

"Okay, let's get married" Meredith whispered more to herself than anyone else, opening the door to her future.

Derek stood in the middle of the slightly cold church, his hands in his pockets, while he waited for his bride. Meredith, his bride. He was still blown away by the fact that in a few moments she would become his wife.

Mark, George and Alex beside him were rubbing their hands together to generate heat and for a moment, he pondered if getting married in the cold in December had been a seriously bad idea.

He immediately changed his mind though when he saw Eden hopping towards him down the aisle, blowing flower petals on the ground, a wide smile on her face. Behind her Cristina, Lexie and Izzie appeared with bouquets in their hands and despite the forced smile, Cristina looked like a normal bridesmaid at this point. In the crowd, Derek saw Owen smiling brightly.

His head quickly turned back on the aisle though, when a very happy and very pregnant Meredith appeared.

She was perfect.

She walked slowly, one hand holding a bunch of lilies and lavender, the other placed on her stomach, connecting with their baby. Her dress brought out all the perfection of her pregnant body, her face lit up by a warm, wide smile.

Their eyes locked and the world around them disappeared, suddenly all he could see was Meredith, all she could think was getting to Derek. Nothing mattered anymore, not even the slight drizzle that came down the whitish sky when she entered the small chapel.

He smiled brightly and held out his hand, awaiting her soft, warm grip impatiently, then guiding her to stand next to him and in front of the minister.

"We are gathered here today to join in Matrimony Derek Shepherd and Meredith Grey" the minister said and the rest of the speech became a buzz of words when they simultaneously turned towards each other. They just kept staring at one another, the ceremony continuing without them actually noticing.

"The couple expressed their desire to recite personal vows" the minister said and they suddenly realized it was time to talk.

Derek cleared his throat, unable to say out loud a speech he had memorized but that seemed suddenly not right. So he improvised. "You changed my life Meredith Grey. I don't know if I can promise you that I'd die at one hundred and ten in your arms, but I'll try to do the hardest to make it happen. I don't know how my life would have turned out if Eden hadn't collided with you that morning, but I surely wouldn't be here with any other woman. I will love you forever and we'll get through everything life will throw at us, together. I love you. Always."

He held her hand softly, placing a simple, gold wedding band on her bare ring finger, her engagement ring securely hanging at her necklace like when she was in surgery, then he kissed her hand and rubbed a few circles on the top of it with his thumb, watching the emotions fill her face.

Meredith looked at him and fought her tears, but she couldn't hide a teeny tine one that escaped the corner of her eye but that she wiped too quickly to be noticed.

Finally, she found her voice to reply "Derek Shepherd, you and Eden came into my life and you changed it. You made it better, you made it brighter and somehow, even through all the difficult times we've been through, I know I could rely on you. You gave me the family I have never dreamed to have, you put me inside of a gown, you gave me the precious gift of being a mother of two wonderful creatures and I'll be forever grateful for that. I never thought I'd be this person, but here I am and I'll be here next to you, loving you for the rest of our lives. Always, even when I'll say that I hate you"

A round of subdued laughter shook the freezing crowd while she slipped the equally simple, matching band on his finger and their hands remained joint.

"By the power invested me by the State of Washington I declare you husband and wife" a poignant silence made the couple lock their eyes, their bodies already leaning closer, their lips joined even before the minister could say "You can now kiss the bride".

A round of cheers and applause filled the small church when they parted, until Eden suddenly jogged away from her seat to tug at Derek's tux "Daddy, you really married Mommy now?"

Derek bent down with a huge smile on his face and sighed, looking up to meet Meredith's eyes and see the happy tears there "Yes I did"

"Can we have food now? I'm hungry."

Derek and Meredith began laughing like half of the church, then Derek picked up Eden in his arms, holding Meredith's hand with the other while they went out of the church together.

Eden immediately scrambled out of Derek's arms and ran in the cold mist, shouting "Daddy it's snowing!" and making all the other kids join her in the yard while Meredith leaned her weight against Derek and he simply put an arm around her waist, his hand resting on top on her baby bump, while he kissed her temple, their rings shining brightly in the different light.

They were married, it was snowing and they felt like the rest of their lives had just begun.

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><p><strong>AN: I don't know if I'll need to delay updates even further, but I'll try to pull through, since there's only a single chapter that I need to write -maybe the eventual epilogue, but I'm doubting its existence right now- and well, the end is near, my friends. I think I can call you friends. Acquaintances at least, after 42 chapters, right?<strong>

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this. If it was bad, just say so. You'll need to bear with me for only four or five chapters more ;)**

**Thank you for reading until here. It's greatly appreciated that somebody actually reads my rambling :D**


	43. Time Doesn't Really Exist

**Song title by Kate Havnevik, Unlike Me.**

**This one was supposed a first part for a holiday stretch of multiple chapters. I just lost my ideas on the way and maybe March rolling over didn't help, uh? It was supposed to be up way earlier than this, but life just follows its own rhythm and now you get a holidays episode!**

**I hope you won't mind that I crammed a little the holidays in a single, family-centered chapter. Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 43 – Time Doesn't Really Exist<strong>

Meredith had been skeptic when Derek had suggested to host the reception for their wedding at their new house. Very skeptic. But when they were actually sitting in their living room, chatting animatedly with her friends while outside it snowed lightly, she couldn't have wished for anything better.

It was cozy, familiar and relaxing and it went along perfectly with her already lingering tiredness. People swarmed in and out of the room, congratulating and giving away advices, but after a while, Meredith just plastered a smile on her face and tuned out all of them.

She had never been a fan of parties, but she knew she had to host this. So as soon as Kathleen popped in the room and asked "Please, tell me you have a minute to show off this wonderful house" Meredith jumped on her feet and followed her.

"So" Meredith trailed off happily

"I just wanted to rescue you from all the people in there" Kathleen smiled gently "I remember how it was at my wedding and it wasn't pretty. Combining it with pregnancy, I know how exhausted you must feel"

"I..." Meredith blushed "I do" she whispered, a feeling of warmth spreading into her heart.

Kathleen was the eldest of Derek's sisters and she had been some sort of mother figure for all the siblings. She was wise, she knew how to handle issues and she was a psychiatrist.

Meredith had liked her right away and this little rescuing gesture almost prompted her for a hug.

The reception proceeded well, until the house was empty at midnight, just the bride and groom left in the building. Eden was spending the night at the hotel with one of Derek's sister and they could spend the whole night alone, without worrying of being too loud or waking up in the middle of the night and going around half naked, luxury that they had never had before. They enjoyed the quiet until it lasted, relishing their closeness and the new-found happiness.

The rest of the holidays though, didn't become hectic as both Meredith and Derek expected. Maybe it was the absence of Nancy, the sister that had bonded less with Meredith, or maybe it was the fact that the snow had kept the kids entertained for most of the time.

Christmas was celebrated traditionally, even if it wasn't usual to celebrate it at Derek's instead of Carolyn's house.

The decorations had been greatly appreciated anyway.

Because of the short holiday time all the sisters and husbands could sum up, they decided to have a big dinner together and skip Christmas lunch, since Amelia and Sarah had planes to catch. Kathleen was able to stretch her visit until Boxing Day, even though her oldest children went back to New York with her husband to spend the rest of the holidays with their friends.

Christmas dinner was full of laughter and, despite the initial awkwardness, Meredith had opened up to the Shepherds right after the wedding reception.

Sometimes, when her gaze met Derek's, in a random moment of the day, she immediately felt the weight of his ring on her finger. It was a welcomed weight, though and surely lighter than the baby she was carrying.

On Christmas Day, after all the eating, the laughter and the giggling of the children, the house was strangely quiet.

Eden was napping upstairs, tired from all the games and the rush of the latest days, while Kathleen youngest children, Brian and Teresa, were in the family room, clutching their most beloved gifts: books.

Meredith sat on the couch, her legs up, her eyes closed, her hands rubbing her stomach gently as the child within her turned and rolled. She seemed almost asleep, but her eyes flickered open when she noticed both Kathleen and Carolyn tiptoe around her to put away the rarely used set of dishes that she brought from her mother's house, probably the ones who belonged to a grandmother or some other ancestor.

"We're sorry" Kathleen smiled politely when the clatter of the dishes was over.

"Oh, I wasn't sleeping, just...enjoying the quiet" Meredith barely smiled. "You can sit too, you know, Derek will be overjoyed to put away the rest of the stuff" she smirked.

"Oh, you keep my baby brother wrapped around your little finger, uh?" Kathleen said, but she sat on the couch anyway.

"Should I put the kettle on?" Carolyn asked, before joining them.

"Oh yes" Meredith almost moaned "Please" she added, with a smirk. "I just miss coffee so much" she sighed, her hand still rubbing tiny circles on her protruding stomach.

"How can you survive in a hospital without coffee?" Kathleen joked as Carolyn disappeared in the kitchen.

"Chocolate." admitted Meredith "Well any kind of sugar can do, but chocolate..."

"Big craving?"

"Actually no, I have always loved chocolate. The only craves I can admit are Chinese and muesli. And that's your brother's fault." Meredith giggled.

"He was a big bike rider before his motorcycle accident. He needed to keep his body fit, so he was the health nut of the family"

"He still is. At first, when he lived with me and my roommates, he was the only one who bought fruit when he went grocery shopping" Meredith remembered with a smile. "I had no idea he did bike rides, though"

"He never bragged about it?"

"Actually, no. I never asked either, though."

"The fishing had you fooled uh?"

"A little"

Meredith and Kathleen were laughing when Carolyn came back with three steaming mugs of green tea.

"One spoon of honey for you, Meredith. Two sugars for you Kath" she said, handing out the mugs. Meredith stared for a moment at Carolyn bewildered that she remembered how she took her tea. "Derek was in the kitchen for a glass of water, he suggested the jasmine scented with one spoon honey"

"Oh" Meredith's features softened as she hugged her mug, the warmth spreading through the ceramic.

"Is he always like that?" Kathleen asked, a smile on her face.

"A little hovering? Yeah." Meredith giggled "In a good way, though."

"Maybe having all those sisters finally had a purpose" Carolyn giggled

"I don't want to imagine what he will do if this little one is a girl" Meredith smiled brightly, the mere thought just warming her heart. She would be the most spoiled baby in the entire world together with her sister.

"You don't know yet?"

"We wanted to be surprised. And it's hard, since we're doctors" she grinned. "My OB had called them super secret ultrasounds"

"You look good, Meredith" Kathleen said, sipping her tea.

"I look like a beached whale, but it's for the greater good"

"Is that what my brother keeps telling you?" Kathleen's eyes widened with a smile

"No, that's my personal motto"

All three of them laughed.

In a blur, Eden was running towards Meredith, clutching something in her hands.

"Mommy, look!" she said excited, standing right in front of Meredith as she spread a sheet of paper wide.

"Oh, that's beautiful, show that to your Nana and Aunt Kathleen"

"Look, that's me" she said, pointing at the little figure, standing between to taller ones "That's Daddy, 'cause he has black hair, that's Mommy 'cause she's prettier and there's my baby sibling in her tummy" she explained carefully.

"That's very pretty" both women nodded

"Have you shown it to Daddy?" Meredith asked and Eden shook her head "Go, he's in his office. Knock before you go in, okay?"

"Yes Mommy"

Eden disappeared in a blur again, just like she had arrived.

"Derek is working on Christmas Day?" Carolyn frowned.

"Oh, the resident on call had a question on one of his post-ops, then you know, drunk people all over the place, many concussions and lighter traumas like those and everybody wants his opinion. I'm glad I can play my pregnant card for this year"

"Oh I see." Carolyn relaxed.

"I was usually at work on Christmas, I think the nurses miss me because a few had paged me to give me the best wishes. Debbie even sent us a little basket" Meredith shook her head, still marveled at how quickly the nurses had opened up to Derek and how much they liked them as a couple.

"That's very nice."

"Yeah, surprisingly so" Meredith sighed "And I'm glad Eden enjoyed the chocolate in there"

"I bet she did" Kathleen smiled knowingly. "They are awesome until they start going to school"

"Yeah?" Meredith asked, her voice wavering a little.

"Yes. I mean, there are so many wonderful things they do, but they also want their independence, their space and things just get messier. More exciting maybe, but messier."

"I have to agree" Carolyn intervened "But if she's anything like Derek, you won't have any problem"

"How was he as a kid?" Meredith felt the need to ask

"Quiet, except when Mark was around. Boyish, a little nerd, brilliant. He always won all the arguments he had with Nancy, despite she's older than him by four years. Oh and very protective"

"I think he's just about the same man" Meredith nodded at Carolyn's words.

"You know Meredith, we know so little about Seattle Derek. When I saw him three days ago I hardly recognized him" Kathleen admitted

"Is that bad?"

"No, just different" she smiled "And it's not because he has longer hair"

"Oh, he cut it for the wedding" Meredith shrugged off

"You mean they were longer? Like in eight grade?" Kathleen's eyes widened

"No, he didn't have an afro, Kath" Carolyn giggled "He was very...Russel Crowe"

"Oh" Kathleen sighed appreciatively. "He charmed you with the hair, uh?" she turned to Meredith then.

"A little" Meredith blushed, giggling nervously.

When the three of them had finished their tea and put the mugs on the coffee table, Kathleen offered to do the washing and Meredith couldn't say no, since Kathleen was already in the kitchen even before she could stand.

"Are you sure you don't want us to take Eden and take a few days to be just you and Derek? A honey-slash-baby moon sort of vacation." Carolyn asked

"No, really. I don't need all the traditions, I just..." Meredith trailed off, trying to prevent a full blown ramble. "The only thing that matters to me is that we are married now and our baby will be born in a very happy family. We can have our honeymoon when the kids will be older or something. Being Derek's wife is enough to blow my mind already" Meredith admitted, blushing a little.

"You know, I never expected you to be the kind of person you are. You pleasantly surprised me when I met you"

"What?" Meredith's mouth opened in a little shock.

"When Derek told me you are a surgeon, I was skeptic, since all the good surgeons I know had to make sacrifices to have families. Then there was Eden with Derek and I thought it was because of her that you were holding back..."

"It was because of her. But not because I didn't want her around, I just wanted to protect her. She needed a stable environment and I...it would have devastated her if I broke up with Derek"

"I know. What you did for my granddaughter was honorable." Carolyn said sincerely, emotions displayed clearly on her face.

"Thank you Carolyn" Meredith said, her voice almost breaking.

A poignant silence settled, underlining the understanding between the two women, until Carolyn broke it.

"I think I'm going to spend a little more time with the three of you. Well, three and a half" Carolyn smirked.

"Yeah?"

"I can stay here until New Year's if you want"

"I bet Derek and Eden will be over the moon to know that"

"I want to know you a little better, Meredith"

"I...Okay" she swallowed thickly, still a little scared by the older woman. "I would be honored if you decide to stay for me"

"I just miss having you all close on the East Coast, you know." Carolyn smiled sadly. "I can't wait to be back here every time I board the plane"

"Oh, you'll be here around the first week of February, I think. If Baby will be on time" Meredith smiled softly.

"Valentine's Day baby?"

"I hope not, I'm due on the fourth"

"I had Kathleen two whole weeks after the planned due date, but I guess they weren't as exact as they are now"

"I don't want the baby to be early, but at this point, I can't wait to hold him or her in my arms"

"I know what you mean" Carolyn smiled warmly."It's gonna be mind-blowing" she assured and with that their conversation was concluded, as Kathleen waltzed back in the room, a bright smile on her face, resuming their mindless chat.

"So...I still can't believe how mushy my brother can be when he talks about you!"

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><p><strong>AN: Okay,you caught the Russel Crowe reference? I hope you did. It was on the show, so I have to credit the writers there. <strong>

**Well, only three chapters to go after this. I have to admit, I still can't believe it. ****Thank you for all the reviews and the alerts and welcome to all the new readers who keeps popping out of nowhere even when we're reaching the end. I can't believe how many of you are out there reading. I might have lost a few on the way, but I'm happy most of you stuck here.**

**I hope you enjoyed!**


	44. And I'm Getting Tired,I'm Forgetting Why

**Only two to go!**

**It's sad, really, not something I'm overjoyed to announce, but I believe this journey has come to an end. It's not that there aren't possible storylines to explore, I just don't have the right ideas to do so. I'm gonna miss Eden dearly though and I know for sure that someday I'll just wake up and say: oh, that could have been an awesome storyline for LADW. *sighs***

**Okay, the song is from the overused The Nationals, Apartment Story. [Which is an awesome song thay all of you should listen to while being at home. Just listen to this band already ;)]**

**Oh and enjoy the chapter!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 44 – And I'm Getting Tired, I'm Forgetting Why<strong>

Today is the day.

Many thoughts were running through Meredith's mind that morning, but the most prominent was that during this day she would probably give birth to her baby.

Yes, she was stuck at home, but it didn't matter, because soon she will have to take care of a little human and she couldn't help but be excited at the prospect. Hers and Derek's tiny human, nonetheless.

"Mommy, today is the day baby comes!" Eden said excited when she stepped in the kitchen, Derek on tow. Meredith smiled, sighing and nodding.

"Yes, probably today you will see Baby"

"I can't wait Mommy!" she hopped on her chair, bouncing with happiness, literally.

"How are you doing?" Derek's soft voice reached her ear, before he could place a fleeting kiss on top of her head.

"Um, okay I guess. I'm not feeling any different than I did eight hours ago"

"Will you be okay if I leave for work?"

"Yeah, I mean, I can page you, right?" she said timidly

"Of course. I'm on a shorter shift today, just in case. I'll be home in the afternoon, just on-call, then I'll figure out my schedule as we go"

"Good" she said, soothing the latest shift.

In the latest appointment they had seen that the baby was already in position so right then it was just a matter of time. They were waiting patiently, but being honest, Meredith had enough of it already.

She had loved being pregnant, but she wanted to have her body back. Housing another human being had proved to be hard, even if it had been a smooth sailing. She couldn't even imagine what other women had needed to go through when complications arose. She was glad to have had such luck.

"What happens if I'm at preschool and Baby comes?" Eden asked immediately, worried that she could miss such a milestone for the Shepherd family.

"Look, when you can meet him or her Daddy will come and pick you up, okay?"

"You promise, Mommy?"

"I promise"

Meredith sighed and leaned her head against Derek's stomach, who stood behind her and massaged her shoulders, his fingers working magic on her tired muscles.

"Mmm, right there, thank you" she moaned, closing her eyes and enjoying the brief moment of relaxation.

"You know," he whispered in her ear, ducking down lo let his breath fan her cheek "My OB/GYN sister suggested that s-e-x is one of the best techniques to induce labor" Meredith couldn't help but smile, feeling his smirk on her skin. "And I'm definitely gonna use that option if you keep moaning like that"

She sighed, turning to place a soft kiss on his lips, then smiled softly "I'm sorry we haven't really...honeymooned, but..."

"Mer," he smiled "We will have our honeymoon dance whenever you feel like to. We'll just take a weekend just the two of us, we'll find someone to watch the kids and we'll honeymoon how long we want"

"That's...a reasonable offer" she smiled, kissing him again.

His pager beeped early and he groaned in disappointment "I'll be out of there as soon as I can, I promise"

Meredith let him go, and watched him and Eden walk outside, both with a skip in their step as she slowly made her way to the couch.

She felt like she was vegetating on that thing, but she had no idea what to do either, as big as she felt. She also got tired in climbing the stairs so even a walk was out of question, even though she knew walking helped labor.

They had gone through everything that could help labor that their books dictated and he had even called his sister, apparently, but she still felt no signs of an impending labor. She knew that only a few babies were born on the due date, but she couldn't help but wish that theirs was one of those.

When she had realized that the morning programs on TV were crap, she decided to focus on books, especially light, romantic stories, since her brain seemed to have turned to much like the rest of her body. She didn't even feel a tug towards the medical magazines stacked on the coffee table and that scared her.

Afraid of turning into a couch potato soon before being a mother, she forced herself to take a walk. They had such a beautiful land and despite the cold, spending the day in front of the TV seemed wasted since it was a rare sunny morning. It was bound to turn to rain, but she wanted to enjoy it until it lasted.

She slowly turned around her house and went back to the clearing where the trailer still was, then she sat for a moment on one of the old lawn chairs, feeling relaxed and incredibly tired all the same.

Around eleven she was sure her labor had begun, but instead she had just mistaken it with a slightly stronger kick and Braxton-Hicks.

Exhausted, she made her way back to the main house, where she set up the table, in the hope that Derek would bring takeout. And he luckily did.

They ate alone, just the two of them, since Eden had a long day at preschool, and they enjoyed each other's company.

"So..." he began

"Nothing new. I'm sorry" she sighed, leaning heavily against the chair

"Should we do something about it?" he smirked suggestively and she couldn't help but follow him in the bedroom.

It seemed impossible at first, but after a few adjustments and tries, they found a perfect rhythm and for a moment she forgot even that she was pregnant and labor wasn't picking up, because the way Derek made her feel, turned everything in a blur of feelings, nothing more.

"Thank you, I really needed that" she said a little breathless as she lied with her head on his shoulder, toying with the hair on his bare chest, tracing the faint scars of the shooting that had brought them together.

"It's okay if Baby won't come today" he tried to soother her even further, his fingers tracing her bare spine, then moving to rest on her stomach "I know it's hard and you want him out of you, but maybe she just needs a little more time"

"Yeah. It's just...It's time and..." she hesitated

"I really want to meet our baby too, Mer" he grinned, kissing the top of her head.

They relished the quiet and after a while, he noticed that Meredith had fallen asleep. He covered her, then re-dressed and went back downstairs to wait for Eden's school bus. He was still blown away by the fact that they could bring her even up here.

"Daddy!" she came out squealing, her backpack jumping on her shoulders "Is Baby here yet?"

"No, Ladybug. Mommy is up sleeping so don't squeal, okay?"

"Hm-hm" she nodded but her lips curled down and she pouted "I really want to see my baby sibling, Daddy"

"I know, we just need to wait a little more time"

He noticed that their mailbox was full so he retrieved a bunch of journals and letters, probably bills, but he didn't get the chance to sort them out because Eden pulled him in the play room for a tea party.

When Meredith sleepily arrived downstairs it was almost dinnertime and he was already setting up the table and cooking for her.

She smiled softly, rubbing her eyes, then yawned. "You burned all my energy for the day" she pouted.

"It's okay to sleep, we won't get much when the little one will be here"

"I know. I feel like an old lady" she pouted "I walked to the trailer and it felt like going up Mount Everest!"

"It is a little uphill in some parts" he grinned, turning to her with twinkling eyes.

"Stop mocking, it's your fault" she pouted again, leaning heavily against the doorframe.

"You are the most beautiful old lady I could be married to" his McDreamy grin though dissolved all the anger she had towards him.

"Corny" she shook her head, then she noticed a stack of mail on the small table at the entrance. "Is that today's mail?"

"Uh yes, I didn't get the chance to sort through it"

Meredith put the medical journals on the coffee table, then left the bills where Derek had put the mail before, hoping that they won't forget to pay them.

Strangely, there was a letter addressed to her. Well, the new her, Meredith Shepherd. She traced the lettering with her fingers, then sat down to open it, helping herself to the knife Derek had put on the table for dinner.

When she read the sender, she already had tears in her eyes.

She sat down, really wishing for all her hormones to just dissolve into thin air, but she wasn't so lucky, after all.

"Mer" she heard, big tears already flooding down her cheeks

"I'm...It's...My Mom," she was barely able to utter, before sobbing loudly.

At that, Derek crouched in front of her, his hand on her knees, her growing stomach between them as he looked up to meet her hands, hiding her face.

"What is it?"

"It's the annual thank you letter for the yearly donation to the Alzheimer foundation I make with my mother's money and..."

"Meredith" he barely breathed out, standing up to move behind her and encircle her shoulders in his arms, let her rest her head on his chest as she cried "It's a good thing"

"I know!" she spat, frustrated "I have all this hormones and this baby won't come out and..."

"Oh Mer" he smiled, kissing the top of her head as she slowly stood up and buried herself in his chest, the awkward hug between them something they were used to at this point.

"I'm just so tired of everything, Derek" she sniffed "I want to move forward, but I'm just stuck, with memories of my mother and a stubborn baby"

"Well, you are everything but stuck Meredith. You are a mother and last time your mother saw you you weren't one. We might have a stubborn baby, but he will be here soon. Or her" he corrected, before she could. He knew she had her suspicions like he did, but they had kept correcting each other and he knew that right then it wasn't the time to slip on such a trivial detail.

"It has been a long day" she sighed, then pulled away "And I have had enough, alright?" she addressed her stomach, poking it with her index finger "Yeah, roll happily, but just come out, okay? Soon preferably" she sighed, then looked up at Derek and smiled at him.

"Are you good?" he inquired

"Yeah. Thank you"

"That's what I'm here for. Forever"

"Forever" she echoed, before losing herself in his embrace for a little more.

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><p><strong>AN: Soooo, the pool for boygirl is still open for you to guess. I have my idea, but I'm curious to hear yours.**

**Anyway, this one was a bit of a filler, but I hope you didn't mind. I just twisted up things a little from my usual and it was good. It was also a rushed chapter, it took me way less than the other chapters to pass from a series of bulletpoints to actual words to the editing/beta, so I hope it was not horrible, for my Beta (my wonderful Beta that I haven't thanked in a while), sparkxx, it was flawless ;)**

**I hope you enjoyed!**


	45. So Worry Not, All Things Are Well

**Hi there!**

**I believe you're gonna love this chapter. So I'll cut the chit-chat short and I'll go straight to the point. **

**Song by The National, Apartment Story. I used that recently, right?**

**Well, anyways, enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 45 – So Worry Not, All Things Are Well<strong>

Derek finally arrived at home after all the worries of his long day. He couldn't bear to know that Meredith was probably at home alone and could go into labor anytime at this point. He wanted to be there for her every step of the way.

He stopped dead in his tracks at the threshold of the family room when he heard a low music from the hi-fi and a soft voice backing up the vocals.

_Little shadow_

_To the night will you follow me_

She sang softly along with the relaxing music and Derek couldn't help but watch her mesmerized while she rubbed her swollen stomach gently with one hand and with the other she held flush an already sleeping Eden as they laid on the couch.

He felt like he was intruding in a mother-children bonding moment when he stepped in the living room and he stared at her on the couch, her eyelids closed while she sang. She had a beautiful voice, soft and melodic and surely nobody had ever sung to Eden before, probably not even his mother.

The song faded away and Derek was almost disappointed, then he sighed loudly. It made Meredith open her eyes and turn slightly to him, feeling his presence even before but pretending she didn't. She was doing a lot of pretending that day.

"Hey" she whispered with a smile on her lips

"Hi" he tiptoed closely, kissed the top of her head then brushed Eden's hair away from her face. He knelt at her stomach level and pressed a kiss there as well, then their gazes locked. The CD had begun again but they seemed oblivious to that, completely lost in their eyes.

"You know, in no time you'd be lulling both our children to sleep" he said still mesmerized when she finally turned off the music with the remote.

"Our baby was supposed to be here three days ago Derek" she sighed "February the fourth was a nice date to be born on, right?" she was talking to her stomach at this point.

"Maybe we will have a Valentine's Day baby" he suggested

"I'm not having a baby in seven whole days Derek. No way!" she whispered, trying to keep Eden calm while she needed to emphasized her point.

"I'm kidding" he smiled and ducked down to kiss her lips. He took Eden in his arms to bring her upstairs in her bed.

"You know what induces labor?" he said, swirling around right before taking the stairs, a dangerous look morphing his expression. Meredith shook her head and noticed the twinkle in his eyes, then he mouthed "Sex" and she giggled lightly.

It had been a banter they had repeated often in the last three days, but it didn't seem to get old.

"Put Eden to bed and we see what we can do"

He kissed the top of her head again and left Meredith there, wondering for a moment how their lives would change in a matter of days. Being honest, she wanted to keep her baby safe for as much as possible, but she realized that at some point the umbilical cord had to be cut and it better be as soon as possible.

Immediately after thinking that, like the baby heard her thoughts, one of the kicks became another contraction. She had a long way before labor would kick in properly, but she had felt light twinges and twists the whole day so she was expecting it. Contractions were intensifying, but she felt slightly more relaxed than before, with Derek finally home.

She was a doctor, she had read things, she could do this.

"So, sex?" Derek strode in quickly and she almost regretted shaking her head. He frowned.

"Just lay here with me" she scooted aside.

She wanted to monitor her contractions for a bit more without worrying Derek so she decided to remain quiet. He wrapped his arm around her stomach and after exactly five minutes of comfortable silence and soft neck kisses, another contraction arrived.

"Was that a kick?" asked Derek concerned when she moaned quietly. He had been rubbing her stomach a lot and lately kicks weren't just as usual since the space for Baby to float was reducing. "It didn't felt like a kick" he frowned, then realized, his eyes widening "Are you in labor?"

"It's okay. Twelve minutes apart still. You can calmly climb upstairs and grab my bag, while I call Lexie and I ask her to come here and keep an eye on Eden like we have planned all along"

Derek's eyes almost popped out. He was shaking and she was the calmness brought on Earth. It just didn't match.

"Derek" she nudged him since he wasn't moving

"Yeah" he breathed out, more in fear than actual need

"Are you freaking out?"

"No, not at all" he faked awfully

"Okay, you are" she practically giggled and he was even more stunned when he left the room in a daze to follow her instructions.

Her freaking out though arrived just as harshly as Derek had expected, except very much later.

Meredith was in the delivery room, her body shook by the contractions and he had never seen her that vulnerable before. He felt helpless and she was stuck at eight centimeters when it was already light outside.

"I hate you and your stupid penis!" she groaned, breathless after her last contraction. Her forehead was filled with tiny drops of sweat, her hair, pulled up in a messy bun, stuck out everywhere, her hands were almost tearing the sheets as she gripped them so tightly.

"Mer, you're doing great" Derek repeated for the umpteenth time, almost feeling sick himself. It felt like such a ready-made sentence.

She sat up then, her feet dangling out the bed, turning to him with an icy glare and then he wanted to kick himself for saying it.

"Shut up!" she groaned, pointing a menacing finger at him "You put me here, you knocked me up and now you are sitting there with all your hair and your perfect smile telling me I'm doing great. It freaking hurts Derek!" she yelled the last part, bearing another contraction. "Just shut up!" her voice was lower, but her tone still harsh when the contraction faded away and she kept panting, still in the same sitting position.

He smiled weakly, feeling helpless, knowing that she didn't mean anything she had said to him right here and then.

He took her hand in his and let her squeeze it, almost crushing it in the latest contraction, then he stood up and placed a kiss on top of her head, then engulfed her in his arms. Her head rested on his shoulder and she moaned loudly, her hands holding on his indigo scrub top for dear life, her eyes squeezed close as she rode another contraction. He cradled her and rocked her back and forth, rubbing her back soothingly, silently trying to make it all better.

Her grip on him settled back to normal and he let her lay back again, her eyes squeezing close again. She didn't let go of his hand, though.

They didn't speak any longer, he just looked at her and she touched him, everywhere, sometimes just her fingertips grazing his skin, sometimes her fingers dug into his skin, but it didn't matter.

"It hurts" she moaned "It hurts" she repeated one more time, for good measure, her eyes finally opening and meeting Derek's happy, but sad ones at the same time.

"I know"

"You can't possibly..." she groaned, squeezing his hand, moaned "...know" she finished finally, her breathing ragged.

"You're right, I can't. But I understand"

He smiled weakly, trying to be the strong one, but he hated seeing her in so much pain. He knew that they'd forget this as soon as they'll see their baby, but right in that moment, he was hating labor just as much as Meredith.

"Crap!" she cursed, dragging the following moan through the whole wave, then she said in a small voice "I need to push", almost as if she was afraid of saying it, afraid of more pain, yet hopeful for something, the light at the end of all this.

"I'll page Dr. Frington right now"

"Don't...Don't leave" she pleaded and his heart filled with all kinds of emotions

"I'm right here, I'll be just outside"

"No no no, stay, please!" she practically begged, her eyes full of tears and it reminded him a lot of Eden, after a nightmare, when she was too scared to fall back to sleep on her own.

His internal dilemma though was soon resolved when Dr. Frington walked in the room with a comforting smile on her face.

"Hello Meredith, how are things progressing?"

"Push...I need to..." she couldn't finish her sentence before she was biting her lip not to scream.

The doctor put her legs in the stirrups and checked her progress, then announced, with a bright smile "We're finally there! Push at the next contraction. Nice and slow, okay?"

Meredith nodded, but it soon became the first push and Derek was immediately beside her, holding her hand and reassuring her after every wave, kissing her forehead softly after every push, brushing away her hair and her tears, just silently being there.

"I can see the head" the doctor announced happily and Meredith's face broke out in a smile. Worn out, unbelievably strained smile, but a smile nonetheless.

"Yeah?"

"Lots of dark hair" she confirmed and Derek couldn't help but steal a glance between her legs and actually see a tiny, hairy head poke out. The first time he had laid eyes on their baby.

"Indeed" he smiled brightly and suddenly, the goal was within hand's reach. Invisible tears filled his eyes.

"Don't look at my vajay-jay, Derek!" Meredith practically yelled at the next contraction, the smile replaced by pain in a blink of the eye as she crushed his hand.

Meredith pushed, then groaned, pushed again and again, and again, she cursed multiple times, she did short powerful pushes and finally, a loud cry filled the hospital room when somebody gave Derek a pair of scissors to cut the cord.

He did things mechanically, his hands shaking, not fully realizing the hows or the whys, he was just doing what he had been trained to do a long time ago. But this was his baby. His and Meredith's.

He was a trained doctor, he saved people with almost untreatable tumors in their brains but this beat all the tumors and the surgeries he had ever seen.

Despite Meredith yelled at him, threatened to emasculate him and called him every possible curse in her very wide vocabulary of a sailor, he was the happiest man on earth.

The baby kept screaming and wriggling in his arms as soon as the nurse placed the bundle there and Derek kept just glancing between Meredith and their baby, unable to say anything, just like Meredith didn't know what to say except cry. She waited expectantly for her baby to be laid on her chest by Derek, then she smiled through her tears.

"Hi baby boy" she whispered when he was finally in her arms, her fingers tracing the features of the child softly, her lips finding the top of his dark-haired head, not caring for a second that he was still mostly covered in afterbirth and he was screaming at the top of his tiny little lungs.

Derek sat on the bed next to his wife, wrapped his arm loosely around Meredith's shoulder, then touched his son's tiny fists, testing his solid grip on his finger and loving every second of it.

He has a son.

"We need to do some tests but we'll have him back as soon as we can" a nurse said apologetically and Meredith reluctantly gave her the baby.

She remained for a second empty handed, then she turned towards Derek and smiled, suddenly all the pain and the yells replaced by a bright, grateful grin.

"We have a son" she said simply, but for them it could be as well the whole world.

"We do. He's perfect Mer"

"I know" she sighed, their eyes still locked "I'm sorry. About the yelling, before" she trailed off, somewhat embarrassed "I love you, Derek" she whispered and it wasn't there just for good measure

"I love you too. And our son" he grinned, his eyes crinkling in the way Meredith loved.

"Liam"

"Liam Peter" he repeated, replaying in his mind one of the few conversation they actually had about baby names. Liam, desire and protection. Peter, like a new foundation.

"He is really here" she said simply and he felt he was about to cry.

"He is" he barely spoke, before cupping her cheek and kissing her softly, savoring every second, two lonely tears streaming down his face.

Meredith wiped away hers then she giggled, joking "Who could tell you already have a daughter, uh?"

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><p><strong>AN: It's a boy! :D<strong>

**Most of you guessed right and I'm sorry if I disappointed those of you who wanted girls. I always wrote about girls, so I decided to give in tho the boy charm.**

**I have a thing for baby names and meanings. I don't know why, I just like them to actually have a meaning and not just be pretty. Especially first names. It's a thing for me, I hope you don't mind.**

**That song in italics is Little Shadow by Yeah Yeah Yeahs. They are still lingering in my playlist, I know. **

**Thank you to my beta and all the people who read this, stay tuned for the last chapter! You are all amazing people!**


	46. A Pair Of BlueEyed Birds

**Hey readers!**

**The final chapter is up. I thought about writing an epilogue for this, but right now, I have no good ideas for it. The last few weeks of writing had been a bit of a struggle, I changed a lot of plans and I edited much more than I actually wrote, as my head was filled with so many new, fresh, awesome projects and this one got a little on the backburner. I hope it didn't end awfully and I did it justice.**

**Back to business, I'll ramble a lot more in the end, the latest song is by Iron & Wine, Tree By The River. It's a full circle. I began with Sam Beam, it ends with Sam Beam. Might be a first, probably.**

**Okay, enjoy this, I go cry a little in that corner, since it's over!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 46 – A Pair Of Blue-Eyed Birds <strong>

"Oh, he's here, he's here!" Meredith said a little overexcited, when the nurse appeared at the door again carrying Liam, a huge smile on her face as she turned to Derek and he couldn't help but laugh at her new found energy.

She had slept for the past four hours and she seemed a whole new person at this point, eagerly spreading her arms wide to welcome Liam there.

"Hi baby" she whispered, kissing the top of the baby's head softly, her fingers moving to lift up the tiny blue hat, uncovering the mop of dark hair already there. "Derek..." she sighed,unable to add anything more, just lifting up her gaze and meeting his.

Derek simply moved closer to them, sitting on the bed next to his wife and just admiring Liam.

"Hey little man" he almost chocked on his words when Liam's eyes fixated on his, almost trying to stare at him.

"Would you hold him for a second?" Meredith then said, her voice wavering a little as she handed him the little bundle.

Derek welcomed Liam happily, even though frowned a little when Meredith began unwrapping him from the blanket into which he was snuggled.

"What are you doing?"

"Just..." she trailed off, holding between her thumb and index finger Liam's left hand, stroking it gently, her fingernail almost as big as his whole fist she was cradling.

"Mer" Derek pressed, but Meredith seemed too wrapped up in her little world to hear him. Was this her first motherly freakout? He couldn't tell, but she found her adorable nonetheless as she picked up Liam's tiny feet and simply stared at them.

Then it dawned on him and he couldn't help but chuckle.

"Ten fingers, ten toes?" he smiled amused.

Meredith lifted up her gaze and her smile was so soft he thought he could get lost in that expression forever. She nodded imperceptibly then, her eyes filling with emotional tears when she said "Look," simply holding up Liam's left foot.

Derek tilted his head to the side and he noticed a birthmark, right over Meredith's finger, exactly in the middle of the sole. He couldn't help but tickle it and see the neurological response to his gesture, a huge grin spreading on his lips.

"Doesn't it look like a L?"

"It's a heart for me" Meredith voiced "It's corny, I know, but if you tilt slightly to the side and..."

Derek chuckled and she blushed, stealing Liam from his arms and cuddling him closer.

"He's perfect, Mer" he said, kissing her temple, then cradling her closer to his chest. She leaned her head against his shoulder as they both stared at Liam in wonder, still unable to understand what was going on.

Their bubble was burst when the door opened with a slam and two little feet could be heard thumping around.

"I have a brother!" a very excited yelp reached their ears, before Eden could appear in front of them after a mad dash to the bed.

Lexie trailed behind her catching her breath, closing the door and whispering "Sorry guys, she just..."

Liam clearly didn't enjoyed the high-pitched voices, because his quiet whimpering became a full blown cry as soon as Eden moved closer.

"Hi baby bother, what's going on?" Eden asked casually as Meredith tried to calm down the baby, cradling him closer and rocking him.

"Eden, please, keep the voice down" Derek intimated, standing up and moving to sit on the couch, bringing Eden along.

"My baby brother hates me" Eden whispered, fat tears ready to come out of her glistening eyes as she stepped away

"Oh no Eden" Derek pulled her in a hug "It's just that he's scared of loud noises. He has never heard them and so they scare him"

"I'm sorry I scared him" she sniffed.

"When he stops crying you can say to Liam that you are sorry, okay?"

"Okay" she nodded

"His name is Liam? That's so cute guys..." Lexie piped in, a wide smile directed to Meredith, who was still cradling Liam closer, their faces mere inches apart, his dark hair contrasting with her pale complexion and light hair.

Liam's head was resting right over Meredith's heart, her whole hand cradling his head as she slightly rocked back and fort, her eyes closed, her lips forming a calming whisper next to Liam's head.

Eden was staring at them curiously, her head a little tilted to the side in a telltale pensive pose. "Do you think I can go to see Liam now?" she whispered then, turning to Derek.

Derek waited for Meredith to open her eyes again and when their gazes locked her pushed Eden a little forward, intimating "Go on," an encouraging smile on his lips as he turned amused to see Lexie standing there with a smile.

"Hi Liam" Eden said, approaching the bed tentatively and waiving from a distance. "Hi Mommy" she said a little more confidently.

"Hey Eden" Meredith replied. "Climb up here" she said, shifting Liam to her opposite arm as she held out her hand for Eden.

With a slight effort Eden was able to holster herself up on the bed and sit next to Meredith. "Oh" was the only sound that came out of her heart-shaped mouth as she studied the baby closely.

"Liam, this is your big sister Eden" Meredith said to the baby, cradling Eden closer to her as the little girl peeked to the baby in her arms.

"He's very little, Mommy"

"He is, isn't he?"

"Can I touch him?"

"Do you want to hold him, instead?" Meredith smiled widely and Eden beamed "You are five years old, after all" she winked and Eden giggled happily. "Okay, put your arms like mine and don't move much, alright? Remember to hold his head"

"Okay Mommy" Eden nodded and waited expectantly for the baby to land in her arms. Her eyes widened immediately when Liam began wriggling to fit in the new set of hands.

"He's heavy" she pondered "And he has the hair like Daddy" she smiled, turning to look at Derek, who was silently crying. His whole life he had dreamed a moment like this, from the birth of Eden he had always wanted to give her a sibling and now she has a brother and he has a son.

Meredith looked at Eden holding Liam and she wondered for a second how could her life of a workaholic turn out this perfect. It seemed almost too perfect to be real, but it was.

"Can you take him, Mommy, I'm tired" Eden sighed and Meredith welcomed Liam back in her arms. When she snuggled him closer she could feel his body relax.

"He has blue eyes Mommy!" Eden almost squealed, then tuned down when she remembered that her brother wasn't a fan of loud noises.

"Oh, he does. They can fade away, though" Meredith said when she met her son's intense stare, then noticed Eden's puzzled face looking back at her. "All babies when they are born can't see very well, so they all have blue eyes, then they can change. But since you and your Daddy have blue eyes he can probably have them as well"

"But your eyes are very pretty too, Mommy, I don't mind Liam having your eyes, I have Daddy's already" she shrugged off and all the occupants of the room chuckled.

"Okay silly goose, let's go eat lunch and leave your Mommy and Daddy alone" Lexie said, shaking her head amused.

"What about Liam, do we need to bring him a sandwich too?"

"Oh no baby, Mommy's gonna feed him with milk" Derek explained, helping Eden down from the bed and crouching to be at her level as he explained, placing a kiss on her nose

"But he needs food"

"Mommy's milk is very special, he's gonna like it, believe me" he winked

"Can I come back later?"

"Of course you can" both Meredith and Derek said almost together.

"Bye Daddy" Eden said then, kissing Derek's cheek, then she trotted again to the bed, climbed on it and kissed Meredith's cheek as well "Bye Mommy, bye Liam" she concluded, waiving at him.

"You can kiss him, Ladybug" Meredith intimated, when she saw Eden hesitate.

Eden studied her brother for a second more, then ducked down to place a soft kiss on his cheek, while Liam reached out to touch her nose.

"He's tickling me" she giggled as she pulled away

"See, he likes you" Derek said matter-of-factly

"I like him too, he's my baby brother" she shrugged it, then trudged down the bed and outside the room, grabbing Lexie's hand.

"That went well" Derek sighed, closing the door behind them.

When he turned to Meredith, she had tears in her eyes.

"I know, I'm an emotional mess" she sniffed, cradling Liam close and, almost as he sensed that she was upset, he began whimpering. "Oh, baby, I'm just so happy that you are here" she sighed.

When it was clear that the baby wanted to be fed, Derek immediately asked "Do you need anything?"

"A pillow, maybe?" she frowned, but noticed that it came in handy when she leaned Liam there "Oh and please, untie my gown".

Derek had to smirk at this "You know, if it wasn't for our son crying in your arms, I'd say that it sounded very dirty"

"Oh, those six weeks are going to be extremely long for you, Derek" she smiled, grabbing his hand and kissing his knuckles as Liam latched to her nipple, sucking contentedly his first meal as Derek kept his hand on Meredith's bare shoulder, rubbing soft circles as they both stared down at Liam.

"Does it feel real to you?"

"Not a little bit" Derek chuckled. "I know we are going to be just fine, though"

"I know. And not Meredith's fine either"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So, this is it. The End. Fin.<strong>

**Thoughts? Questions? Complaints? Feel free to PM me, review -also anonymously- and talk about this, sharing it. Seriously, I'll answer you as soon as I can. Even if it's something stupid or trivial, just ask. **

**Speaking of asking, requests for a sequel had been advanced, but I can easily tell you that no, there will not be one. I think what I wrote above is motivation enough. Eden and Liam will be dear characters, so maybe you can hope for a few one-shots set in this universe, if the muse will strike, but not much more. **

**In any case, I have to thank all of you who read this story from the first chapter, those who hopped on the train mid-journey, even those who discovered it just yesterday or right now. I appreciated every single visit you paid to this story. It feels good to be read by so many people. This is by far my most successful story and I have to thank you only.**

**Oh and my beta, _sparkxx_, who has done a really good job of editing this since the long lost chapter 6. It was really helpful to have such consultations.**

**A special mention to _SweetLala92_, who had supported even my most crazy ideas and is a really good end for me to ramble freely. Thanks! And to _merderfan1_ for always reading my stories and leaving kind comments. **

**Uh, who else? The National, 'cause they're great and amazing and they helped me write most of this chapters as they played their amazing notes. Also Iron & Wine for the wonderful -and absolutely complicated- lyrics. **

**This wonderful journey is over -yes, for me a story is a journey-, but I have some more ideas up my sleeve. First and foremost, the so-called Adjectives Series, but whose actual title is _L Is For The Way You Look At Me_, which is up and running at letter K and L will be published hopefully before Easter. Then there's more, maybe a couple more projects I'm developing, two long stories, another AU (which is set in summer, so it has to wait) and one closer to the show, but with a twist, probably set a little bit back in time. Oh and the promised sequel to _You See All My Light And You Love My Dark_, which is almost wholly planned so it will be up probably after my exams in May/June (or during, I tend to use stories as a stress-reliever).**

**Anyway, I think I thanked everybody, readers and reviewers, public and anonymous, so yeah, that's all folks!**

**Stay tuned for the next story! **

**~Irene**


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